The clear skies and sunshine outside the office notwithstanding, it's become apparent in the last few moments that hell actually has frozen over, and that Satan will soon be ploughing through banks of snow on his way to work whilst simultaneously singing Hark The Herald and playing a harp in a tutu. That's right, folks - Unreal II on the Xbox came out this week! Give it a big hand!
As regular followers of this whatsitmajigthingum well know, Unreal II Xbox has been on the verge of coming out since December 5th last year, and has moved up and down our release dates page with greater frequency than the slider bar on the side of your browser window. It will be a pleasure never to speak of it again. If you want to know if it's any good, you can read what we thought of it from nearly two months ago.
Hunt that man!
Unfortunately, Unreal II's shining example (of, er, being released) clearly wasn't enough to tempt the ranks of April 23-bound titles into the open, with many a game slipping a week or more at the very last minute according to a quick poll of retailers this morning. Digimon Racing has slipped (a good reason for us to consider dumping the "Digimon Racing due April 23rd" headline format), the Cube version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is nowhere to be seen (which is probably a good thing), and Take-Two's various labels account for four slippers, otherwise known as "six SKUs" for people who actually know what that means, or "two sets of feet" for people who mistook our use of the word "slippers" for something else.
Yes, while Manhunt seems to have made it out on Xbox, the Serious Sam: Next Encounter PS2 and Cube duo seem to be off the menu, Serious Sam Advance is aiming for April 30th, Star Trek: Shattered Universe has fallen through a wormhole into next week, and the PC version of Manhunt is also mysteriously "sold out" and/or "waiting for delivery" depending on where you go.
As for what did make it out - Konami's Firefighter FD18 seems to have appeared at last (don't get too excited though, as most reckon it's pretty average), alongside the PC version of the same publisher's execrable Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles license, which we've already stabbed viciously with sharp instruments of slicing death. Don't go there, folks. Show your love for the Turtles by eating pizza this evening instead.
But what will we play! Despaaaaair!
However. However. While it may be tempting to raise your hands aloft and bitterly cry foul at the lack of quality entertainment on the shelves this week, there is one solitary shining light, and it's emanating from Warwickshire of all places - all thanks to a little gem by the name of TOCA Race Driver 2, which appears on PC and Xbox today. It is by some accounts a bit more of a simulation than PGR2, which may put some people off, but the online aspects are supposed to be hugely enjoyable, and we like hugely enjoyable online aspects almost as much as we like funny hats and amusingly shaped vegetables.
And for those of you who don't like racing games (what's wrong with you?), we recommend taking advantage of the good weather and spending the weekend outside. Hahaha. Hahahaha. Just kidding. Buy something else. Anything. Just don't go outside, it's not worth it and you'll probably die. However if you do go outside, and you survive, make sure you come back next week when the likes of Hitman: Contracts and all the crap that ought to have come out this week should be ready and waiting to steal your money.
- PAL Releases
- Firefighter FD18 (PS2)
- Manhunt (Xbox)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PC)
- TOCA Race Driver 2 (PC, Xbox)
- Unreal II: The Awakening (Xbox)
- Key US Releases
- Again, nothing that isn't due out over here next Friday...