That Was the News 2008 Article

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July

Microsoft kicked off this year's E3 with a raft of announcements, or rather a raft of confirmations of leaked Intellisponse data. The only thing missing was Bungie's big reveal, after Microsoft cancelled the unveiling at the last minute.

Don Mattrick said this was because the conference was already packed with captivating stuff, like the first showing of You're In the Movies. It certainly turned out to be the most embarassing E3 executive performance since Jack Tretton and Kaz Hirai chilled here on the deck. Mattrick later claimed Bungie had simply laughed off the cancellation, but this turned out to be an error.

Sony's conference included the unveiling of MAG, a new shooter for up to 256 players, the PS3 video store and the promise that Home was on the way. Again.

It's not exactly a new Mario, is it?

Nintendo showed off the Motion Plus accessory for the first time, along with Animal Crossing Wii, a sequel for Wii Sports and Wii Music. The hardcore weren't happy.

In non-E3-related news, the big merger between Activision and Vivendi was approved by the men in suits, and properties such as Ghostbusters and Leisure Suit Larry went on eBay.

Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher blamed games for rising knife crime, observing, "In my day, status was trying to be somebody, do you know what I mean?" Like John Lennon, for example.

Eurogamer got in trouble for putting the word "porn" in a headline just for the sake of a few cheap hits. We do apologise. That's just as bad as peppering an article with words like breasts, girth, backdoor, watersports, lesbians and bukkake for the sake of a better Google page ranking.

The best headline of the month, and indeed the year, appeared on a story about Jun Takeuchi's response to accusations of racism in Resident Evil 5. A strong contender for headline of the decade in fact, though last year's winner will be tough to beat.

August

Once again, Sony was the only platform holder to bother holding a conference at the Leipzig Games Convention. Highlights included the unveiling of Heavy Rain, a new iteration of the PSP, a 160GB PS3 and SingStar Turkish Party.

Microsoft did have a stand at the show, but its only real announcement was that a new controller had been designed specially for use with PES. There was some excitement at this revelation but it's hardly SingStar Turkish Party, is it?

Cracking pair of guns you've got there. Do you like pina coladas?

The Fable II Pub Games collection finally appeared on Xbox Live, and players quickly discovered a loophole which allowed them to rack up huge winnings. Unfortunately, despite extensive experimentation, the same loophole does not exist in the Deal or No Deal machine down our local Wetherspoons.

Over in wacky mainstream media land, it was the turn of Wii exclusive MadWorld to come under fire. "We need to ensure that modern and civilised values take priority rather than killing and maiming people," said a campaigner for Mediawatch-UK, whose prioritised to-do list presumably goes, '1. Holding doors open for ladies etc. 2. Killing. 3. Maiming people.'

Eidos hired a golf club receptionist from Croydon to be the new Lara Croft. "Lara has everything a man would want from a woman," said 23 year-old Alison Carroll, who is presumably too young to know about lesbian twin sisters.

September

Microsoft slashed the cost of Xbox 360 in the US, but said there would be no European price cut. Apart from the European price cut announced two weeks later, obviously.

Meanwhile, NCsoft said Tabula Rasa was safe, Free Radical invited players to choose platforms for TimeSplitters 4 and Peter Molyneux claimed the Fable II Pub Games glitch was intentional.

Like World Of Warcraft, but with less wizards. And players.

Molyneux also said he'd give his own game 9 out of 10. Turns out he was being humble after all.

Having spent seven months trying to acquire Take-Two, EA announced it was no longer interested in trying to acquire Take-Two. Also in September, the publisher dismissed reports Mirror's Edge would be a timed PS3 exclusive. But we are getting exclusive DLC, honest, said Sony. Curiously, said DLC has yet to appear, and EA has yet to answer any of the 387 emails we've sent them about it.

The Financial Times calculated that each Nintendo employee makes the company USD 1.6 million in profit. But, you know, they probably get free games and stuff.

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