Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 Review

By Kristan Reed Published 11 December, 2006

Just in case the feminist movement needed setting back a few more years.

Version tested: Xbox 360

I think I may have just played the most pointless and gratuitous game in the history of mankind. I say mankind, because, like, only men could make a game where the sole point of it is stooping to pitiful and pathetic levels of digital voyeurism.

Actually, that's unfair. The main point of the game is essentially to buy up a collection of random tat by winning at various activities around the island - that have basically been constructed around their abilities to tease and titillate the lonely and sexually frustrated males out there who are too young to buy real porn. It's an alarming waste of Team Ninja's undoubted talents.

The game kicks off with some throwaway cut-scene nonsense to justify the whole malarkey, and it doesn't get any more convincing. Basically, the superfly Zack manages - via extraterrestrial means - to exhume the sunken tropical island that was the setting for the original, and so begins another two-week vacation for the well-toned girls of the Dead or Alive series.

Sisters of merciless

You kick off proceedings by selecting one of the nine girls (Kasumi, Hitomi, Leifang, Christie, Kokoro, Helena, Tina, Lisa and Ayane) and get a brief tour from Tina of what the island has to offer. With a quick (and super easy) two-lap Marine jetski race under your belt, you then have a first-to-seven points Beach Volleyball session and a look around the shops before deciding on your choice of hotel.

'Dead or Alive Xtreme 2' Screenshot gallery

Seriously, just look at the screen gallery. It'll be cheaper.

From there you can either get some shuteye or head to the Casino to try and boost your reserves of cash with some Blackjack, Poker, Roulette or Slot Machines. But much like the rest of the game, it's all a bit pointless - but with luck you can swell your coffers and make it an awful lot easier to buy all the merchandise on offer, if that tempts you at all.

On the second day of your fortnight's stay on New Zack Island, Tina leaves you in the lurch and somewhat limits the number of events you're able to participate in. Marina Races remain available at all times, and provides a quick and relatively easy way of racking up cash, but the racing itself is blighted by fairly annoying handling that makes it easy to get snagged on rocks and scenery. You can pull off stunts and flips with the X button to earn bonus cash, and gain turbos by steering the right side of the gate buoys six times in a row, but it doesn't ever feel like a satisfying racing event in its own right - even with the superior craft that you can buy. The visuals certainly give the impression that a lot of work went into this new mode (the water effects, in particular, are typically glorious) but beyond that it feels like a developer doing something it's completely unfamiliar with. Next.

Just like girls and shoes, I can't match you

You might assume that you'd be allowed to participate in all the various events at your leisure, but not so. With Tina having, annoyingly, left you in the lurch, you're not able to play Beach Volleyball, and getting a partner to join you is a slightly baffling process of trying to guess what sort of gift will impress them. The game gives little hint as to what things they like, which basically reduces the process to (sometimes expensive) trial and error - or guessing that they'd like something to match the colour of whatever swimsuit they're sporting. A little piece of me died inside when giving a Leifang a little yellow flower resulted in her becoming my friend, but at least the rampant materialist nature of the transaction bought me some time on the Volleyball court. For the love of god.

'Dead or Alive Xtreme 2' Screenshot boobs

The boobs look great. But why can't Team Ninja do hair yet?

Shame, then, that the Volleyball itself is so crushingly underwhelming to the point of being redundant. As is entirely the point of this 'game', the spectacle is fine. The character models and 'soft physics' make their funbags jiggle with ludicrous independence, and you can't argue that the animation isn't great, the scenery delightful and a really stunning showcase of big screen high definition gaming. But, really, what's the point of all that technical brilliance when the game feels like such a dog to control? In this two-on-two affair, you're relying, to an extent, on your team-mate to help you out, but quite often they're sluggish to react and not as aggressive as you need them to be. This results in you having to nudge them into one of three formations with the right stick, which is both distracting and unnecessary, with a general lack of focus on either player. Meanwhile, your opponents are constantly spiking the ball into oblivion and making life difficult for you. The controls are seemingly quite simple, with the A button acting as serve, spike and block, and B to receive or toss (or a quickfire Set Attack), but the actual gameplay is a frustratingly imprecise mess that's neither fun nor interesting enough to invest hours in mastering.

Elsewhere, you can buy tickets from the shop to engage in some of the other activities, but you might wonder why you bothered. Water Slide, for example, is a 750m course down a spiralling roller-coaster style water ride, and is blisteringly fast and looks great. But after one or two goes, you'll set a time and feel no compulsion to ever play it again.

Bum deal

Two essentially identical activities in terms of gameplay are the hilariously pointless Tug-of-War and Butt Battles. In both cases it's a case of trying to make your opponent fall into the water, with both games largely decided on who can feint first. In Tug-of-War, you can time it so that you let go just as they pull, so they fly backwards, and Butt Battle can often be won with a well-timed dodge or sidestep. Usually just attempting the strong attack in both cases is a bit of a flawed tactic, but, again, the gameplay is so wafer thin that any novelty value you get from playing a new mode evaporates when you realise how little there is to it.

Just as vacuous are the two on-one racing activities. The Pool Hopping event tasks you with getting from one side of the pool to the other by hopping between the colour-coded floats. When the floats are close together you tap the button, and hold it down slightly to do a longer stride, with bonus cash awarded if you match the button press with the colour of the float. Beach Flags, meanwhile, is essentially one button Track & Field, although sometimes against opponents that are impossible to beat no matter how well you react. Again, both are mildly amusing for a couple of goes, and both are a great demonstration of Team Ninja's graphical achievements, but in the context of a full-priced game, they're beyond laughable. If either were Flash games or were on your mobile phone for free you'd have a hard time motivating yourself to play them, so why does Team Ninja, Tecmo or Microsoft assume anyone with any sense will be motivated to buy this? It's basically an insult to the audience on so many levels that I'm not even going to waste my breath arguing against it.

'Dead or Alive Xtreme 2' Screenshot puppies

Watch them bounce individually! Like puppies fighting in a sack!

Looking at it purely as a piece of gaming entertainment, it's little more than an obsessive object collection quest. Indeed, almost all of the game's 'achievement' points seem directly related to how sad you are as a human being, and how relentlessly you want to play the game. After the two weeks are up you get the chance to try the whole thing again with a different character, but there's little or nothing new to experience that you didn't play numerous times on your first holiday. You might get better at earning money, you might resist blowing all your cash in the casino, you might win at events more often, and you might gain more friends, but there's literally zero sense of satisfaction derived from playing any of it.

A cure for mammary loss

Alternatively, you might just take some kind of demented pleasure out of buying one of the in-game cameras and snapping away during those all-important 'pictorial scenes' (such as relaxing by the pool). Pressing the right bumper during these moments allows you to save those 'special mammaries' (I mean memories), but really, what's the point? If the DoA girls really do turn you on in some kind of deeply disturbing way, can't you just look at screenshots or visit one of the fan sites or something? Do you really have to spend actual money to experience the most pointless game ever. After all, you're not here for the game. That's pretty obvious, and if it was, then Team Ninja would put some actual gameplay in there.

Hilariously, there's even an Xbox Live mode so you can enjoy some laggy Marine Races for up to four players, or one-on-one Volleyball. Clearly having a four-player Volleyball match online wasn't worth the effort. Getting an online match going isn't exactly easy, but nor is it worth wasting any time on. Surely all that does is take away vital ogling time anyway?

'Dead or Alive Xtreme 2' Screenshot fart

A special fart manoeuvre was taken out at the last minute.

Now, clearly if we were just trying to make some sort of statement about the futility of releasing a game like Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 we'd slap our first ever Zero at the end and welcome the accompanying (mass) debate. As it happens, though, the casino potion of the game is surprisingly compelling, and probably gains it an extra two marks on its own. Poker, Blackjack, Roulette, Slot Machines... you can't really mess those up. In fact, Team Ninja actually does these rather well in terms of presenting them nicely and, as such, it's bizarre to find yourself playing them for ages - not to be able to buy more tat, you understand, but because they're timeless fun.

But a semi-decent casino can't exactly hide the catalogue of sins that DoA X2 perpetrates with gleeful, air-headed abandon everywhere else. The activities are largely pointless, gratuitous exercises in showing off the girls in their bikinis, and any attempt to give the game some sort of justifiable kleptomaniacal purpose is beyond insulting - even to serial wankers. The fact that the first game got released in the first place was incredible, but the arrival of a broadly similar sequel defies belief. The whole of Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 is so far beyond parody, you wonder if the game is, in fact, some sort of elaborate concept joke devised by wry feminists to see if the male of the species really is as shallow and sad as they suspect.

3 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Kristan.

About Kristan Reed

Kristan is a former editor of Eurogamer, dad, Stone Roses bore and Norwich City supporter who sometimes mutters optimistically about Team Silent getting back together.

Read more articles from Kristan by visiting the Kristan Reed archive page.

You may also like...

Comments (179) Latest comment 5 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Steroyd #1 5 years ago

    When it's a two page review you know it's gonna be shit.

    /looks at score

    Told ya.

  • Psychotext #2 5 years ago

    lol... funny thing is that I know my missus has already got this for herself for xmas. Now I just hope she's bought a 360 to go with it. O.o

  • therev #3 5 years ago

    My wife wants this game, too.

    It's more virtual Babie dolls than virtual porn, if you ask me.

  • glaeken #4 5 years ago

    So presumably those who get turned on over the dead or alive girls also wank over shop window dummies? I just don't get it.

  • Toothball #5 5 years ago

    I'm still going to buy it.

  • ccfb #6 5 years ago

    "Indeed, almost all of the game's 'achievement' points seem directly related to how sad you are as a human being, and how relentlessly you want to play the game."

    This, and all other 360 games.

  • oceanmotion #7 5 years ago

    Now make the game everybody wants, NG2.

  • EmiliasHorse #8 5 years ago

    My misses bought it for xmas at my request. I know what I'm getting and don't mind at all. The first one was fun and layed back, it's not virtual porn. The internet has so much of the real thing I'm sure nobody would buy this to letch at the cyber beauties.
    But if they do, each to their own.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 13:15

  • spongebob #9 5 years ago

    Only thing Xtreme about this is how stupid it is.

  • mazzl #10 5 years ago

    i had a nude patch for the first one on the original xbox.
    played the game twice, didn't get the controls.
    it's just so wrong.

  • JediMasterMalik #11 5 years ago

    Awesome...MUST BUY...oh...

    ...This game is a disgrace tbh, it just perpetuates the gamer stereotype which is banded around so much in the media..

    @Psychotext - Have you asked your missus why she bought the game? Does she like bad games? Or is she really a lesbian? :p

    @Emelia'sHorse - Why the hell buy it then? If you don't want iot for the girls, what other possible justification can there be?
    Edited by 2 at 11/12/06 @ 13:16

  • rudedudejude #12 5 years ago

    More Pics Please!

    Dammit I hope they made a hot coffee mod

  • krudster #13 5 years ago

    Fun and laid back?

    *disbelief*

  • old_skool #14 5 years ago

    wait wait don't tell me why it got a low score , the tits weren't big enuff heh ?

  • Bitkari #15 5 years ago

    Still not as bad as the movie...

  • Frogger #16 5 years ago

    disc : "And it will probably sell more than Viva Pinata."

    The ultimate game design would then be a Viva Pinata game with DOA babes instead of Pinatas.

  • krudster #17 5 years ago

    Wait, here comes Beavis and Butthead.

  • trav #18 5 years ago

    "Just imagine the time and resources they spent developing this game could have gone towards Ninja Gaiden 2."

    Amen to that.

  • krudster #19 5 years ago

    Actually, imagine the reaction if all the girls were replaced with greased up men with rippling muscles and codpieces. Wonder how it would score then.

  • Furbs #20 5 years ago

    Better than FIFA:RTWC then? :)

  • schoozzzmmii #21 5 years ago

    Have to say I really enjoyed the original. With the custom soundtrack feature adding some of my own tunes rather than the terrible pop provided and I'm set for an hour. I'm with Emilia'sHorse, there's plenty of real women on the net if that's what you're after, but I think the first DOAX was valid as a game in its own right (although I also fully realise I'm in the minority).

    The thing is, on the one or two internet sites which gave a positive review of the first DOAX, this second title has been pulled apart for being quite a lot worse, which is putting me off buying it. But I guess it'll sell so badly that I'll be able to pick it up less than half price in a few months. And I'm sure I will at that :)

  • mash the x button #22 5 years ago

    Is this played with only one hand on the controller?

    /Gets coat

  • Psychotext #23 5 years ago

    JediMasterMalik: lol... could be an avenue worth exploring. She does like erotic art too. :D

    Oh, and the people saying this time could have been spent working on NG2 need to get a clue. What do you think they are doing? All this game does is allow them to work out what they can and can't do with the 360. Rather than just dumping the work they do on pushing the hardware they sell it. They did exactly the same thing with the first game and remember how Ninja Gaiden turned out.

  • lambtron #24 5 years ago

    "Actually, imagine the reaction if all the girls were replaced with greased up men with rippling muscles and codpieces. Wonder how it would score then."

    Only if Bennett out of Commando was in it. ^_^

  • Stormflood #25 5 years ago

    "Actually, imagine the reaction if all the girls were replaced with greased up men with rippling muscles and codpieces. Wonder how it would score then."

    <a href="http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=70033&q uot;>7/10[/i]

  • gazareth #26 5 years ago

    Are "serial wankers" people that beat the lovesnake while eating their breakfast?

  • krudster #27 5 years ago

    Hahah!

  • el_pollo_diablo #28 5 years ago

    Don't forget the bloke who makes these games is a fucking lecherous tosspot too.

    [link url=http://ww w.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3154959
    ]http://ww w.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3154...[/link]
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 13:44

  • kangarootoo #29 5 years ago

    A hard one to call this one. The first one seemed to have two audiences in mind, well perhaps not two in mind but it seemed to attract two audiences (as far as I could tell).

    1. People who want to see what is essentially anime softcore.
    2. Girls who like the stereotypical (and I don't use that word negatively) "collect stuff and make friends" gameplay mechanics.
    And 3 I guess. Girls who fit into both 1 and 2.

    Whether this sets any womens movements back at all is a broader subject, akin to whether violent games make normal people violent and whether gansta rap lyrics create criminal tendancies.

    To object to the imagery is valid I think, and part of me agrees. To allow that objection to create assumptions of fact regarding the effect of the imagery on the normal male (or female) mind is IMO a bit too much of a jump to make. To break it right down, does the absence of porn result in the absence of sexual thoughts? I think not given that sexual thoughts came first (no pun intended).

    To summarise what I am rambling on about, I can bring two girls to mind that liked the first version of this game. One of them fitted into category 2, the other kind of fitted into cat 3, but they both loved the "collect stuff and make friends" (CSAMF) side of things. So, like on so many occasions where someone states that something is demeaning to women, it might be handy to ask a large group of female gamers if they feel demeaned by it. Of course some will but I would be interested to klnow the balance.

    Point being that if the game mechanics and structure in this version are poor compared to the first, it has lost a big part of what redeemed it in the eyes of gamers that were into the CSAMF gameplay. In which case it can't really be defended other than as softcore (which can of course still be defended should anyone choose to do so).

    Jesus, I do go on don't I.

  • Dizzy #30 5 years ago

    Mainly for the Japanese market...

    But over here a lot of the girlfriends of my friends liked the original game because of the collect and try out new outfits feature.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 13:43

  • manuel_garcia #31 5 years ago

    Can anyone remember the disbelief when edge gave the first one an 8/10? Least all the review sites are on the money this time and giving it a score it probably deserves.

  • captain-future #32 5 years ago

    I gave the first one a 5/10 and this one doesn't add anything or?

  • BartonFink #33 5 years ago

    LOL - oh dear

    How can Tecmo bounce back from this?
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 13:47

  • Steve007 #34 5 years ago

    Mmmm, breasts!

  • Roamer #35 5 years ago

    You cannot, and I can't stress this enough, have male programmers working on a project such as this. They'll never finish the job, or release it too soon.

  • ChimneyBug #36 5 years ago

    not sure why they made it when Sexy Beach 3 does what they clearly seem to want to do but cant in a proper legal commercial way :)

  • LittleVoice #37 5 years ago

    Post deleted at 18:03:32 01-02-2012

  • pollster #38 5 years ago

    Please, please, please drop this rubbish and put your efforts in Ninja Gaiden!

  • chupachups #39 5 years ago

    This kind of game has been appearing since Sam Fox on the C64 twenty years ago, and they're always very poor games and very poor (and expensive) forms of "adult entertainment".

    Why do people keep buying them?

  • pjmaybe #40 5 years ago

    Actually more women I know like and play this game than men. Make of this what you will.

    Peej

  • AcidSnake #41 5 years ago

    lol@ lambtron
    That guy was terrific...
    Especially those girly screams at the end...

  • lambtron #42 5 years ago

    Hehe Commando is probably THE most homoerotic film ever.

    For a great review check out:

    [link url=http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/revie ws.cfm/id/774/back/80/page/commando.html
    ]http://ww w.ruthlessreviews.com/reviews.c...[/link]

  • Dark_Stranger #43 5 years ago

    The japs made it as they dont get enough big tits in real life - arrr western girls...

  • ZuluHero #44 5 years ago

    "you wonder if the game is, in fact, some sort of elaborate concept joke devised by wry feminists to see if the male of the species really is as shallow and sad as they suspect"

    Well, we'll have to wait and see what sales say i suspect, but at a guess i would say "yes" ;)

    But as has been said above though, my wife also enjoys playing the first one as well. For the whole make friends, buy pressies thing.


    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 14:12

  • AcidSnake #45 5 years ago

    "Remember when I said I'd kill you last, Sully?"

    Sorry, blatantly off-topic...

    To make it more interesting though they could have a crossover game...
    The DoA girls Vs. the Soul Calibur girls Vs. Lara Croft

  • Pike #46 5 years ago

    Actually more women I know like and play this game than men. Make of this what you will.

    Peej


    I'm going to assume that it means that women are more likely than men to be attracted to Real Dolls.

  • krudster #47 5 years ago

    I can always rely on you for the contrary view :)

  • Pike #48 5 years ago

    Revolutionary because it's a game with only social goals? Hardly.

    I think The Sims and Second Life have that segment covered already.

  • TheSaint #49 5 years ago

    Maybe they should port this to the Wii. I am sure they could come up with some good uses for the remote.

  • jlaakso #50 5 years ago

    If it's worse than the original, well, too bad. I rather liked the first game, as did practically all of my friends, too. I'm so with the much-lamented Edge review, although it was way too shallow for repeated play.

    But a 3/10 generally does not warrant spreading the review over two pages. Concise is where it's at, people.

  • oneiros #51 5 years ago

    I think you should consider the possibility that this is actually a bit revolutionary... a game with only social goals.

    I think that's what EDGE were getting at when they gave the original an eight; it'll be interesting to see what they give this one...

  • chronom4n #52 5 years ago

    i once watched a programme about a japanses guy who spends all his waking hours creating these virtual women. So, yes there is a certain market who like these sorts of things.

  • Uncle_Fishboy #53 5 years ago

    Edge gave the original game 8/10 way back and seem to be one of the only publications/web sites that 'get' this game. It's more of a 'vacation simulator' and collect em up. I had the original and loved it, in fact I played it alot more than many other games I owned on the original xbox. I have a gorgeous girlfriend whom I live with and am not a perv. The volleyball part of the game is actually very good and deceptively deep.
    In my opinion the people who diss this game (Eurogamer and most other reviewers) are just big pansys who are scared of sticking their neck out and admitting to seeing the merit of what is actually a great piece of entertainment, just becauase it features a load of tits - which incidetally is the description I'd use to describe the philistines who give this game low scores.

  • space_ace #54 5 years ago

    nice gfx ^_^

  • UncleLou #55 5 years ago

    It might be unfair, but the dishonesty of these games somehow annoys me (from my very limited knowlegde considering I've nerver played them). Do a proper (soft)sex game if you must, not this half-arsed excuse.

  • krudster #56 5 years ago

    Contrary to how the review turned out, I did want to like this game. I get to choose which games I review, and approached it with an open mind having not been exposed to the original. The fact the so-called gameplay is so wafer thin is the problem, not the tits. It's after I discovered that the game was so poor that I really started to find the endless stupid lingering Baywatch moments so repellant. What the fug has that got to do with social gameplay? That's the most pretentious description for this waste of talent imaginable.

  • nickthegun #57 5 years ago

    I have a gorgeous girlfriend whom I live with and am not a perv.

    Thats a coincidence, so do I.

    I also drive an Aston Martin and have so much money, my matress is stuffed with £50 notes.

  • Rambaldi #58 5 years ago

    @krudster

    "I get to choose which games I review.."

    Go on man: rub it in ;)

  • Darkedge #59 5 years ago

    but have they fixed the rubbish ribbon hair?

  • Krun #60 5 years ago

    The developers know people like soft porn. Otherwise why waste time making this. Therefore that must have been the point of the product.

    Reviewing this as a "game" is almost pointless. But what is it then, its not real porn and its not a real game? It's obvioulsy designed to stimulate so maybe someone who likes this can write an honest review from their point of view. It would be interesting to know why someone would buy this, instead of real porn or a real game.

  • krudster #61 5 years ago

    No! That's the stupid thing, the hair's still *rubbish*.

  • spongebob #62 5 years ago

    Hair fetish is nice.

  • jonsaan #63 5 years ago

    Get over yourself reviewer. Horses for courses. The first game was laid back fun and I have never 'wanked' over a video game in my entire life you tragic twat.

  • lasermink #64 5 years ago

    I can't believe no-one posted *** BAN THIS SICK FILTH !!!! *** yet.

  • krudster #65 5 years ago

    Are you really calling me a tragic twat? Say that to my face!

  • Psychotext #66 5 years ago

    "krudster : You wouldn't like me when I'm angry..."

  • Uncle_Fishboy #67 5 years ago

    Go Jonsaan, I wouldn't have resorted to the tragic twat comment but it did make me giggle. I wouldn't go as far as that, I'd say more like a slighlty effiminate fool that elicits a weary sigh. A geek who thinks he's a crusader for womens rights but probably berks one out to Nuts magazine and who's eyes lingers on the soft bums of lady cakes in the street.

  • Reihn #68 5 years ago

    I'm with the folks who enjoyed the first one, and I was looking forward to this.. Just in a chillaxed, pretty graphics and making the DOA girls try on Darling Hats kinda way. As has been said many times above.

    I *did* hope, however, that they'd put more game in this time. I liked the fact that the first one was easy - as people have said, it's like a 'holiday' game, therefore it shouldn't be tough - but if this had better, deeper gameplay then it would have been an awesome step up.

    'Easy but deep' hrrm . . maybe I was expecting a bit much.. and sheesh, I was hoping that 'next get' would mean 'hair that doesn't look like ribbon stapled to a girl's scalp'.. Oh well..

  • jonsaan #69 5 years ago

    Mate. I will gladly say it to your face. Let me know where and when. Your assumption that all people who like these games do so in order to wank over virtual girlies is just as insulting. An eye for an eye.
    And I'm frankly glad that my throwaway comment upset you as much as your self absorbed review upset me. Quits.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 15:16

  • Pike #70 5 years ago

    People who like DOAX calling other people tragic?

    lol.

  • JediMasterMalik #71 5 years ago

    lol indeed.

  • krudster #72 5 years ago

    The most tragic thing of all is some numpty who gets worked up about someone calling a shit game a shit game and wants to actually have a fight about it.

    Get a life.

  • Psychotext #73 5 years ago

    krudster: Actually I think you're the one that started the fight idea off... =P

    But it's still funny.

  • savant #74 5 years ago

    I haven't played DOA:X2 yet, but I'm a fan of the first game (and you should check it out krudster to see how it compares). As another poster said, it was laid back and really enjoyable. It was a collect-em-up for the most part, and that really appeals to my nature. The casino was also great (including the girls on the cards was a super touch).

    The DOA:X games certainly polarise their reviewing audience, but you shouldn't judge them based on feminist assumptions. There may be plenty of voyeurism in such games, but if you're not comfortable with that then that's OK - you shouldn't mark it down because of that aspect, when that facet of the gameplay is actually part of the core experience.

    By the way, many team members on this game and other Tecmo titles are women. The swimsuits were designed by them, so please don't say they're a sad indictment of male sexual attitutdes or anything.

    I'm also looking forward to Ninja Gaiden 2 after the punishing first effort. I hope the engine they've been refining for their first two titles on 360 is put to great effect in the sequel.

  • kangarootoo #75 5 years ago

    @jonsaan

    You sir are an illmannered cock.

    "as much as your self absorbed review upset me"

    Upset? By a review? That says it all. You result to childish insults, you lose, thats the internet law (the same law doesn't apply to me however, 'cos I'm special and better than you).

    EDIT:

    Christ, I didn't even see this bit,

    "Mate. I will gladly say it to your face. Let me know where and when."

    Now that is very very funny. Are you 14 yrs old or something?
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 15:31

  • jonsaan #76 5 years ago

    Mate, you are the one who uttered the eminently hostile 'say that to my face', not me. I merely stated that I'd be happy to say it to your face. I have no desire to fight you.
    Make love, not war. Saying that, if you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband or wife, maybe you could knock one out over the latest Dead or Alive game. I've heard that's all it's good for?

    Had you simply said this game is shit and not gone off on some moral crusade about people wanking over games then I'd have happily accepted your opinion for what it is, your opinion.

  • kangarootoo #77 5 years ago

    I feel I've been a bit harsh on you now jonsaan, but I never delete posts so I'll just apologise for the initial name calling (not the more constructive of my comments however).

    You were still out of line though. Unless your grandma worked on this game just before dying in the pain, you really need to ask yourself why you got so pissed off with the review.

  • RedPanda #78 5 years ago

    Post deleted at 14:31:59 28-01-2012

  • Darren #79 5 years ago

    I loved the original game on the Xbox... it was so different to anything else and perfectly captured the lazy summery holiday feel of the time it was released (i.e. summer!). I spent hours playing it surprisingly despite its shallowness.

    I expected the 360 version to be equally good but for some reason it's just not fun anymore and is actually quite boring to play. It doesn't help that the game is practically identical to the last games bar the addition of a handful of new games and even the visuals are not noticeably better except for being in 720p. Even the music sounds the same and the presentation is Xtreme-ly poor. Also releasing this game in late autumn does it no favours either.

    So fair review really... it's just a very poor game which you kind of notice more the second time round.

    P.S. This game gets my vote for the most preposterous intro sequence EVER. Wouldn't it have been cheaper for Zack to have just bought a new island? Mind you, if he'd have done that then those lazy gits at Tecmo wouldn't have been able to reuse all the Xbox assets! /roll eyes

  • jonsaan #80 5 years ago

    Kangarootoo, maybe upset is the wrong word. Annoyed would be more suitable. And you're right, I am pretty bad mannered when the mood takes me. A cock? Well maybe in this case I'm that too. It's open to debate. That's my right, it's the law of the internet apparently. You also lose.

    Oh and I think you meant 'resort' to childish insults, not result.

  • krudster #81 5 years ago

    It's not a moral crusade. It's trying to stop people wasting their money on a really poor game. That very talented people worked on an extremely depressing game is the thing that upsets me, not scantily clad women. Like I said, if the game had have been good, I would have been more than happy to accept it.

    If you want to spend your cash on this, that's your lookout. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

  • jonsaan #82 5 years ago

    Point taken Krudster, but I liked the first game, I really did. I am sure you are not really a tragic twat. It's just that your review read like you were genuinely offended by this game. If it's any consolation, I have no intention of buying this game for 44.99. Like the first game it should be about 14.99 inside of 3 months.

  • jonsaan #83 5 years ago

    Right, If we're all friends again, perhaps I can get back to playing Cooking Mama.

  • the_sas_man #84 5 years ago

    "any attempt to give the game some sort of justifiable kleptomaniacal purpose is beyond insulting - even to serial wankers"

    BEST. QUOTE. EVER!

  • Muddtallica #85 5 years ago

    I must say, the debate that's sprung up about this game is far more interesting than the game itself sounds.

    The way I see this; I've not played the game myself, but if it truly is as poor as Kristan (and many other reviewers) say it is, then there is something to get angry about; as Kristan says, the fact that a very talented game development house is wasting their time and resources producing low-grade trash. Actually, that's probably giving them too much credit; given their pedigree, I would say it was too much to assume that they didn't KNOW that this was anything other than trash; more that they knew that they didn't have to bother on such piddling matters as "gameplay", "structure" and "longevity", because that's blatantly not what this game is about. The whole project reeks of naked, unabashed exploitation; of the female form, naturally, but also of knowledgeable gamers who put a lot of trust in the Team Ninja name, of those just looking for some shallow, non-taxing gaming, and even of those who just want a bit of titillation.

    On the other hand, I do feel that Kristan's review went way too far with its judgemental tone. The reviewer's job is to objectively evaluate the relative merits of the game in question; passing judgement on potential buyers and making crass and critical insinuations about their personal lives isn't on, no matter how much you dislike the game. It's the right of a consumer to buy whatever they want; even if they do want to buy low-quality pseudo-porn, that's their prerogative. By all means, do everything in your power as a reviewer to stop them, but name-calling is not within your remit. And when you start making remarks about people being sad for playing the game too much, on a GAMING WEBSITE no less, you're obviously on very thin ice then...
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 16:08

  • trevd72 #86 5 years ago

    if my understanding is correct, Japan led a fairly isolated existence for centuries and as such they developed a very different culture to us. There are loads of examples that show this, from the need to be over polite because of the lack of space, to the addictions to those ball baring machines. This is what makes the RPG huge in japan and less so here.

    This game is something that the Japanese would lap up with no question about the sexual content, its just taken as fact. The way in which female are "seen" is different to that in the west. Where else could you get cartoon porn.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 16:07

  • krudster #87 5 years ago

    The cartoon porn shops in Japan are absolutely mind-bending. It's easy to see how this stuff works in Japan, but it's being released here, now.

    Sorry if the review comes across as judgemental, but that's what happens when you review 120 games in a year and then come across something like this.

  • lennon #88 5 years ago

    wait for it.....
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 16:19

  • jonsaan #89 5 years ago

    I'm waiting........

  • cyber_nicco #90 5 years ago

    Oh. My. God.

    Best game ever...

  • the_sas_man #91 5 years ago

    better than gow then?

  • pjmaybe #92 5 years ago

    I do think that anyone who finds this game sexually alluring, or indeed gets off enough on it to wank themselves into a frenzy REALLY needs to either get a girlfriend/wife or download more porn.

    Eesh. It's just hilariously nonsexual.

    Peej

  • kangarootoo #93 5 years ago

    @jonsaan

    "Oh and I think you meant 'resort' to childish insults, not result."

    Quite right, in my fury my fingers went all wrong for a second there.

    "it's the law of the internet apparently. You also lose."

    No, like I said, it doesn't apply to me. A combination of my star sign and me eating a lot of fruit I think. I don't know exactly, all I know is I'm allowed to call people names on the internet without losing. It comes in dead handy I can tell you.

  • el_pollo_diablo #94 5 years ago

    Surely what's important is that by buying this game, you're giving money to a sex-pest.

    I think that would bother me.

  • Steroyd #95 5 years ago

    @Wonga yeah it is a Japaneese thing it's called Hentai which is animated porn, you should see the queue's way bigger than any porn shop in the UK.

    ...not that I know first hand.

    /feels he said too much.
    /grabs coat

  • jonsaan #96 5 years ago

    @kangarootoo.
    I can imagine. Damn. I concede defeat. I can't fight on under these circumstances, the man's a magician.

    Slumps off, 'cock' sign trailing behind him..
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 16:38

  • Ace_McCloud #97 5 years ago

    This game is pathetic and insulting. It paints gamers in a terrible light. Team Ninja need to sort it out. Ninja Gaiden is arguably the highlight of their development career, but even that was blighted by the bondage girl and just made the developers look like degenrate perverts, it's part of the reason non gamers find it so difficult to take games seriously. It's embarrassing, why do they feel the need to do it?

  • old_skool #98 5 years ago

    You know , not be overly critical but this is just one example why gaming will never be taken seriously by the general western population . If the developers want to make a game like this then it's their prerogative .Nevermind that it was a waste in your eyes , in their eyes it wasn't . They had an idea and they expressed it which is what the medium should be allowed to do . People must stop with their preconceived ideas of what a game should be .

  • krudster #99 5 years ago

    That's fine. But if the execution is terrible, what are we supposed to do? Talk about notions of sisterhood?

  • Lionheart #100 5 years ago

    @Everyone who has left a comment today

    You've made my day alot more comical haha!

    I'm all up for half naked women but this game looks pants!

  • Muddtallica #101 5 years ago

    old skool: Certainly, the developers have every right to make a game about ogling girls in bikinis, just as other developers might want to make a game about stomping turtles or playing ice hockey, and consumers have every right to buy such games, without being judged for that. That's what consumer choice and free speech are all about.

    However, the main problem people have with this particular game is not its content per se, more the fact that it's a very poorly designed and programmed game. Its developer is clearly cashing in on its own good name, the good name of the Dead or Alive franchise and indeed, the low-brow appeal of scantily-clad ladies to peddle an extremely low-quality product, and that's something that reviewers and consumers alike ought to unite in critcising.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 16:58

  • Lukus #102 5 years ago

    I'm sure Edge gave the original 8 out of 10.

  • BBIAJ #103 5 years ago

    I'd far rather that they put their resources towards a next-gen Fatal Frame/Project Zero.

  • enzima #104 5 years ago

    GREAT GAME! Shame the vote, i thought it would get an 8 or something.... well, just try it, really worth your time!
    P.S. EG rewievers are afraid of women, thats why they wouldnt dare judging the game on the base of humour, tecnichs or gameplay. (did i take this one too far? i can barely believe myself!)

  • enzima #105 5 years ago

    Why is it that i always agree with AdamOfEternia? its scary!

  • old_skool #106 5 years ago

    My comment wasn't aimed at krudster , it was aimed at comments like these... I do think that anyone who finds this game sexually alluring, or indeed gets off enough on it to wank themselves into a frenzy REALLY needs to either get a girlfriend/wife or download more porn....
    I find it kinda bizarre .

  • old_skool #107 5 years ago

    I think this game is really aimed at women . It reminds me of Final Fantasy X , the whole girl power thing , it almost made me puke .That said my lady friend really liked it , much more than I did and I'm a Final Fantasy fan .

    edit : got my FF mixed up
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 17:19

  • major_tom #108 5 years ago

    "It's an alarming waste of Team Ninja's undoubted talents."

    While I still agree with what the rest of the review said, this pretty much nails exactly how I feel about this game. At the end of the day, resources that could have been lavished on Ninja Gaiden 2 were instead diverted to this pointless fucking wank-fest. Now THAT's shameful.

  • Peew971 #109 5 years ago

    I have to say I don't know any women who didn't like the 1st one. The collect stuff and make friends (as said elsewhere) aspect of the game is appealing to them. And we know MS is looking into ways of attracting kids and women...
    I would like to read a review written by a woman, it could easily be a 7/8...

  • old_skool #110 5 years ago

    "It's an alarming waste of Team Ninja's undoubted talents."

    Can't be a waste if there's an audience for it . That's why sequals are made .

  • Steroyd #111 5 years ago

    @Old School

    LOL you've still got the wrong FF it's X-2.

    I want that FF X-2's identity away from the main FF's as much as possible.

  • The-Bodybuilder #112 5 years ago

    This is good.
    Anyone with high achievements on this game on LIVE get instant airtime (avoidance).

  • kangarootoo #113 5 years ago

    @jonsaan

    "Slumps off, 'cock' sign trailing behind him.."

    Lol, man I feel bad now (only a bit 'cos you were quite stroppy yourself). Glad you took it in good spirits though :)

  • HelloWorld #114 5 years ago

    Why can't anyone make a proper porn game? With fit ladies and stuff. Not "don't look at me i'm shy" tiny children with super big eyes.

  • DanMW #115 5 years ago

    "serial wankers" XD

  • Razz #116 5 years ago

    PHWOARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

    COR BLIMEY!!!!

    O_O

  • old_skool #117 5 years ago

    You know , maybe as gaming move into more realms/categories then this whole 'scoring on gameplay' thing should be reviewed , because any game that doesn't conform to those traditional genres and scored along traditional metrics will clearly fail .

  • Azazel #118 5 years ago

    U FAGS R SCARED OFF GURLS!!! LAWL!!

    Seriously: another Ninja Gaiden please.

  • Kiigan #119 5 years ago

    It's actually quite decent. It's lighthearted, sexy, funny, silly. There's lots of little activities to do, nothing too taxing, and then there's the collect-em-up aspects and gift-giving / friendship stuff that makes a return from the first one. Basically if you liked the first one, you'll like this one too. It's not shit - it is relaxing, easygoing, jolly, stupid, funny. It's not meant to change the world, it's meant to be enjoyable and diverting, and it is.

    Please, no more "right-on" males pretending to be offended by this. If you aren't greatly offended by Barbie dolls, or sexy virtual dollies in bikinis, you won't be offended by this. It's all very harmless and light.

    I teach English to some friends every weekend, all Japanese women, and they love this game to bits - they find it hilarious and accessible. Enough with the snobbery.

  • absolutezero #120 5 years ago

    I bought this, its pretty much the same as the first but with more little games to fiddle about with.

    I have enjoyed what I've played of it but then again I have the English language version of Sexy Beach 3 installed on my computer.

    Oh and I just thought I'd add that im glad it paints "gamers" in a terrible light, maybe it'll make people realise that gaming is'nt cool and never was.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 18:21

  • ghearoid #121 5 years ago

    um, i'm a fully fledged poof & i really enjoyed the first game. playing dress up with big boobied ladies was much more appealing to me than yet another FPS or footy game!

    ;op

  • Red-Moose #122 5 years ago

    THis g4m3 l00k5 f00k1ng 4WZum MAAAANNNNNNNNNN FTWFTWFTW!!!!

    Sarcasm aside, I can understand the above post on it being relaxing. It's nice not to kill people constantly in video games. I use Project 8 for that.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 18:32

  • thefilthandthefury #123 5 years ago

    "Oh and I just thought I'd add that im glad it paints "gamers" in a terrible light, maybe it'll make people realise that gaming is'nt cool and never was."

    Exactly! Let's take gaming back!

  • Psychotext #124 5 years ago

    I must say that between this review and the gears one I'm starting to figure that Krudster is a little metrosexual... =)

  • lambtron #125 5 years ago

    /Is confused

    How can a beach be sexy?

  • Mordum #126 5 years ago

    Jesus. It really does begger belief. As the review mentions, this is so much a waste of Team Ninjas talents. I think everyone on the planet could live without this game, especially if it meant the time had been spent developing Ninja Gaiden 2 instead.
    Still, now that they've got this out of their system, they can start work on a real game.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 18:44

  • Xerx3s #127 5 years ago

    Actually, imagine the reaction if all the girls were replaced with greased up men with rippling muscles and codpieces. Wonder how it would score then.

    Depends, would Ellie review it? ;p

  • Drakron #128 5 years ago

    Please, no more "right-on" males pretending to be offended by this.

    Spot on.

    That is the main issue I have with the review, granted the game have issues but a 3/10 sould only be given with several technical problems and outside a particular one there are none.

    From the review it seems a 7/10 but with minus 4 points because da sexism ... and lets drop the whole "Team Ninja sould be doing other things" as it seems you are just pissed because this game is not Ninja Gaiden 2 and that is in very poor taste, its like being pissed at Mass Effect for not being KotOR3.

  • EmiliasHorse #129 5 years ago

    I cannot wait for xmas to unwrap this and make up my own mind. I did agree fully with Edge's 8/10 for the first one and if the second is the same with nicer graphics I will be happy.

    The thread got quite heated for a long while mainly due to the moral aspect of the game/review. I do not recall ever finding the first DOAX in the least bit pervy or insulting to women. Although had Zack invited the DOA blokes for a bit of a beach party and oil-up I don't think anyone would have bought it....but maybe they should consider it just in case.

  • EmiliasHorse #130 5 years ago

    Oh! by the way, the thread was superb value thanks to all. 8/10

  • bloodflowers #131 5 years ago

    "Still, now that they've got this out of their system, they can start work on a real game."

    Yup - Dead Or Alive 5, apparently. Fine by me, Ninja Gaiden sucked.

  • spongebob #132 5 years ago

    Japanese are weird people when it comes to porn.

  • Punto #133 5 years ago

    I created an account just to say this.

    Seven out of eighteen of Eurogamer's screenshots in their gallery (and that's almost half, fact fans) are from the 'pervy' bits of the game, where your character slinks around in her scanties and the player just watches (and can take photos). Precisely none are from the one bit of the game that went down well in the review (the casino).

    Practise what thy preach?

  • NthSimulachum #134 5 years ago

    Ninja GAiden SUCKED????!!!??

    *kasplodes*

  • Drakron #135 5 years ago

    Its no excuse, "in development official screenshoots" sould not be used in reviews since we cannot even be sure they reflect ingame content.

  • willvale #136 5 years ago

    Pity about the jetskis. Since Wave Race 2 turned out to be a bit of a disappointment I've been hoping for a good sploshy wave game. Is it really that bad?

    I remember buying DOAX out of curiosity - I was genuinely interested to find out what was it going to be like, and I wouldn't have been unhappy if it had been porn-as-game - not that it really was. As it turned out, we spent a lot of time going 'what *is* she wearing?!?" and giggling at all the naughty fruit-eating and ludicrous breast physics. For us, it wasn't a sexual response, but it was a social one - laughing at what they thought they could get away with.

    It was also really refreshing to play something where it was possible to look at nicely rendered bouncy anime girls without having to kick the shit out of them all the time. Reviews of DOA usually touch on the 'sexy girls' aspect without complaining, but I guess it's not a double standard owing to all the greased-up fighting fellas. Probably...

    Anyhoo, I played the first one for about 4 hours, but my missus (who used to play and ref a lot of volleyball) played for over 40! We'll probably get the new one when it gets cheap after Christmas, and here in NZ it'll still be summer - woo hoo!

  • wolfen #137 5 years ago

    While I don't give a toss about the game, Drakron is right in one thing: I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be that hard for EG to capture proper screenshots instead of using the usual press release photos. Most of those might not reflect the game altogether, and most of them are cinematics/render/other non-gameplay stuff.

  • kangarootoo #138 5 years ago

    @AdamOfEternia

    "Don't feel bad, your 'cock' sign will live on with you forever."

    Oh dear, oh dear. Are the large words giving you trouble? It wasn't my sign. But please do try again.

  • JediMasterMalik #139 5 years ago

    AdamOfEternia

    I thought you were becoming sensible when I read your Zelda comments. I was wrong. *sigh*
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/06 @ 23:07

  • Mashum #140 5 years ago

    It feels ungrateful to complain about EG but the DOAX style is really more like The Sims than Sam Fox's Strip Poker - certainly in terms of appealing to women. An obsessive befreind and collect 'em up as mentioned by 'roo and others.

    It's certainly not worth getting upset about or stammering an apology for MANkind's terrible need to look at tits.

    Edit: rambling
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/06 @ 01:13

  • lambtron #141 5 years ago

    But but Tits are Evil!

    The americans said so!

  • SeanLB #142 5 years ago

    "So presumably those who get turned on over the dead or alive girls also wank over shop window dummies? I just don't get it."

    You need to get watching Mannequin, even if just for Hollywood.

  • IAmBatman #143 5 years ago

    So a realistic game where you kill people is morally fine, but a fantasy game where you sit on a beach with pretty girls is wrong?

    It seems the strange "violence is okay but sexy is abhorrent" stance has hit Eurogamer, then.

  • krudster #144 5 years ago

    As if it hasn't been said enough, being against what this game stands for is about the fact the gameplay is so pathetically weak. It's just the final nail in the coffin is that people might buy it just to look at some personality-free droids. I find that incredibly, soul-destroyingly sad.

    To try and justify purchasing this by saying the gameplay is "laid back", etc, is bizarre. Yes, it is laid back, but it's also just a really really terrible way of spending an awful lot of money.

    You see everything in the game within the first two hours, and simply repeat the same dull, mindless tasks over and over again. But if that's really what you want from gaming, good luck!

  • Rambaldi #145 5 years ago

    @krudster

    "That very talented people worked on an extremely depressing game is the thing that upsets me"

    Gospel truth old bean, gospel truth.

    /thinks of a world where U2 write songs for Peter & Jordan's new album

  • kangarootoo #146 5 years ago

    @AdamOfEternia

    So which dog am I? Jesus man, I've got no clue what you are saying to me.

    I saw a three legged dog once. It could still shift and it looked f'ckin delighted with itself.

    I saw a two legged dog once too, with a trolley instead of hind legs too. Do I have a trolley? Man, that would be sweet.

    /makes brrrrrr noises... beep beep

  • kangarootoo #147 5 years ago

    @wired_protocol

    "There really is no defence for this game, i actually have more respect for those that admit they are buying it for their love of jiggly unrealistic anime girls, rather than those that try and defend it with "actually my girlfriend likes it" or "the gameplay mechanic is good".. "

    Now I'm confused. You seem to be objecting to the game on moral grounds, but then say you would respect someone who bought it because of the tits more than someone who bought it for the gameplay?

    "she'd beat the shit out of me if i bought this, and quite rightly so"

    And that is just weird.

  • LPXO #148 5 years ago

    "she'd beat the shit out of me if i bought this, and quite rightly so"

    Jesus, what would she do if she found your animal porn collection?!
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/06 @ 11:43

  • kangarootoo #149 5 years ago

    @AdamOfEternia

    Hey thats not cool.

    One minute I am a kickass dog with a superfly trolley, impressing all the local girl dogs with my mean wheels, known on every street corner like Al Pacino in Donnie Brasco.

    The next I am a nameless zombie, one of many in a huge nameless mass, and not even a whole zombie at that. AND it sounds like I have dogs legs instead of arms!

    Shiiiit.

  • Kiigan #150 5 years ago

    I love how you right-on evolved males are so outraged by a few sexy virtual dollies in revealing costumes, but the constant and repeated casual racism in the comments thread goes completely unscolded. Lovely.

  • TR421 #151 5 years ago

    Well I bought it because I like the style and cheesy laid back atmosphere.
    But then again I've enjoyed the new Sonic game. Despite the bugs.

  • Stickman #152 5 years ago

    Probably because only you can see it?

  • old_skool #153 5 years ago

    @krudster
    I never before this critisised a EG review but for this one , mainly because it's easy to critisize and even easier to lose objectivity . The whole review reeks of negativity and sexism .You assume the game is made for men , even your very first paragraph inclines to it .But at least you proved one thing right krudster , men think playing with dolls is stupid and pointless . So is window shopping .

  • oneiros #154 5 years ago

    I've just reread the review and although I can't really comment on any of the minigames (having not played this sequel), it does seem Kristan has missed the point re. gift giving:

    The game gives little hint as to what things they like, which basically reduces the process to (sometimes expensive) trial and error - or guessing that they'd like something to match the colour of whatever swimsuit they're sporting.

    If this is anything like the original, all you need to do is read the biogs of the girls to work out what they might like, something any DOA fan (especially a Japanese otaku) would probably know off by heart. The original also gave you feedback in terms of the responses the girls make; I'm guessing this one does something similar.

    At the end of the day, I'm sure this game probably is a disappointment both to those of us who enjoyed the original, and to newcomers to the genre (if such a thing exists); I just think maybe EG got the wrong person to review it...
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/06 @ 12:00

  • Kiigan #155 5 years ago

    krudster said:

    "You see everything in the game within the first two hours, and simply repeat the same dull, mindless tasks over and over again. But if that's really what you want from gaming, good luck!"

    Guess what? Not everyone is a jaded hardcore gamer. Some people want to just turn on their console, have a quick blast of something fun, light and accessible, and then go back to their lives. Not everyone plays a game for more than 2 hours in a stretch, not everyone rinses every game they buy.

    You repeat the same tasks over and over again? So what? You could say that about almost every game on the market! As long as the staple diet of play is reasonably engaging - and the draw here is in acquiring more stuff for your collection, maintaining friendships, gift-giving etc - then it doesn't have to be a hardcore challenge. It's light, it's fun, it's sexy. Like the first one.

    You're clearly the wrong person to review the game - no offence, but you don't appear to understand the appeal of the first DOAX game, and in treating that appeal so dismissively you disregard the notion that people DID enjoy the first one, and WILL enjoy the sequel regardless of your "hardcore gamer" take on things.

    You didn't like it. You found it boring. Fair enough. I'm interested in hearing your opinions. But let's be real - 3/10 is a score one normally reserves for chronically broken software - games that are so utterly fucked, bugged, and broken that they should never have been released at all. This is a well put-together solid game, and there's an audience for it as proven by the sales figures. Let's lose the hardcore gamer snobbery please. It's much more fair to say "I found it vacuous, boring, unchallenging. It is however attractive looking and solid, so if you found the first one engaging, chances are you'll like this too. Hardcore gamers looking for a challenge might want to look elsewhere - 5/10".

  • stormuk #156 5 years ago

    I say mankind, because, like, only men could make a game where the sole point of it is stooping to pitiful and pathetic levels of digital voyeurism.


    Hmm what about ugly Lesbians? Trying to resist a joystick pun now...

  • Additive #157 5 years ago

    It's clear that the review is slightly unbalanced, but it's also problematic. Isn't the whole start of the game dependent on which girl you choose at the beginning.

    After selecting Kasumi it was Lisa that showed me around the island and she didn't leave which made it easier to go straight into the volleyball etc.

    One thing I noticed was that the English VO is so wrong. Japanese VO with English subtitles please.

  • TR421 #158 5 years ago

    "One thing I noticed was that the English VO is so wrong. Japanese VO with English subtitles please."

    The thing I like about the Eng VOs is that they tried to give some of the girls "authentic" accents (Tina, Helena and Christie), gave up and gave the rest Valley Girl accents. It just adds to the cheesiness!

  • krudster #159 5 years ago

    I can imagine the feedback to a review which read "if you like boring and vacuous games with style over substance then you'll like this, 8/10".

    Also, Kiigan, the very last thing I am is *jaded*, and the fact that I actually chose to play something like this with an open mind in my own spare time kinda goes against that theory.

    Why, when you slag something off for being crap, do people always assume it's only because you're jaded? Pffft.

  • captainrentboy #160 5 years ago

    ......I'd fuck 'em all,stringy wild hair or not.

  • Rambaldi #161 5 years ago

    Look, guys, it's only a number FFS. Get over it. Buy it. Play it. Toss over it. Whatever. 200 posts over THIS!

  • old_skool #162 5 years ago

    Krudster you're either missing the point or you're in denial . So I'll just make examples of crap things I don't like , to explain complex social behaviours , because I don't have any other way of making this point .

    I think window shopping is crap .Who the hell wants to look at clothes for hours on end and not buy a single item ?? Makes no sense .
    And what's the deal with trying on 20 paires of shoes just to decide in the end to go with the very first pair you had in your hands .
    Watching soapies is so dull and repetitive , You know what's gonna happen before hand , you know John is gonna cheat on Marlena , Peter has been planning to kidnap Alice for 2 months now . Crap .
    Foreplay , crap .
    Sitting on the phone for 2 hours and reminiscing about the past , with the friend you're gonna see tommorow at work , crap .
    Not liking sports , crap .
    Mills and Boon , crap .


    Notice a pattern here ?

    /Stay tuned for part 2

  • krudster #163 5 years ago

    I think I've just lost the will to live.

    /kills self.

  • old_skool #164 5 years ago

    LOL

  • jonsaan #165 5 years ago

    Take heart Krudster. You sparked what has certainly been one of the most entertaining debates of the week.

  • krudster #166 5 years ago

    /high five

  • Instinct #167 5 years ago

    I'm so confused, and yet so amused.
    Why did they spell extreme without the first 'e'?
    Why are they only Dead or Alive? Can't they be in some sort of limbo?

  • JediMasterMalik #168 5 years ago

    oh no...necrophelia

  • Peew971 #169 5 years ago

    There you go, 200 posts

  • login_name #170 5 years ago

    "You see everything in the game within the first two hours, and simply repeat the same dull, mindless tasks over and over again. But if that's really what you want from gaming, good luck!"

    It'll probably sell well then, if GoW is anything to go by.

  • Pacman8MyGhostkart #171 5 years ago

    And I thought the 'It's called a Wii.....no really' thread was full of drama, keep it going my good sons/daughters/vegetables keep it going :)

  • HenryMancini #172 5 years ago

    ":It'll probably sell well then, if GoW is anything to go by. "

    Oh, the biting wit! What next, a little complaint about the Library being a bit samey?

  • Reihn #173 5 years ago

    You crazy kids rock out. I'm still *reading* this.

    You know what I'd like? I'd like it if Microsoft freaking made the first one backwards compatible. Then I wouldn't need the sequel at all, I could just fire up the first (pretty much identical) effort for a few hours, and be done with it for another six months or so.

    Speaking of which, do you think we'll ever actually see another back.compat update??
    Edited by 1 at 13/12/06 @ 05:50

  • IAmBatman #174 5 years ago

    > Speaking of which, do you think we'll ever actually see another back.compat update??

    You mean like the December 06 one that's just been listed on the Xbox website? Finally angry nerds can stop complaining about their silly Psychonauts game that nobody else wants to play.

  • login_name #175 5 years ago

    "Oh, the biting wit! What next, a little complaint about the Library being a bit samey?"

    Raw nerve?
    It wasn't a complaint, it was an observation.

  • Garulon #176 5 years ago

    I don't fancy any of these girls.

    And I fancy Mia Fey out of Pheonix Wright LIKE MAD.

    So it's not me.

  • bdc #177 5 years ago

    BAN THIS SICK FILTH

  • Danbojones Verified Senior Staff Writer, GamesIndustry.biz #178 5 years ago

    @IAmBatman - What's with your Psychonaughts bashing? That's the second diss I've seen from you today on it. Have you even played it? I'm presuming no as it was one of the most charming, innovative platformers I've ever played. Not saying you're not allowed to like it, just that I'd like to know why.

  • blake_stole_my_name #179 5 years ago

    Well a guy in his right mind wouldn't buy this for the gameplay anyway?