Sims Online, Be My Valentine

The Yanks just aren't buying The Sims Online to the extent EA had been hoping (well, it's about time The Sims floundered, isn't it?), and so the flirtatious publishing its pimping its wares rather more directly in the hope of snagging lonely hearts on this Friday, February 14th - Valentine's Day.

"The Sims Online will be the hottest place to be this Valentine's Day," the press release says, somewhat unbelievably. The announcement then goes on to suggest various solutions for seducing your perfect partner in TSO. And frankly, it's so good we're going to post it in its entirety…

Rub a dub dub in the TSO hot tub! Heat up while you a cool off in the Niagara Love Tub available this Valentine's Day. Like the tumultuous falls of the famous honeymoon spot, this heart-shaped hot tub brings out the unbridled passion of Sim couples everywhere. In the mood for love! To set the perfect romantic mood, try a little candlelight with the Torchemada Candelabra or a flicker of firelight with the Hawaiian Fantasy Tiki Torches. The Zimantz Component Hi-Fi stereo, Wurl 'N' Hurl retro jukebox, or a Bachmeier grand piano are available to play favorite love ballads for your Sim Sweetheart. Coffee, Tea or...? Whether it's a sumptuous dinner or decadent finger food, sexy sustenance of some sort is always important for a Valentines Day soiree. The Elegant Chef Buffet Table provides eye-pleasing edibles and for pork rind lovers, The Super Snax Vending Machine offers a more casual fare. The Hugh Martin Beverage Bar provides limitless libations to loosen up the evening. Clothing optional! If you are looking to dress to impress, any number of alluring options are available in The Sims Online. Take a peak at the Uptown, Downtown Costume Collection for risqué lingerie or Wedding Fashions by Pandora to snap up the perfect tuxedo or formal party frock. You don't bring me flowers... If posies are appealing to the object of your affection, the Perpetubloom Floral Spray blooms eternal. How about a cuddly teddy to warm the heart of your beloved Sim? Buster O' Beaste the lovable and overstuffed bear will surely bring a smile. *Visit other seductive destinations this Valentines Day! [that was probably something we were going to do anyway - Ed] Search for these and other fabulous Romantic lots in The Sims Online! The Flirt's Nook. If you are looking for a Valentine, this is the place to be. This lively lounge boasts a warm and casual atmosphere for drinking and dancing the night away. A rustic rock pool is also available to slip off and take a swim. Having trouble finding that special someone? Join in the Singles Dating Auction. Place a bid on whomever or whatever catches your eye. Bear Creek Resort. Sim guests are greeted by poolside cabanas and lush gardens in this luxurious location. Romantic dining is also offered by the soft glow of tiki torches. This is the perfect destination to take that special Sim someone. Sim Shack. If your love connections are experiencing technical difficulties, don't despair! The Sim Shack provides individual counseling to get you through any sort of interpersonal crisis.

So there you have it. We eagerly await more TSO propaganda.