Ubisoft doing Dog Sports game for Wii

Ubisoft has unveiled some new games featuring dogs and monkeys.

You may have heard of Dogz, Catz and - who could forget - Horsez. Well, a new trailer shown at Ubi's E3 press conference revealed how forthcoming instalments in the series will let you raise whole families of cats and dogs.

Plus, as the trailer's voiceover put it, "Don't forget about the monkeys." Or Monkeyz, presumably. Yes, later this year you will be able to care for your very own virtual monkey on your DS. And spank the monkey when it's naughty, perhaps.

Ubisoft is also producing a range of cuddly monkey toys. Each will come with a unique code, and when players input this into the game a virtual version of the toy will appear on their DS. Amazing.

Also mentioned at the conference, but tragically only in passing, was forthcoming Wii title Dog Sports. Ubisoft did not offer or a release date, or an explanation of how the dogs will be able to hold badminton rackets, understand the offside rule, not piss on the wicket etc.

Meanwhile: did you know that in 1972, just one in every 27 girls played sports? Ubisoft, who must be brilliant fun at dinner parties, did. They told us so at their conference. They went on to declare that nowadays, one in two girls play sports. This is why they've decided to launch the "first videogame brand focusing on girls' sports".

A video montage of girls doing cheerleading, gymnastics and horseriding followed. It looked more like an advert for sanitary protection than a videogame brand, but never mind. The Ener-G range is coming to DS this autumn, beginning with Gym Rockets, Dance Squad and Adventure Riders.

There are more games in the Imagine series on the way too. These include titles that will let girls live out their fantasies of being a rock star, wedding planner, interior designer, teacher and lapdancer. Probably not the last one.

It's very easy to mock, isn't it. Especially if you're a girl who grew up having fantasies of being a cynical videogames journalist paid to write snide things on the Internet. But it's worth remembering that 15 million Petz games have now been sold, which means Ubisoft has made more than a bit of money out of the series. And Monkeyz isn't even out yet.