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Watch: Johnny makes Grog from The Secret of Monkey Island

You'd be Schafer not to.

From the soundtrack and pacing to the puzzles and the insult sword fighting, I love The Secret of Monkey Island. Just one bar of the Scumm Bar theme is enough to fill me with nostalgia, so when one of our YouTube viewers suggested I recreate the important looking pirates' recipe for grog, I was all for it.

Then I remembered to check the list of ingredients, at which point my enthusiasm didn't so much wane as walk the plank. Still, nothing ventured - if I wanted to prove my mettle as a pirate as Guybrush Threepwood set out to do, it was on me to almost certainly ruin an entire bottle of rum.

Stripping out the ingredients that would definitely hospitalise me, I set to the challenge and tried to make a brew worthy of the most hardened drinkers of Mêlée Island. You can see how it turned out in the video below. Spoilers: It went about as well as you'd expect of pepperoni infused rum.

This is ordinarily the part of the post in which I write out the recipe in full, but frankly if anyone tried making this for themselves, I couldn't have it on my conscience. Steer well clear.

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