Alice: Madness Returns Review

By Quintin Smith Published 14 June, 2011

Stuff it back down the rabbit hole.

Version tested: Xbox 360

All is not right in Wonderland. The Mad Hatter's domain has become a Communist industrial complex, where giant, living, unblinking teapots have been repurposed as parts of a rickety production line. The Walrus and the Carpenter have taken to performing in a slutty undersea cabaret that hides a gory secret. Worst of all, a massive train shaped like a cathedral on wheels is thundering through the world, leaving destruction and lakes of leathery tar in its wake.

No, sorry, I got that wrong. Worst of all is that exploring Wonderland is, in practice, about as full of wonder as watching paint dry. Paint the colour of blood and dreams, but paint nonetheless.

The first American McGee's Alice, released all the way back in the year 2000, was a passable platformer that was hoisted up and carried by its twisted Wonderland setting. The game asked, if Wonderland represents Alice's imagination and psyche, what would happen if Alice went mad?

And so it told the grim story of Alice's family dying in a fire, and the poor girl continuing to hallucinate from inside a Victorian mental asylum. At the end, Alice quite literally hunted down and murdered her own madness and was released from the real-world asylum.

Alice: Madness Returns sees Alice wandering through the streets of London and continuing to hallucinate, and a terrible evil arising in her mind once again. It's an evil that makes a little less sense this time around, but to say any more would be to spoil some of what little there is to be spoiled in this game. Madness Returns has a lot of problems, but they can all be summarised in a suitably nonsensical way: this game is nowhere near mad enough, and it's also not quite sane enough.

Let's start with the latter: it not being sane and sensible enough.

Simply put, this is just not a great example of ordinary, tried-and-tested game design. Each level of Madness Returns is broadly split into platforming segments, puzzles and combat. The level design of the platforming sections is fine, in the sense that you can and will jump from one floating platform to another without clipping through the floor, but it's mostly uninspired. Similarly, the puzzles are of that sad breed where they don't involve any actual brainpower - you'll find a lever or button, use it, and it will open up a new path through the level that will speed you onwards.

There are plenty of tiny, hidden side paths throughout each level that reward curious players, but the rewards often aren't worth the time spent traipsing to get them. You might find a 'Memory', representing a tiny scrap of dialogue from Alice's history, and you'll probably find an arbitrary number of the teeth used to pay for weapon upgrades that may or may not justify your time spent getting to them. Weirdest of all, you might find one of the game's hundreds of bottles. I collected these with the eagerness of a boy scout until I realised that they served no purpose at all.

Where Madness Returns does shine is in its combat, which offers polished, weighty action that can be tremendously rewarding on those occasions when you emerge from a crowd of enemies without a scratch.

Each of Alice's weapons, which range from a Pepper Pot gatling gun to a deflective umbrella, is mapped to a different button. And while each fight is only ever as complicated as using the right weapon on the right enemy at the right time, things can get tense once you've got several different enemies all circling you. In what is either an homage to or a blatant theft from Bayonetta, Alice actually dodges by morphing into a cloud of butterflies, accompanied by a bit of slo-mo if you dodge at the last second.

As a whole, the game is a sober example of design, but one that still isn't practical enough to realise that platforming means more than arranging platforms in a line. Then we have the other problem - it not being mad enough.

The original American McGee's Alice wasn't such a great a game either, but the setting gave it momentum. The setting rewarded you for each underwhelming jumping segment, fight or puzzle with a new and monstrous re-invention of a familiar character, or a new locale, weapon, surprise or cut-scene.

American McGee's Alice even had what's still my favourite weapon in any game ever. The Blunderbuss was a pantomime gun of such absurd power that when you pulled the trigger the apocalyptic blast of shrapnel would kill everything in your field of vision.

As much as Alice: Madness Returns follows in the original game's footsteps, it has none of that unhinged generosity. Your reward for finishing another rubbish jumping segment is, more often than not, yet another rubbish jumping segment.

While Madness Returns looks thrilling in screens and trailers, what you're seeing there is almost all of the assets that the game has to offer (you're also seeing the PC version, which is slightly prettier than the console versions). Those are the environments that you'll see, repurposed and arranged in different ways, for hours on end.

With its ostensibly wondrous setting, this game should have felt like a celebration of creativity. Instead it feels cynical and even cheap, as if it were the official game of a Hollywood movie that was never made. The strangest thing about this is that there's probably almost enough content here to make for a pacey and surprising 12-hour game - but it's all spread out over 22 hours instead, making the game's title irritatingly apt.

Madness Returns? You bet it does. Those same sodding art assets, set-pieces and enemies return to you over and over again, like undercooked bits of food that aren't content to sit in your stomach. The amount of padding in this game is absolutely bizarre. If you didn't think duelling a teapot with an eye could get boring, this game will teach you otherwise. It will teach you to hate teapots with eyes. And then it will keep you behind after class to fight multiple teapots with eyes in a dozen slightly different arenas.

On the plus side, the game gives you a Tea-Pot Cannon. And a whopping four other weapons.

One area where Madness Returns does try to innovate is in the brief, linear stretches of Victorian London you wander through before Alice lapses back into her fantasy world. While nothing at all happens in these short levels, you can see that the mundane objects that Alice is exposed to in real life shape the hours-long chapter of Wonderland that you're about to play through. A fish frozen in a block of ice down by the docks will make an appearance in Wonderland as a new enemy, for example. A brief glance at the East Asian art belonging to Alice's lawyer even turns into a world made entirely of asian art, with Alice climbing a jade mountain and battling samurai wasps.

It's a nice idea, but like the rest of the game, it falls into disrepair after Madness Returns' opening few hours. The further you push into the game, the more the ideas feel hollow, unfinished and unloved.

If you are in love with the look and theme of this game, it is in no way inconceivable that you could happily go frolicking and slashing your way through it in a relaxed, mindless kind of way. Everybody else should look elsewhere for their moody thrills. Alice? Let me tell you - she's got problems.

5 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Quintin.

About Quintin Smith

Read more articles from Quintin by visiting the Quintin Smith archive page.

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Comments (118) Latest comment 4 months ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • lolercopter #1 8 months ago

    Better than Duke then?

  • LFace #2 8 months ago

    What isnt ?

  • rodpad #3 8 months ago

    David Cameron.

  • metalangel #4 8 months ago

    Dammit, I think I am in love with the look and theme of the game. What to do?

  • styles_dg #5 8 months ago

    Considering EG's pathetically biased review standards, I'd bet $50 this game is actually quite fun. Maybe I'm wrong, but the odds are against Eurogamer.

    Edit: Whoops! Looks like I hit a nerve with the EG fanboys!
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 09:48

  • Bulbatron #6 8 months ago

    Ouch.

    Was planning to get this from GAME this Friday. I have a Ł10 game voucher. Now I don't know whether to use it or save it.

  • MENTAL1ST Verified Senior Software Engineer, Picsel UK Ltd. #7 8 months ago

    It's such a shame that American McGee's games never match up to their conceptual promise. But after the first Alice was a bit disappointingly average, then Bad Day LA was too, there was a certain inevitability about this score.

  • frostcircus #8 8 months ago

    2011 is where decade-old franchises come to die

  • DDevil #9 8 months ago

    I still don't get why people look forward to American McGee games. They always have interesting concepts but end up sucking. Every. Single. Time.

  • -cerberus- #10 8 months ago

    Games like this happen to be my cup of tea, so I'll enjoy it regardless.

  • geox30 #11 8 months ago

    It's not just EG,the game actually sucks.Shame though,I have lovely memories from the first one..

  • Icebox #12 8 months ago

    This looked incredibly bland and derivative from the preview videos so I'm not surprised.

  • GreyScale #13 8 months ago

    I had a feeling this was going to be mediocre. Hopefully lots of people will also play the first game, realise how annoying and shallow it was, and the rose tinted glasses can finally come off...

  • RodHull #14 8 months ago

    It puzzles me why Mr McGee gets his moniker in front of games. What precisely has he developed of merit? You don't get Miyamato or Schaffer "presents" games, and they'd probably deserve this form of promotion a lot more.

  • the_dudefather #15 8 months ago

    More like Alice: Blandness returns amirite?

  • AliRay #16 8 months ago

    I still love the look and the idea of this game (It's just nice to have a game that's not an FPS based in New York). I'll wait til it drops in price a bit, then swoop in.

  • ZizouFC #17 8 months ago

    Can't read the text overlapping the video on the second page.

  • andywilkie35 #18 8 months ago

    Sounds like a potential game to get when it's around a tenner in a month or so.

  • MENTAL1ST Verified Senior Software Engineer, Picsel UK Ltd. #19 8 months ago

    What precisely has he developed of merit?

    Doom and Quake at iD. He and Jon Romero have been dining out on those for years.

    Edit: Carmack, too, for that matter, I don't rate anything iD have done since Return to Castle Wolfenstein, although I await Rage with interest.
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 09:32

  • clarkwgriswold #20 8 months ago

    It looks like whatever goodwill there was left towards Mr Mcgee is running out. Shame - conceptually great, flawed execution every time.

  • MattEdWithCheese #21 8 months ago

    still buying, disagreed with many EG reviews before, in fact my two favourite games of last year; Fragile Dreams and NieR both got terrible reviews, this looks like it'll be another one of those! In the unlikely event Child of Eden gets a bad review here, I'll still buy that too!

  • RobotRocker #22 8 months ago

    Proving that Chinese Sweatshop studio's ain't the way forward either, then.

  • Der_tolle_Emil #23 8 months ago

    Aw, too bad.

    Well, I will probably still get it a few weeks down the line when I am done with L.A. Noire. This and Duke might make for a nice change every once in a while.

  • HurbleBurble #24 8 months ago

    Good stuff, glad we got that out of the way. Maybe now we can get over the disappointing hype and pretension machine that is Mr. McGee - who has his name on this for no good reason other than he once designed some Doom levels - and get on with the rest of our lives uninterrupted.

  • SnowmanRR #25 8 months ago

    still interested after the review, beginning not to take any notice of EGs reviews these days and most intrested in the comments thread which usually gives a more accurate impression of the game. EG gave DNF 3/10 but I'm having a lot of fun playing through that at the moment, whats wrong with a bit of mindless retro fun, defo better than a 3/10....and for that reason I'm most likely going to enjoy this but will wait until its in the bargin bin.

  • Der_tolle_Emil #26 8 months ago

    @DDevil: I still don't get why people look forward to American McGee games. They always have interesting concepts but end up sucking. Every. Single. Time.

    That is somewhat true but I still enjoy them for what they are. For me personally it just shows how badly the industry needs new ideas because even games that fail on many levels are often times more fun to play just because they have a different concept.

  • DAN.E.B #27 8 months ago

    Alice?
    ... Alice?
    ..... who the f**k is Alice?

  • BloodSaint #28 8 months ago

    I can't agree with this review... Seems more like the writer's opinion and personal dislike towards the game itself rather than a profesional review... Im still getting this, art style looks lovely gameplay seems quite exhilarating and more importantly it innovates.

  • Deoden #29 8 months ago

    Agh, Google's going through one of it's intermittent hissy fits here in China so I can't check, but IGN's review said that the original game comes with this. Is this true?

  • Max_Powers #30 8 months ago

    The art direction for this game always screamed DeviantArt fan art to me.

  • jambii267 #31 8 months ago

    Yes, If you buy it new.

  • lolercopter #32 8 months ago

    @Deoden - Apparently yes, I wonder if it's in the disc though, as its achievements appear to be shared with Madness'.
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 10:16

  • darkmorgado #33 8 months ago

    @Deoden

    Yeah it does.

  • thesonglessbird #34 8 months ago

    Think I might chance it. Metacritic reviews are between 70 and 78 so far (granted, there's only 3 at the moment). The inclusion of the original game is the deal breaker really though.

    Edit: Oh, I'm a spacker. 5 review, 50-78. Point still stands though.
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 10:20

  • Ferral #35 8 months ago

    You get the origional with the 360 and PS3 versions of the game. Dont know why they didnt include it with the PC version, my PC discs are knackered, think it has happened when they were in the garage, not a mark on them but the drive wont read them anymore unfortunately.

    The first game did go on for way to long also at times, padded out with overly long levels with jumping sections or constant combat, puzzles wernt obscure, just hit a switch, kill something or whatever similar. I still enjoyed the setting though and got through it over a few days.

    Think I will be grabbing this one just for the setting alone, if it plays in the same way as the first game I will be happy enough with it and probably get enjoyment from my purchase

  • sega #36 8 months ago

    Goddamit - this is another game I was looking forward to. Not because it's an American McGee game (whoever he is) but I just think it looks interesting. This and Duke Nukem Forever were top of my most wanted list (it's a short list) so it's disappointing to hear they're both crap. However based on videos I've seen of them both, I think there's enough in them to keep me interested - unless anyone can seriously tell me that's going to be a big mistake...

  • randyronald #37 8 months ago

    @Mentalist(air)

    I'd say ID started sucking before RtCW, personally. Rage will be no different.

  • thedriffter50 #38 8 months ago

    What is it with the Eurogamer hate ? You don't like their reviews then don't read them. Simple.

  • Deoden #39 8 months ago

    Cheers guys :) Wonder why Quinns didn't mention it in the review. Certainly makes the padding even more unnecessary. As Ferral noted, neither games is exactly short on content. Then again, someone egomaniacal enough to put his name in the title of the game might have a problem with editors.

  • jimjiber #40 8 months ago

    American McGee is basically Peter Molyneux with a funny(er) name. Master of hype, purveyor of tripe.

  • BartsBlue #41 8 months ago

    @MattEdWithCheese:
    I hear you. I have been discouraged from buying NieR by reviewers, but the word on the internets is that it is quite good, actually. Will have to investigate the other game you mentioned, too.

    @meritum
    I really liked the first Alice -loved the setting and mood, but gameplay was so-so. This time I am curious to play the sequel, as it emanates this similar weirdness, but I have so many good games stacked, that I simply do not have the time. I might get it when it hits the bargain bins, which, judging by reviews, it will.

  • Shinetop #42 8 months ago

    You don't get Miyamato or Schaffer "presents" games, and they'd probably deserve this form of promotion a lot more.

    Actually, Tim Schafer gets his name on the cover. Something along the lines of "A TIM SCHAFER GAME" next to the title.

    Also, if I recall correctly, American McGee once mentioned in an interview that he was kind of embarrassed about his name being part of the title, because he felt the rest of the team deserved mention just as much. Apparently it was more a publisher-driven thing than his choice.

  • figaro7 #43 8 months ago

    A 3d action platformer that goes for 22 hours and repetitive? No thanks.

  • misho8723 #44 8 months ago

    I liked the first one in 2000, and a 5/10 isn't bad score. I love the art style and the fight system, so i going to get this.

  • TheSnotGoblin #45 8 months ago

    I can't agree with this review... Seems more like the writer's opinion and personal dislike towards the game itself rather than a profesional review...

    Ha!

    What?

  • Subdominator #46 8 months ago

    The problem (with Romero and McGee) is: Great level designers don't make great game designers.

  • Golgo #47 8 months ago

    American McGee wishes he was Tim Burton so bad it hurts.

  • LosCapitan #48 8 months ago

    I have to agree with BloodSaint: this review reads a LOT like a writer's opinion.

  • metallicorphan #49 8 months ago

    every now and then a game comes long that no matter how bad the reviews are,i still want it,i decided long ago that i wanted this game...i know,i know it will be my own fault if i hate it,but i just love the style and look of this game,and with Alice 1 included,i still have to get this :)

  • estel #50 8 months ago

    I can't agree with this review... Seems more like the writer's opinion and personal dislike towards the game itself rather than a profesional review...

    All my favourite reviews are devoid of personal opinion too. Game reviewing is after all, in the words of Mary Poppins, Practically Objective in Every Way.

  • Dave_McCoy #51 8 months ago

    Shame about the score but I suppose a 5 is smack bang in the middle of the road. I was looking forward to this and will still probably get it. Having Alice 1 bundled in was a great idea, I never got round to finishing it.

    It'll be a lot of game for Ł25, which it'll probably be in 2 weeks.

  • Daeltaja #52 8 months ago

    What is it with poor game design these days? These middle-range titles really need to step it up if they want a future.

  • asphaltcowboy #53 8 months ago

    "I have to agree with BloodSaint: this review reads a LOT like a writer's opinion."

    @LosCapitan Well done! You have accurately surmised exactly what a review is! :)

  • CamberGreber #54 8 months ago

    Good Review.

    I have'nt played the game yet this reviewer conveyed the type of entertainment present in this title without imposeing his own bias, letting us decide for ourselves whether this sounded fun to us.

    I wish more reviewers took this approach.
    Some peoples bargain bin games are other peoples hidden gems.

  • EmiliasHorse #55 8 months ago

    Oh bugger I was really looking forward to this. I am gutted.

  • Ror1984 #56 8 months ago

    I've had it pre-ordered for a while, expected it to get reviews around the 6/10 level anyway, so this isn't going to put me off. As others have said, it'll be nice to play something a bit different, and I love the art style and setting.

    Also, mental goth chicks.

  • ObliviousTroll #57 8 months ago

    I'm still going to give this a go, when I think of all the games I would have missed out on if I took EG's reviews as gospel...

  • metalangel #58 8 months ago

    @Dave_McCoy: if only it was Ł25 instead of being mindlessly priced at full Ł37.99, I'd go buy it on my way home today.

  • aplsin #59 8 months ago

    Anyone know if this will be availible on steam?

  • lexxx #60 8 months ago

    What a real disappointment. I'm going to dig out that Alice in Wonderland DS game from last year instead.

  • digitalash #61 8 months ago

    "Stuff it back down the rabbit hole"? Seriously, EG, your puns are normally classier than that.

  • Xardan #62 8 months ago

    Ill take this over some bland FPS any day.

  • kupocake #63 8 months ago

    "Instead it feels cynical and even cheap, as if it were the official game of a Hollywood movie that was never made."
    According to Wikipedia, that seems quite likely.

    On the bright side, since Spicy Horse is now focusing on mobile games, McGee's protracted journey through the Jon Romero cycle has now come to an end.

  • WukWhiteWolf #64 8 months ago

    I think a 7 would be more like it, but it doesn't matter, still buying the game.

  • RodHull #65 8 months ago

    @TomNook

    I have a friend who empties the bins at Microsoft and apparently the next Xbox is not only going to be 37x more powerful than PS3 but will also serve as a source of perpetual energy and cure baldness. FACT!

  • frazzl #66 8 months ago

    The Gamespot review says that the game is 9 to 10 hours long in which case it would be a " pacey and surprising" title. So either Kevin VanOrd is lying, Quintin is lying, or Quintin is absolutely incompetent at playing this game. I reckon it's the latter :p.

  • metalangel #67 8 months ago

    @Tom Nook: That's by far the 'best' thing' I've read today. Much better than naming yourself after a Nintendo character despite being a rabid Xbox supporter. Do you see?

  • Darren #68 8 months ago

    I ordered this after watching some YouTube footage of the 360 version; I thought it looked really nice visually and something a little out of the ordinary. I'm a little disappointed to see that EG only gave it 5/10 as I was really looking forward to it; still am actually, as I think Duke Nukem Forever is really enjoyable on the PC and that only got 3/10. Alice: Madness Returns must be awesome then if it scored 20% higher? :p

    Seriously though, this can't be any worst that another dreary mee-too military/SF-themed shooter so it gets 2 extra marks for not being one of those!!!
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 15:28

  • Deoden #69 8 months ago

    @frazzl

    To be fair, Quintin did say that he spent too long exploring for tat. Stick to the main path and it'll probably clock in at around 15 hours, is my wildly speculative guess.

  • guernican #70 8 months ago

    @styles_dg, re "Whoops! Looks like I hit a nerve with the EG fanboys!"

    I suspect everything thinks you're a prick for persevering with a site you describe as "pathetically biased". I think the Mail on Sunday is unutterable shite, but I don't waste my time on its website telling it what a clunge it is. That would be pointless.

  • FortysixterUK #71 8 months ago

    Pre order cancelled simply based on this low review score.
    Eurogamer got it spot on with how crap Duke was, I'll start listening a bit more now.

  • HyperTails #72 8 months ago

    Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is one of my favourite books. Brilliant, and if you haven't read it, you just have to. Funny, well written, and Alice is just such a brilliant character (some of her conversations are hilarious).

    I never played Alice on PC. I wanted this game so badly, due to my love of the book. But even though I wanted it, there was always something at the back of my mind telling me that this game is just desecrating a brilliant piece of Victorian literature. SOMETHING was nagging at the back of my mind. So yeah, I was going to get this, but cancelled my order just over a week ago after somehow, by the grace of god, grabbing that Mass Effect 2 'The Team' lithograph off the BioWare store (and paying through the nose for it in the process). So I decided to wait until I could afford it...

    That's two 5's i've read now. Has this game desecrated the book I love so much? Would Lewis Caroll be turning in his grave over this? One things for sure, I 'aint buying this now until i've played it.

  • talideon #73 8 months ago

    You see, you just don't get the real genius behind this game: American McGee is attempting to provide us with a source of unlimited free power. He's dug up Charles Lutwidge Dodgson's corpse, attached it to a dynamo, and it's now spinning at such a rate that by itself, it's capable of supplying power for all of Belgium.

    Pure genius!

    Edit: Damn it! My joke's partly ruined by its proximity to HyperTails' comment.
    Edited by 1 at 14/06/11 @ 16:13

  • -cerberus- #74 8 months ago

    @talideon #77: For all of Belgium?! Damn it! And I just installed a couple of bloody solar panels on my roof! Never a break...

  • cowell #75 8 months ago

    One to pick up in the sales then. Backlog and mediocre score prevents me from paying full price

  • ghostgate2001 #76 8 months ago

    Some learned opinion on the quality of the 360/PS3 ports of the original game would be welcome...

    Always meant to play the original game but never got around to it, so I'm as interested in the original as I am in the sequel. Let's not forget that the original game is currently going for around Ł20 pre-owned, or Ł100 new. So, for people like me who never played the original, having the original game included alongside the sequel represents some considerable extra value. Full-version original games included with sequels is undeniably a Very Good Thing and to be encouraged, surely?

    The review seems to presume that we all played the original back in the day and therefore inclusion of the original game as a "freebie" isn't even worth a mention, let alone factoring into the final review score for the package as a whole. Beg to differ there. A lot of us would effectively be getting 2 games for the price of 1 by buying this, so surely that should have SOME bearing on the score - especially as the reviewer repeatedly suggests that the original game is the better of the two?

  • kongzi #77 8 months ago

    it looks overdesigned visually and underdesigned technically.

  • ToAks #78 8 months ago

    it looks fantastic so i am getting it anyway.
    but it must wait as ihave a backlog of like 20games by now....

  • KDR_11k #79 8 months ago

    Teeth as currency? It's an orky game then.

  • darc #80 8 months ago

    "Instead it feels cynical and even cheap, as if it were the official game of a Hollywood movie that was never made."

    You could have simply said "EA".

  • Bander #81 8 months ago

    Got to agree that finding Nier at a price low enough to offset the doubt of the weak reviews has provided one of the best gaming experiences I've had this year.

    Graphics were crap and the optional quests appear to largely be a waste of time. But ignoring the quests (because you can), it was still a very fun game that managed to be both darker than a regular J-RPG and very humorous at the same time, often mocking video game conventions in the process. It also boasted a lot of variety in the gameplay and a great deal of freedom to do your own thing. It ended up being the first RPG that I played through to the end in several years. Sadly the makers Cavia have since disbanded, probably due to the game being a flop at retail. I rather regret not being able to contribute to the developers sooner, but I usually don't get on very well with RPGs these days and of course the reviews were bad.

  • MeBrains #82 8 months ago

    Pass the crystal spread the Tarot
    In illusion comfort lies
    The safest way the straight and narrow
    No confusion no surprise

    @ this score.

    Why does (almost) every game needs to be dark, bloody and nigh evil these days?

  • Collymilad #83 8 months ago

    @styles_dg

    Nah, you're just talking shite.

  • DarthMartious #84 8 months ago

    This should come as no surprise to anyone who played American McGee's Alice. Here's a dingbat that explains it, see if you can work it out:

    STYLE
    SUBSTANCE

  • DarthMartious #85 8 months ago

    LOL @BloodSaint and @LosCaptain.

    Seriously, guys, I'm having uncontrollable fits of laughter here. WTF do you think a review is if it isn't a writer's personal point of view?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHA [gasp for breath] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA & etc.

  • jimr9999us #86 8 months ago

    another example of a decade old ip not holding up. time to let the nostalgia go folks.

  • DarthMartious #87 8 months ago

    I thought my hilarity gland couldn't take much more - and then TomNook turns up with some pure comedy gold!

  • Lord_Gremlin #88 8 months ago

    It makes me a sad panda.

  • Pikol #89 8 months ago

    Oh fuck no :( I've waited for this with anticipation D;

  • Pikol #90 8 months ago

    Oh fuck no :( I've waited for this with anticipation D;

  • DawnrazorDCLXVI #91 8 months ago

    Not surprising. Original game got reviews all over the board, too. Flawed but a gem, if you like cinematic art and inspiring twisted psychology. 20 exclusives this year, game will drop to $35 by September, worth it, but wait. Original game alone is worth the price if you're even 1% artist on the inside. Funny, they criticise this, but not Mario or Zelda where it clearly pulled ideas from...

  • DrMGinius #92 8 months ago

    "Darker and edgier" rarely delivers anything good.

  • lostlain #93 8 months ago

    @bloodshot:
    "I can't agree with this review... Seems more like the writer's opinion and personal dislike towards the game itself rather than a profesional review... Im still getting this, art style looks lovely gameplay seems quite exhilarating and more importantly it innovates."

    Eh? A review is personal opinion! We come here to read other peoples personal opinion!!

  • addugg #94 8 months ago

    Gutted! Oh well I'm sure when it's half prie (in a month) it'll be worth every penny.

    Btw, why don't reviewers have a section where they state how much the game is worth? Just an idea.

  • StooMonster #95 8 months ago

    I quite fancied this, even with low score from EG and others.

    But seeing as it's an Origin Exclusive I'm not going to bother.

  • kerrang #96 8 months ago

    what a terrible review. 5/10? are you kidding.
    the game is easily above 8 imo.
    Edited by 1 at 15/06/11 @ 09:52

  • PixelPirate #97 8 months ago

    No no no you have mis-understood your character TomNook, there are no trolls in Animal Crossing.

    You should be selling stuff, like all the spamm.....WAIT... I know who is behind all the spam on the EG boards!

    //case closed.

  • HyperTails #98 8 months ago

    Actually, screw it, i'm getting it on Friday. I've waited too long for this game to come out to have a 5/10 influence my decision.

    Hurry up time! Move your ass!

  • kirankara #99 8 months ago

    Tomnook may be a total funt but by all accounts the 360 version is notably better, with ps3 version having some missing detail in environments and some low res textures in them too, it is based on ue3 engine after all.other than that , they supposed to be the same. Its supposed to be ok performance wise , if anyone on ps3 worried and thinking of getting it.

  • rayscoota #100 8 months ago

    I wonder what a Eurogamer created game would score in the real world? oh sorry they only write crap reviews and are talentless at that too duke 7.5/10 Alice 8/10 eurogamer 1/10 (could go lower).

  • Inmediasress #101 8 months ago

    This game should have a 7/10 alone for the art style it's like Silent hill vs Powerpuff girls.
    Anyway what else do you want in a game it has puzzle elments it has platforming and also combat and at least on the PC it runs fine.
    Definitely not boring!

  • gamecubeisbest #102 8 months ago

    5/10 ? At least its not another shooter. Will probably buy tomorrow.

  • HyperTails #103 8 months ago

    Just bought this, and its brilliant so far, absolutly loving it. They've got Alice's personality from the books right, and the art style is brilliant. Graphics are good as well... yeah, a bit of low textures that aren't a problem.

    5/10 my arse!

  • MrTeatime #104 8 months ago

    Post deleted at 09:59:18 03-01-2012

  • metallicorphan #105 8 months ago

    gotta agree with MrTeatime-i am really liking this game,i played through the first game and that took about 10 hrs,then i went onto Alice 2 and was blown away,it looks incredible,Chapter 1 which i have just finished took about 5 hrs and it has been just right(playing on normal)some things are easy,some things are puzzling to work out but loving it none the less...EG definitely got this wrong
    Edited by 1 at 20/06/11 @ 03:33

  • m0thr4 #106 8 months ago

    "If you are in love with the look and theme of this game, it is in no way inconceivable that you could happily go frolicking and slashing your way through it in a relaxed, mindless kind of way."

    Count me in then! :-)

  • Bluetooth #107 8 months ago

    Sorry but this review is bollocks, especially when you consider that Eurogamer rewards shit like homefront with a higher score than Alice.


    Sure it has issues like pacing and textures in places, but I honestly think Alice is probably the best game ive played this year. To reward insipid, uninspired trash like homefront with a higher score than a game like Alice which, even with its problems considered, still shits on 99% of games when it comes to imagination...I'd rather play an imaginative game like Alice which tries its best to be inventive and inspire the player with new enemies and locations at every turn than something as bland as homefront which just copy and pastes modern warfare.

    It's a tragedy that Spicy Horse and American McGee are relegating themselves to crappy facebook shovelware games when they proved that with a tiny budget and fuck alll marketing they can make games like this.

  • EmiliasHorse #108 8 months ago

    I sat down with this last night for a quick play before bed, 3 hours later I forced myself away from the TV. Loved the first one and this is even better.

  • MrTeatime #109 8 months ago

    Post deleted at 09:59:18 03-01-2012

  • grover #110 8 months ago

    I'm hugely impressed by the graphics on this, but the game is basically terrible. You can't design a 3D-platformer like a linear FPS and expect any joy. It becomes incredibly boring almost immediately. The combat is so bad I don't know where to begin!

    It's tragic to see Alice trussed up like some dickhead's sleezy idea of teenage sex every time you get to a new level. Basically, if you're the kindof person who thinks Carroll's Alice books need to be reimagined by sexless Evanescence fans who don't like platform games, this is for you. Otherwise Mario Galaxy is pretty good.
    Edited by 2 at 23/06/11 @ 20:58

  • webcider #111 8 months ago

    "You can't design a 3D-platformer like a linear FPS and expect any joy. It becomes incredibly boring almost immediately. The combat is so bad I don't know where to begin! "

    lol FPS O_o
    Seriously that statement is so wrong or you just don't like zelda games.

  • trip919 #112 8 months ago

    Sounds fucking dire.

  • An1m4l #113 8 months ago

    another shitstain of a review from EG. The most imaginative game of the year get a 5/10 and HURR DURR YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF YOURE A RETARD. And then proving how inconsistent they are by giving el shaddai, a game thats known for having flawed gameplay and a great artsyle 9/10. I wonder why? Maybe is Alice was 'a Suda51 joint' and not American McGee its get 9/10. Alice is the best game ive played this year, and Quintin Smith is a cunt

  • grover #114 8 months ago

    @webcider

    You think Zelda is structured like a modern, linear FPS?! Both Alice games have been - probably because of their PC provenance.

  • webcider #115 8 months ago

    @grover

    The game is as much linear in progression as Psychonauts was unless you just want to hate everygame that isn't Open World or RPG*s seriously the game is just Platformer in Platformers you beat levels, and to variate the game they choose to put some interesting combat in which varies through the whole game.

    I really don't get your way of thinking. This game has zero to do with FPS structure.
    Edited by 1 at 26/06/11 @ 12:43

  • grover #116 8 months ago

    I make the FPS point, webcider, just because of the structure and rhythm of the game - you're moving through environments that are largely there for decoration, hitting checkpoints, A to B. There is no exploration like there is in a Mario or Banjo Kazooie or whatever other 3D platformers have been decent!

    You cited Zelda, which is a good example of what Alice is definitely not. The joy of Zelda is being in a complicated, intricate level and stopping and thinking about how you can interact with it. Admittedly I only got through 4 hours or so of Madness Returns, but it wasn't even attempting anything like that.

    The graphics are beautiful, but they're just amazingly painted backdrops, there's no design there, as far as I could see.

    edit - I liked Psychonauts and that was definitely sortof linear in its level design, you're right. I'm sure that had hubs and much more engaging objectives and fun things to do though didn't it? I haven't played it for ages!
    Edited by 1 at 27/06/11 @ 16:47

  • Eraser #117 8 months ago

    What an atrocious review. I've played the game now and this review just completely misses the mark. The game is nowhere near as bad as the reviewer makes it out to be. The game is full of wonder and really shines in it's design.

  • UchihaMadara #118 4 months ago

    I'm sorry, but I have to say that, for me, this review is an insult. This is one of the best games I've ever played, and here are my points:
    - "It's an evil that makes a little less sense" - or maybe you just don't get it?
    - "the rewards often aren't worth the time spent traipsing to get them" - not true, the memories offer you part of your past. What could be more rewarding? 10 dollars? You certainly can't understand the essence of the game.
    - "Weirdest of all, you might find one of the game's hundreds of bottles. I collected these with the eagerness of a boy scout until I realised that they served no purpose at all." - perfectly wrong. Collect all of them in a chapter and get profiles about characters and concept art.
    - "And while each fight is only ever as complicated as using the right weapon on the right enemy at the right time, things can get tense once you've got several different enemies all circling you." - and what did you expect? For it to be easier when there are more enemies around? Okay, the lock-on is not perfect, but that doesn't mean it sucks.
    - "when you pulled the trigger the apocalyptic blast of shrapnel would kill everything in your field of vision." - this confirms that you just can't play well.
    - "Those same sodding art assets, set-pieces and enemies return to you over and over again, like undercooked bits of food that aren't content to sit in your stomach." - no, it's not like that, there aren't one thousand kinds of enemies, but there are surely enemy types enough.

    For me, it is a really great game, and 5/10 is surely underrated. Your opinion would be acceptable if it wasn't for:
    - The lack of skills of the reviewer;
    - The insulting way he talks;
    - The fact that he is very misinformed.

    You cannot make a review if you don't know the game well enough. For me, a fan of the theme and style, the game is awesome.
    I agree with Eraser.
    Edited by 1 at 17/10/11 @ 22:42