Men in Black: Alien Crisis is a very bad game. It's bad even by the depraved standards of film tie-ins. It's memorably - aggressively - cheap and primitive, and if you go out and buy it, you probably shouldn't be allowed to manage your own money anymore.
Suits and sunglasses aside, it barely feels like Men in Black. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones wisely decided to stay in their trailers for this one, so you're cast instead as some lumpen, wise-cracking nobody named Agent P. Agent P looks like he should be leaning against the bar in a place called Woody's or Duke's, hitting on women and snorting up beef jerky whenever a sad song comes on the radio.
He starts the game as a thief - you can tell, because his character model wears a woollen beanie hat, which was pretty good shorthand for thiefdom back in, oh, let's say 1911 - but he's soon drawn into the agency, handed a small collection of dazzlingly unsatisfying weaponry to tit about with, and sent off to sort out a plot so masterfully inane I forgot most of the details even as I was watching the cut-scenes.