Ooooooh, I'm a tinglin' because this one should be special. After a slight false start earlier in the year, Microsoft is about to properly show its hand when it comes to the next generation of Xbox. The Xbox Games Showcase is - as the name suggests - about games and nothing else. Join us at 5pm BST to see what surprises await.
*sniffs it suspiciously*
*keeps clearing throat*
*really hacking away now*
*spits massive glob of phlegm*
But wait, look! The phlegm is XBOX GREEN.
Hello and welcome to the live report for today's Xbox Games Showcase.
Sorry about all the coughing and whatnot.
I've probably bored you with this before but my friend once interviewed Donald Sutherland and before he could even ask a question Donald demanded a spittoon.
That's proper old Hollywood behaviour.
You're all off watching the pre-show aren't you?
That's plain rude.
I don’t fancy being your friend and having to tell Donald that Spittoon has a double “t” in it.
I knew that... Honest. (Thank heavens for the edit button).
15 minutes to go so I'm going to do the decent thing and get a beer.
I'm hitting the lucozade citrus chill atm.
That sounds much more palatable than what you were drinking last time!
I'll let you go first.
Virtua Fighter 6 and OutRun 3 exclusive to Series X. Well you can wish...
Jet Set Radio Infinite
Oh god you're all in for a CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENT tonight.
I'd love Phil S to come rollerblading on stage, though, before doing a massive JSRF tag and announcing it's BAAAAAAAAAACK.
Gradius 6 then surely?
Don't. Just don't.
Halo Infinite is of course locked in.
And I don't think anyone would be too surprised to see a new Forza Motorsport and Playground Games' Fable.
What else, though?
We're expecting new IP from Obsidian and something from The Initiative - the fancy Santa Monica studio Xbox has founded with veterans from the likes of Crystal Dynamics.
Will either of those make an appearance?
XBox 360 had some lovely JRPGs early on. Blue Dragon, Infinite Undiscovery...
We have just had Dragon Quest 11 announced for Xbox! I think I'm up for a third playthrough of that too...
I honestly would be happy if we had an hour of Microsoft Flight Sim tbh.
And. Here. We. Go.
PEGI 18 PEOPLE! HOLD TIGHT FOR SOME GROT!
Nice pre show. Some delightful surprises!
I missed the entire thing because I was too busy making sure I had beer for this. Ever the professional.
Well, this will be Halo Infinite then.
Which sounds very much like 343 is going back to the drawing board a bit - and going back to Combat Evolved.
Has anyone else got two doofus's talking over their video feed?
That's your punishment for watching the pre-show and not joining us here exclusively.
Neck stab count so far: 0
It is early days...
Right, that's the CG bit done.
343 I love you, but no-one plays Halo for the CG bits.
GIVE US SOME GAMEPLAY.
Yeah like this will do - a dramatic emergency landing on a Halo ring sets up our first look at Infinite in action.
Which is obviously a bit familiar from Combat Evolved's iconic introduction of the ring world.
Wish this bearded lad would pipe down a bit.
Well, the Master Chief has a new annoying comedy sidekick.
Elsewhere, though - Halo Infinite does indeed look a lot like Combat Evolved.
It also looks a lot like Halo 5 to me - I'm not seeing anything that screams next-gen, but I am also watching on a compressed 1080p60 feed.
What it does show is that the more freeform battles of Combat Evolved's open levels feature.
As do, for now, solely Covenant enemies.
And as soon as I say that a big bastard brute shows up.
An elevator zooms quickly up from the ground and we get a sense of exactly how big this world is.
I think that was being pitched as Halo Infinite's Breath of the Wild moment.
And yes the Chief does have a grappling hook.
There's something incredibly camp about a grappling hook.
So I approve, basically.
Is Cortana the grappling hook? Is this a sneaky remake of that weird Bionic Commando reboot?
Place your bets will we get a release date and price?
I'd very much bet against it.
So, Halo Infinite - it looks... decent? We'll be seeing a bit more of it later on tonight and will be sure to tell you all we discover.
It's the most ambitious game they've done yet, say 343.
Still waiting for the day someone comes out and just admits this is the least ambitious thing they've done.
That they're just sort of going through the motions and living from paycheque to paycheque. Watching the clock tick to 5pm every day.
Anyway that was Halo Infinite it'll be 4K60 and will be Halo.
Here's a new game.
It's a CG trailer, unfortunately.
So feck knows exactly what kind of game it is.
It's got a manky deer in it tho.
And it is State of Decay 3.
Hope they put the manky deer on the cover.
There's Phil! What t-shirt is he wearing?
Oh it's just a Halo Infinite t-shirt. No sneaky tease - yet, anyway.
Instead we're getting a slick sales pitch on Games Pass.
How many Japanese developed games can we expect today?
We've had Dragon Quest 11 already - I know it's old, but it's the biggest series Japan has so it's quite a statement of intent.
And here's cars.
Because I'm me I can tell you there was a Chaparral there.
And here's an in-engine look at what I think is simply called Forza Motorsport.
We start at Laguna Seca and also see a lot of a garage that I presume acts as some sort of hub.
And there's a lot of IMSA and GT machinery pounding around, which I approve of.
One thing to note there - that just said Windows and Xbox Series X. No Xbox One.
This is Everwild, which is either a terrible 90s indie rock band or Rare's new IP, I forget.
What kind of game is it? WHO KNOWS IT'S ANOTHER CG TRAILER.
Again, Xbox Series X and Windows PC the only platforms that show up there.
Everwild is a place to be eternal, we're told by Everwild's executive producer.
Next, let's go a bit more domestic with Dontnod's...
(Runs to google to remind myself what Dontnod are working on atm)
TELL ME WHY!
Yes I knew that of course.
That was Tell Me Why. And this is Moon Studios, the devs behind Ori.
And they're making a special Xbox Series X version of Ori and the Will O' the Wisps
I got that wrong didn't I? It's Ori and the Will of the Wisps.
Only Halo showed gameplay then, so far. So disappointing.
Forza was in-engine, if that counts...
(I don't think it does)
Private Division - 2K's indie arm - now has something to show us.
Ah, it's... Outer Worlds. I guess on Xbox Series X.
Peril on Gorgon, an Outer Worlds expansion coming September 9th. If that's your kind of thing.
And Grounded is next.
Obsidian's new joint that's currently available to check out in early access.
Does this mean we'll get to see the studio's new IP next?
Feargus is here now - we've seen two Obsidian games, so how about a third?
And here we go.
It's a CG trailer.
Ah hang on, we've got a bit of first-person gameplay that looks very Skyrim.
Right that's it... I'm holding my breath until a decent game is shown...
That could be something quite special, of course - though it's very hard to say based on that.
That's Avowed, then.
And this is a new game from Interior Night - London-based, and founded by a Quantic Dreams veteran.
It's a grounded experience - as you might expect given the studio's heritage.
An interactive drama.
Weirdly it looks to me like Linklater's rotoscoped films Waking Life and his great take on A Scanner Darkly.
Very hard to get a handle on that one, but here's Hellblade 2.
The reveal is that Hellblade 2 is set in Iceland. And there's a new video about how they scouted the location.
Oh video games.
Double Fine are next with what must be Psychonauts 2.
There is absolutely nothing so far that's motivating me to get a Series X later this year. But let's see!
I can't wait for a documentary by (insert studio name) on their office kitchen.
Oh god yes please.
It's okay it's Jack Black singing.
BRB, rushing to Curry's to pre-order this Jack Black singing machine MS wants me to buy.
Destiny 2 is coming to Series X, and to Games Pass.
Do people still play Destiny 2? It feels like three lifetimes ago that I bounced so hard off it.
We'll be getting a 4K60 version of Destiny for Series X too.
When does the excitement start?
I just came back from a quick toilet break, so let's say..... NOW!
And with a nice look at STALKER 2 - hang on, they're still making STALKER 2 - I'm certainly feeling this a bit more.
That is a surprise, and a very welcome one!
This looks INCREDIBLY moody and sinister in all the best possible ways.
Yes please very much thank you.
Drink every time it says world premiere
I've already been for one pee...
This is a new Warhammer game from FatShark?
Oh wow it's a 40K game from FatShark, called Darktide.
All of a sudden this got real good.
And now it's Enhance, and it can't get much better than this.
This is a new take on Tetris Effect - one of the games of the last few years, if you ask me.
SO YES PLEASE.
Tetris Effect Connected, coming to Xbox later this year.
Image and Form, developers of SteamWorld, are working on something big.
That's another big yes please from me.
Quality - climbing.
It looks packed full of neat and satisfying little systems like all of Image and Form's games - but this time in 3D!
Something moody and grounded now.
This, I believe, is Bloober's new joint.
(Someone much smarter than me just told me).
Watching with my 12 year old son. He just let rip with an absolute face melter of a fart. May be the most powerful thing I’ve experienced in the last hour.
The true power of the next generation.
Medium! Again, that looks like a Series X and PC exclusive.
I know those guys!
And I can sort of forgive them for taking so goddamn long to bring PSO 2.0 to the west.
Ah well, better late than never.
Phantasy Star Online 2.0 New Genesis, coming next year.
This, I think, is CrossFireEX - and Remedy's single-player piece of the massively popular game.
CAN YOU PROTECT ME FROM FATE?
I mean, probably not.
Well, that's coming up to a wrap.
And there's more to come later in the year.
Oh yeah, and one last trailer.
It's a CG trailer though, innit.
Well, that revealed absolutely sod all.
A bit of an odd show, that.
Microsoft is keen to push its sort of platform agnostic games are games angle, which is great and something I broadly approve of.
But there is absolutely nothing there convincing me to get a Series X.
If I had the spare chunk of change needed for one of these machines later this year - well, I'd just spend it upgrading a PC.
Still, let's see what else they've got in the future! As mentioned earlier, we'll have more on Halo for you later tonight.
And thanks as ever for joining us.
(Don't blame me for the CG trailers, I do keep telling them but they won't listen).
Mother in law says.... Hi guys... How did Phil do...
Not his greatest performance - almost invisible, but a solid presence at the back. 6/10.
Thank you again Martin!