I have an idea for a comic and would like some feedback.

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  • Rodimus-Prime 11 Sep 2016 11:47:37 245 posts
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    I've been thinking about a comic i would like to create for a while now. I've been thinking about it a lot recently. Originally my idea was for the story to be about two ice cream men who have a turf war (with the main characters being based on ice creams)... but apparently that is actually a real thing that happens, so i've gone back to the drawing board.

    The best comics are the ones that have something important to say about the world we live in and are often written in response to real-world concerns. Watchmen, one of the most important pieces of literature ever, dealt with many such issues. Coming out in 1986, one of these was nuclear proliferation.

    We're in the midst of another immigration crisis, far-right groups are gaining more and more support across Europe, and of course Brexit is going to happen. These are some of the biggest issues of my time, and i think i am going to use my comic to create THE seminal piece of fiction exploring them... using ice cream.

    While brainstorming a history for Magnum, one of the main characters, i decided he should be a detective with the Neopolitan police (as a play on Metropolitan) and came up with the idea of setting the story within the three distinctive boroughs of Chocford, Vanillaville and Strawbury.

    Now i'm thinking that the central conflict of my story should be between the Neopolitan government, who are pushing for segregation - although ensuring that all different groups of people have the same quality of life - and Benjamin Jerry, who believes that society should be less like a tub of neopolitan ice cream, and more like those Ben & Jerry pots where they swirl all of the different ingredients around.

    I'm going to write it in such a way that neither side is presented as villainous or virtuous, and use ice cream to make philosophical points on the nature of modern society. I can see this one day being made a part of the English curriculum at secondary schools.

    All of the characters will still be named for famous ice creams though, like Magnum, who emits a tough guy image, but once you crack his shell you find that he's pretty soft. And he has a stick up his ass. And there will be Vienetta, who performs at a cabaret club under a foreign name and gives off a really classy vibe, but like Vienettas, once you get them home and defrost them, you quickly discover that they're not really that elegant.

    I even have a cool idea for the ending. The ice cream turf war will still be a part of the story, and in the first panel the main character will be locked in his own ice cream van freezer by his rival, who then fire bombs the van. At the end of the story, there will be mass rioting by all sides and the military is called in to quell it with extreme force after someone important has their life threatened.

    The hero realises that if a crowd of pro/anti segregation people are killed, any chances of the two sides reconciling their differences will be lost, so he uses the megaphone in his ice cream van to convince the army that it was he who made the threat. The army then roll a tank out and shoot his van.

    But, he has the idea of hiding in the freezer - a bit like how Madison survives the apartment bombing in Heavy Rain - and lives. The last panel will be him emerging from the freezer, and the audience will wonder whether all of the important story bits happened, or if when he was first pushed into the freezer by his rival, his love of ice cream kept him going when the cold should have killed him, and he retreated to a fantasy world in his mind where all his favourite frozen treats were given human form.

    Other characters will be Callipo, who is a sort of yardie who just pops up occasionally; Twister, who is a bit like The Riddler but uses tongue twisters instead of Riddles; and Solero, who is like the traditional Essex girl that spends too much time under the tanning bed. As a native of Essex, she is an important character to me as i would like to break down some of the prejudices people from other parts of Britain hold against us.
  • Phattso 11 Sep 2016 11:52:33 22,019 posts
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    People from Essex earned the prejudice. It wouldn't be believable if you tried to break that down, and would break your otherwise faultless narrative.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 11 Sep 2016 12:03:18 11,070 posts
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    Are there any plans for a blimp scene?
  • Deleted user 11 September 2016 12:17:47
    This is brilliant. I'm looking forward to Cornetto fucking shit up.

    May I contribute: one of the ice cream ninjas (let's call him Mr Whippy) bumps off his enemies and then sprinkles chopped nuts all over their dead bodies to make the police believe they topped themselves
  • mothercruncher 11 Sep 2016 12:18:19 14,126 posts
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    Is it true digital watches far outsell traditional ones there because the hands befuddle people?
  • CosmicFuzz 11 Sep 2016 12:27:19 32,022 posts
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    I look forward to seeing the ice poles coming over and stealing everyone's cheap labour jobs.
  • BinaryBob101 11 Sep 2016 15:23:22 26,502 posts
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    Stefansen 2.0
  • El_MUERkO 11 Sep 2016 15:26:53 18,262 posts
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    I would read this graphic novel.
  • eleven63 11 Sep 2016 15:44:10 2,115 posts
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    PES_Fanboy wrote:
    This is brilliant. I'm looking forward to Cornetto fucking shit up.

    May I contribute: one of the ice cream ninjas (let's call him Mr Whippy) bumps off his enemies and then sprinkles chopped nuts all over their dead bodies to make the police believe they topped themselves
    ^ This :) ^
  • Deleted user 11 September 2016 16:15:42
    Can Callipo have an offensively over the top Jamaican patois
  • BinaryBob101 11 Sep 2016 16:32:21 26,502 posts
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    @Rodimus-Prime Hey, have you got any early pencil art you could show us of this new project?
  • challenge_hanukkah 11 Sep 2016 16:40:08 5,250 posts
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    Australians are wrong.



    Edited by challenge_hanukkah at 16:40:45 11-09-2016
  • markytonline83 11 Sep 2016 16:45:39 817 posts
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    Someone has already invented comics, sorry.
  • Trowel 11 Sep 2016 16:54:48 21,672 posts
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    The sexy twins, Rum 'n' Raisin.
  • Rodimus-Prime 11 Sep 2016 16:55:00 245 posts
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    @BinaryBob101

    Unfortunately not. I'm not a very good drawer, so am hoping to find someone else to do that for me. All i have is this, which is more to demonstrate how i want the characters to not just be named after ice creams, and not just to have personalities based on ice creams... but to look a bit like the ice cream too.



    I could do with some ideas on finding someone to do the drawing actually. As long as they don't involve sacrificing the integrity of my story and making Benjamin Jerry the 'good guy' in return for funding from Ben and Jerry's.

    Some good ideas though, guys! I particularly like the idea of Ice Poles, and the killer who makes it look as though his victims topped themselves. Very ice creamey.
  • Rodimus-Prime 11 Sep 2016 17:06:44 245 posts
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    PES_Fanboy wrote:
    Can Callipo have an offensively over the top Jamaican patois
    Yeah mon.

    I am intending to tackle all forms of prejudice with the piece, after all.

    I'm not sure if i should have a character called Fab who commits flamboyantly gay crime though.
  • challenge_hanukkah 11 Sep 2016 17:15:37 5,250 posts
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    How about a paralympian ice cream called Freaky Foot?

  • Deleted user 11 September 2016 17:18:42
    Maybe a large proportion of the bad guys could be dark chocolate Magnums
  • askew 11 Sep 2016 17:57:39 15,582 posts
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    Is this a new Stefansen production?
  • GrandpaUlrira 11 Sep 2016 18:10:21 3,794 posts
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    Post deleted
  • askew 11 Sep 2016 18:37:28 15,582 posts
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    BinaryBob101 wrote:
    Stefansen 2.0
    I should have read the thread.
  • mrpon 11 Sep 2016 18:38:03 33,730 posts
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    I always wanna dig out a retro Zelda whenever Grandpa posts.
  • BinaryBob101 11 Sep 2016 19:36:31 26,502 posts
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    Rodimus-Prime wrote:
    I particularly like the idea of Ice Poles...
    Don't you think this might be a bit on the nose? Possibly lack a little subtlety?
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 11 Sep 2016 19:39:57 11,070 posts
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    I can draw. If you make it so every panel references a blimp in some way I'll do it for free.
  • FuzzyDucky 11 Sep 2016 19:44:45 2,587 posts
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    Will you shit the bed if in 30 years time Platinumgames make a title based on it with really tight gameplay but use Magnum's peanut butter colours instead of his OG choc look?
  • neilka 11 Sep 2016 19:46:40 20,606 posts
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    Are you open to the idea of celebrity cameos?

  • Rodimus-Prime 11 Sep 2016 19:48:06 245 posts
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    Decks wrote:
    I can draw. If you make it so every panel references a blimp in some way I'll do it for free.
    Okay. So what if in the first panel when the main guy gets locked in his freezer and has his ice cream van firebombed... just before he is attacked he looks at his brand new ice cream man equipment and says 'i can feel it - this is going to be a good year'.

    BinaryBob101 wrote:
    Rodimus-Prime wrote:
    I particularly like the idea of Ice Poles...
    Don't you think this might be a bit on the nose? Possibly lack a little subtlety?
    Oh, it definitely is. It's true that it lacks the nuance and complexity of my using a tub of neopolitan ice cream as a metaphor for segregation... but as a one-panel joke, i think it could be pretty good.
  • Rodimus-Prime 11 Sep 2016 19:51:33 245 posts
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    Yes on the celebrity cameos thing

    FuzzyDucky wrote:
    Will you shit the bed if in 30 years time Platinumgames make a title based on it with really tight gameplay but use Magnum's peanut butter colours instead of his OG choc look?
    I wouldn't sell them the rights to make a video game based on my work. I'd give the license to High Moon for free though... as they have proven themselves much more adept at capturing the essence of an intellectual property and recreating it in game form for true fans.
  • FuzzyDucky 11 Sep 2016 19:55:14 2,587 posts
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    Rodimus-Prime wrote:
    Yes on the celebrity cameos thing

    FuzzyDucky wrote:
    Will you shit the bed if in 30 years time Platinumgames make a title based on it with really tight gameplay but use Magnum's peanut butter colours instead of his OG choc look?
    I wouldn't sell them the rights to make a video game based on my work. I'd give the license to High Moon for free though... as they have proven themselves much more adept at capturing the essence of an intellectual property and recreating it in game form for true fans.
    I believe the kids these days say "LOL".
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