Conan Exiles has launched on Steam early access. Pretty much instantaneously, players discovered that the character customisation screen features an endowment slider, allowing you choose the size of your character's breasts and / or penis. To top things off, you also start the game undergoing a gentle bit of crucifixion.

With a game letting you choose the size of your todger newly released, it seemed cruel not to let Ian Higton get hands on - no pun intended. Ian will be diving into Conan Exiles from 3.30 today until 5pm - or until he runs out of nob gags, whichever happens first.

You can tune in via the video player above as soon as the stream starts - failing that, you can keep refreshing our YouTube page instead. Feel free to share your best willy puns in the comments while you wait. I'll start - um, Conan the.. Boner..barian? Surely you can do better.

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Johnny Chiodini

Johnny Chiodini

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Johnny is one quarter of the Eurogamer video team - specifically the part that looks like it comes from East London. He loves pen and paper role playing games, his dog Watson, and pretty much any video game with a bit of grimdark to it. You are almost certainly pronouncing his surname incorrectly.

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