Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? Page 52

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  • mrpon 30 May 2014 10:38:53 29,562 posts
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    Jimmy Carr

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • nickthegun 30 May 2014 10:41:24 61,299 posts
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    Comic Sans walks into a bar. The barman says 'sorry, we dont serve your type in here'.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • PES_Fanboy 30 May 2014 10:43:19 18,914 posts
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    Dirtbox wrote:
    How do you get a gay to fuck a women?

    Shit in her cunt.
    Ahh, the Alabama Hot Pocket.
  • Phil-McCrack 1 Jun 2014 22:57:35 3,352 posts
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    A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying,
    a man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"

    Danny MacAskill gives me a boner
    Formerly OptimusPube

  • drhickman1983 2 Jun 2014 01:51:44 552 posts
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    Why can I always rely on my friend, the baking rastafarian bird?

    He's my bread-wren.
  • Dirtbox 2 Jun 2014 06:48:25 79,188 posts
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    The punchline is when his gangsta rapper friends dismember him.



    Edited by Dirtbox at 18:32:49 02-06-2014

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Nades 6 Oct 2014 21:23:59 1,675 posts
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    A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

    "Morning!" he said.

    The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

    Liverpool FC
    _______

    XbL: Nades x
    PSN: EU-Nades

  • Drakesmoke 6 Oct 2014 21:48:40 211 posts
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    I was in Greggs today and the stand where the sugar and stuff is had a sign saying 'Help yourself to condiments', so I said 'Cheers, I'm a swell guy and my new haircut is really fetching.'
  • President_Weasel 6 Oct 2014 23:27:10 9,656 posts
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    drhickman1983 wrote:
    Why can I always rely on my friend, the baking rastafarian bird?

    He's my bread-wren.
    I actually laughed at this.
  • kentmonkey 27 Nov 2014 19:33:29 20,923 posts
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    A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.
  • PES_Fanboy 27 Nov 2014 19:40:41 18,914 posts
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    "I'm a crepe. I'm a weird dough"

    (Radiobread)
  • prawnking1980 27 Nov 2014 19:49:16 5,193 posts
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    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Interrupting Cow

    Interuppting co..

    Mooooo
  • Defecationqueen 27 Nov 2014 20:01:40 651 posts
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    Frogofdoom wrote:
    Why did the sperm cross the road?

    I put the wrong sock on this morning.
    Glol
  • Defecationqueen 27 Nov 2014 20:03:40 651 posts
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    stephenb wrote:
    Dirtbox by name.....
    Jimmy Carr by nature.....
  • Deleted user 27 November 2014 20:10:02
    I know a really good joke. Can't be bothered to type it out here. Besides, I doubt it would work here in text form.
  • RyanDS 27 Nov 2014 20:12:20 9,833 posts
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    takosuke wrote:
    I know a really good joke. Can't be bothered to type it out here. Besides, I doubt it would work here in text form.
    LOL!
  • Defecationqueen 27 Nov 2014 21:26:33 651 posts
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    I went to the local corner shop the other day and asked "Please can I have a Kitkat Chunky?" The girl serving me burst into tears and said it's not her fault that she has a thyroid problem.
  • Deleted user 27 November 2014 21:42:38
    Defecationqueen wrote:
    I went to the local corner shop the other day and asked "Please can I have a Kitkat Chunky?" The girl serving me burst into tears and said it's not her fault that she has a thyroid problem.
    Now there's a new name for the Chocolate-bar: a Fatty-Kitkat
  • DrStrangelove 28 Nov 2014 00:57:41 4,650 posts
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    Last day in London before Richard moves to India. Sitting in a cafe with his best friend Tom.

    Richard: "you're my best friend Tom, and I really don't like to ask you this, but do you think you could lend me a thousand quid? I need them quickly, and you'll have them back this evening, I swear."

    Tom: "Of course mate, anything."


    Later that day, Richard visits Anne, Tom's wife, for the last time.

    "Anne, I told you before that I love you, and now I'm going away and we'll never meet again. I beg you, sleep with me just one time. I'll be gone afterwards and no one will ever know."

    "Richard, I told you, even if I wanted to, you're my husband's best friend, don't you realise what you're asking for?"

    Richard then offers her a thousand quid, which convinces her after all.


    In the evening, Tom comes back home. He asks Anne:

    "Was Richard here today?"

    Anne is alarmed: "...yes..."

    "Did he give you a thousand quid?"

    Anne's blood freezes in her veins: "...yes..."

    "Knew it! Such a sincere guy!"
  • Phil-McCrack 29 Nov 2014 07:59:41 3,352 posts
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    In a dark club, she stands alone among the crowd. She needs to be mine. I slide across the dance floor. Leaning in close, my lips to her ear, I whisper, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?"

    Danny MacAskill gives me a boner
    Formerly OptimusPube

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