Does anyone still care who would win in a fight out of Aliens and Predator? They should stop churning out these films and diversify, perhaps with a six-part BBC1 sit-com. Imagine the pitch: "Ian Predator and Steve Aliens are two neighbours from very different backgrounds. They get on like chalk and cheese, but they learn to tolerate each other's differences through a series of hilarious misunderstandings." Sort of like Love Thy Neighbour. Hang on, that's the racist one. More like To the Manor Born.
This is the kind of thing that floats through your mind whilst playing Alien vs. Predator: Requiem for PSP. The game is so bland and formulaic it leaves enough brain-room for all sorts of things to pop in and say hello. It's not frustrating, it's not ugly, it's not difficult. Nor is it engaging, pretty or rewarding. It's so mediocre you need hardly any concentration to play, and next thing you know you've conjured an image of Penelope Keith as an Alien.
Those who do still care about the fight thing will be aware that the new Aliens vs. Predator movie is hitting cinemas next month. It must be good because in the trailer someone goes "F*** you" then blows up an alien. The videogame tie-in is a PSP exclusive. It's developed by Rebellion, the studio that brought us Miami Vice. As Kristan observed Miami Vice is "one of those games that's not bad, but nor is it ever that good". Aliens vs. Predator appears to have been built using the exact same engine, and the exact same statement applies.