God Hand Review

By Quintin Smith Published 12 February, 2007

Hand's dealt. Do you play it?

Version tested: PlayStation 2

You've got to love the games that know they're games. Take Urban Chaos: Riot Response last year. It knew what people play FPSes for, stripped away the pretensions of the genre and gave us set pieces where we threw meat cleavers into a man's face, in slow motion, while he was on fire, until he collided with a gas canister and exploded. With God Hand, Clover has performed a similar feat of removing the pole from the arse of a genre, giving us a third-person brawler that lets us kick gorillas into space. Awesome! But unlike Riot Response, God Hand is very, very clever underneath the idiocy. Brilliant!

Anything you've heard about God Hand is probably true. Kicks to the balls are kind of a feature, as are poison chihuahuas, spankings and endless trash talking. Sinister punk-looking men will even occasionally throw their mohawks at you, fighting on as baldies before their hair grows back with a flash. It's funny stuff, and God Hand makes sure you know you're meant to be laughing at it by distancing you from it. The game has an invisible studio audience that cheer or boo when you do well or screw up, and they laugh whenever anyone takes a shot to the sack. Protagonist Jean acts just like we do, too. He's always grinning like an idiot, spoiling for the next fight and eagerly responds to the over-the-top speeches of bosses with such killer lines as "...like I give a shit!"

'God Hand' Screenshot noise

Weapons hurt. Lots. Get them into your own as quickly as possible, then BRING THE NOISE.

But all that's not the reason it gets a high score. That's just why it's a little more interesting than its po-faced hyperviolent competition. It gets a high score because it's a fighting game with really good fighting. It doesn't try and distract you from the game itself with level design, plot or the drip-feeding of abilities - God Hand's stages are cavernous arenas where the fighting happens. The fighting is fair, and it's deep, and it's really hard, and that's all that's needed to engage you.

And by really hard we mean really, really hard. Don't let the jovial tone fool you, this is a game than wants to take you to the cleaners. You're far more fragile than the enemies that come at you and going one-on-one against a weakling is sometimes even worse than a group because you tend to let your guard down and make stupid mistakes. Plus God Hand's retro style means it's crawling with bosses, and defeating a foe will randomly turn the sky black, stop the music and spawn a leather-tough demon who will unquestionably wipe the floor with you on your first encounter. There's no EXPLANATION for this, the game just wants to hurt you.

'God Hand' Screenshot tigerjoe

This is Tiger Joe. He's kind of a... gay... martial artist... europop raver. Look don't ask us, we don't know.

How does all this fighting work? From an offensive point of view, God Hand is crowd control. Getting close to an enemy and staying there is the most efficient way to deal damage to him, but it'll also let his friends take advantage of the Resi 4 over-the-shoulder camera and hit you from the sides, letting him return fire too. To cause some hurtin' you need to temporarily get people off your back by working in the moves with the longer windups, ones that knock enemies across the room, up in the air, down to the ground or just leave them reeling, then get to work on anyone still standing. You've also got an array of over the top "Roulette" attacks where selecting the right move is a game in itself, and then there's the strength and speed boost of God Hand mode which is traditionally activated during fits of rage when the game's just made you look like a tool. But both of these are precious, limited resources that require careful usage.

From a defensive point of view, it's about tactical positioning and keeping a mental picture of your surroundings to ensure you're always looking at any threats. Every attack that comes your way is pre-empted by something, from the audible comedy arm-windmilling of the game's fodder to the insanely fast moves of your counterpart, Devil Hand. But this isn't a game that'd let you do something as boring as hold down a button to block, oh no. Tapping the right analog stick to the back or sides makes Jean perform a quick back handspring or sidestep, and he's invulnerable for the duration. You need to watch the move come in and time your dodge right. Tap forward on the stick and you weave on the spot, but that'll only evade moves with small windups and... well, that's where things get interesting.

'God Hand' Screenshot bigger

The bigger they come, the harder they beat your ass.

See, God Hand has a dynamic difficulty in the form of levels. Perform risky standing dodges, taunt enemies, perform huge combos and so on and your level meter creeps up. Go up a level, the crowd cheers and the enemy AI gets noticeably meaner. Getting through levels never stops being a struggle because conservative play will eventually level you up even if you don't want it, resulting in a whipping that'll take your meter back down. It's here more than anywhere else you feel like the game's out to get you (the levels are called 1, 2, 3 and DIE), but it's worth being the best you can be anyway because at higher levels enemies drop more cash to be spent on the 100+ techniques or stat upgrades, or idly wasted at the Chihuahua races or casino.

There are problems, of course. Initially all the attacks that come in from off camera or that interrupt your slow moves feel as unfair and low as the ball-busting kicks you frequently employ, then at the end when the difficulty really ramps up cracks in the control system start showing and you start cursing the clumsy running and cheap tricks you have to resort to. But the plateau in between is long and it's really, really good gaming, assuming you don't let the game push you around like a playful big brother with little a superiority complex. God Hand just wants to have fun. And so do we.

8 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
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About Quintin Smith

Read more articles from Quintin by visiting the Quintin Smith archive page.

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Comments (42) Latest comment 2 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • captainrentboy #1 5 years ago

    Surely any game that lets you kick a Gorilla into space deserves a 10.Or was that a joke?

  • Der_tolle_Emil #2 5 years ago

    Has Clover ever developed a game rated < 8/10 ? Too bad they are gone.

  • lambtron #3 5 years ago

    Clover we'll miss you :(.

  • MadMirko #4 5 years ago

    Has Clover ever developed a game rated < 8/10 ? Too bad they are gone.

    I blame marketing. Others make top dollar by selling shit, how can you flop with top games? :(

  • Keyz #5 5 years ago

    It's a real shame that Clover is gone now, but they made an awesome sendoff with Okami and God Hand.

  • sanctusmortis #6 5 years ago

    Okay, FOUR games that make me want to get a PS2 again.

  • hybridial #7 5 years ago

    Thank ****ing God, a review of this game that makes sense. I think it's a 9/10 personally (been playing the hell out of the American version) but at least Eurogamer doesn't add another retarded review to their considerable sized library.

  • itamae #8 5 years ago

    Excellent game, I fully agree with the review. It has everything, from robot dominatrices to giant enemy cranes.

  • Steroyd #9 5 years ago

    ...must....save....for....next...gen....

    /pays respects to Clover Studio's R.I.P :'(

  • flapps #10 5 years ago

    I picked this game up at the weekend and was actually disappointed. I don't see that it's anything other than a repetitive brawler. Sadly, I think that if this game was developed by anyone other than Clover most people would say that it's pretty average. The fighting is fun enough, but there really is nothing that special about it to warrant an 8/10 in my opinion.

  • kissthestick #11 5 years ago

    yesh!!

  • NAC #12 5 years ago

    Love this style of game its fun just mastering the different techniques available. Shame about Clover what other games have they developed apart from Okami, God Hand and Viewtiful Joe?

  • coach_mcguirk #13 5 years ago

    I already wanted this game quite badly. Then you go and compare it to Urban Chaos : RR - my favourite guilty pleasure game of the last year - and now I want it EVEN MORE!

    "F*CK YOU, MASON!!"

  • mrsquare #14 5 years ago

    Nice review - and respect for finding a reviewer who actually 'gets' GH.

  • Artemis_Matsas #15 5 years ago

    Nice review. Who writes the picture captions??? I fell off my chair laughing!!!

  • jellyhead #16 5 years ago

    I so want this game but i'm too much of a girl at fighting games, i'm not sure if i'd ever get good enough enjoy it. :(

  • Totoriko #17 5 years ago

    Looks like Hokuto No Ken (aka Fist of the Northstar) to me.

  • TheDifficult3rdAlbum #18 5 years ago

    Urban Chaos: Riot Response = \o/

  • miiiguel #19 5 years ago

    I would play it, but it has rumble, and we Sony freaks, don't like rumble.

  • Pulsar_t #20 5 years ago

    I played the first stage and loved it.. however my version is Japanese and the menus apparently aren't import-friendly.

  • muters #21 5 years ago

    Ooh, I had no intention of buying this before reading the review. Audience cheering! Projectile mohawks! Bollock kicking!

    But I'm a bit cack at beat-'em-ups :0( How does it compare difficulty-wise with, say, Ninja Gaiden or Dead or Alive 4? I threw my controller down in defeat with both of those, y'see.

  • bluebird #22 5 years ago

    Just preordered this (Netherlands). With this I end up buying every game Clover made! Such a shame to see this studio disbanded :(

  • Nithron #23 5 years ago

    Some of my best friends are gay martial artist europop ravers.

  • Quintin #24 5 years ago

    God Hand's probably about as much of a bastard as Ninja Gaiden. But throwing down the controller should never mean defeat! It should show where the challenge BEGINS!

    (And thanks for the support, y'all.)

  • groovychainsaw #25 5 years ago

    Hmmm- not sure I have the time to give over to a game that wants to beat you repeatedly - How hard on a scale of 1 (being some sort of disney kids beat 'em up) to 10 (Ninja Gaiden Black on the hardest level...) would you say this is? I rate my skills at about a 7 at best... ;-)
    I like the osund of this, but may have to wait until its less of a financial risk (don't want to spend £30 on a game that I'll get fed up with after 1 hour), especially as I feel this one will go quickly to bargain bins (its had some harsh reviews elsewhere, although EG's sounds well-reasoned (as always ;-)))
    /brackets FTW!

  • hybridial #26 5 years ago

    Start the game on easy, the difficulty is tough but manageable, then on normal you'll do a lot better since a lot of the things you've learned will still be applicable.

    "I picked this game up at the weekend and was actually disappointed. I don't see that it's anything other than a repetitive brawler. Sadly, I think that if this game was developed by anyone other than Clover most people would say that it's pretty average. The fighting is fun enough, but there really is nothing that special about it to warrant an 8/10 in my opinion."

    Classic case of not getting it. Gears of War is just a shooter. It's not 8/10 worthy. Same difference. As a brawler, this has been the best one in over a decade.

  • groovychainsaw #27 5 years ago

    Heh - gears of war is NOT 8/10 worthy - one of the worst control systems of recent time IMHO....

  • stoopidgreg #28 5 years ago

    the videogaiden review of this was hilarious - and he said it's the best game of all time so i trust him :)

  • Azazel #29 5 years ago

    yeah, their review was really good :)

  • lambtron #30 5 years ago

    [link url=http://www .youtube.com/watch?v=laSZukIwfgs
    ]http://www .youtube.com/watch?v=laSZukIwfgs
    [/link]

    :D

  • asphaltcowboy #31 5 years ago

    So it's really, really hard... how does it compare to Ninja Gaiden (for my own reference)?

  • itamae #32 5 years ago

    God Hand on normal is harder than Ninja Gaiden on normal. It's far less frustrating though because the continue points are more reasonably spaced and there aren't any sudden difficulty spikes *cough*Alma*cough*. Both games give you that special feeling of awesomeness so people gamers who like challenging games should have played both.

  • deluk #33 5 years ago

    "Final Fantasy XII
    God Hand
    Okami
    Rogue Galaxy
    SEGA Mega Drive Collection

    Do we really need a seventh gen?"

    Crackdown. Mass Effect, Blue Dragon and Forza 2 are just around the next bend, among others.

    Technically, we don't need a next gen. Gaming is merely a hobby, not a not a neccessity. But you can't honestly look at what's to come on the Xbox 360, starting on the 23rd of February, and tell me it's not a welcome addition to the industry?!

    o_O

  • muters #34 5 years ago

    "[link url=http://www .youtube.com/watch?v=laSZukIwfgs
    ]http://www .youtube.com/watch?v=laSZukIwfgs
    [/link]

    :D"

    Haha, sold!

  • Fyzzu #35 5 years ago

    Aaahahaha, this sounds excellent; superb review, Q. Going to have to pick this one up once I get some sodding money... and Crackdown, too. And about a billion other things, now that I think about it.

    Damn you, games industry, for releasing things when I'm broke. If I didn't love you so much I'd swear it was deliberate.

  • AOFanboi #36 5 years ago

    Boss fights seem repetitive and drawn-out, though... I think I'll stick with the God of War series.

    http://ww w.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ppHeQ55...

  • hybridial #37 5 years ago

    "Boss fights seem repetitive and drawn-out, though... I think I'll stick with the God of War series."

    Depends how you fight them, really, because some boss fights in the game are pretty spectacular. I also don't think any of the boss fights last long enough to become repetitive, since, well, you gotta be on the ball. What people don't get at all until they actually play this game seriously is that it is not button bashing. You have to be genuinely skilled and use some tactics, even if the tactics are summed up by finding the right combinations that work well against certain bosses.

    Oh,a nd God Hand = Ninja Gaiden > Onimusha > God of War > Devil May Cry, as far as quality goes, for your referance.

  • Strifer #38 5 years ago

    Not. Enough. Money!

    I'm torn between buying this one and FFVIII. Seriously.

  • penfold #39 5 years ago

    Any way to turn the music off in the EU version? That Hawaii Five O theme tune in the version I played on endless loop was aural torture.

    Really bad. Really really bad. So bad I'm suprised they don't have it looped full blast in Guantanamo Bay.

    Game rocked though, oh yes indeed.

  • muters #40 5 years ago

    I've only just finished the first little level and it's already made me grin more than most games I've played in the last year. And I had to use about 3 continues, but I didn't mind in the slightest. In fact, I was glad to have the opportunity to kick bottom more efficiently.

    Looking good...

  • muters #41 5 years ago

    Yep, spent four hours with it today, only up to stage 3 and I think it's fab. It isn't as hard as I thought it might be, but it's challenging enough to make me feel a sense of accomplishment even when I take down a lowly grunt. The second encounter with Fat Elvis had my heart pumping away as I finished him off with only a sliver of energy left :0)

    Almost got to Level Die at one point, but ran into a boss fight and got hammered.

  • gomezgomita #42 2 years ago

    I agree with hybridial, thank "god" for a decent review, this game is pure gold, pure hardcore, pure style, pure pain in the balls. I fell in love with this game the instant I heard the stage 1 theme song, the Mo cap is one the greatest I ever seen... the music, the characters, the bosses, voice acting is decent, and the story is solid and funny, The versatility of Mikami is something else!!!

    For all the guys who miss Clover go play Mad world and Bayonetta. Clover lives on in Inaba, Kamiya and Mikami, so why cry!
    ...oh!, silly me !,I think I arrived a little late to the party, this is... 2009, right?

    Edited by 1 at 15/12/09 @ 02:31