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Google Stadia Connect Gamescom 2019 live report

It was nothing.

Seriously. It was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't even bother reading this. Just move on.

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Our live coverage of this event has finished.

*Ahem*

Martin Robinson

Hi!

Martin Robinson

Sorry for looking all flustered. My hair's a mess too - I've just rushed over from the Inside Xbox show.

Martin Robinson

When I say just rushed over, I do mean of course that I just closed one window on my browser and opened another one. In the process I might have shifted a couple of millimetres on the sofa too.

Martin Robinson

And my hair is always a mess.

Martin Robinson

Anyway, let's Google! In 20 minutes, once I've got myself a drink.

Martin Robinson

My favourite rumour from the Stadia reveal earlier this year - going around the queue as we waited for the showcase - was that Google had bought a load of old Sega IP and was handing them out to devs.

Martin Robinson

Outrun 3, a new Golden Axe - that kind of thing.

Martin Robinson

Complete bollocks, I'm sure, but that was a fun few minutes and it made the queue more bearable.

Martin Robinson

Three minutes to go. And I'm still scrambling around trying to set up the 7pm live report like a true professional.

Martin Robinson

Deffo 100 per cent cancelled.

Martin Robinson

Kami: Whatever happened to Jasper Carrot?

Oh man I still have a massive soft spot for Jasper Carrott.

Martin Robinson

Still, probably cancelled.

Martin Robinson

Really was hoping any delay for this one would be met with a 'connecting' screen on the live stream.

Martin Robinson

And we're live, with Ray Bautista.

Martin Robinson

He says it's going to be a brief presentation, which after that bum-numbing Inside Xbox is super, super welcome.

Martin Robinson

He also has very vertical hair.

Martin Robinson

Whoosh! It's all going skywards.

Martin Robinson

AddressUnknown: Martin. Not sure if it should be, but this isn't on the front page of the site.

Good. It can be our little secret!

Martin Robinson

OMG I just spotted. Maybe they're like little ears?

Martin Robinson

Shanna's hair is much more down to earth.

Martin Robinson

She's listing off the places that Google has travelled in its efforts to get Stadia up and running, and her eyes suggest it's all taken its toll.

Martin Robinson

Cyberpunk 2077 - if you haven't heard of it, I think it might be quite big - gets its moment.

Martin Robinson

And if you're talking about games you can play on Stadia, they really don't get much bigger than Cyberpunk 2077.

Martin Robinson

I think the pitch is more graphics, less outlay, more convenience.

Martin Robinson

But at the moment it all seems a bit obscured by a business model that is confusing and doesn't play to the platform's strengths.

Martin Robinson

I'm hoping that this is going to be more than a succession of games we already know plenty about being confirmed as coming to Stadia.

Martin Robinson

Also yes my feed is lagging here, which is not the greatest advert for streaming.

Martin Robinson

And as if they heard me, we're now seeing Destiny 2: Shadowkeep.

Martin Robinson

Oh no wait, we knew all about that one too.

Martin Robinson

Kami: I get the idea of streaming, it's just... until we have some sort of parity with internet speeds, isn't this going to be heavily dependent on location? Yay, city folks get all the good cheap gaming stuff and those in the backwoods have to buy big expensive towers still

Serves you right for living in the countryside.

Martin Robinson

(It is going to be interesting though how this is going to scale for more rural players).

Martin Robinson

Oooh, the first game I didn't know about - and it looks a bit Stephen's Sausage Roll - and I don't even know how to spell its name.

Martin Robinson

Which is great for the purposes of this live text. Anyway, it's a cute little 3D platformer that also maybe reminds me of Devil Dice.

Martin Robinson

And it's Kine.

Martin Robinson

(It was announced last March, it turns out, I'm just very slow).

Martin Robinson

Darksiders Genesis is Darksiders meets Diablo, if that sounds like something you'd like.

Martin Robinson

A new exclusive game!

Martin Robinson

It's a new Orcs Must Die.

Martin Robinson

I'd forgotten all about Orcs Must Die.

Martin Robinson

I didn't even realise there was a second one. This is Orcs Must Die 3!

Martin Robinson

The lag I'm getting frequently on this stream suggests they are at least doing something Stadia-exclusive.

Martin Robinson

Some more Stadia-related stuff, though - it's about having access to massive computing power anywhere, so expect mega dense waves of enemies in Orcs Must Die 3.

Martin Robinson

And speaking of massive computing power! Here's Windjammers 2, which you can probably run on your fridge.

Martin Robinson

It's more Windjammers, though, which is a great thing - I played this a bit earlier this year, and while it doesn't add much to the formula beyond a new spike move, it's decent enough.

Martin Robinson

AddressUnknown: Not sure we need a Windjammers sequel. The original is perfect.

Truth.

Martin Robinson

Destroy All Humans, in choppy Stadia-vision now.

Martin Robinson

Mortal Kombat 11 now - let's see how a big existing game adapts to Stadia.

Martin Robinson

Lag is the answer, it seems.

Martin Robinson

I'm on a 60mbps connection here, so I'm sure this is a problem their side. It's all quite amusing, but it's definitely not encouraging me to part with hard cash to be there day one with Stadia.

Martin Robinson

Please just blink.

Martin Robinson

Ooooh! She blinked!

Martin Robinson

God that was a relief. My eyes were drying out just watching that.

Martin Robinson

Superhot, which today came to Switch meaning you can play it anywhere, is coming to Stadia.

Martin Robinson

Oooh they will need to up their game a bit.

Martin Robinson

Which in fairness they do by announcing some new Superhot content.

Martin Robinson

A Farming Simulator game now.

Martin Robinson

Way to piss on their parade!

Martin Robinson

Farming Simulator 2019. Coming to Stadia. (Pretty sure it's on Switch too).

Martin Robinson

Samurai Shodown - which is a bonafide brilliant game and one I should have probably given an Essential to - is also coming to Stadia.

Martin Robinson

To be fair input lag is a thing on the Switch and that doesn't even have the excuses that Stadia has.

Martin Robinson

But yeah this is a truly mediocre showing so far from Google.

Martin Robinson

GarciaHotspur: SamSho is so nice.

Ain't it just.

Martin Robinson

This really should have been a press release.

Martin Robinson

Maybe not even that. A tweet?

Martin Robinson

That could be going too far. Just could have been small talk while we were waiting for the coffee machine to do its thing.

Martin Robinson

Doom Eternal is coming to Stadia, as we knew, but with added stutter.

Martin Robinson

Grid, Attack on Titan 2. More trailers for games we already knew were Stadia-bound.

Martin Robinson

What an utterly pointless waste of time this has been.

Martin Robinson

I was sort of excited about Stadia before this.

Martin Robinson

This has been one 30 minute vibe kill so far.

Martin Robinson

Elder Scrolls Online is also coming to Stadia. We knew that already.

Martin Robinson

If anyone from Google is reading this, what were you trying to achieve today?

Martin Robinson

I never understand why companies request the world's attention for shows like this only to pick fluff from their belly buttons for 30 minutes.

Martin Robinson

Or 90 minutes with added screaming, if you're Microsoft.

Martin Robinson

It just makes me a bit sad/angry that they're so willing to waste everyone's time with absolutely nothing.

Martin Robinson

INSOMANiAC: This is a total embarrassment. The lag is the cherry on a cake make of shit. Human shit.

That is one way of putting it. A quite eloquent one, at that.

Martin Robinson

I never thought I'd say this, but...

Martin Robinson

Geoff Keighley. Save us.

Martin Robinson

But yes this Borderlands 3 trailer is a lot of fun so we've all got that to cling to.

Martin Robinson

I was a bit optimistic with the 30 minutes thing there.

Martin Robinson

Watch Dogs 3 - a new trailer.

Martin Robinson

Dick Van Dyke confirmed.

Martin Robinson

And Helen Mirren too, which I'll take.

Martin Robinson

I do love the look of this, mostly because of it reminds me of the excellent ZombiU.

Martin Robinson

Secret best game of the past 20 years.

Martin Robinson

(Okay maybe I shouldn't go that far, but it was bloody good).

Martin Robinson

And that was it.

Martin Robinson

Wow. What a lot of absolutely nothing.

Martin Robinson

One of the most pointless shows/briefings I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through.

Martin Robinson

I liked that chap's anti-grav hair though.

Martin Robinson

Haha, thanks for obliging. And thanks for joining me. Oh well, Geoff is next. Surely that will have *something* to show?

Martin Robinson

See you in 20 minutes. I'm going to be drinking.

Martin Robinson

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