This Week's New Games

Gallop, sidle, sneak, punch and buff - but definitely don't walk in the direction of this week's pile of new game releases, which teeter menacingly on this page like some sort of poorly spelled nipple adjustment clerk with a facial disfigurement.

It's certainly the best week for ports since they last unclogged the Suez Canal, with Rockstar lining up Bully: Scholarship Edition for Wii and Xbox 360 along with Table Tennis for Wii, while Sony unveiled Buu Buu Cocoreccho! by LocoRoco for PlayStation Network and D3's confirmation of Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords for PC, PS2 and Wii promised us yet more excuses to play the best puzzle-strategy game since, er...

Sony's PlayStation event in Japan also brought us news of Nobi Nobi Boy (quiet at the back), a PS3 project from Katamari creator Keita Takahashi, along with Disgaea 3. That event also saw Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops+ pitching up for PSP.

PC fans were told to expect Ubisoft's it's-not-developed-by-Crytek-but-shhh sequel to Far Cry, the subtly monikered Far Cry 2, sometime next spring, and those same PC owners (they all look the same to me) were invited by Square Enix to kill some time with the Final Fantasy XI Starter Pack, which is out today for just five quid.

Elsewhere, Arc System Works shocked those of you actually paying attention with the double-surprise that Guilty Gear 2 is heading to Xbox 360 and happens to be a 3D action strategy game rather than a 2D beat-'em-up.

Meanwhile, Koch fought Atari for the mantle of weirdest of the week as Deal or No Deal for DS popped onto our radars on the same day as My Horse and Me, a PC, Wii and DS title with backing from none other than the Fédération Equestre Internationale.

And if that wasn't enough to convince you we haven't thought much about how we're ordering all this because it's late and we still have a preview to write, Eidos' new Xbox Live Arcade game GEON: emotions finds its bizarre and certainly very interesting premise mingling awkwardly with the tried and bolt-actioned return of Medal of Honor to PSP in Medal of Honor: Heroes 2.

All of which should bring you up to date, as you'll undoubtedly now tell us it doesn't following our foolish conclusion of, "did we miss anything?"

Have a nice weekend, folks.