A warning to all trend-conscious Wii owners: rubbishy mini-game compilations are so last season. The latest fashion for autumn Y2K8 is rubbishy driving games, preferably with a futuristic twist. Or so suggests the latest pile of wretched old tat to land on my desk, of which 75 per cent consists of rubbishy driving games. Two-thirds with a futuristic twist.
One of them isn't too bad, to be fair. Another one almost makes it into the realms of mediocre. But the third is less playable than tennis on a trampoline and seven thousand times less fun. Just to top things off, the remaining 25 per cent is made up of a rubbishy mini-game compilation. Well done everyone.
Time to take a look at what's strolling down the catwalk this season, then. As Gok Wan would say, "Let me feel your bangers, it's all right I'm gay." Or rather, "Let's get going, gorgeous!"
Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops +
Portable Ops +, an expansion to last year's mostly excellent game of the same name-minus-the-plus-sign, features eight hundred cut-scenes, each one over two hundred minutes long. Konami didn't want us to mention it, nor the fortnight long UMD installation, but there it is anyway.
Okay, not really. In fact, for a series so infamously encumbered by narrative bulk, Portable Ops + is weirdly devoid of storyline. We'd even go as far to say it suffers from a lack of scene-setting and plot purpose.
They say that after a nuclear holocaust, only cockroaches will remain. Given the remarkable resilience of Sony's black obelisk I'm starting to suspect that, after the skies turn black with radioactive ash, the cockroaches will still face an unstoppable tide of new PS2 releases. At least that might give them something to do apart from skittering about being hideous and picking the charcoal flesh from our burning bodies.
Buzz! The Pop Quiz
Developer: Relentless Software
Empire has told Eurogamer that Off Road will be making its appearance on the Wii in July.
The Ford-licensed racer has been out on PC, PS2 and PSP since mid-March, and lets you finally get behind the wheel of a Land Rover and tackle those rocky school-runs.
Those after the Wii version can take a peek at the first snaps of it in the gallery. There will be a bit of motion-sensing waggling to steer your way around.
Empire has announced a new Ford racing game for PC, PS2 and PSP.