Depression Page 109

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  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:09:02 27,269 posts
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    Jazzy_Geoff wrote:
    I've been through periods in my life where basically all I've done is sit around taking drugs and sleeping. Looking back I was seriously losing it. Not depressed but just...nothing worth getting out of bed for, days all merge into one, going to bed at 6am, getting up at 6pm, never seeing the sun for weeks at a time, massive blackouts containing periods of behaving very strangely that I didn't find out about until years later...

    You're a young man, move out of your house in the shithole arse end of the East Midlands and move to somewhere that isn't an employment black spot populated by unambitious wasters and scum. Get up at 7am every day. Maybe get a bike or something.

    Honestly I'd be depressed if I was doing what you're doing and I don't mean that in an insulting way. You're stuck in a rut.
    Was that addressed at me, or has someone on my ignore list posted something?

    Been a long while since I considered myself a young man if you were talking to me...

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deleted user 3 February 2013 00:09:56
    As I've now moved to part time work I'm finding myself going a bit stir crazy with the free time. So much I could be doing of course but instead I'm doing absolutely nothing. Days start to blend etc. Have another part time job I should be starting soon if only to fill in the time a bit.
  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 00:10:03 6,836 posts
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    How old are you, then?

    Edit: @dm

    Edited by dominalien at 00:10:30 03-02-2013

    PSN: DonOsito

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:13:11 27,269 posts
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    @dominalien

    Im 30 now. I've always considered "young" to stop when you leave your early-mid twenties.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • localnotail 3 Feb 2013 00:13:42 23,093 posts
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    @darkmorgado Going for a walk / run / swimming / cycling would be better than running up & down the stairs or frantic housework. Getting out of the house can be extremely hard at such times but it is good for you, honest. Headphones help. Music helps. Physical activity in a place outside your 4 walls can bring peace.

    I have felt the overwhelming panic you speak of, and in my case it was usually because I was thinking too much and not doing enough. Try to restore the balance. Give yourself a break.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 00:17:43 6,836 posts
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    @darkmorgado

    Yeah, ok. 30 is a respectable age.

    That said, I'd kill to be 30 again. Wasted years, all of them.

    And local is right. It's the getting out of the house that counts. I tend to hate other people and dread having any relations with them (not like a relationship, just talking to somebody usually fills me with loathing), but find them necessary to being able to fall asleep at night.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:21:09 27,269 posts
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    @localnotail

    Ive been listening to a LOT of music recently. And not the heavy stuff - a lot of ambient stuff, classical, videogame soundtracks. I find the Fez soundtrack very calming, for instance, so been listening to that a lot.

    The oh took me into town yesterday (erm, well friday?) afternoon. But the second we left our cul de sac I just felt severely panicky. Didnt feel better until we got home a couple of hours later.

    I don't even go to the supermarket now, I just order online because the second I leave the house I just get this horrible fear. I have a feeling, and it's just a feeling, that it might be linked to something/someone from a few years ago which i never really "dealt" with, just locked away in a little bit of my head. I dont know. It's almost as bad trying to work out what has caused this all as it is actually feeling like it.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:24:57 27,269 posts
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    dominalien wrote:
    @darkmorgado

    Yeah, ok. 30 is a respectable age.

    That said, I'd kill to be 30 again. Wasted years, all of them.

    And local is right. It's the getting out of the house that counts. I tend to hate other people and dread having any relations with them (not like a relationship, just talking to somebody usually fills me with loathing), but find them necessary to being able to fall asleep at night.
    Well as I said in my earlier post, I think the OH is trying to get people to come around the house and say hello. And it does cheer me up for a bit. I don't talk to them about how im feeling though, because i don't want to be the guy that burdens their friends with their problems because people always have their own stuff that theyre going through. So when someone asks "how are you?", im normally the person (unless its a couple pf very, very close friends) that says "yeah im ok, how are things with you?". I was always taught that it's impolite to share your problems with others in your company.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 00:25:17 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:26:44 27,269 posts
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    @localnotail

    Thank you so much btw... Its nice to see people actually giving nice, well-meaning advice. And i mean that.

    Obviously i have always thought that you have never had any malicious intent, but you have my thanks anyway. It really is appreciated.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 00:29:25 6,836 posts
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    "Impolite" is one way of putting it. "They don't care, so why bother" is probably closer to the truth. I don't know about your society, but in mine, it's getting closer and closer to the American way of telling what you really think only to your therapist, because at least they're getting paid to listen to your bullshit.

    And by "your" I mean mine and everyone else's.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:32:03 27,269 posts
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    dominalien wrote:
    "Impolite" is one way of putting it. "They don't care, so why bother" is probably closer to the truth. I don't know about your society, but in mine, it's getting closer and closer to the American way of telling what you really think only to your therapist, because at least they're getting paid to listen to your bullshit.

    And by "your" I mean mine and everyone else's.
    I think you're replying to a pm there, but yeah, i know what you mean.

    It might be part of the whole "stiff upper lip" english thing maybe.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • localnotail 3 Feb 2013 00:32:32 23,093 posts
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    Mine turned out to be a fear of being responsible for my own life and how it hadn't turned out the way I felt it should've, coupled with a total inability to perceive how I could possibly be any other way.

    Almost a full decade of being an apparently helpless victim who couldn't cope with life, which was constantly overwhelming and far too much for me to cope with. The older I got, the worse it seemed to be, escalating me all the way to the point where I had to see a CPN and go to therapy every week. I didn't manage to do a full-time job until I was 31, even though I was smart enough to study medicine. I was absolutely convinced that I could not possibly cope with life, and my anxiety generated sabotage behaviour after sabotage behaviour to prove this point.

    Not everyone is me though.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • localnotail 3 Feb 2013 00:34:18 23,093 posts
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    I hope that is seen as well-meaning too - it is meant as such :)

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:39:37 27,269 posts
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    @localnotail

    Yeah, i get what you're saying! Like i said, never known you to be bitchy for the sake of it.

    I have wondered if a part of me has been deliverately sabotaging myself. But then like I said, you can make yourself even worse if you start getting obsessed with trying to find the reason behind why you feel like you do, because then you start second-guessing every little thing that has ever happened. Which is exactly what im doing now, to be fair. But it's hard not to analyse yourself sometimes.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Khanivor 3 Feb 2013 00:41:34 40,399 posts
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    Too much time to think will break your brain. Keep it occupied. A job is a good way of doing this.
  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 00:44:32 6,836 posts
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    darkmorgado wrote:
    dominalien wrote:
    "Impolite" is one way of putting it. "They don't care, so why bother" is probably closer to the truth. I don't know about your society, but in mine, it's getting closer and closer to the American way of telling what you really think only to your therapist, because at least they're getting paid to listen to your bullshit.

    And by "your" I mean mine and everyone else's.
    I think you're replying to a pm there, but yeah, i know what you mean.

    It might be part of the whole "stiff upper lip" english thing maybe.
    I actually wasn't. :-) That took a bit more thought than the random stuff I post out in the open.

    I just generally find people tend to care not at all about other peoples' problems, since they generally have so many of their own.

    Edit: proof-reading ftw. "Generally" is such a beautiful word.

    Edited by dominalien at 00:46:20 03-02-2013

    PSN: DonOsito

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:53:15 27,269 posts
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    dominalien wrote:
    I just generally find people tend to care not at all about other peoples' problems, since they generally have so many of their own.
    Yeah, and i try to keep that in mind. It's one thing being open to total strangers on the internet. It's another thing entirely burdening your friends with your problems when you know they have problems of their own.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deleted user 3 February 2013 00:56:34
    This may have just be unique to my particular social circle in the UK, but the reason I didn't like talking things over with my mates when I was in a funk is that it usually became a competition of "who has the worst problems?". It was almost like Top Trumps, Clinical Depression beats Anxiety by three points, prescription for Zoloft trumps Prozac, etc.
  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 00:59:51 27,269 posts
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    meme wrote:
    This may have just be unique to my particular social circle in the UK, but the reason I didn't like talking things over with my mates when I was in a funk is that it usually became a competition of "who has the worst problems?". It was almost like Top Trumps, Clinical Depression beats Anxiety by three points, prescription for Zoloft trumps Prozac, etc.
    Yeah, another reason why I avoid it. It gets into this almost weird competition of "who has the worst problems". Which never turns out well.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 01:11:52 6,836 posts
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    darkmorgado wrote:
    meme wrote:
    This may have just be unique to my particular social circle in the UK, but the reason I didn't like talking things over with my mates when I was in a funk is that it usually became a competition of "who has the worst problems?". It was almost like Top Trumps, Clinical Depression beats Anxiety by three points, prescription for Zoloft trumps Prozac, etc.
    Yeah, another reason why I avoid it. It gets into this almost weird competition of "who has the worst problems". Which never turns out well.
    There's that, and then there are people who are doing SO WELL you'd rather put a bullet through your head than meet them and be told how great they are doing. I think there was an episode of IT Crowd along those lines. :-)

    PSN: DonOsito

  • Chopsen 3 Feb 2013 01:18:54 15,726 posts
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    People who endlessly go on about how awesome they are and how well things are going are probably doing it because they're compensating for their own anxieties and insecurities. It's nothing to do with you, really.

    darkmorgado wrote:
    meme wrote:
    This may have just be unique to my particular social circle in the UK, but the reason I didn't like talking things over with my mates when I was in a funk is that it usually became a competition of "who has the worst problems?". It was almost like Top Trumps, Clinical Depression beats Anxiety by three points, prescription for Zoloft trumps Prozac, etc.
    Yeah, another reason why I avoid it. It gets into this almost weird competition of "who has the worst problems". Which never turns out well.
    Which is kind of why I dislike this thread. There's a fine line between support and a self-reinforcing circlejerk.

    Edited by Chopsen at 01:19:23 03-02-2013
  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 01:34:41 27,269 posts
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    I don't dislike this thread personally.

    What I dislike, is that I have always considered it a sort of safe-haven because of how sensitive the subject matter is. And sometimes... well, you know.

    Maybe it would be better off being made a private group. But then I guess people wouldn't be able to find it if they needed to.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 01:35:28 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 01:53:53 27,269 posts
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    But anyway, thank you all, a lot, for your support and your input and your suggestions. It's a lot more than I was expecting, and probably a lot more than I deserve given the last few years, and you have my gratitude for that, honestly.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 01:54:24 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • romelpotter 3 Feb 2013 01:55:28 147 posts
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    I agree with the general sentiment that the brain needs to be kept occupied. The difficult thing is that the feelings that sometimes you get, overwhelms the understanding of what you need to do i.e. get out of the house, keep brain active etc.

    For me, I find very little to do where I live, its a nice area but nothing to do at all. I only have a few friends, they live 10 miles away or so, and I have only just reached a point where I can move on with my life. I live with my parents (im an 36 ffs) and I cant move out coz I own a flat, couldn't afford the rent, got into debt and moved back to the old folks. Since then I have tried to move out but my tennants fucked off owing me 3 months rent and I basically needed to then pay my rent, mortgage, petrol and living costs. I quickly went through the money I had saved and was forced to move back to my parents before I got back into debt. My flat was causing me a massive problem, I have owned it since 2005 and lived there for a grand total of 10 months.

    this was just one of the contributing factors that lead to my depression. There are many more that I am talking over with my councillor and its getting easier. I was being bullied at work but me being me, took the shit and tried to manage it, I failed and this lead to panic attacks and feelings of anxiety.

    I am now unemployed and claiming benefits and have been for 6 months, for 6 months before that I was claiming SSP.

    In 2011, in the space of two weeks, my mum got forced to retire early from her job of 20 years (in Library's), I got made redundant and my gran died. At the time I was managing it all ok (or so I thought) but on the anniversary of these events, I couldn't take it any more and I went to the doctor.

    Now I am planning to start my own business (something that I have wanted to do for ages) and with the support of my councillor, working through my issues. I have no idea if the medication is working, it seems to be but I am scared to drop from the 150mg Seretaline in case I go backwards.


    Everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another. I can say though that I understand that if I am allowed to dwell on things, I get worse. If I can keep my head clear of stuff then its better.

    DM only you know how your feeling, there are others that share similar problems but its your problem to manage. Take small steps towards a goal, make them as small as you need them to be. Give yourself reward when you make those steps and understand that if you don't do as well as you hope, then nothing changes and you start again.

    The best thing that you need is to have support from the people around you, people that understand when you need to be alone, and can engage with you when you feel like it. It seems that you have this (although I can't be sure) which is really cool because it allows you to focus on getting things right in your life, that makes stuff easier to handle.


    Not sure if this makes any sense?? But I hope you can take meaning from it.
  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 02:06:10 27,269 posts
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    this is going to sound very strange, and possibly rather trite, but so much of what you have just said is a huge parallel to my last year. My gran died last May (that's her in my profile pic, 3 weeks before she left us), a housemate seriously fucked me over and cost me thousands of pounds, I've found it a horrendous task trying to find a stable job and have had to take bits and bobs as they come up, which then makes you worry about being able to pay your way...

    Since my Omi died last year I've pretty much lived with the OH because of the state we came back to due to the previous lodger of mine, and the OH lives in a very isolated area, so now I don't really see my friends because very few of them drive. I still have my own place, but I've pretty much let the new lodger run it since last summer (I just go back every fortnight to check up on things as my bedroom is still my bedroom). During the day, I either do a few bits here and there if I have a small work contract, or I game, or I cook, or I do housework, or I do anything at all to keep my mind occupied. I have to be honest, it's a pretty good life I have (and I honestly don't mean that in a "my life is better than yours" way). Which is why this all has hit me so hard I think? I mean, if everything was falling apart, I could understand it, but it's not.

    Urgh. I have probably only even covered a third of what I was going to say, and I have already probably said waaaaaaay too much.

    My partner said something to me this evening (last night?) which just made me burst into tears. I was apologising for something I'd said in response to something he'd said, and he just said "it's ok, you just don't feel like yourself at the moment". And it just made me cry, because that's just it. I don't feel like "me" right now.

    But thank you romel. We're currently just trying to get through this, and we are firmly in "one step at a time" phase according to the OH (as in "let's just take this one step at a time, and we will get through this together" - I think some people on here have met my OH, like local has, but he really is my rock with a capital R). I don't know how quickly or how long he expects this to be dealt with, but I'm just going along with it for now. I'm terrified atm that my GP turns around and says I am not fit to work, because I have never, ever, been signed off in my life (well, I had an awful stomach bug when I was 18 but that was well over a decade ago so it barely counts) and nothing scares me more than not being able or fit to work. I have bigger fears around that too.

    But thanks to all of you. So often this forum can be a bit unpleasant, but I am really appreciative of the understnading you guys have shown here. Thank you so much x

    Edited by darkmorgado at 02:34:09 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 02:13:48 27,269 posts
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    I think I'm going to go silent on here for a bit and just read the news for a few weeks (optimistic maybe). Might be better for me, for everyone else, and just generally good all round.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 02:14:15 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • romelpotter 3 Feb 2013 02:26:27 147 posts
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    That is why this thread is good because it highlights that there are other people who have similar issues. I say normal but I am not sure that is what I mean, but its ok to feel that its not yourself right now. Its normal to feel strange in that context. Whats important is that you don't keep things locked away, trust in your OH to help when its right.

    I found that just typing my situation on here tonight has helped me understand it all a bit better, so thank you for helping me mate.
  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 02:35:01 27,269 posts
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    romelpotter wrote:
    That is why this thread is good because it highlights that there are other people who have similar issues. I say normal but I am not sure that is what I mean, but its ok to feel that its not yourself right now. Its normal to feel strange in that context. Whats important is that you don't keep things locked away, trust in your OH to help when its right.

    I found that just typing my situation on here tonight has helped me understand it all a bit better, so thank you for helping me mate.
    I don't know why you're thanking me... if anything I should be thanking you.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • dufftownallan 3 Feb 2013 02:37:48 4,723 posts
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    for those talking about jobs; consider doing some voluntary work. there are plenty of options and a.lot of benefits for you and others not least of all a feeling of self worth. helped me out when i was feeling low.
  • spamdangled 3 Feb 2013 02:46:12 27,269 posts
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    I am actualy looking into that at the moment, just to get me out the house when I have nothing else to do. The problem is finding the courage to leave the house in the first place atm.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

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