1:30am? I pity the poor fool who is staying up to cover this. Oh hi Martin.
Thank the heavens. It is over.
1:30am? I pity the poor fool who is staying up to cover this. Oh hi Martin.
1:30am? I pity the poor fool who is staying up to cover this. Oh hi Martin.
God it's not even 1.30am and I'm still making a mess of this.
Anyway hi, hello and how do you do. I'm just about to go out for some drinks before I head back for tonight's shenanigans.
I'd like to say it'll be the first ever drunken live report here on Eurogamer.
Though *ahem* that might not strictly be true.
Iâ€™d rather pull this all- nighter than the other one if what is going to happen will happen
I honestly don't know which will be the grimmer of the two.
How long is this show?
I think typically it comes in at around two hours though. I'm bracing myself for that.
Surely we're eventually going to get a name a bit more interesting than "the Game Awards" for this show. Do they have a name for the trophy yet?
They're called Geoffs.
I do think The Geoffs would be a better name for the show as well.
Anyway, I'm heading off into Croydon for a night out. I know how to party, me.
Have fun and see you all back here later tonight!
Oh dear god no.
Anyway, hi and hello. The pre-show begins at 1am. Which is when the show starts as well? Either way I'll be with you then.
But like, twice as hard.
Anyway sorry I was having a bit of a cry.
The cold hard truth is, even if Martin never shows up, only four of us wopuld ever know.
Actually I've just counted and I think there's five of us here?
Wasn't there supposed to be a pre show or is this skippy mc lag the height of it?
I thought there was, but then there wasn't. Unless the pre-show is at 1.30am and the show is at 2am.
It is genuinely lovely to see you all here.
So what to expect?
Video game announcements, pointless awards and frequent bouts of existential dread as it becomes impossible to block out the horror show of the outside world.
Video games though!
There should be some PS5-ish announcements, a look at Ghosts of Tsushima, something Nintendo-related - maybe Metroid Prime Trilogy's time to finally be unveiled - and plenty more besides.
In between the interesting stuff there will be plenty of cringe - which, if I'm honest, is what I'm really here for.
I still call them computer games. Video games is a bit too American for me.
I call them 'art'.
Who's drinking what?
I am on a pot of coffee, but I have whiskey and maybe something even stronger waiting in the wings.
Dr Pepper Zero.
I'm liking that martin has rolled up late to his own party and is now trying to shoehorn some kind of game chat into this shitshow so when his boss reads this clusterfuck in the morning he may only get a final written warning, don't worry, we've got your back. I want another Frogger remake, this time in 4D
I've been rumbled.
Can everyone just pretend I was totally here all along and definitely not napping on my sofa?
To be honest, I get the feeling whatever your poison the hangover tomorrow will be very real.
I make it half past.
Let's do this.
Or let's wait a tiny bit longer.
Okay maybe wait a tiny bit longer.
Look, Geoff. Mate.
It's 1.30am over here.
Make that 1.31am.
We just want to go to bed. It's been a rough night.
Get. On. With. It.
All we're getting is the sound of incessant drums.
Is it Geoff on the drums?
Did you have a nice night out Martin?
I did! Until roughly around 10pm. Then it got awful.
They're drawing straws on which dev does the coked up presentation.
Funnily enough those same straws might come in handy to do a line or two.
Got to think about these things in a cashless world - no more £20 notes knocking around to roll up.
One minute to go.
And here we go.
Martin, are you secretly hoping for an Arms 2 reveal.
I once snorted two grams of whizz off a spinning Jive Bunny record. I'd like to see kids today do that with their bloody Mp3's
Oh. So this is the pre-show.
No offence Geoff.
But fucking do one?
The pre-show starts when the show starts at 1.30am.
Apparently our award for waiting is Green Day. OK great.
Here's an award anyway - Destiny 2 wins best community support, and Luke Smith makes a rare appearance.
Stealth Destiny Article.
Here's what we're all here for though. TRAILERS.
TRAILERS FOR DLC TO SECOND TIER SWITCH GAMES WE'D ALREADY FORGOTTEN ABOUT.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 is getting a danger room, which sounds kind of kinky.
That DLC also brings Gambit, Cable, Iceman and Phoenix to Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3.
And here's Lual Mayen with his game showing us the experience of a refugee. A worthwhile moment there.
Best score next - Cadence of Hyrule, Death Stranding, DMC5, Kingdom Hearts 3 and Sayonara Wild Hearts are nominated.
And if it's not Sayonara Wild Hearts.
Ah of course it isn't, because Geoff's mate Koj was nominated - Death Stranding wins.
What a surprise.
Well, guess who got the coke then...
Would dearly love some right now to keep me awake.
Anyway, here's Manhunter. It's got sharks.
It looks a bit like that Dreamcast Jaws game. But maybe not as shit.
A quick blast through some esports awards because they know full well no-one gives a toss.
But still people in the crowd scream.
Meanwhile we're obsessing over the nubbin on the shoulder of host Sydnee Goodman's fine green dress.
My personal theory is that it's a sock that got caught up in the dress and lodged itself there.
BEST TWEET OF THE YEAR PEOPLE.
Pretty sure I'm in with a shout for this one.
Ah shit I just remembered all I ever do on Twitter is retweet Addlestone Jeff, the boss of Wimpy Addlestone.
Still, I *could* be in with a shot.
I sort of dozed and are they talking about Spore?
This is the new game from Amplitude and Sega, and it's a 4X strategy inspired by the Bayeux tapestry.
Did I spell that right? I think I did.
That was Humankind. And this is another reveal.
A Switch game.
That looks like an 80s cartoon.
And it is...
Nope I've got no idea,
It's No More Heroes 3.
Coming in 2020.
I would be excited, but I played Travis Strikes Back so I'm very much not.
A new Final Fantasy 7 trailer is next.
And for all my grumbling this pre-show has delivered some nice surprises.
(Also *shhh* I've never played FF7 so I can't really say much to this trailer other than it looks very nice).
One final award before the main show - it's best beat 'em up!
And the winner is... ARMS!
(nah it's Smash Bros).
Bruce Willis has come to take the award.
Oh no wait it's Doug Bowser.
Buttoning up his tux and unzipping his fly.
And the show proper begins.
I think - and I could be wrong as I'm well old and haven't listened to any music made after 1974 - that this is Chvrches.
Eurovision 2019 DLC
This does have a mega Eurovision vibe. Not sure whether that's a good thing or not though.
It is, of course, from Death Stranding.
Their music's normally better than this, right? It's a bit of a bland ballad.
Still, if it's good enough for Koj.
That was Chvrches. This is video games.
And here, after a brief montage (that's heavy on Death Stranding) is Geoff.
Who's rocking trainers and a tux.
He looks like he's about to go to the school disco.
Jonathan Nolan, co-creator of Westworld, is here to present the award for best narrative.
There are gaming gags, and some of them land.
A Plague Tale, Control, Death Stranding - Death Stranding! - Disco Elysium and The Outer Worlds.
And Disco Elysium is the winner.
Rightfully so, I'd say - and the devs look absolutely delighted.
900,000 people watching this right now!
I mean, not this live report.
There's four of us here.
But hey, it's the quality not the quantity of the company, right?
Anyway here's a REVEAL.
It looks like From Dust but know it's not... It is?
It's an Xbox ad of some sort.
And it's the new Xbox.
Yup, Xbox Series X.
It looks like a PC.
It looks like it belongs in Currys.
It reminds me of those OG Xbox prototypes in its... Bluntness.
Also that name is... Brave? Uninspired? Whatever it is I'm not sure it's great.
And here's a new game.
Our first look at a Series X game?
Ah, it's Ninja Theory.
It's Senua 2 - a Hellblade sequel.
Ninja Theory being Microsoft developers now, of course.
Well this is a pleasant surprise.
And this was very much worth staying up for.
I'm still getting my head around Series X.
It sounds more like a razor blade than a console.
Anyone noticed Martin has vanished? No? Oh....
It's a quick break - so to the bathroom!
Martin, you werent refreshing on my end for ten minutes, but have you ever been refreshing on my end for ten minutes?
I've certainly dreamt of it.
Xbox Series X?
Someone who does the American sports is here so I'm a bit confused.
Nice, update for control, for free, called expeditions. I jus thought I'd reiterate it so Martin can post it, as per his job description ater pissing cheap lager around the general area of his lavatory
Actually it was like a fiver a pint?
Deffo not cheap.
Anyway what's that about Control? Sounds good.
One small detail about the Xbox Series X - it's got a share button.
And it looks like a PC.
And it's got a pretty dumb name.
Did I miss control?
It's a box with an X on it.
There's a job at DF if ever you want it with this level of analysis.
Godfall - which is a PS5 game - has just been revealed.
There's a story on the site - or there will be shortly! - with more details. It's developed by Counterplay, published by Gearbox.
And that might well be our first look at a PS5 game - I think FF14 has sort of been confirmed for the console but this is laying claim to be the first as well.
Amidst the Xbox reveal was news that Halo Infinite is coming next year - and, as we all assumed, it's cross-gen.
And amidst all that some awards were given - Modern Warfare gets best audio, Fire Emblem best strategy.
And then some streaming bollocks.
Banging through the actual awards to get to more trailers, I appreciate this.
The pace at these things is always pretty lively.
And here's another new game announcement!
Switch, by Square Enix.
God please don't be another 6/10 RPG Factory game.
Oh no, it's from Asano, the Octopath/Bravely Default people - so might actually be good!
It looks very Bravely Default - and it's called.
Bravely Default 2.
Which will explain why it looks a lot like Bravely Default.
Didn't we already get a sequel?
And while I try to figure that out, a Warframe update is announced.
Here's an advert for Samsung.
This lad is sitting way too close to that TV.
A new Magic the Gathering game, introduced by a slightly insincere chap.
And it's a CG trailer so *shrugs*.
No idea what's going on but it looks expensive.
And it's an explicit drawn out look at someone drowning.
So that's nice.
Money well spent on that CG trailer I guess.
ANOTHER WORLD PREMIERE!
For a foresty first-person game from Playerunknown - it's called prologue?
Ikumi Nakamura is now here to cheer us all up.
And it's to present best art direction.
Nominees are Control, Death Stranding, Gris, Sayonara Wild Hearts, Sekiro, Link's Awakening.
Control is the deserved winner. Nice one Remedy.
Here's Donny Mustard of Epic to show us something.
Not before he casts a dismissive stare at Geoff's trainers.
He's like 'make an effort man'.
Mustard's got proper big boy shoes on.
We're getting details of the Star Wars Rise of Skywalker stuff hitting Fortnite on Saturday.
Actually scratch that - we're not.
We're just being reminded that something is happening on Saturday.
Star Wars - Rise of Skywalker - Streaming exlusively in Fortnite
The only way to experience the film.
Preferably while playing on mobile.
Another announce, this time from a Canadian studio.
Is it The Darkness 3?
It's got a John Carpenter-esque soundtrack, someone dancing crazily and horror-ish moments.
Devils Third 2
Oh yes please.
It is Sons of the Forest.
Something about LoL so I'm going to feel horribly out of touch as I look on with a confused glaze in my eyes.
It's a CG trailer so *shrugs*.
Joe Madureira is involved in development.
And another ad break - but hey Grimes is after the break!
Right, the ad break is over.
And we're back with an, er, ad that gives us a look at the music of Cyberpunk 2077.
Grimes, ASAP Rocky, Richard Devine, Nina Kraviz, Deadly Hunta, Rat Boy, Tina Guo.
I probably spelt all those wrong. Anyway, they're all in Cybperpunk 2077.
And now here is Grimes.
Which seems like a good time to take some drugs.
I like Grimes, but that beat has come straight from the bad bit of the late 90s.
This is like watching eurovision at 3am
That is precisely what everyone in the office is saying.
Nil points, I say.
And now another award. The best action game with Norman Reedus.
He's got lovely hair.
Like, that hair takes effort to maintain.
A couple of hours in curlers every morning.
I hope Elon calls someone a Paedo, just because he can afford to
Sorry, I was trying to figure out if Elon Musk and Grimes are still an item, and while I was doing that DMC5 won best action game.
Blessed Itsuno takes the award.
11 year wait for the sequel? That feels a bit harsh on the might DmC.
Here's another announce: Dungeons & Dragons Dark Alliance.
It's a CG trailer *shrugs*.
And that's out next year.
A quick awkward interlude with Geoff mugging off with Apex Legends' Mirage.
This is horrendous.
I think they've just announced a new skin for Mirage or something, I dunno.
And some Xmas-related content for the game too.
Could have just said that at the start and not guffed around on stage for so long m8s.
I'm so tired. When does this end.
This makes me want to download Apex Legends just so I can do physical damage to the game.
Not sure that's the best idea. But I get the sentiment.
A new Ori Will of the Wisps trailer now while my will o' to die becomes ever stronger.
Not much new there, but it does confirm that it's a very good looking game that's coming out next year.
I don't think we're getting out until Keighley has given Kojima an award on stage.
Oh that is definitely happening, isn't it?
Ah - a small detail in that Ori trailer was that it's been pushed back a month.
Muppets are here now.
I thought Beaker was cancelled.
This is also awful.
Beaker's just had some VR googles superglued to his head and he sounds genuinely traumatised.
It could be the late hour but I'm genuinely unnerved and upset by this.
Also he's in Untitled Goose Game now or something?
I don't know but Norman Reedus looks like he's enjoying it.
And now an award - Games for Impact.
The nominees are Concrete Genie, Kind Words, Life is Strange 2, Sea of Solitude and one other thing which I totally missed and have forgotten already.
As amusing as this is I'm not sure it's the best match for the Games for Impact award.
Gris, the game I forgot to mention among the nominees, wins.
So that's nice.
Oh. Gris sounds like geese.
That's why the muppet goose is there. That makes sense.
It all makes sense now.
Does it Martin? Does it really?!
Nothing really makes sense at 3.17am.
3.19am even. So tired. So confused.
Some more awards now anyway - Best Family Game.
Look, I'm not even going to type all the nominees out.
Just know that Luigi's Mansion 3 won.
Best sports/racing game now. And the winner is Crash Team Racing.
And now the best mobile game, with the winner being... Call of Duty: Mobile.
A new studio and a new game - this being from some of the people behind Prey and Dishonored.
I hate that jacket, it looks inside out
Now I've seen it I think you're right. It is inside out.
Poor lad must be as confused and tired as us.
The studio is Wolfeye, the publisher is Devolver, the setting is the wild west and it looks like an isometric deal - so a departure from their previous first-person games.
I bet Alyx is shown last... God I hope it's worth staying up for
I'm afraid Half-Life has been pulled from the show.
This is Weird West.
Which looks interesting. And here's a new action RPG MMO which is...
The Weird West is a tabletop game AFAIK. Chiodini hawked it at one point.
Ooooh, that's good to know.
Martin ... Noway for real?
I jest not - Valve announced just before the show.
That was Magic Legends.
It's just a CG trailer *shrugs*.
Here's a new Stadia trailer.
It's pretty poor.
OOO was that a new Tetris 99 theme?
I missed it - what was the theme?
I'm on a mission to collect them all, especially now the timed event ones are available.
A new Oculus game now.
Which is a 2D brawler, but, y'know, in 3D. It's from Twisted Pixel.
Here's Ninja, who doesn't know how to slice bread.
Or how to clean a suit. The state of that thing lad.
Just take it back to the dry cleaners.
Ninja's here to reveal the winner of Best Multiplayer Game.
Which is Apex Legends.
And the horrible realisation that we're going until 4am and maybe later begins to creep in.
Here's the promised extended look at Ghosts of Tsushima.
Did I spell that right? I think somehow, against all the odds, I did.
This is captured from a PS4 Pro, btw - but it's not a big leap of the imagination to see this being a cross-platform game.
Cross-platform? I mean cross-gen.
But hey who knows.
Martin, if we all went to bed would you be obliged to keep typing to no one?
Ha, I don't know. Let's find out!
Ghosts of Tsushima has the best swaying foliage since The Witcher 3
It also looks more and more like Tenchu so I'm 100 per cent in.
As pretty as it looks, the character models look quite strange.
Still, those leaves man.
The screen comes up to reveal a full orchestra, and nose flute guy from the original reveal is nowhere to be seen.
We have a new flute man.
Who looks like Carlos Valderrama
Gears Tactics is the next trailer/reveal.
The title says it all really.
Naraka is up for a reveal now.
It is *checks story in the CMS because I'm too tired to sit through this trailer* a melee based battle royale.
So For Honor. But there's loads of you.
Another Magic trailer.
I love how Carl Weathers clearly can't be arsed in these adverts.
There's something heroic about the half-arsed celebrity appearance in a video game ad.
Just taking the money and running. *Salutes*.
Respect to Carl Weathers for being Apollo Creed and all that, but every time I see him I can only picture him wanting to make a stew in Arrested Development.
I just see his arm coming off and still firing the gun as it falls to the floor.
Best ongoing show goes to... This interminably long thing.
But the Best Ongoing Game award goes to Fortnite.
This is my life now.
We all live here now.
From that to another premiere - from Redhill Games. It looks like some Crazy Frog bullshit and really don't do this to me at this time of night.
It's a joke intro to 9 to 5, which is a free-to-play PC game from a lot of ex-Remedy folks.
Another couple of awards.
My left eye has started twitching.
It's the middle of the afternoon here in Australia and I still want to go to bed.
I'm watching this on my night shift, so technically two of us are getting paid for this.
MUCH MORE TO COME.
I'm just here for the drinking game
Drinking! That's a good idea.
While we get more adverts for Magic, and this insufferable prick Linus, who wants anything from the kitchen?
I'm getting some bourbon.
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BISCUITS NOSIREE
This is just adverts now.
Adverts and Green Day.
Apologies for the brief silence.
a) I hate Green Day
b) I was loading my crack pipe.
Isn't this guy like 50?
They're doing another song.
Going to look for something a bit stronger than crack.
Maybe that bottle of bleach?
... wow, did I actually like this kind of music once upon a time? What drugs was I on?!
Dunno but can confirm that these drugs I'm on aren't making it sound any better.
So that was Green Day.
We are all living in Geoff Keighley's teenage wet dream.
'We have a lot of game show still coming up'.
Holy sweet christ no.
Not least because this crack is going to kick in in a moment and my spelling's going to get APPALLING.
Is that how you spell appalling? I don't even know.
On the plus side I think we've been here so long there's another general election tomorrow.
Let's go do it all again!
Can't you do some kind of Eurogamer giveaway? You dragged us into this with your 'two hour' bollocks. I want something free.
I giveaway my time, my sleep, my sanity.
Here's Reggie anyway.
Who's become a parody of himself since leaving Nintendo.
Reggie is wearing a Reggie badge.
I actually quite respect that.
Reggie is here to present best indie game.
He won't stop talking.
I think he's delivering his own eulogy?
Yes, he is just presenting the best indie game.
Just had a word or two hundred thousand to get off his chest first.
Disco Elysium picks up the award.
This award is brought to you by Subway.
It's not a CG trailer!
But it is just an animation that reveals next to nothing, for another League of Legends tie-in.
It's an action platformer.
Are we in the final stretch?
I really, really, really hope so.
I wish I had a dog so I could kick it.
Kick me if you want, it might help keep me awake.
FALCON KICK to Martin's groin
Sorry for the scarcity of updates.
I'm just totally defeated by this nightmare of a show.
It's adverts, occasionally broken up by more adverts.
See, they can reannounce Wolf Among Us 2.
And I just don't care.
Ashly Burch is here to present Best Game Direction - and the winner is Death Stranding.
Koj, here is your moment.
Kind of sad Geoff's not there to give him a good tongueing too.
As silly as it is Kojima getting the award at his mate's show - I think he might sort of deserve it. I love Death Stranding.
There's one award left.
We might be able to get through this people!
After we find out what the best gaming tweet of the year is...
Oh lordy what is my life.
More adverts. The same adverts.
Again and again and again and again.
Right, we're back from the adverts for a few more adverts.
We've got one new announcement - it's Fast & Furious.
Is this Slightly Mad's game finally being announced?
They won Martin right back over with a fast and furious game. All is forgiven.
Ha literally the only thing that could wake me from that slumber.
It looks a bit budget, but it's got the brass that you want from a Fast & Furious game.
And yes it's from Slightly Mad Studios - an interesting departure from them.
VIN DIESEL IS HERE NOW.
Okay I'm happy now.
I'm Team Vin all the way - sorry Dwayne Johnson fans.
Honestly this is better than Breath of the Wild 2.
Oh God for a second I was worried he was going to show the 4 minute trailer for Fast 9 there...
They have a man singing
Can confirm a man is singing.
He really is singing.
We've gone Eurovision again.
There's another man singing.
A different man.
Doing different singing.
The game of the year is Sekiro.
Go to bed.
Nothing good will come of this show now.
Actually scratch that, Miyazaki is speaking so I will be patient and listen.
Yeah, CLAP THAT YOU CUNTS!
Surprise easy mode announcement
God that whole show was a thing wasn't it?
I can't remember a time before it started.
But we are free!
Go. Enjoy your lives. Be rid of this misery.
(and thanks for joining me)