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Robert Purchese

Senior Staff Writer

Bertie is senior staff writer and Eurogamer's Poland-and-dragons correspondent. He's part of the furniture here, a friendly chair, and reports on all kinds of things, the stranger the better.

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Standing before me is the caretaker of a cemetery. He's old, dirty and lecherous, and he is accused of murder - of decapitating a young lady and selling her bleached skull to science. Her body was found in his woodshed and, frankly, it doesn't look good for him. Everyone expects the guillotine, and for him to be decapitated in kind. But something's not right.

Hands up how many of you used to pick spiders off their webs, and from dark corners in sheds, and plonk them overnight in a Millennium Falcon toy - with removable roof - so in the morning you could see which one emerged triumphant?

New Overwatch hero Baptiste will be released for players on all platforms on Tuesday, 19th March. As with all new heroes, there will be a one week period after his arrival before he is available for Competitive Play.

You can't do anything on one screen in Objects in Space. It's not a space game like Elite: Dangerous or Star Citizen, where you sit in a sleek cockpit with every control at your fingertips. In Objects in Space you have to get up and move around. The map is on one terminal, comms on another, emails another, battery management another, repairs another... It's as if you're flying an old submarine, where there are different panels and buttons for everything. Only here, you do it all alone.

Do you remember the 1980s Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, the one where a bunch of kids went on a D&D fairground ride which magically transported them into a D&D fantasy world? (Didn't happen at my local fair, I tell you.) They became characters in the game: a boy barbarian, the hunky teenage ranger, the nerdy wizard... It looked like fun. But those kids, they never found a way out. Every episode for three seasons they searched to no avail, and then the series abruptly ended, incomplete. They were trapped. It's like someone locked the Narnia cupboard. The kids were never seen again. What happened to them?

Heaven's Vault doesn't look like much to begin with. It feels simple and sparse. The graphic novel idea - illustrated 2D characters in a rendered 3D world - sounds nice, but the combination of characters being only partially animated, moving from still-pose to still-pose, and the environments being basic, feels awkward and, to be brutally honest, a bit cheap. There's nothing - no cinematics, barely a voice over - to grab you. Yet, from the moment Heaven's Vault began, I was gripped.

Six years ago, a nice man called Simon Read released a mobile version of a PC football series he was about to give up on, and New Star Soccer went on to change his life. On Google Play alone it's been downloaded more than 10 million times, and the App Store will be similar if not higher. It was a big success. And the long-awaited follow-up arrived last year.

Devolver delays Ape Out but only to the end of Feb

Think Hotline Miami meets Jazz meets gorilla.

Very promising Hotline-Miami-meets-Jazz-and-apes game Ape Out has been delayed, but only slightly. Devolver will now release it 28th February rather than 7th February, and that's on PC and Switch.

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