most embarrassing thing you have ever done at work Page 4

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  • Rodney 17 Jun 2009 00:23:44 1,859 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    Rodney wrote:
    Voted second worst dresser in the company, only narrowly beaten to first place by the head of IT.

    I'm sure it was meant in jest......
    It was you wasn't it in that "cowboy-hat-and-vest-with-the nipples-exposed-face-about-to-cum-expression"?

    Apparently it isnít suitable attire or conduct for the accounts department either....
  • Salaman 17 Jun 2009 00:28:04 18,953 posts
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    kungfubob wrote:
    When i was an apprentice working for a builder i went to the toilet and walked in on a semi naked old granny wiping her ass after having a stinking turd. i froze in shock horror.It was and still is the single most gross thing ive ever seen. i saw her beaver and everything but the worst was she gave me a cheeky smile and flirted with me everyday until the work was done. I stupidy told my boss of the trauma so he went and told everybody on site.I still shudder and feel sick to my stomach when i think about it.


    Man the fuck up! Some people have to bathe their frail old and sick grandmother. Now that's trauma potential right there.
  • Tonka 17 Jun 2009 07:26:43 20,166 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    Schoolboy error. Always, always, always check for shite roll before displacement.

    A good habit is to put down some splash dampening paper before doing the deed. That way you get an automatic check of bog roll availability.

    I had a bad experience in a frensh camping toilet as a kid and ever since I've been very careful about checking for paper.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • Tonka 17 Jun 2009 08:06:25 20,166 posts
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    My GF once asked one of her colleges if she was pregnant.
    She wasn't.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • funkyd 17 Jun 2009 08:08:44 7,522 posts
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    Tonka wrote:
    My GF once asked one of her colleges if she was pregnant.
    She wasn't.

    It's the girl's fault for (presumably) being quite overweight.
  • Oh-Bollox 17 Jun 2009 08:15:31 5,183 posts
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    Pregnant with the possibility of heart disease.
  • ardamillo 17 Jun 2009 08:30:01 521 posts
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    One of my sister's friends is quite tubby, and people are always giving her their seat on the bus because they think she's pregnant.
  • Chopsen 17 Jun 2009 08:37:41 15,834 posts
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    I once knocked a bottle of someone's urine all over me when I was talking to them.
  • Tonka 17 Jun 2009 08:46:42 20,166 posts
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    Some of you have really interesting jobs.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • otto Moderator 17 Jun 2009 08:55:39 49,290 posts
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    GuiltySpark wrote:
    otto wrote:
    Stickman wrote:
    I had a posh wank and put the condom in my pocket to chuck in the bin somewhere else. Got outside to discover the only thing I had in my pocket was a hole.

    Went back to try and find it, but it was nowhere to be found. Next morning one of the women had a quiet word with me about something that she'd had to clear up before she left. Our relationship is strained to this day somewhat.
    Massive WTF

    It's called a "lie". It's pretty common on these here interwubz.
    Stickman wouldn't lie to me.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • otto Moderator 17 Jun 2009 08:56:25 49,290 posts
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    kungfubob wrote:
    When i was an apprentice working for a builder i went to the toilet and walked in on a semi naked old granny wiping her ass after having a stinking turd. i froze in shock horror.It was and still is the single most gross thing ive ever seen. i saw her beaver and everything but the worst was she gave me a cheeky smile and flirted with me everyday until the work was done. I stupidy told my boss of the trauma so he went and told everybody on site.I still shudder and feel sick to my stomach when i think about it.
    This is the most pathetic thing I've ever read. MTFU.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • Oh-Bollox 17 Jun 2009 09:46:21 5,183 posts
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    We were having a 'most embarrassing moments' discussion in work, and I confessed mine (see earlier in thread). They now all think I am a fucking animal. I must remember that I work with mostly middle-aged women in future.
  • otto Moderator 17 Jun 2009 09:51:48 49,290 posts
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    To be fair we also all think you're a fucking animal.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • patch 17 Jun 2009 16:09:46 543 posts
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    I've got an embarrassing thing happened to a colleague in the IT department. We had some new Dell mini-desktop computers delivered with a laptop-style CD rom drive. He sets the PC up for someone and when the drive pops out there's nowhere to "click" the CD into. The call comes through from the user and he goes and checks it out. Not being able to figure out what the hell is going on, he puts in a call to Dell who dispatch an engineer. Engineer turns up, looks at PC and goes "ah, I know what's wrong!". Said engineer then turns PC over and shows IT guy that you can put CDs in easily when the computer's the right way up. I'm guessing there's a load of Dell engineers still telling this story.
  • Sub-kamikaze 19 Jun 2009 11:15:56 2,417 posts
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    My girlfriend's mum works as the head of the Audiology department in a hospital; specifically she oversees the screening of new-born's hearing.

    One of her staff just ran into the office all flustered. She said that a couple and their newly born came into the room for a screening. The screener asked for the baby's name and the couple replied 'Mandy'.

    So, making small-talk, she asked why they gave her that name.

    "We named her after her sister, who died just before her first birthday".

    There's an awkward silence, and the screener doesn't know what to say and so just blurts out:

    "Well, congratulations, I hope this one lasts a bit longer than the last one."

  • bigshot316 19 Jun 2009 11:22:19 23,559 posts
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    Sub-kamikaze wrote:
    My girlfriend's mum works as the head of the Audiology department in a hospital; specifically she oversees the screening of new-born's hearing.

    One of her staff just ran into the office all flustered. She said that a couple and their newly born came into the room for a screening. The screener asked for the baby's name and the couple replied 'Mandy'.

    So, making small-talk, she asked why they gave her that name.

    "We named her after her sister, who died just before her first birthday".

    There's an awkward silence, and the screener doesn't know what to say and so just blurts out:

    "Well, congratulations, I hope this one lasts a bit longer than the last one."


    GLOL!!
  • iokthemonkey 19 Jun 2009 11:31:48 4,664 posts
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    My mate's girlfriend is a nurse and she heard a great one. They had a very young doctor who - despite being fully qualified - was still a bit shy around ladybits. Bizarrely he was in the OB/GYN department (kill or cure, I suppose) and M (my mate's girlfriend) and her friend always used to hang around to see how flustered he'd get when he was examining patients.

    One day a very attractive 20-something woman was in, so they knew that this would be a great chance to hear some very Hugh Grant-ish mumbling and bumbling from the doctor.

    The woman took off her jeans and underwear and climbed into a chair/stirrup/torture contraption. So she's sitting there in her t-shirt and Tinkerbell (from Peter Pan) socks.

    The doctor walks in, reading her notes and then - seeing she's proper fit and that - becomes a bit flustered. But trying to be professional, he starts the exam. Blushing like a 12-year old, he becomes very aware that the girl is very attractive and the awkwardness of the situation hits him.

    So in order to try and break the tension, he looks around, spots Tinkerbell and goes to her, "ooh, what a lovely-looking fairy... ON YOUR SOCKS! ON YOUR SOCKS!"

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • Sub-kamikaze 19 Jun 2009 12:16:23 2,417 posts
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    iokthemonkey wrote:
    My mate's girlfriend is a nurse and she heard...

    Now THAT's funny. Brilliant stuff.
  • iokthemonkey 19 Jun 2009 12:37:26 4,664 posts
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    Sub-kamikaze wrote:
    iokthemonkey wrote:
    My mate's girlfriend is a nurse and she heard...

    Now THAT's funny. Brilliant stuff.

    What? Urban legend accusation?

    No, she was present when it happened and told it to me herself.

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • terminalterror 19 Jun 2009 12:42:34 18,937 posts
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    iokthemonkey wrote:
    Sub-kamikaze wrote:
    iokthemonkey wrote:
    My mate's girlfriend is a nurse and she heard...

    Now THAT's funny. Brilliant stuff.

    What? Urban legend accusation?

    No, she was present when it happened and told it to me herself.

    It could just be letting you know what story he's referring to without quoting the whole thing.
  • terminalterror 19 Jun 2009 12:42:53 18,937 posts
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    Sub-kamikaze wrote:
    My girlfriend's mum works as the head of the Audiology department in a hospital; specifically she oversees the screening of new-born's hearing.

    One of her staff just ran into the office all flustered. She said that a couple and their newly born came into the room for a screening. The screener asked for the baby's name and the couple replied 'Mandy'.

    So, making small-talk, she asked why they gave her that name.

    "We named her after her sister, who died just before her first birthday".

    There's an awkward silence, and the screener doesn't know what to say and so just blurts out:

    "Well, congratulations, I hope this one lasts a bit longer than the last one."



    o_O

    :D

    /o\
  • Sub-kamikaze 19 Jun 2009 12:43:02 2,417 posts
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    No accusation. I just shortened the quote... :)

    Just saying it was a funny anecdote.
    /o\

  • iokthemonkey 19 Jun 2009 12:50:41 4,664 posts
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    Sub-kamikaze wrote:
    No accusation. I just shortened the quote... :)

    Just saying it was a funny anecdote.
    /o\


    Ah, I see. Sorry. I realise it does come off as a bit of overly informative preamble but I do tend to be a bit waffly.

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • Sub-kamikaze 19 Jun 2009 12:53:37 2,417 posts
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    You need the preamble. It makes the punchline, uh, punchier.
  • Stickman 19 Jun 2009 12:56:35 29,664 posts
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    Huh, just seen this thread again. I find it odd that people think I would give enough of a fuck to make up some random story about wanking at work. Any particular reason?

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • Sub-kamikaze 19 Jun 2009 13:01:14 2,417 posts
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    Stickman wrote:
    Huh, just seen this thread again. I find it odd that people think I would give enough of a fuck to make up some random story about wanking at work. Any particular reason?

    I believe you. How does she know that the johnny was yours? Taste test?
  • Stickman 19 Jun 2009 13:06:24 29,664 posts
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    At the time I was the only male who worked in our department.

    Also, when she spoke to me about it, we fucked in the stationary cabinet and I spunked all in her mouth and shit. (lie)

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • catterz 19 Jun 2009 13:18:07 8,763 posts
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    Quick thinking would've had you blaming it on the obese, single, 40-something woman that every office has, claiming you saw her with a baster earlier that day.

    Still stalking this place, old-school style (UID: 1053)

  • morriss 19 Jun 2009 13:20:48 70,918 posts
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    Stickman wrote:
    At the time I was the only male who worked in our department.

    Also, when she spoke to me about it, we fucked in the stationary cabinet and I spunked all in her mouth and shit. (lie)
    :D
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