this is going to sound very strange, and possibly rather trite, but so much of what you have just said is a huge parallel to my last year. My gran died last May (that's her in my profile pic, 3 weeks before she left us), a housemate seriously fucked me over and cost me thousands of pounds, I've found it a horrendous task trying to find a stable job and have had to take bits and bobs as they come up, which then makes you worry about being able to pay your way...|
Since my Omi died last year I've pretty much lived with the OH because of the state we came back to due to the previous lodger of mine, and the OH lives in a very isolated area, so now I don't really see my friends because very few of them drive. I still have my own place, but I've pretty much let the new lodger run it since last summer (I just go back every fortnight to check up on things as my bedroom is still my bedroom). During the day, I either do a few bits here and there if I have a small work contract, or I game, or I cook, or I do housework, or I do anything at all to keep my mind occupied. I have to be honest, it's a pretty good life I have (and I honestly don't mean that in a "my life is better than yours" way). Which is why this all has hit me so hard I think? I mean, if everything was falling apart, I could understand it, but it's not.
Urgh. I have probably only even covered a third of what I was going to say, and I have already probably said waaaaaaay too much.
My partner said something to me this evening (last night?) which just made me burst into tears. I was apologising for something I'd said in response to something he'd said, and he just said "it's ok, you just don't feel like yourself at the moment". And it just made me cry, because that's just it. I don't feel like "me" right now.
But thank you romel. We're currently just trying to get through this, and we are firmly in "one step at a time" phase according to the OH (as in "let's just take this one step at a time, and we will get through this together" - I think some people on here have met my OH, like local has, but he really is my rock with a capital R). I don't know how quickly or how long he expects this to be dealt with, but I'm just going along with it for now. I'm terrified atm that my GP turns around and says I am not fit to work, because I have never, ever, been signed off in my life (well, I had an awful stomach bug when I was 18 but that was well over a decade ago so it barely counts) and nothing scares me more than not being able or fit to work. I have bigger fears around that too.
But thanks to all of you. So often this forum can be a bit unpleasant, but I am really appreciative of the understnading you guys have shown here. Thank you so much x
Edited by darkmorgado at 02:34:09 03-02-2013