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Grand Theft Auto 5 viral site live

Epsilon Program renounces semen.

The Grand Theft Auto universe's shady religious cult the Epsilon Program has updated its official site and twitter account, suggesting things are moving along swimmingly for the MIA sequel after its lack of presence at yesterday's financial call.

The Epsilon Program is clearly a satire of Scientology with its preposterous mumbo-jumbo claiming that "Sperm does not exist" and "Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm."

Grand Theft Auto 5 meanwhile is set in a fictional version of Los Angeles, the birthplace of Scientology. Ostensibly this riff of L. Ron Hubbard's cult will feature prominently in the game as it did in GTA: San Andreas, before being relegated to a few vague references and easter eggs in GTA 4.

While the site doesn't make any official announcement about Rockstar's upcoming sequel, it does clear up common misconceptions by verifying that "everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair."

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Jeffrey Matulef

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Jeffrey Matulef is the best-dressed man in 1984.

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