UK Resistance: The War is Over • Page 3

In memoriam. 

4. In What Order Are We Going to Eat The Body Parts of New Lara Croft Model Karima Adebibe?

4

Some things speak for themselves. But personally, I hope the next time Square Enix cracks out a twentysomething from Croydon and EVERY GAMING WEBSITE IN THE WORLD posts pictures of her doing a pose in short shorts, someone else takes this baton forward.

"She's a whole three course meal of lovely!"

5. The Incredible Sega Rap

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'Do Me a Favour' by MCs Nick and Steve. This is real, and it is gold. Two guys won a competition run by Sega's distributors to record their rap about how much they love their Sega, and it was distributed with Mean Machines issue 2 on the Sega Megamix tape!

Here's a taster: "we got the Sega Master System in the house, yeah bwwwwoyyy" followed by the immortal line "check out your local dealer, not for drugs, but for Sega" – which, as one commenter sadly notes, is more relevant to the modern Sega fan than ever before.

6. What Happens When You Just Watch the Flag Man?

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Perhaps the biggest triumph in recent Sega history is not cocking up Outrun 2. By the time Sumo Digital's console conversions were ready, UKR was champing at the bit.

This is not the kind of thing every player notices. But some do: they were trained to expect idle animations. The Flag Man doesn't disappoint – after a star jump (which gives the opportunity for a sideswipe at the Times critic who gave it 1/5) he no less than MOONWALKS off-screen and back on.

"We imagine he's grabbing his groin. We certainly are."

7. Blue Sky in Games

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Presented on UKR as 'that time everyone was in agreement', The Blue Sky in Games campaign posits that games took a wrong turn some way back.

It specifically took aim at Grand Theft Auto, scoring a few critical hits behind the surreal language: "We want to COLLECT BANANAS FROM MAGIC CASTLES not earn respect from fictional gang leaders! We want to stun enemies with BOUNCE ATTACKS, not shoot them in unrealistic and shoddy drive-bys!"

The Blue Sky in Games campaign always looked forlorn in the face of something like Saints Row. But it made you realise you weren't alone in wanting to heal up with a roast chicken rather than a syringe.

8. How is Giving Paris Hilton an Xbox 360 Going to Help?

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This is a question that can be rephrased any number of ways and still work. How is giving Paris Hilton a microphone going to help? How is giving Paris Hilton a book contract going to help?

Microsoft gave her an Xbox 360. UKR was on it like a bloodhound, and this update not only exposes the 360 'gift', but also digs up past evidence that Hilton is a serial console blagger and presents it under a title we couldn't possibly reproduce here. Best not click while at work, then.

With this one the devil's in the details – specifically, the text when you hover over the images.

9. Possibly Illegal Schoolgirl Dreamcast Bag Action

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After typing that I half expected a NAVY Seal team to burst through my window, pop a cap in my ass and give me a sea burial. But close-up Dreamcast logos do strange things to a man.

Sample sentence: "We have also censored their body parts just to be on the safe side."

This one's probably safe for work, although if people see they're likely to assume it's illicit.

10. All I Want for Xmas is a PSP

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Remember All I Want For Xmas is a PSP? Course you do! One of the crown jewels from a period of incredible Sony cock-ups, the concocted marketing blog showed the same feel for yoof culture that NFS Underground 2 had for the ghetto – and the best report on the whole thing was UKR's.

It doesn't take off from the stratosphere and rain fire: it lets selections from the site tell the story, and links a handy mirror at the bottom for when Sony took it down (as they soon did). Have a look, and always remember the time Sony's marketing team called gamers "noubs".

When the Headline Says it All: Best of the Rest

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About the author

Rich Stanton

Rich Stanton

Contributor

Rich Stanton has been writing for Eurogamer since 2011, and also contributes to places like Edge, Nintendo Gamer, and PC Gamer. He lives in Bath, and is Terran for life.

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