Children are kind of useful, giving people who no longer fancy going to the pub very often something to fill their time with instead. They also ensure the continuation of the human race solely by existing, which is pretty impressive when you think about it. Apologies to any parents reading this by the way, I really am trying my best.
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Remember Dante's Inferno, EA's 2010 God of War style action game? Some people want to make a movie based on it.
A sequel to EA's 2009 action title Dante's Inferno is - or was - in the works, judging by writer Joshua Rubin's online résumé.
As spotted by Twitter detective Superannuation, Rubin, who co-wrote Assassin's Creed 2 for Ubisoft, mentions work for "a Major Unannounced Sequel from Visceral Studios at EA Games."
As way of a hint, he then links to a trailer for the original Dante's Inferno.
Development on a sequel to Dante's Inferno is not underway, developer Visceral Games has revealed, and there are no immediate plans to get started.
Joystiq asked Visceral's Zach Mumbach whether we'd be seeing adaptations of the remaining sections of Dante's Divine Comedy.
"I'm sure that if enough people are like, 'I got 60 dollars for Purgatory or Paradiso,' then we would make that game. But I don't know. I don't get to make those decisions."
Mass Effect 2 has held onto the UK All-Formats chart top spot for a second week.
The arrival of 2010 brings us into year three of Eurogamer's cross-platform development coverage, and with it the arrival of a brand new release that defies analysis. It's full 720p. It's a rock-solid 60 frames per second. It's literally the same game on both platforms. A great way to kick off the New Year.
Joining this new title are five other releases subjected to the rigorous Digital Foundry analysis. As per the norm, this feature is accompanied by an enormous mountain of bonus assets for you to check out for yourself.
Shots derived from lossless 24-bit dumps of the HDMI ports of the Xbox 360 and PS3, high-quality h264 videos, and of course our exclusive support for 1080p screengrabs (where the game offers it on PS3). In truth, I was close to binning this particular layer of support within the Face-Offs, but the fact that five of the six titles covered this month feature 1080p upscaling suggests the format might well be getting a second wind, so the coverage continues for now.
Dante's Inferno is out on Friday and Visceral Games is already blabbing about downloadable expansions.
Basing your game on a 14th century poem set in Hell has certain advantages. For starters, you don't have to pay copyright fees or worry about the author of the source material complaining you've bastardised his work. In fact you don't have to worry about anyone complaining as only 27 people in the world have bothered to read the thing, and half of them are lying.
But there are risks too. You can't employ many of the most popular action-adventure staples such as guns, cars, aliens, Nazis, wisecracking sidekicks and love interests with buttocks like two basketballs in a pillowcase. You're limited by the types of enemies you can create and the environments they can inhabit. As is the case with any game set in Hell, you risk ending up with one big lava level.
So what's a developer to do? Why, find another game with no guns, cars or aliens and rip it off, or so it would seem in the case of Dante's Inferno. In fact, this game has so many similarities to a certain other series it's hard to believe it wasn't originally called Dante's Infernof War.
EA has splashed out on a TV advertising spot for Dante's Inferno during this Sunday's NFL Super Bowl, but has run into a problem with broadcaster CBS, according to the Hollywood Reporter.
EA's clarified that the Dark Forest DLC for Dante's Inferno will be available to Xbox 360 owners, too.
Electronic Arts has announced a playable demo is on the way for action adventure extravaganza Dante's Inferno.
A playable demo for poetic new adventure game Dante's Inferno is due to be released next month.
I've just killed King Minos, the Cretan ruler who, until quite recently, sat at the entrance to the first circle of hell proper, judging the fallen and assigning them to their particular circle of torment according to their sins. A little unfair, you may think, as he was really just doing his job, but the bastard started it.
Electronic Arts has announced Dante's Inferno will be released in the US on 9th February, with a European launch to follow on February 12th.
Well, it's that time again - more top quality titles have been announced for the Eurogamer Expo and, like some kind of cross between Gareth Barry and an BidUp TV infomercial, we're passing the facts on to you with unerring accuracy.
Electronic Arts has apologised for any offence caused by a competition which encouraged entrants to "commit acts of lust" with booth babes.
EA is being attacked by Christian bloggers for staging a fake religious protest against Dante's Inferno during E3 week.
Electronic Arts has announced that its EA Redwood Shores Studio has been renamed Visceral Games "to better reflect the studio's culture, identity and focus on creating intense action-oriented intellectual properties".
It certainly raised eyebrows. As impressively brutal and pummelling as Dante's Inferno appears, the question is why on Earth - bar it being a licence that's handily in the public domain - would you decide to take a 14th century Italian poem and turn it into a modern God-of-War-esque fighting game? A cynic could ask: what's next from EA? Grand Theft Hamlet?
EA has announced that Dante's Inferno is in development for PSP, and will arrive alongside the PS3 and Xbox 360 versions next year.
EA Redwood and Artificial Mind and Movement (A2M - why oh why) will develop, and promise all the thrills and spills of the console games.
"PSP owners can expect to get the same level of fast, responsive gameplay through all nine detailed and unique circles of hell we are aiming to achieve on the consoles," said exec producer Jonathan Knight in a statement.
"We're sitting in the Milton room by the way," Wayne Barlowe confides, with a twinkle in his eye. We've just been talking about Paradise Lost, the English writer's 17th-century epic poem, and the defining literary influence on Barlowe's artistic life.
To judge the significance of a figure to a particular culture, you don't need to assess the weight of scholarly opinion concealed in a long-forgotten corner of a library, nor to seek out the affirmation of cobweb-brained contemporary intellectuals. You simply need to go out on the piss in his home town.
You have to wonder why it hasn't happened more often. Plenty of games have been 'inspired' by a good root around the library, but wholesale appropriation of literature has never really been the done thing. Could EA, then, not exactly known as a creative trend-setter, become just that with Dante's Inferno?
The first viewings of Dante's Inferno suggest the action adventure will be very similar to God of War.
Electronic Arts has confirmed reports that its Redwood Shores studio is working on a Dante's Inferno game.
It's described as a third-person action-adventure adaptation of the first canticle of Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy.
EA has yet to confirm formats or a release date, but the studio's last outing - Dead Space - was for Xbox 360, PS3 and PC.
Universal has outbid rival studios to nab film rights to the mysterious EA videogame based on Dante's Inferno.
Electronic Arts is turning to classical poetry for ideas these days, according to a Variety report. .