Rockstar Games presents Table Tennis

Rockstar hiring for "next-gen console" project

UPDATE: Rockstar removes "next-gen" reference.

Update: Rockstar appears to have removed the reference to next-gen consoles in its job advertisement, the original text of which is below. The advert now only mentions that candidates must have "the creative and technical knowledge to achieve the highest quality results within budget". Did Rockstar say too much?

FeatureWii: 12 Games of Christmas

My true love gave to Wii.

The nights are so long these days (sorry, nights) that you could dress them up in angry forum posts and call them the delay between major Wii releases. Of the 12 Games of Christmas features we've done so far, this line-up saw by far the most chins stroked and calls placed in search of suitable candidates.

Rockstar Games presents Table Tennis

It's nearly a year since we got a Wii, and still the people come. The ex-gamers, the non-gamers, the women, the children, the Dads. "Have you got one, then?" they say. They "don't normally like games", but they've seen the Wii on telly and it looks like fun. They ask if they can come round and play it, and we say yes, and we know exactly how things will go.

It'll start off with Wii Sports tennis, because that's the one they've seen on telly, and everyone will like it and laugh and knock things over. Then onto boxing, but it's a bit tiring so just one or two goes. Then bowling is enjoyed by everyone except the person who can't work out how to chuck the ball properly. It goes on a bit too long. Then golf. At least one person, probably the one who was rubbish at bowling, gives up after two goes and starts reading the paper. The match drags on. By the time it's over everyone's just about had enough, which is probably for the best as all that's left is shonky old baseball.

That's our experience, anyway, and in our experience the Wii has needed a really good sports game for a long time now. A game as simple as Wii tennis in concept, so those who aren't regular gamers can pick it up quickly. But a game which also offers depth, challenge and reward. Well, Rockstar's gone and done it.

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Table Tennis demo today

It's been much-heralded...

We do hope you're not sick of being told it's coming soon, but the Rockstar Table Tennis demo is coming soon. Very soon. Wait, we've done that one too. Okay, how about: it's coming today.

Table Tennis demo very soon

Major Nelson gives it a 'bump'.

Those of you with - actually, you don't even need a long memory for this. Those of you capable of retaining any sort of fact will recall that a Rockstar Table Tennis demo is on the way to Xbox Live Marketplace. Well, there's an update: it's now due "very, very soon". Right.

Table Tennis demo soon

Plus: Rockstar mentality.

Rockstar's planning to release a demo of Table Tennis on Xbox Live Marketplace, according to lead designer Benjamin Johnson.

Rockstar Games presents Table Tennis

Rockstar Games presents Table Tennis

And they represent like a motherf.

If one more person explains what a "surprising move" this is for Rockstar I'm going to pay to have sex with them and then beat them up when I get out of the car.

Why is it surprising? Look at The Warriors. That was pure vanity. They just liked the film and wanted to do something new. Like when Simon Pegg did zombies or Travolta did planes or Jade did the marathon or Cruise did Holmes. Maybe they just wanted Deborah Van Valkenburgh's phone number. A bit like Nintendo making Brain Training because its finance director had Kawashima's book on his coffee table. Except with, you know, sexual deviancy. Which, let's face it, was bound to feature.

What's actually surprising is that nobody's bothered to try this in years. Because Rockstar Table Tennis is very, very good.

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Table Tennis

Can Rockstar make Ping Pong cool?

It's hard to know what's more surprising, really. First off, there's the fact that Rockstar's first next-gen game isn't an open world action adventure involving lots of guns, gangsters and girls who'll do all the things you've seen on the Internet for five quid and a bag of chips.

Rockstar's first next-gen game

Not what you might be expecting.

Rockstar has announced its first next-generation game - and if you're expecting yet another gritty action-adventure featuring lots of guns, gangsters and dead prostitutes, you're in for a shock.