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Watch: Johnny cooks the Shroom Cake from Paper Mario

What a funghi.

I'm fond of mushrooms - my surname is also the name given to a type of mushroom, in fact. So, when someone suggested I cook something from Paper Mario for our ongoing cookery series, I pounced on the idea of making a shroom cake. It certainly seemed like a challenge, either way - mushrooms surely don't belong in a sweet cake, do they?

Reader, they don't. They really, really don't. I found a recipe online - from a blog that said it tasted nice, no less - and followed it dutifully. That was a mistake. You can see just how awfully it turned out in the video below and, assuming you really hate yourself that much, you can find the recipe below that.

Shroom cake recipe

Ingredients

Don't. Listen, don't do it to yourself. It's disgusting. I'm not sure I've ever tasted anything worse in my entire life and once when I was twelve someone flicked a beetle that had been pickled in formaldehyde into my mouth.

Method

Really, don't. I can't have that on my conscience. Go for a walk instead. Make plans for the weekend, tell your family you love them, just anything but making a cake with button mushrooms in it.

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Johnny Chiodini

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