Earth Defence Force 2017 Review

By Kieron Gillen Published 5 April, 2007

A 3D Ant Attack for the noughties.

Version tested: Xbox 360

There are many good reasons not to buy Earth Defence Force 2017.

You might not like shooters. Because if you don't like shooters, really, you're in the wrong place. Earth Defence Force is about shooting. It's just about shooting, in the same way Tetris is about rotating blocks and MMOs are about slowly getting alienated from your friends and family. Sure, as you progress it reveals itself to be a little smarter than it initially appears, but considering it initially appears to be as smart as soup, that's not really saying much.

You may believe that videogames should be making a serious attempt to become the primary narrative voice of the twenty-first century. Because Earth Defence Force 2017's plot would be summed up by its title if you added the rider "shoots an army of invading ants". There's minor cut-scenes and voice-overs about what area of the planet the invaders are trashing at the moment, but it's not exactly Tolstoy. Except it's actually the perfect plot for the game. It's a game about shooting. It tells you what to shoot, and the real narrative of the piece is How On Earth Am I Going To Kill That Thing With Legs The Size Of Manhattan Before It Steps On Me? And as far as stories goes, that's pretty compulsive.

You may believe that in the modern age, games should be a complex cocktail of sensations and approaches. You can't get away with just a direct assault game in this day and age. The designers here disagree with you. They believe that rather than spread their efforts, they'll better concentrate their limited funds on doing something as well as possible. Earth Defence Does that. It gives you well over a hundred weapons to try out, masses of difficulty levels, and explosions so big that you'll worry they may crack the front of your television. Earth Defence Force 2017 isn't a complex cocktail. It's a Molotov cocktail.

'Earth Defence Force 2017' Screenshot 1

How do you hurt a robot? Shoot him in the nuts. Ah-ha.

You may believe that the Next Generation games demand AAA production values. Because, as mentioned in the last paragraph, this is a B-game. Animations and models are generally a little below par. Off an ant, and he'll grow stiff, and bounce around the landscape like a Buick-sized powerball. Technically speaking, there's fairly regular slowdown when things get too hectic. The latter is, actually, its saving grace. When EDF goes hectic, it really goes hectic. The models, individually, won't impress, but seeing a wave of insects crawling across the surface of a skyscraper is a visceral thrill. The physics are ludicrous, yes. But ludicrous is a good thing. The best of things, in fact.

You may believe that if a game doesn't embrace the full Xbox Live experience, it's underselling the format to an offensive degree. Because EDF has literally nothing online. It's got a highly compulsive and entertaining split-screen mode, which somehow manages to make the battles even more hilarious, but if you want to play a mate online or similar, you're out of luck. But - genetically speaking - this is a game whose co-op is based around friends sharing a frontroom rather than bandwidth. Invite 'em round. You don't see 'em enough.

You may believe that no matter how much a game costs, there's no excuses for rough edges. The AI is Doom-level. The in-game cut-scenes where you get control dragged away from you, while the game continues, are just bizarre. The vehicles - jetbikes, choppers, tanks and a exoskeleton robo-death-suit - are noticeably underdeveloped. EDF mitigates against everything by simply costing twenty-five quid. To some people, this doesn't matter. These are very rich people. Reviews are buyer's guides, and a correctly priced game helps its mark. You can stop thinking about how anyone could release a full-price game with team-mates who have a tendency to shoot walls underground and just concentrate on how someone managed to a game as constantly, relentlessly, stupidly entertaining as this.

'Earth Defence Force 2017' Screenshot 2

Reds ant at night? Still time to fight. Red ants in the morning? Earth conquered by insects: all is lost.

You might be some sort of importer who was in love with the previous version on the PS2 (which was apparently released as Global Defence Force this year though no-one appears to have seen it), and thinks that the features have changed and the original was better and stuff. Yay you!

You might like your shooters brutally realistic. So, when presented with a soldier armed with a thinly-veiled M-16 (who is pretty much single handedly fighting off an army of skyscraper-sized robots with weapons so big that your character could comfortably live inside it), your reaction is to tut disapprovingly, rather than, say, pray silently to your own personal gods and start writing fanfic about the EDF 2017 world. A world where an all-conquering alien-race arrives and discovers that, actually, the rest of the universe wear enormous big girl's blouses, and it was probably a design fault making their killer-death machines out of tin-foil.

You might not like the idea of unlocking 150 weapons, any two of which can be taken into any level. Far too much trouble. I'd settle for this shotgun, if that's all the same to you. Deciding whether you want the missile launcher which fires quickly and kills things really dead, or the one which fires slowly and kills things REALLY DEAD is boring. And flamethrowers, acid-sprays, flying sloth missile-things, sentry turrets and sniper rifles that can down stadium-sized UFOs with a well placed shot... well, who'd want that?

You might be suffering post-911 trauma related to falling buildings, and being in an environment when a single stray rocket can bring down literally anything is going to leave you distraught. Be warned: the game prominently features fully-destructible cities which are prominently fully-destructed, on a level for level basis.

'Earth Defence Force 2017' Screenshot 3

This suit can barely turn. But its armed with rockets, machine-guns AND a flamethrower, so who cares?

You may be an arachnophobe. Seeing dozens of spiders the size of cars bounce over the horizon before capturing you in a tsunami of fluids - like some kind of weaponized bukkake - will give you a month of nightmares .

You might have a heart condition and can't stand loud-noises, bright lights or excitements. EDF2017 has the loudest noises and brightest lights of the year so far - at its best - can go trade excitements with the best of them.

You may think that Robotron x Rampage + Serious Sam doesn't equal ACEIOSITY.

You might believe violence solves nothing when - in fact - it solves over fifty levels of action, across multiple difficulty levels.

You may have friends and family who are ants. I understand. It's difficult.

You might not like smiling.

You might be stupid. Because there's always that, isn't there?

If none of these apply, you've got no bloody excuse.

9 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Kieron.

About Kieron Gillen

Kieron is one of the founders of the lovely Rock, Paper, Shotgun and nowadays writes comics for Marvel starring characters that even his mum has heard of.

Read more articles from Kieron by visiting the Kieron Gillen archive page.

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Comments (161) Latest comment 11 months ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Nova5lag #1 5 years ago

    riight... ok. *notes down to read that later* looks errm mental.

  • JediMasterMalik #2 5 years ago

    Looks hilarious. Good review.

  • Uncle_Fishboy #3 5 years ago

    Better than gears then?

  • Gruff #4 5 years ago

    Did not see that 9 coming, all the clips i have seen of this have looked crap and repetative!

  • Yossarian #5 5 years ago

    funniest review on EG in ages

  • McBradders #6 5 years ago

    Wow, a 9, now if only Play would hurry up and actually deliver what I ordered!
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 11:47

  • mingster #7 5 years ago

    9!! I thought it was gonna be a 3 from reading the review!!

  • therev #8 5 years ago

    The bug where controls don't get inverted when in vehicles is very annoying.

    And it really could do with stuff from the latest PS2 version, too.

    Apart from that it's amazing and everyone should buy it and I really, really wish my 360 hadn't given me the ring of death because I really can't afford to get it repaired and now I can't play this game.

  • BremXJones #9 5 years ago

    I like Gears of War - I'd have given Gears 9/10 rather than EG's 8 - but I actively prefer this. It's just more fun.

    KG

  • AcidSnake #10 5 years ago

    You may be an anachrophobe

    Isn't that supposed to be arachnophobe?

  • JediMasterMalik #11 5 years ago

    I bet the story's better too ;p

  • KaiB #12 5 years ago

    great review...really nicely written!

  • Talha #13 5 years ago

    The review can stand up to anything in modern literature. The tactic of making the score the punchline and simultaneously turning the review on its head - genius!

  • Dizzy #14 5 years ago

    Waaaa!!!!????

    9?

    Woah... I never expected this game to be good. Awesome.... but GH2 is calling as well.

    BTW Awesomely funny review ;)
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 11:55

  • urban #15 5 years ago

    looks terrible :S

  • tonyferrino #16 5 years ago

    You may be an anachrophobe

    Isn't that supposed to be arachnophobe?

    Nah, he means someone afraid of anachronisms. Duh!

  • BrokenSymmetry #17 5 years ago

    And the reviews on Eurogamer get better and better. Is Eurogamer striving for game-journalism-world domination?

  • Talha #18 5 years ago

    The review can stand up to anything in modern literature. The tactic of making the score the punchline and simultaneously turning the review on its head - genius!

  • YoJimbo #19 5 years ago

    This is one of the most fun games i've played for a while...great fun for the price

  • JediMasterMalik #20 5 years ago

    If this was a full priced game it wouldn't stand up to bigger games, but at £18 you seemingly can't go wrong!

  • FabricatedLunatic #21 5 years ago

    That is a teriffic review and one, I fear, that is going to make my bank balance £18 lighter.

  • Xerx3s #22 5 years ago

    a 9? eh? o_o This has mediocre written all over it.

    Soooo, better than resistance then?

  • Tricky #23 5 years ago

    "weaponised bukkake"

    Ban this sick filfth!

  • NOSAVIOUR #24 5 years ago

    What a joke. 9 out of 10? Excite trucks review was bang on. Sonics was a joke and this is ridiculous.

    Great fun - yes it is - 6 out of 10. Would love to know Mark Reins thoughts on the EG review process now...



  • BremXJones #25 5 years ago

    "You may be an anachrophobe
    Isn't that supposed to be arachnophobe?"

    I am the worst of writers.

    (That said, I'm going to use "Anachrophobe" in a future review. I suspect I am one.)

    KG

  • Dizzy #26 5 years ago

    "Would love to know Mark Reins thoughts on the EG review process now... "

    A fine balance between hype/price and fun.

  • Cannibal #27 5 years ago

    Snakes on a Plane for consoles?

    "I'm tired of these mutha#@!£%* ants in this mutha#@!£%* city!"

    Hide your picnics people!

  • Azazel #28 5 years ago

    weaponized bukkake - will give you a month of nightmares .

    !

  • Totoriko #29 5 years ago

    Bargain at £17.99

  • NOSAVIOUR #30 5 years ago

    "A fine balance between hype/price and fun"

    Still a 9 does not make!

  • SBfistfun #31 5 years ago

    Anal Defence Force more like

  • penhalion #32 5 years ago

    It is crap and repetitive....oddly that's what makes it fun. It only costs 24 quid and is the kind of thing that we all long for on arcade.........

    totoriko where do you get it for 17 quid?
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 12:07

  • spongebob #33 5 years ago

    Too many "you mights" :)

    Seriously. I got to get a X360.

  • Totoriko #34 5 years ago

    @penhalion

    all the shops I've checked, amazon uk, play, choicesuk are selling it less than £18

  • NOSAVIOUR #35 5 years ago

    play.com 17.99

  • Fatnick #36 5 years ago

    It looks terrible, sounds terrible, has a complete lack of Xbox live features and is shit by any objective criteria.

    Most fun i've had in ages though - and that includes Wii sports baseball.

  • Dizzy #37 5 years ago

    >Still a 9 does not make!

    No hype, low price and great fun == 9

    Or not?
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 12:12

  • Murbal #38 5 years ago

    10/10 for the review ;-)

  • rashes #39 5 years ago

    Bah! Can't read the review .. stupid work content filter.
    If this got a 10, I still couldn;t see myself motivated to buy it. Looks like it should be an XBLA title? A higher end on albeit. ?
    Woeful use of achievements, by the way...

  • Cyhwuhx #40 5 years ago

    .::: Wholeheartedly agree with everything!

    "I'll take the one in the back!"

  • 3william56 #41 5 years ago

    Anyone got any info on the PS2 version? Is it import only? :/

  • NOSAVIOUR #42 5 years ago

    Im not saying its a bad game but in comparison to other games it lacks polish, structure and online modes. All things which would add to the experience. To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement when clearly if D3 had a big budget and longer dev time we could be onto a real winner.

    Its not a 9. A 6 should be recognised as a good score for a fun game.
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 12:16

  • brooza #43 5 years ago

    VERY surprised by the score, will have to check out the review now

  • rudedudejude #44 5 years ago

    So is this kinda similar to Serious Sam in a 'sets out to do one thing' kinda way?

  • Fab4 #45 5 years ago

    "" "weaponised bukkake"

    Ban this sick filfth! ""

    I thought that was the funniest comment in there..we need more of this ;)

  • repairmanjack #46 5 years ago

    Brilliant game. I've been through it once and I'm now farming higher levels for new weapons. Level 52 made me weep tears of joy.

    9/10 is bang on.

  • itamae #47 5 years ago

    D3 Publisher? As in D3 "The Zombies vs Ambulance" Publisher? Who would have thought they would ever publish something decent? :-)

    Whatever next? Oneechanbara Vortex for the West?

  • Rev.StuartCampbell #48 5 years ago

    "To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement"

    Christ, readers are stupid.

  • lambtron #49 5 years ago

    I don't give a toss about production values, tiresome story lines or any of that boring shite that had nothing to do with games originally anyway (what was the plot of Space Invaders again ;) ) so this sounds RIGHT up my street.

    /buys

  • BremXJones #50 5 years ago

    NOSAVIOUR: "To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement"

    Scores aren't measures of perfection*. They're - as the review note - buyers guides.

    *Enormous* fun + sensible price = Buy this.

    (The review actively goes through why certain people wouldn't buy this game. You've hit several of them - you won't accept rough edges and don't believe price should influence and don't think something being enjoyable is really enough.)

    KG

    *Even 10 doesn't imply there's no room for improvement. I can write essays on what's wrong with any game anyone's given a ten, but that's neither here nor there on whether you should buy 'em or not.

  • BremXJones #51 5 years ago

    Kelly: Yes.

    KG

  • ralphwolfenstein #52 5 years ago

    Review of the year so far

    Not that I feel good about inflating that smug canute's ego any further..

  • NOSAVIOUR #53 5 years ago

    "Christ, readers are stupid."

    Shoot me for having an opnion. Way overated 2 minute fun. Much like I bet you are with a woman (minus the fun).

  • Skeletor #54 5 years ago

    "weaponized bukkake"
    Haha, YES! The reviewer should get a Pulitzer-prize for this creation...that really made my day:-)
    I've read a couple of reviews about EDF2017 and always had the feeling that the reviewer wanted to give it a good mark but just didn't have the balls to finally do it...that is until EG came around. Brilliant! This game looks like a Godzilla fan's wet dream.

  • NOSAVIOUR #55 5 years ago

    "Scores aren't measures of perfection*. They're - as the review note - buyers guides."

    Far enough but thats the whole arguement with reviews scores. Why rate something if we can all decipher from the review weather its good or not? Everything is subjective after all.

  • ralphwolfenstein #56 5 years ago

    oh and FAO Gillen

    Company of Heroes sequel announced, in case you didn't know

    [link url=http://www.eurogamer.net/forum_thr ead_posts.php?thread_id=79268&category_id=27
    ]http://ww w.eurogamer.net/forum_thread_po...[/link]

  • Phattso #57 5 years ago

    Been playing this all week - proper grin inducing madness. On level 14 (called Fortress, I think) I was literally open mouthed in disbelieving awe as this fifty storey monstrosity emerged from the water to fight me.... and then started spewing ten storey robots and swarms of those flying cylon looking bastards from its underside.

    Really gives me IREM shooter flashbacks when the screen is full of particles and explosions and I'm just trying to weave in and out looking for a shot. Awesome game, and at eighteen sterlings you'd be mad to miss it. :)

  • BremXJones #58 5 years ago

    NOSAVIOUR: It just keeps things simple. You give the mark on a "Buy this or not" basis, and then the review should contain enough information so each reader can know whether their own tastes match up to the reviewers.

    (It's especially true in this case. You can't say I was glossing over its faults, I think...)

    KG

  • Chewy #59 5 years ago

    NO, I'M NOT GOING TO BUY THIS! I still have Lost Planet and FEAR to play I'm only about 10% of the way through! So NOOOO damn you!

    Sounds like a laugh and I'm a sucker for a shoot'em-up.

  • BremXJones #60 5 years ago

    Ralph: Yeah, I've seen. Good news. Hopefully people will actually buy the bastard thing now.

    Chewy: Talk a mate into buying it and then go around to play Co-Op.

    KG

  • NOSAVIOUR #61 5 years ago

    "It just keeps things simple. You give the mark on a "Buy this or not" basis, and then the review should contain enough information so each reader can know whether their own tastes match up to the reviewers."

    Point taken. But still not a 9!! ;O)

    Perhaps scores should be out of 5 then...
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 12:49

  • Rev.StuartCampbell #62 5 years ago

    "Shoot me for having an opnion. "

    You all heard him say that, right? That's a clear request there, m'lud.

    Listen, numbnuts - quite apart from the spectacular, hilarious idiocy of claiming that a 9 means "no room for improvement" IN A SCORING SYSTEM THAT MARKS OUT OF TEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE, as Comrade Gillen has already pointed out, even 10/10 doesn't mean "perfect". There's no such thing as a perfect game. 9/10 means, rationally, "if you divided all the games that are currently available into 10 groups by relative quality, such that there was an equal number of games in each group, this game would be in the second-best group".

    In practice, review sites screw up this simple mathematical principle by clumping the vast majority of scores into the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 groups, and proportionately underusing 1, 2, 3 and 10, in a skewed bell curve approach. You end up with 243 games a year scoring 8 and one scoring 10, which is pretty stupid. But not as stupid as thinking 9/10 can't be improved on. I blame the schools.

  • NOSAVIOUR #63 5 years ago

    Rev. Stuart Campbell:

    bla bla bla bla...

    My whole arguement is its not a 9 scoring game. I think its an amazin game, but not a 9. My opnion no one elses. Does it harm you? No. Now calm down, lower that blood pressure and count to 6 cos anything higher than that aint justified in regards to this here game. ;O)

  • bonker #64 5 years ago

    "Shoot me for having an opnion. Way overated 2 minute fun. Much like I bet you are with a woman (minus the fun). "

    LMAO!

  • #65 5 years ago

    test

  • Rev.StuartCampbell #66 5 years ago

    "My whole arguement is its not a 9 scoring game."

    No, your argument was "To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement". I couldn't care less about your opinion of the game. I care about the rank stupidity with which you mangled not only the English language but the entire concept of arithmetic, which even most cavemen managed to get the hang of.

  • AdzB #67 5 years ago

    well written review, but I take umbrage at the comment that
    "appears to be as smart as soup"
    in my personal experience soup can be very clever!

  • BremXJones #68 5 years ago

    Stu, man, leave him alone, you big bully, or I'll come over and give you a firm slap.

    Don't listen to the nasty man, Nosaviour.

    KG

  • sharpfish #69 5 years ago

    9/10? now I know eurogamer reviews have totally lost the plot, most other places have given very low scores.

    Yeah, this sure is better quality than Gears (rolls eyes). Gears probably was an 8 when all the hype died down, pat on the back for that, but when you score lesser games higher because they had NO HYPE to live up to it's just WRONG. You are rewarding this unassuming little quirk fest because it's fun, because you didn't expect much from it. When you reviewed Gears you were very critical. You must maintain that critical eye and same standard on all games.

    This get's a 6 from me if Gears is 8.

    And those who say "enough with the Gears review moaning already", we can't forget, it was just wrong.

    edit > btw the score aside, the review itself was very good work. EG do have good writing I just wish they would think harder about the scores and their implications when compared to other titles.

    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 13:01

  • Rev.StuartCampbell #70 5 years ago

    "Stu, man, leave him alone, you big bully, or I'll come over and give you a firm slap. "

    Dude, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough. I'll put the kettle on.

  • Rev.StuartCampbell #71 5 years ago

    "Gears probably was an 8 when all the hype died down, pat on the back for that"

    "And those who say "enough with the Gears review moaning already", we can't forget, it was just wrong."

    You seem a little confused, love.

  • gogobaka #72 5 years ago

    arg beaten to it
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 13:05

  • Venatio Verified Expo Community & Gaming Manager, Eurogamer Network #73 5 years ago

    'I just wish they would think harder about the scores and their implications when compared to other titles'

    So EG should compare their review scores to every other game they've ever reviewed and adjust accordingly?

  • DDevil #74 5 years ago

    People who haven't played the game just don't understand the score. It's as simple as that :-)

  • Mashum #75 5 years ago

    ...anyone know if it has southpaw/left hander setup? I'll nip off and get this at lunch if it has.

  • mcmonkeyplc #76 5 years ago

    You unsold the game to me!

  • krudster #77 5 years ago

    /gets a pat on the back and is wrong in the same breath.

    Hey everybody, it's Groundhog day!

  • bonker #78 5 years ago

    This has been waiting to happen for a while (stupid, overblown, FUN antidote to sterile 'realistic' modern FPS type shite), it just took someone with enough insight and nuts to do it.

    Congrat's to the EDF dev's for delivering it and to EG for recognising it for what it is.

    Big, stoopid and chock full of fun GAMEPLAY.

    EDF 2017 = Welcome to 1987 kids.

  • aine #79 5 years ago

    Whatever next? Oneechanbara Vortex for the West?

    Oneechanbara Vortex is shite, though.


    Oh, and Global Defence Force (aka Chikyuu Boueigun 2) has been delayed again, until bloody October or something. It's still coming, though. Really.

  • Aretak #80 5 years ago

    "My whole arguement is its not a 9 scoring game. I think its an amazin game, but not a 9. My opnion no one elses. Does it harm you? No."

    You're right. And you've stated your opinion. Repeatedly. Now stop.

  • PlugMonkey #81 5 years ago

    So, basically what people are saying is that an Xbox Live Arcade game that costs £5 has to have exactly the same level of depth, production values, play length and polish as a AAA title that costs £50 or it's not allowed to score more than, say, 2/10?

    Or maybe you just judge each game on it's relative merits.

  • DanWhitehead #82 5 years ago

    I stupidly ordered the US version of this from Play-Asia, unaware it would be getting such a cheap and timely UK release. Now I find myself wondering if I should just nab one from Play.com as well and Ebay the other as soon as it arrives. Because I do love me some giant ant slaughter.

  • BremXJones #83 5 years ago

    Plugmonkey: Stop it with that crazy-communist talk, you.

    ('xactly!)

    KG

  • matrim83 #84 5 years ago

    Nice review and it sounds like a fun game.

  • speedofthepuma #85 5 years ago

    "To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement"

    Christ, readers are stupid.

    and yet we carry on reading patronising bigots. Guess you're right.

  • Masarin #86 5 years ago

    Thanks ants. Thants!

  • LeoliansBro #87 5 years ago

    Possibly one of the best reviews ever written - I salute you! And definitely the first time a review alone has convinced me to buy a game. Looks bonkers.

  • jammyj #88 5 years ago

    I've been playing this game almost every spare minute I've had. It's truly awesome. Epic. Outstanding.

    Co-op is a must-play.

    I can't fault it - the achievements are rubbish, but I kind of LIKE them like that, it adds to the charm.

    No surprise that it's a good review at EG - by Kieron Gillen :)

  • NOSAVIOUR #89 5 years ago

    "No, your argument was "To be a 9 suggests there is no room for improvement". I couldn't care less about your opinion of the game. I care about the rank stupidity with which you mangled not only the English language but the entire concept of arithmetic, which even most cavemen managed to get the hang of."

    Ouch you sure know how to kick a man when he is down. Touch a nerve?

    Am I not allowed to express an opinion without some pleb getting uptight cos I dont bat for the same team. Fag.

  • wiper #90 5 years ago

    EDF! EDF!

  • Dizzy #91 5 years ago

    NOSAVIOUR calm down. Most of us understand your arguments (we might not agree but understand). Don't get angry at a few agressive emos.

  • bonker #92 5 years ago

    "Am I not allowed to express an opinion without some pleb getting uptight cos I dont bat for the same team. Fag. "

    /confused

  • BremXJones #93 5 years ago

    Disc: We are actually friends actually. We just disagree about how polite we have to be to people who disagree with us with holes in their arguments. I think it's better to try and talk people around to my position. Stuart doesn't really care about that - he's just happy to show how wrong they are. He likes shouting.

    (It actually grates a little with me, as by Stuart's actions, I think people are less likely to see the light and chill a little.)

    I'll admit to feeling a bit like Stuart when writing the review. He kind of made his career by giving stuff high marks which exists outside the market's idea of what a "Quality" game is. It's something I've always admired about the man.

    I don't have to agree with him* - I just have to know that he agrees with himself and isn't trying to bullshit me.

    EDIT: As a note, by the market's idea of "Quality" game, I mean that many people genuinely, truly love games outside that particular space. By the number of people in this thread who are mirroring my opinions, glad to see someone else actually has said what they were thinking in a review, I don't feel bad at disagreeing with most of the other reviews.

    KG

    *My interests in games differ considerably from Stu's, though I suspect EDF2017 may be part of the overlap.
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 13:50

  • NthSimulachum #94 5 years ago

    Yay for Kieron! No matter whether the game is amazing or shite, your reviews always satisfy.

    You had better be the one reviewing BioShock.

  • reality_cheque #95 5 years ago

    *dies from bitching-overload*

    Review - 8/10, very funny :)
    Comments - 10/10, comedy of the year. If by comedy you mean 'full of whinging bastards obsessed with the score rather than the text of the review'.

    Edit: And congratulations go to NOSAVIOUR on being the Tard of the Day. You win a place on my ignore list!
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 13:53

  • McBradders #96 5 years ago

    ...I'm asking, again, perhaps for the last time, why everyone thinks GoW is so great?

    It has nice graphics, everything else is meh. Gimme Lost Planet or EDF over GoW any day of the week.

    Actually, do gimme EDF because Play ballsed up my order. :(

  • kangarootoo #97 5 years ago

    @Rev. Stuart Campbell

    I actually agree with you on the whole "9/10 leaves no room for improvement" issue, and it made me chuckle into my tea as well. But you do go on a bit.

    Being right and being an ill mannered kid are not mutually exclusive you know (feel free to prove this rule by flipping out at me if you wish). So don't make me come over there, 'cos you know I'll do it.

  • Mashum #98 5 years ago

    Sorry to bang on - does this game have configurable control sticks for cacker lefties? The internets does not know.

  • Phattso #99 5 years ago

    Mashum: I'll check now for you, but it did have the ability to fully redefine the buttons (I know, 'cos I did it) although I wasn't looking for stick settings.

    I'll post my findings, investigative journalist style, in a few moments. :)

  • aldo_14 #100 5 years ago

    Ouch you sure know how to kick a man when he is down. Touch a nerve?

    Am I not allowed to express an opinion without some pleb getting uptight cos I dont bat for the same team. Fag.

    you do realise that use of the old fashioned homophobic insult ('fag') destroyed any possible credibility you might have had?

    Umm, think of it this way; 9/10 is equivalent to 90%. Now, you wouldn't say a 90% game was perfect and could not be improved in any way, would you? You'd say an 100% game was (in theory). Stunningly, 100% is equivalent to 10/10. Therefore, 9/10 games can be improved upon, or we would not see any 10/10 games. Now, you may disagree and say it is not as good in the grand pantheon as to be worth 9/10, but you can't say that it's being endorsed as perfect or unimprovable by that score. It's just harder to improve upon than, say, an 8/10 game.

  • Mashum #101 5 years ago

    ...much appreciated Phattso!

  • Phattso #102 5 years ago

    Mashum: sorry, mate, but it looks like you're out of luck. Can't see any option to switch the left and right stuck functions. :(

    Only the buttons are configurable, with the sole stick options being the usual 'normal or inverted' for UP/DOWN and LEFT/RIGHT.

  • Mashum #103 5 years ago

    ...bugger, oh well. Thanks very much for looking - that would have been 20 quid down the drain!

  • NOSAVIOUR #104 5 years ago

    "you do realise that use of the old fashioned homophobic insult ('fag') destroyed any possible credibility you might have had? "

    Marmite miner better?

  • SuperZ #105 5 years ago

    Great - sold my 360 a month ago and this is the first time I really, really wish I still had it. Can't find any reference to a UK release of the PS2 version - anyone know any better?

  • therev #106 5 years ago

    And the inverted setting for the y-axis only applies to the on-foot controls. Vehicle controls are - maddeningly - stuck to "Normal" however you set you invert options. Which means I never get into any vehicles in the game and is a horrific bug.

    And yet, having played the game, I'd still give it a 9. (The room for improvement could be for control settings that work properly.)

  • Yossarian #107 5 years ago

    "You had better be the one reviewing BioShock. "

    agree. although there is the hovering spectre of his DE:IW review...

  • TKOAC #108 5 years ago

    I knew I should've picked this up earlier...

    Ah well, at least I've got Guitar Hero II to keep me occupied. :)

  • Bongo #109 5 years ago

    Yossarian: DE:IW review?

  • Gavvie #110 5 years ago

    Well, I dunno if anybody else has noticed this, but Play.com are selling this for £18.

    That, couple with this review, has made me want it, though I can wait for a week or two.

  • samk #111 5 years ago

    I've read that the achievements mostly revolve around finishing the game on various skill levels. Do the achievements stack? ie finshing on 'normal' gets the 'easy' level points aswell?

  • Phattso #112 5 years ago

    No, the Achievements don't stack like the Gears ones did. The game is so much fun and has so many levels that the lack of thought in the Achievements doesn't even come close to spoiling the party.

    Crackdown had great Achievements, but it needed them to help draw out the experience really. EDF doesn't really need that. :)

  • aine #113 5 years ago

    For Super Z: Global Defense Force, the release date may be subject to change.


    yeah, it already has. late 2007, according to D3.

  • MrFlintBlackman #114 5 years ago

    So if you don't buy this game your stupid, and people highly rate this website................whatever :/

  • BremXJones #115 5 years ago

    Bongo: I committed the grevious sin of liking it.

    Disc: I do take your point, but I think your analysis - they only like the game as there's nowt else like it - misses some key points about liking games.

    i) Of course context matters in terms of a game is recommended or not. This isn't some conspiracy of ennui-drowning gamers, but a reaction to the world. Whether music or films or whatever... if an approach to a genre is stripmined, those working inside the genre has to excel stupidly to even raise anyone's pulse. Someone coming from a unique angle has the bonus of freshness.

    (This is, of course, why revivals of genres occur in other media. A punk band sounds exciting after no-one's been doing punk for a while. When a mass of punk bands gets too much, it falls apart.)

    However...

    2) That doesn't take aware from the merits of the artist who has chosen to go a route less traveled. Bands or films or games start revivals because they've found a truth inside their approach, not just because of the approach per se. They make the genre matter in the modern world.

    For example, I loved Serious Sam when it came out and hailed it to death. However, six months beforehand Kiss Psycho Circus came out and everyone shrugged. Four years later (or so) Painkiller arrived trying to do similar things, and I despise it.

    Both Kiss Psycho Circus and Painkiller entered a market which was equally devoid of stripped-down shooters. Surely I should have loved them both too?

    Well, no, as they were tedious as hell, and Serious Sam - while stealing a few of its moves from Duke Nukem and Doom - actually had pretty unique pacing, interesting use of open environments which no-one had done before and so on.

    *It was just a good game*. And Sam was actually released for a sensibly reasonable price*. Fuck, yes!

    EDF2017 reminds me of Sam, up to and including the guys from Old Man Murray loving it (They're on Qt3 raving).

    Of course, people said the same thing "Oh, it's just people wanting to be different" then, and they were wrong then and they're wrong now.

    Er... I'm not sure if I hit my actual point in all that rambling.

    "EDF is a very nice game. 9/10!"

    KG

    *In the US. I still hold a grudge against Take 2 for upping the cost of the game after the review scores came in the UK.

  • BremXJones #116 5 years ago

    MrFlintBlackman: No, I didn't say that.

    KG

  • Downside #117 5 years ago

    Gears is SUCH an 8/10 purely for the amount of times the checkpoint returns you to a long run, pick up wep, long run then an in game cutscene then a long run then a cut scene then a long run then... you finally get to attempt to clear a gazillion enemies with one-shot-one-kill weapons.

    Dull, frankly. Beaten the fun out of it.

    I can see how this is a 9 purely on fun.

    Been reading Eurogamer for ages, reviews always been first class. I haven't bought a games magazine for four years (at least) - no need.

  • captain-future #118 5 years ago

    This review made me shake my azz. GOOD thing I like B-GAMES.

    Reminds me a little bit of (Japanese only *sniff*) Metal Wolf Chaos, hilarious:
    [link url=http://youtube .com/watch?v=trmPZScztok
    ]http://youtube .com/watch?v=trmPZScztok
    [/link]

  • Azazel #119 5 years ago

    *sigh* I miss Serious Sam...

    Hold on a minute!

    /checks shelves

    Yay!

  • MrFlintBlackman #120 5 years ago

    You didn't say it outright KG, but you may have well done.

    I haven't played this game yet, but the videos don't impress either. Can you jump? is there a melee attack?

    Not to knock you review (or opinion) but it reads like a review from Gamefaqs in the sense no matter how bad or average(according to everybody else) a game is, somebody will always give it a really high score and love it to bits.




  • Phattso #121 5 years ago

    You can jump, not that it serves much purpose. No melee that I'm aware of. You're going to be shooting high powered weaponry at bad guys bigger than tower blocks: fisticuffs isn't really on the cards. ;-)

  • BremXJones #122 5 years ago

    You know, part of me wishes sometimes real reviews were more like Gamefaqs stuff. You know - honest...

    Yes, there's a jump button. There's rolling around and stuff. No melee attacks, but actually punching out something the size of a car is probably a bit too silly even for this. Infinite ammo though, so not really an issue anyway.

    KG

  • MrFlintBlackman #123 5 years ago

    I'd agreed with that statement about Gamefaqs.

    No melee attack! for shame, who doesn't want to punch giant ants in the face?

  • Scimarad #124 5 years ago

    "It's got a highly compulsive and entertaining split-screen mode"

    Sold!

  • craptest #125 5 years ago

    I have EDF 2 on my PS2. Good fun. But assuming the 360 version is little more than a tarted up remake / sequal (every video review Ive watched suggest this to be the case. Most faults from EDF2 remain) I dont see how it rates a 9/10.

    Occasionally it's nice to see a reviewer giddy with 'gamer enthusiasm'. But thats why publications have editors. To crush said enthusiasm.
    Edited by 1 at 05/04/07 @ 21:54

  • bonker #126 5 years ago

    "Great - sold my 360 a month ago and this is the first time I really, really wish I still had it. "

    /is confused again

  • spookyzombie #127 5 years ago

    9! lol - this is worth no more than a 6, and that's mainly due to the budget price.

  • Carrybagma #128 5 years ago

    What was the name of that cool-looking game on the xbox where you flew robots about and blew stuff up? British studio?

    Is this anything like that?

  • davisorle #129 5 years ago

    WoW... 9/10???? The game that I thought it would be a one try only and then *BORED*...? WTF? I quess I should check it out after all o.O ( I'm sick and tired ( AND AT WORK AGAIN) so i can't read past posts :S )

  • davisorle #130 5 years ago

    @NOSAVIOUR & Rev. Stuart Campbell

    I think you should take it easy for the simple fact that Nosaviour is both right & wrong but then again Stuart is also right & wrong... I agree with Nosaviour that this game probably not even an 8 but I have to actually play the game and say for sure my opinion on that. But not that 9 means "not improvement possible". It's just that there was no reason to be called stupid for that... Or am I wrong? :p j/k Oh Come on now... This is NOT a happy easter you guys o.O

    Shake hands... Play the game and tell me if it's any good cause I eitherway never trust the final rankings of any site for a game.

  • Phattso #131 5 years ago

    Carrybagma: I think you're referring to Gun Metal, from Rage. And no, it's nothing like that (quite apart from anything you can't transform into a 'plane at will). :)


    It's a shame that a lot of folks won't give this game a chance simply because it's not a typical AAA production. Also too much focus on the review score. I don't care much for this 9/10 any more than I did the strangely low 8/10 EG gave Gears. Final Fantasy game regularly get 10/10 but I wouldn't touch a JRPG if you paid me.

    This is a game at a budget price, with an emphasis on fun, and proper grin-inducing encounters with massive enemies and with massive numbers of them on screen at once. Within the cluster of games available today that offer similar experiences, this is clearly worth an high mark. I'd give it 8/10 any day of the week, and possibly a 9/10 if it keeps getting better (not even halfway through yet).

  • popkins #132 5 years ago

    Stuart Campbell's the consumate internet buffoon, i don't know why anyone takes him seriously. His sole current day actions (beyond posting drivelly dull travelogues for his 3 fans on his forum) seems to be attacking minority postings and reviews on game sites.

    Keep fighting that good fight Stu, the world needs someone to have a go at a slightly wrong comment on a minor review site comment page. Keep reminding yourself you won't die a lonely, pasty unloved ranting fool and leave a house full of video game junk behind. Maybe it's time to love people instead of possessions eh, Mister Stu.

    But hey cheer up, maybe you could "award" the Maynards sports mixture 7 / 10 for changing the colours of one of the sweets, and then pretend you arent THE LIVING EMBODIEMENT OF COMIC BOOK GUY. I used capitals there, for i am clever.
    Edited by 1 at 06/04/07 @ 14:02

  • BremXJones #133 5 years ago

    Popkins: It's always nice for a lovely thread about a lovely, joy-filled arcade game to be derailed from the subject by anonymous deeply-personal insults to friends of mine.

    People occasionally ask me how I deal with the amount of flack I get from a proportion of the net readership. It's surprisingly easy to ignore. When someone - to choose an example from last year - wishes I die in an IRA explosion you don't end up thinking "Man, it's a real shame this guy doesn't like me. He sounds like someone I'd like to chill with".

    I suspect your post will be deleted. You'd gain a splash of respect if you realise how inhuman you're acting and you do it yourself.

    KG

  • decibel #134 5 years ago

    It is indeed a lovely, joy-filled arcade game.

    Completed it with a friend in split-screen and had THE co-operative blast of 2007 - Crackdown doesn't come close.

    :)

  • aldo_14 #135 5 years ago

    What was the name of that cool-looking game on the xbox where you flew robots about and blew stuff up? British studio?


    Gun metal - [link url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_Metal_%28computer_gam e%29
    ]http://en .wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_Metal_%...[/link]

    ?

    (from what I remember this was a PC title used to show of the then-spiffing Geforce 3)

    Or Battle Engine Aquila? (http://ww w.xbox.com/en-US/games/b/battle...
    Edited by 1 at 06/04/07 @ 15:36

  • floppylobster #136 5 years ago

    Are you guys still reviewing games bearing in mind that we the public have to pay for them while you get them free?

    Does it still deserve a 9 for the price while considering amount of time you'll play it for? Or is it a 9 for a good fun time if you get it free through a gaming website and you're sick of all the other crap you were given to review this week?

  • BremXJones #137 5 years ago

    Man! Read the review. It's half the price of your normal game*. Even if you only played it for half the time you'd pay a forty quid game, it'll be fine.

    (Not that you will. As an aside, this is something that's less than half the price of Gears of War and to complete it in solo player - at just one difficulty level - will take you twice as long.)

    KG

    *And, no, I'm sure I wouldn't have 9ed it if it was £50.
    Edited by 1 at 06/04/07 @ 16:26

  • TheRealBadabing #138 5 years ago

    Dont think anyone has mentioned the incentive for replay is that to get better weapons you can repeat levels at a higher difficulty. And then use those new toys to go again at an even higher difficulty. Not addictive at all, oh no.

    Brilliant old school gameplay.

    Here comes the science bit...

    (War of the Monsters x (Body Harvest + Serious Sam)) + Diablo = This

  • popkins #139 5 years ago

    KG, great review, much respect towards yourself. It reminds me of everyone attacking (ironically) AP when it would declare a PD game better than a commercial title.

    But, you can defend your pal all you like, he is the one who (as usual) steams in and attacks a poster for a minor comment (the 9/10 thing) and expects to get away with it. If Campbell's postings didn't have his name attached, he would be dismissed as the very worst pedantic trolling idiot. As he has his (waning, it must be said) reputation and name alongside his comments, people seem to attach some kind of credibility to them.

    Thankfully now, decades after his greatest success, his voice is a massive irrelevance in amongst a sea of user comments like myself.

    OR. summising, your work's great KG, pity your mate's an idiotic game hoarder with a scary penchant for junk food.

    edit: lastly your point about these things being trivial in the great scheme, i completely concur. Which is why i take exception to an old journo (SC, not you) diving in trying to whip up an argument in the comments of the most interesting review EG has submitted since Gears of War. SC should be held accountable for the incendiary rubbish he so frequently spits out on the internet. He hasn't got a graceful bone in his body, something you pretty much admit yourself further up the page.

    Oh and EDF. Looks good. Will purchase soon. Marvellous.
    Edited by 2 at 06/04/07 @ 18:36

  • BremXJones #140 5 years ago

    There's a difference between being annoyed with someone for the way they're acting and wishing they'll die alone, rendered in worrying detail.

    KG

  • popkins #141 5 years ago

    I didn't 'wish' him dead, what a ghastly thing for someone to say. The man basically boasts on his forum, webpage etc that he collects insane amounts of games, spends his life playing 25 year old speccy games and declaring them "better than gears of war" to anyone who'll listen. All the while alienating anyone who seems to come in contact with him, and suing every company he ever writes for.

    Reminds me of when comic book guy sees a missile flying towards him on the simpsons where the world ends and says "i've wasted my life".

    People die in iraq, family members die, the world is dark and horrible a lot of the time. So why does he attempt to bring so much misery into a perky discussion of a funny game. Its like the time he attacked the amateur review of outrun on NTSC-UK with a ferocity that got him banned for life.

  • EmiliasHorse #142 5 years ago

    I have to own this, in fact just ordered it for £17.99
    Happy days...Shame I need to find £64.99 for GH2 as well.

  • Khab #143 5 years ago

    You may be an arachnophobe. Seeing dozens of spiders the size of cars bounce over the horizon before capturing you in a tsunami of fluids - like some kind of weaponized bukkake - will give you a month of nightmares .

    Not one for otto, then?

  • Harmonica #144 5 years ago

    £18 doesn't say budget to me in the slightest. It says "we made this game pretty badly, so we'll sell it half-price." Budget games don't exist in the modern console world.

    That accepted and set aside, yeah, it's fun for an afternoon, but it's a one-off rental title at best. Or 9/10 if you get your games for free like KG..

  • ostrasized #145 5 years ago

    Budget games don't exist in the modern console world.
    Wow, you really are drinking the console-owner's kool-aid aren't you? Please Mr Microsoft, rape me for £50 each time! It's just not worth it for any less!

    No, for fun-per-hour, this is a brilliant game. If it were twice as good, and cost £50 it would also be a 9/10. If it were the same game at £50, it would be a 7 or 8 out of 10.
    What's so hard to understand?

  • popkins #146 5 years ago

    My local game emporium only got 2 copies, and sold them immediately. Unless they lied to me and didn't want to serve me because i said the word emporium.

  • BremXJones #147 5 years ago

    Harmonica: I point you towards the sixth reason in the list, which clearly applies to you.

    Maybe some others do. Who can tell?

    KG
    Edited by 1 at 07/04/07 @ 13:54

  • Harmonica #148 5 years ago

    ostrasized
    >> Wow, you really are drinking the console-owner's kool-aid aren't you? Please Mr Microsoft, rape me for £50 each time! It's just not worth it for any less!

    I have no idea what you might mean. I simply meant what I said: £18 isn't budget, not for me anyway, so I expect a bit more effort. Not that B-movie thrills aren't great every now and again, but that many games do B-movie (hell, and worse) because they tried to, and they do it a lot better. Serious Sam being an obvious touch stone, and a simply brilliant one. This is more half-assed than anything, which is ultimately a bit annoying considering their release platform.

    BremXJones
    >> Harmonica: I point you towards the sixth reason in the list, which clearly applies to you.

    A few of the list might apply to me, the first few, but on a different day (and written in a different tone) they'd apply to you to. I appreciate your review and you're correct with the gist of it, but it's not a buyers guide review, it's just a "hey this is cute why not blow some cash on it".

    I don't know, what the hell, it's just giant ants.

  • spookyzombie #149 5 years ago

    At the end of the day - I just didn't rate it much. The reviewer obviously did, which is fair enough. But looking at an average reviewers score via Gamespot, 26 other sites/magazines give this an average on 7.1/10.

    Make what you will of that....

  • BremXJones #150 5 years ago

    Yeah, but they're all wrong though :)

    KG

  • lasersrule #151 5 years ago

    Anyone who wouldn't give this a nine has no soul and is playing games for the wrong reason.

  • IP #152 5 years ago

    This review proves what I've thought for a long time: EG needs to change its rating system to include a FUN-O-SCORE (for those people who enjoy having FUN when playing videogames) and a WHAT-EVERYONE-ELSE-THINKS-O-RATING (for those people whose brains explode when a fun effort gets a high score from someone who likes fun, inexpensive games). Mind you, that's stupid really—after all, what place has FUN in modern videogames? Gnh.
    Edited by 1 at 12/04/07 @ 10:10

  • Feet #153 5 years ago

    God damn.

    This is the BEST! Co-op is awesome!


    KABBOOOM! XD

  • figaro7 #154 5 years ago

    I purchased this game based on your review and while i did complete the game and enjoyed it, im struggling to give this another go at all. Replayed a couple of levels i liked but theres only so many times you can shoot an ant. The plethora of weapons make good experiments, but again, with the 53 levels its more than enough to get that done.

  • MediaMan #155 5 years ago

    I just listened to Major Nelson (on itunes) and he mentioned this review in his show this week - saying "you need to read this" - so i guess many more people will be heading over to Eurogamer to check it out - especially as he's putting a link up on his web site !!

    Great review by the way - funniest i've read (so far) this year.

    I'm going to order the game now and give it a try - but even though its 'cheap' i'm not sure its gonna be a '9' for me personally - though you never know !!

    Your review of it is definately a 9 though !! ;O)



  • fujimaster #156 5 years ago

    This game is a total joy to play. Finally a shooter that doesn't take itself seriously, that just throws masses of baddies your way, and leaves you to dish out the carnage. It has a few issues (the camera take over is annoying, but can be disabled in the preferences) and it is repetitive, but so the hell is Gears of War. The best £18 I've spent on my 360 so far.

  • Wayne #157 4 years ago

    Got this yesterday. It is laughably bad, yet superbly entertaining at the same time. If Ed Wood made video games...

  • Duds2k #158 4 years ago

    I finally just played this for the first time.

    CRIKEY!

  • kentmonkey #159 3 years ago

    What is that shit in the last comment?

  • convercide #160 3 years ago

    It's the ant dialect! Quick, AF99s at the ready!

  • ParanoidZombie #161 1 year ago

    great review, and fantastic game. Bought this yesterday, coop is a blast and the FUN factor is through the roof.

  • Superhacker75mil #162 11 months ago

    I feel compelled to pointlessly back this review up nearly four years after the initial release of this game. It's just right on so many levels.

    Two of my friends successfully cleared all difficulties a few years back (they are only missing one gun for the final achievement) and just recently my co-op buddy and I rebooted our efforts to do the same as I've returned to the area after changing duty stations. It is still just as fun as ever, although being aware of the more ridiculous strategies such as point-blank C-70 use does tone down the difficulty on ground swarm levels (the mission Elite is still kicking our ass, though).

    Speaking of C-70, a good way to highlight the game's sheer awesome factor is for two people to setup a 20 bomb chain of the suckers and watch the fireworks (and subsequent destruction of EVERYTHING). If anyone is reading this and hasn't done it, do it. The chained "activate" sound alone is enough to put a big grin on yo' face. Do it on one of the horizon-swarm type missions, where you can check the entire ant-spider entry path with 12,000-per-bomb points of fiery death.

    Anyways, time for sleep. But yeah, even though I was already aware of EG's rock factor on reviews, this one ranks up there with the greatest of them all.