The FarmVille Diaries

Monday 22nd March

11.38am

I tried to plant more seeds than I could afford this morning. "Hey there!" said the game. "Looks like you need some more Farm Coins! Want to get some now?"

I clicked the "Yes, Please!" button. (There wasn't a "Yes, YES, GIVE THEM TO ME" button.)

I was then presented with a menu of currency for sale. So this is where the micro-transactions come in. Prices start at £3.29 for 7500 coins. Think of all the aloe vera and pink cows you could buy with that!

But there's no way I'm spending hard-earned money on fake money to buy virtual plants. That's ridiculous.

5.12pm

Tom says I can't expense Farm Coins. V. disappointed.

Tuesday 23rd March

Having made the decision not to get involved with micro-transactions, which would feel like cheating, I have realised I need to maximise revenue opportunities elsewhere. So far this has involved fertilising the crops of every FarmVille player on my Friends list, and asking virtually all of them to be my Neighbour.

Having Neighbours is like having a Friends list within FarmVille. You need a certain number of them to get access to certain items. Even after I'd sent Neighbour requests to all the FarmVille players, I still didn't have enough to qualify for a Dairy Farm.

I asked my friend Kim, who doesn't currently play, to join the game. She was reluctant but agreed after I explained it'll only take a few minutes to sign up, and she doesn't have to keep playing the game once she's accepted my Neighbour invitation.

Wednesday 24th March

Email from Kim: "I hate FarmVille. It has taken over my every waking moment. WHY?"

I have become a drug pusher.

Thursday 25th March

A great day. Realised you can play FarmVille via Zynga.com and cut out the Facebook middle-man, so you only see FarmVille-related Friend updates. This means you can focus entirely on who has fuel and mystery eggs to share, rather than being distracted by tedious news about what mood people are in, whether they've successfully given birth etc. A great day.

Friday 26th March

12.42pm

Spent morning clicking on the News Feed and visiting other people's farms. Why can you only fertilise each person's crops once per day? What am I supposed to do for the next 12 hours?

11.28pm

Watched the film adaptation of Fast Food Nation with Pete. He was visibly repulsed by the abattoir scene. I didn't tell him all I could think about was how many Neighbours you might need to get an abattoir in FarmVille.

Saturday 27th March

Another email from Kim: "I hate FarmVille. I want so much to have a big, successful farm. WHY?"

Sunday 28th March

Visited Miriam's farm today. She'd let her crops wither. The shame. She must have stopped playing. The game said I could cast a "free Unwither" so all her crops would come back to life, so I did. I posted an update to let her know.

Monday 29th March

Miriam has started playing FarmVille again. Feel a bit bad that I got her back into it with my Unwithering. Took solace in getting extra XP for scaring crows off her crops and rescuing the ugly duckling she found.

Tuesday 30th March

11.02am

Need one more Neighbour. Sent Johnny request, backed up with an email explaining it's "for work" and I just need him to accept the request as a favour. "That's fine," he replied. I doubt he'll get addicted.

4.47pm

Email from Johnny: "Oh FFS I'm signed up and involved and sh** now. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"