Donkey Kong: Jet Race Review

By Keza MacDonald Published 12 December, 2007

Have a blast! Or not.

Version tested: Wii

This game is an anachronism. It simply should not be. Remember that Donkey Kong racing game that they showed as a first trailer with the unveiling of the GameCube? It's basically that, but it's all gone wrong, and the monkeys are flying about strapped to rocket barrels, and all those long-forgotten, ill-advised SNES Donkey Kong characters are suddenly back in 3D - horrible, disturbing 3D. And it's also inescapably clear that it's a GameCube game designed for use with the bongos, misguidedly resurrected as a Wii game.

Essentially, Barrel Blast - Jet Race in Europe - makes you feel deeply uncomfortable when you're playing it. Partly because early-'90s surfer Funky Kong and the disturbingly-breasted Candy Kong and - eurgh - Wrinkly Kong are whizzing about strapped to two barrels shaped exactly like the bongo controllers, partly because the Wiimote actually emits bongo noises as you're forced to wave it pointlessly about, but mostly because it's just so bad. Although there's nothing overtly weird or completely broken about it, something about the sum of its parts just doesn't work. It's like some horrible Korean knock-off from the future, made by a development team that only had access to Rare's 1992 character catalogue and hadn't actually played a game since Super Mario Kart.

'Donkey Kong: Jet Race' Screenshot 1

This design is almost weird enough to be mistaken for French.

The first is true, at least - the developer, Paon Corporation, has taken the DK catalogue off Rare's filthy traitorous hands, and is also responsible for DK Jungle Climber. It's lazy to call Barrel Blast a Mario Kart rip-off, mostly because it genuinely does attempt to throw in its own ideas in order to imbue the gameplay with its own rhythm and flow, but it's the easiest comparison to draw. You race flying monkeys, or Kremlings (whatever happened to them?), around wacky tracks, making use of items in a variety of game modes - Grand Prix, Time Trail and Challenge, primarily. You unlock new characters and difficulty levels as you go along, et cetera et cetera.

The most obvious problem is the control. It's easy to see how the game would have worked with the bongos - it would still have been imprecise, but it would at least have felt less forced and pointless. In order to gain forward momentum, you have to shake the remote and Nunchuk up and down alternately until you reach a maximum speed; then, shaking one or the other turns left or right, and both at once does a jump. Thwacking the A button throws a basic punch, which blows breakable barrels out of the way and stops other chimps in their tracks. Sadly, it's horribly imprecise - it's nearly impossible to take corners and dodge obstacles with any kind of grace or accuracy, and you end up waving and hoping. This is fine during the first few cups, when not terribly much steering is involved, but later on it's just impossible to manoeuvre with the requisite speed to avoid obstacles.

'Donkey Kong: Jet Race' Screenshot 2

MAX SPEED - of twelve miles per hour.

Barrel Blast does make an attempt at changing the flow of races with a boost combo system. Collecting bananas builds up a boost meter, and smashing into things whilst boosting prolongs the speed spurt; ideally, a perfect lap would involve chaining boosts by smashing into characters/barrels scattered about the track more or less continuously.

Unfortunately Barrel Blast only feels remotely fast or exciting when you're in the middle of a chain of boosts. At max speed, you're just doddling around the track shaking your arms to turn - there is never any sense of speed whatsoever, and all there is to do is avoid obstacles and watch, bewildered, as other racers shoot right past you. Barrel Blast's AI is always faster than you are, and has that irritating ability to catch up on even the most insurmountable leads in a matter of seconds when you inevitably smash into an obstacle or fall victim to an item, at which point begins the pointless shaking to build speed back up. Except, at this velocity, you're not so much smashing into things as gently bumping into them.

'Donkey Kong: Jet Race' Screenshot 3

No, Donkey Kong, NOT good. VERY BAD.

On the starting difficulty level, Barrel Blast's flaws grate, but they aren't game-breaking; it's boringly bland rather than offensive. On anything higher they practically render the game unplayable. The characters develop an even more refined ability to catch up from enormous leads in a split-second, the courses are made 'harder' by scattering more pointless obstacles like metal barrels around the place, which makes the imprecision of the control absolutely infuriating. The developer was clearly going for high-speed unpredictable fun, but what we have it second-gear contrived chaos that never gets off the ground.

Even if the controls worked, the horrible racers, presentation and music mean that this game could never be anything more than bland. It's got no speed, no personality, and the characters will scare small children. Barrel Blast is an abortive and uncannily anachronistic attempt at a character racer with impossible controls, dreadful, imbalanced AI and boring design. It's not even worth the hour of your time that it takes to get completely sick of it.

4 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Keza.

About Keza MacDonald

Read more articles from Keza by visiting the Keza MacDonald archive page.

You may also like...

Comments (101) Latest comment 4 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • TheDudesRug #1 4 years ago

    'Wonky controls'. That makes familiar reading.

  • Tonka #2 4 years ago

    Sounds shit.

  • mkreku #3 4 years ago

    It's not worth an hour of my time to get sick of it? So how come it scores a 4 then? What does it take for a game to receive 3? The gamebox is made of broken glass that I'm forced to eat to even start up the game?

  • sweetcheeks #4 4 years ago

    im sure it will sell well, like the majority of wii tat thats available

  • MENTAL1ST Verified Senior Software Engineer, Picsel UK Ltd. #5 4 years ago

    I don't suppose it works if you plug in your Gamecube bongos?

    Not that it matters, really, I can live without yet another wii game with useless controls.

  • Tonka #6 4 years ago

    4 = 1
    7 = 5
    10 = 11

  • JohnnyWashnGo #7 4 years ago

    Are they so short of ideas now that they are breaking out old Gamecube tech demos in order to flood the shelves with crap?

    I mean they are sat on flying bongos and I bet I cannot plug in my bongos to play it.

    As a Nintendo fan I love the Wii and most of what Nintendo does, but this has all the appearences of a dud and you have to wonder why anybody would release it.

    And please Nintendo, stop forcing wiimote control on games that don't need it - Tomb Raider, I am looking at you !

  • Arnold__ #8 4 years ago

    Is it just me or are virtually all Wii 'games' shit? Yet the sheep keep on buying.

  • Darren #9 4 years ago

    Ouch!

    It seems like there's a ton of shit between every gem on the Wii like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3 and Wiki and Zak. You could say the same for the other consoles too but they don't seem to attract the same number of sub-standard games as the Wii for some reason (go take a look at GameSpot's Wii review list for example; it makes for depressing reading with all those 4.0s). Shame really but so long as Nintendo release a good game every other month I'll be content (and there's Okami on the way) since I also own a PS3 and Xbox 360... good job really as the Wii doesn't have enough quality software to serve as an only console IMO.

  • Charroux #10 4 years ago

    @Arnold__

    Yes, it's you.

  • GrandpaUlrira #11 4 years ago

    A shame, as I had high hopes for this. *cough*

  • JetSetWilly #12 4 years ago

    I'm surprised it got a 4 with that review text. If it's not worth even an hour of my time then give it 0.
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 08:53

  • woodnotes #13 4 years ago

    Publisher: Nintendo
    Developer: Nintendo



    Score: 4/10

    Uh?

  • The-Bodybuilder #14 4 years ago

    This would be bad enough if some cheap, shoddy 3rd patry made it, but nintendo?
    Shouldn't be suprised really
    /glances over at mario party 8.

  • JYM60 #15 4 years ago

    Another Million seller then for the wii.

  • MaxiSleep #16 4 years ago

    Heres my theory

    Programmers in general do not like working on these types of games (i.e. cute iconic etc) hence they just dont care. Or at least do not care enough.

    Perhaps the theory extends to movie franchises too. (Golden compass anyone)




    Note - in general does not mean always.

  • Toothball #17 4 years ago

    I was relying on this to get a fourth set of bongos, but I guess that isn't to be.

  • Killerbee #18 4 years ago

    Not a great surprise, but then I don't think anyone was really looking forward to this in the first place, were they? I see no Eurogamers want this game yet.

    So no, it's not the end of Nintendo or the Wii - every console has an interminable amount of dross released for it; the trick is picking out the good stuff in the mix. Fortunately the gems like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3, Zack & Wiki and Zelda are all fairly obvious.

    Nothing to see here... move along.

  • Whoisitthistime #19 4 years ago

    That's a little worrying for the Wii if even Nintendo is fucking up.

  • Triggerhappytel #20 4 years ago

    Nintendo have been churning out some mediocre and shit games recently, haven't they?!

  • symbiote #21 4 years ago

    Nintendo = McDonalds

  • porkman #22 4 years ago

    Sell your Wii and buy a Xbox360 or a PS3 at least you would have some games to play. All wii games par a couple are rubbish.

  • andrewwd #23 4 years ago

    @woodnotes

    The developer isn't Nintendo, it's Paon. The game info is wrong.

  • Wayne #24 4 years ago

    "holy shit nintendo is on a roll"

    A barrell roll? :0D

  • old_skool #25 4 years ago

    Oh Dear

  • Mr_Bogus #26 4 years ago

    Think we'll ever see Donkey Kong in a real game again?

  • Aretak #27 4 years ago

    "Think we'll ever see Donkey Kong in a real game again?"

    Perhaps on the Virtual Console.

  • JohnnyWashnGo #28 4 years ago

    @Porkman

    I would sell my Wii and get a PS3 but I have Mario Galaxy, Paper Mario, Metroid 3, Trauma Center, Umbrella Chronicle plus a handful of Gamecube games to finish yet.

    Once they are done, I may be able to sell it.

    But knowing Nintendo, they will probably release another batch of top notch games to keep me entertained in the meantime ;)

  • Lemming81 #29 4 years ago

    Something weird is going on here. The US had shit Wii games slowly trickled to them over a few months (I've read reviews for Tomb Raider, this game and others a while ago on US sites)

    Yet they get reviewed and released all at once in Europe so it looks like all the Wii gets is shit.

  • zErOb_cOOl #30 4 years ago

    Yeah, my housemate owns a Wii, and we have a lot of games, and the vast majority are very poor. In fact some are O..K games, marred by terrible controls...and some are downright poor.

    I mean Mario & Sonic @ Olympics. Unlike other Olympics games instead of hammering a joypad button to within an inch of it's life, you wave Wii controllers around repeatidly until one develops a rattle. Great stuff. Just great. Gaming gold :|

    As I see it there's Wii Bowling (which seems to be the only Wii Sport with any replay factor) Metroid Prime (which is a bit bland, but downright playable) Excite Truck (they nailed car handling on the Wii in THIS game and THIS game only) and Mario Galaxy (becuase it's basically Mario 64, which is good.)

    Apart from those 4 I honestly couldn't recommend anither good Wii game, you know, that's actually worth the price of the console and £29.99. Nintendo seriously need to sort out some good games soonish.

  • andromeda #31 4 years ago

    /blinks

  • T4RG4 #32 4 years ago

    Trot the same old characters out again, and again ;) But in progressively worse games.

  • J.C #33 4 years ago

    The continued success of the wii, has become the biggest mystery in gaming history. its just incredible how the novelty hasn't worn out yet. who would have thought a console with cube innards and wiimote, would dominate the games industry.

  • ShiroBen #34 4 years ago

    I have a disturbing compulsion to play this.

  • afghan_jones #35 4 years ago

    With top games like this its no wonder people are paying £300+ to get their hands on a Wii this christmas...

  • lbmat #36 4 years ago

    So this concludes that the majority of Wii owners doesn't read reviews.

  • tapper #37 4 years ago

    Uhm...

    Did all you haters actually think Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast was ever going to be a good game? When have Paon Corporation ever made a good game?

    And blaming Tomb Raider's poor controls on Nintendo? Mindblowing. Did you blame Sony for all shitty shovelware titles on PS2 also?

  • FenderMaster #38 4 years ago

    why cant the devs just make normal games for Wii, and use sensible controls that actually work?

    My dad bought our houses Wii, and ever since hes bought shit game, after shit game...

    his latest purchase is some arcade flight sim called Heatseeker with godawful controls in which you steer the plane using the Wiimote...

    i asked him why did he buy it, and howcome he didnt ask me for advice, and he just said it looked good on the box...

    old people/non gamers just dont understand the concept of shovelware

  • Zelos #39 4 years ago

    @J.C

    Why is the success of the Wii such a mystery? There are people out there with different gaming tastes to you.

    I look at the 360 and PS3 and see maybe 2 or 3 games I'd want to play on each, whereas the Wii has provided me with hundreds of hours of great games.

  • Katsumoto #40 4 years ago

    Oh for fuck's sake people - why are you all so blind - there are SHIT GAMES for every console and in fact, blow for blow, the 360 has been on more of a "shit game roll" than the Wii recently.

    Fucking hell, every time there is a bad wii game (and yes, there are many, I admit), you all come on and claim that EVERY wii game is shit - ignoring Wii Sports, Zelda, Mercury Meltdown, Mario Strikers, Resident Evil 4, Resident Evil UC, MySims, Metroid 3, Super Paper Mario, Trauma Centre, Super Mario Galaxy, Zack and Wiki, Endless Ocean, Lego Star Wars, Scarface, Godfather.

    Seriously, in the same time the 360 has had: Mass Effect, Halo 3, CoD4, Orange Box, Stranglehold, Bioshock, Call of Juarez, Dirt, EDF, Graw 2, Crackdown. Another impressive list. But it doesn't exactly BEAST the Wii one, does it? I'm not saying the Wii is better, I wish people could just STOP IGNORING ALL THE GREAT GAMES.

    And before anyone says "lol loads of those wii games are ports" - most of that 360 list is available on another platform as well.
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 11:16

  • miiiguel #41 4 years ago

    Wii has more than 2 or 3 good games ?
    Wii is a success because non-gamers with an urge to try it out, find the controls a funny thing - at least from the examples I know.
    I've played not hundreds of hours with my 360 but thousands, Oblivion alone clocked 257h, most if not all > 40h. I think Wii couldn't give a user (who wanted) that. Unfortunatly I also bought 50 games so far, and it became an expensive hobby.

    That doesn't mean it doesn't meet its buyers expectations. As usual whithin foruns we brag about what we dig: a Wii owner say "I don't care about Oblivion, you geek! You should go out more (sharp rocks hide all the good stuff)!". a 360 "Oh My God! Another suck my life away 10/10 ultra complex game! Bye, Bye social life for another month! woot woot!", a PS3 "I've got the power of da c3ll! Blu-Ray is so da cool!", everyone's happy.

    Edited by 2 at 12/12/07 @ 11:33

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #42 4 years ago

    Haha! Brilliant thread. Well impressed with the razor-sharp logic that because a console has some shite games then it must be a shite console.

    In which case every console ever made is a shite console.

    As Katsumoto so eloquently put there's a whole bunch of fantastic games on the Wii. If you don't want one, fine, just don't say it's a got no games as you just come of as a blinkered tard.

    It's like saying the 360 is shite because Shrek-N-Roll, Blacksite and Beowulf have been released on it in the past couple of weeks when it's patently obvious it's got an incredibly strong hardcore software library.

  • Lemming81 #43 4 years ago

    @miiiguel: Enough with the backhanded comments (ie. "leave the Wii alone, it's a market for the simple-minded - they need games too!" ) , please. It's patronising and ill-informed. I hate it more than I do the direct fanboy attacks.

    I have a Wii AND a PC, so sorry I'm a way bigger 'geek' than any 360 owner. None of us are just one or the other (except, perhaps yourself).

    The Wii is a hardcore gamers console as well as a casual gamers console. It is not just one thing.

    I am a hardcore gamer, I have a Wii. And I have hardcore games for it. Just because they aren't realistic, doesn't mean they aren't hardcore. I had a Gamecube. I had hardcore games for that as well (which, incidentally, I can still play without worrying about backwards compatibility, but that's another story isn't it?)

    I'm getting pretty sick of the same old ill-conceived comments about the Wii time and time again.

    I wouldn't trade my Wii for a hundred xbox 360's (that's a thousand PS3s ;) )

    It's successful, it's not just about casual games, get the fuck over it and play with whatever console you choose.




  • Vin #44 4 years ago

    "I look at the 360 and PS3 and see maybe 2 or 3 games I'd want to play on each, whereas the Wii has provided me with hundreds of hours of great games."

    Absurd statement.

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #45 4 years ago

    @ Vin

    Absurd statement.

    Haha! You really are a wanker aren't you?

  • Zelos #46 4 years ago

    @Vin

    Wow! You mean you have psychic powers that allow you to tell the game preferences of a person by reading one of their forum comments?

  • JYM60 #47 4 years ago

    Miiiguel proves why he's one of the worst posters on here.

    /clap
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 12:42

  • Kryon #48 4 years ago

    Fair play to all those who enjoy the Wii but lets be honest, the console is a pile of steaming horse shite. Only a child, transsexual or woman would want one.

    Roll out lists of supposed 'great games' all you like, the fact remains that the Wii only has two console exclusive titles really worth owning (SMG & MP3). The rest are just mediocre party games for children (or brainless drunks) and GC/PS2 ports with tacked on controls which usually hinder the experience anyway...

    /coat

  • Quak #49 4 years ago

    Between this and Pokemon, the Nintendo seal of quality is looking more and more like a gimmick.

    Sort yourselves out, guys.

  • keep #50 4 years ago

    When I saw the review announced in the Eurogamer homepage I was half expecting Ellie's name to pop up as the reviewer.

  • Muddtallica #51 4 years ago

    "Publisher:
    Nintendo

    Developer:
    Nintendo"

    Oh, for GOD'S SAKE, Eurogamer.

    I posted this is the Pokemon Battle Revolution comments page, and I'm going to post it again, because it applies every bit as much here:

    "By the way, to those registering disbelief that a Nintendo in-house product could be this shoddy and half-assed, there's an explanation for that: it isn't one. This was developed by second-party Genius Sonority, the same guys who did Colosseum, XD and Trozei. Frankly, I'm not fans of them; the series seemed to be trying a lot harder back in the HAL Laboratory/EAD-led Stadium games.

    In fact, I've generally noticed Eurogamer has gotten a little spotty when it comes to crediting Nintendo games to the correct first/second-party developer, and it's getting a bit distracting; when I read "Developer: Nintendo" at the top of an EG review, the implication is that it refers to Miyamoto's core EAD team, but more and more frequently that's just not true. The Hudson-developed Mario Party titles keep going down as in-house releases; the Kirby games are correctly acknowledged as HAL projects, but Pokemon Ranger is not; first-party Retro Studios is always acknowledged as a separate entity, but Intelligent Systems and NST rarely are. This might sound like I'm splitting hairs, but as far as I'm concerd this is information I need to know, because these development teams were not created equal; I'm infinitely more interested in a new Intelligent Systems game than I am in a new NST game, just as you would be more interested in a Square game than an EA game. And I'm sure as hell a lot more fussed about a new EAD title than I am with another sub-par Genius fricking Sonority title, so I wish EG would stop fudging the issue..."

    For "Genius Sonority", read Paon Entertainment, or whatever the hell the name of the two-bit bunch of hacks that's butchered this once prestigious licence is. Whatever you might think of the Wii as a console, Nintendo themselves remain far too good and professional a developer to produce something this half-baked and appalling, whatever EG's lazy misinformation might state.

  • Kryon #52 4 years ago

    Donkey Mong. Wiilol. That is all.

  • Muddtallica #53 4 years ago

    Kryon: Fair play, I like "Donkey Mong". :D :D

  • Keza #54 4 years ago

    As a second-party, Paon counts as Nintendo as far as the database is concerned. You'd have to read the text to understand that it was developed by Paon.

  • Vin #55 4 years ago

    "Haha! You really are a wanker aren't you?"

    Fucking awesome, making jabs at vague quotes makes you a hardass poster!

    SHIT HOW CAN I LEARN FROM YOU?

    "Wow! You mean you have psychic powers that allow you to tell the game preferences of a person by reading one of their forum comments?"

    If you can't find at LEAST 5 games you want on the 360, you aren't trying.

  • Keza #56 4 years ago

    It tried to find some but Nintendo wisely kept her out of the promotional screenshots.

    You really don't want to see them though.

  • Muddtallica #57 4 years ago

    Thanks, Keza, but out of curiosity, can you clarify how this database works, exactly? Why do second-parties Genius Sonority and Paon register as "Nintendo" when HAL Laboratory and Retro Studios (technically a first-party, if I'm not mistaken) do not? How does the database stop the writer from simply typing in the name of the correct developer at the top when you know who they are?

  • miiiguel #58 4 years ago

    "Miiiguel proves why he's one of the worst posters on here."
    Achievement Unlocked ?

    I only get personal with ppl I know.

    I don't know why some ppl get offended when some express their personal experiences on any matter. In my experience, the friends I have, who bought a Wii like to play games very lightly, don't care much about it, generally. Are they less "something" than anybody else ?Not to me. There are ppl who dig to read Engel, I can't appreciate it. Does it means I don't like reading ?, Am I less inteligent ? maybe not.
    I sure that there's quite a large number of hardcore gamers (or whatever you name it) who prefer Wii above all, but to pretend that's Nintendo taget with this machine is... funny.
    Chill out, it's not hierarchical. Different tastes, diffetent life styles.
    Edited by 3 at 12/12/07 @ 14:47

  • tonynibbles #59 4 years ago

    There are a really high number of really low scroring Wii games coming out at the moment.
    I think Nintendo should have a clamp down on these.

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #60 4 years ago

    Fucking awesome, making jabs at vague quotes makes you a hardass poster!

    SHIT HOW CAN I LEARN FROM YOU?

    I learnt everything I know about shit posting from you.

    How on earth can you make sweeping judgements about other people's taste? Oh yeah, it's because you are an arrogant tosspot.

  • darc #61 4 years ago

    "there are SHIT GAMES for every console"

    Yep. Which should be self-evident, given that we're all here, checking the reviews.

    "I have a Wii AND a PC, so sorry I'm a way bigger 'geek' than any 360 owner."

    Ditto. And finally realizing that some of the Nintendo stuff was fun - even though there were fewer of the expertly bump-mapped guns and explosions than I was accustomed to - actually broadened my horizons. I don't know why it's gotta be an either-or thing, unless your apartment (sorry, "flat";) or budget are a bit cramped. But if that's all it boils down to, then why all the bitterness??

    The Wii is an easy target right now because it's overhyped and WAY overpriced vs the "competition". But taken on it's own terms (and at its legitimate retail price for that matter) it's a fine product. Comparing it to the other consoles is all apples and oranges. Plenty of folks (I) would like both a Wii *and* and an XBox360, which should indicate to the XBox fans that you needn't be clueless re: gaming in order to see some value in the Nintendo-exclusive catalog. Some of us *do* get it, but also see the appeal in Twilight Princess, SMG etc. And we try not to buy crap like "Barrel Blast" etc.
    Edited by 2 at 12/12/07 @ 14:57

  • miiiguel #62 4 years ago

    "I have a Wii AND a PC, so sorry I'm a way bigger 'geek' than any 360 owner."

    And by the way, I own a 360, and I'm not a geek.

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #63 4 years ago

    @ darc

    Shhhhh!!!

    You can't go around speaking sense around here, that'll never go down well with the locals

    /waits for Vin to show up

  • darc #64 4 years ago

    :) Don't get me wrong, I can totally see trying to suss out the single best platform and sticking by it. (Unfortunately, exclusive software properties often kill that strategy.) I just don't get the sniping between camps of fans. At all.

  • Keza #65 4 years ago

    Muddtallica: Don't ask me, I'm not a developer :-). I do know I can't change the developer on a whim.

  • Vin #66 4 years ago

    "I learnt everything I know about shit posting from you.

    How on earth can you make sweeping judgements about other people's taste? Oh yeah, it's because you are an arrogant tosspot."

    Suck it up, shitheel. Dance with me.

  • Sid-Nice #67 4 years ago

    A friend of mine was so depressed that he couldn't find a Wii I decided to sell him mine; sadly last night my friend took his own life.

  • Muddtallica #68 4 years ago

    Keza: Well, it wouldn't be a "whim" as such if you were changing the name of the wrong developer to the right one, but I take your point. Thanks for clarifying. :)

  • Kryon #69 4 years ago

    SidsMateDiedlol.

  • old_skool #70 4 years ago

    I made this point in the Tomb Raider thread and I'll just make here again: If a game isn't designed specifically for the Wii ( and by the what Keza described this game is a Gamecube game adapted ) it's gonna have issues with the controller. It's probably gonna stay that way ( Until Nintendo makes a Holodeck ).
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 17:20

  • smelly #71 4 years ago

    everytime sad little children (360 fans) post in a thread about a wii game telling us how a bad score makes the wii shit - you make baby jesus cry

    Besides this 360 game got a worse score.. so i presume by your fanboy logic, that makes your machine shit too?

    [link url=http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=89051 ]http://ww w.eurogamer.net/article.php?art...[/link]

  • smelly #72 4 years ago

    Hang on.. did miiguel REALLY just say that it's impossible to enjoy any wii game because the wii doesnt have the snore fest which is oblivion?

    wtf?

  • Kryon #73 4 years ago

    It's hilarious, smelly says the same thing every day (well every day a shit Wii game comes out, which is almost every day) "BooHoo! Mummy, they're laughing at my little Wii Wii". Smelly son, if we are the immature ones, how come it's you who seems to upset yourself so much? It's just a console, a toy. You like it more than anyone else and that's your (rather sad) choice but why not mature a bit and rise above it? You are a grown man in your mid 30's, try acting like it, ya big fool.

  • old_skool #74 4 years ago

    @smelly, I think it's erm...nice to defend the console if you are so inclined, personally I don't really see the point of it but anyway, to not see the obvious is kinda sad really.360 games that are poor was designed for that console in mind, I can't think of a game adapted for the 360, someone out there can refresh my memory for me.
    The Wii games that are currently getting lower than expected scores suffer because they weren't designed for the console and its controller.

    I fear this is something that may plague the Wii for its entire lifespan.

    /edit spelling
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 17:40

  • AOFanboi #75 4 years ago

    Game industry in "another crap title released before the holidays" shocker. Who could have guessed they would do such a thing?
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 18:10

  • miiiguel #76 4 years ago

    "Hang on.. did miiguel REALLY just say that it's impossible to enjoy any wii game because the wii doesnt have the snore fest which is oblivion? "

    No... I did not (at least I tried, but I'm aware that my english sux). What I tried to say is, Wii target is not 360 target. From my experience - Wii owners I know - they don't want to play a game for +100 hours. They don't play everyday. They're not more or less than a 360 user, they just have different tastes and expect different things from a ludic consumer electronics, generally (they're also not a games' site user). But of course, I might also be completly wrong.

    "I can't think of a game adapted for the 360"
    Gears of War, although I'm not sure if it wasn't the other way: 360 was designed with Gears in mind.
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 18:12

  • Katsumoto #77 4 years ago

    Brilliant - BColter on the forums has kindly done an analysis of every singe 360 and Wii review on EG.

    The 360 average is .377 better than the Wiis.

    Is that enough to get you all to shut up, or will you claim its that .377 that makes the Wii for lolcasual gay children and mums?

  • Razz #78 4 years ago

    The lady gorrila in the thumbnail link to this review looks like a cleaner from my office.

  • smelly #79 4 years ago

    Quote : "What I tried to say is, Wii target is not 360 target. From my experience - Wii owners I know - they don't want to play a game for +100 hours. They don't play everyday."


    See the thing is, with regards to the "mainstream" non hardcore market, from my experience its the "mainstream" market who buy shit like nfs every year, and every version of fifa, and every carbon copy fps game. The "hardcore" amongst us are too busy enjoying mario galaxy to care.

    I completed halo 3 in one saturday afternoon (rented it for 3 days). I've been playing mario galaxy for almost a month now and still havent got all 120 stars reqd to complete it.

    As for the 360, i sold mine a few months ago when i realised that pretty much every game coming out on it was available on my pc. And vast majority of them play better with a mouse/keyboard, running at 1080p on my 52" tv at decent framerates, and cost less.



    Quote: "I think it's erm...nice to defend the console if you are so inclined"

    I'm not "defending" a console, i'm voicing an opinion at retarded 360 owners who seem to be so insecure with their purchase they feel the need to go into every wii and ps3 game thread telling us how shite our machines are just because a game got a crap review.


    Quote: "360 games that are poor was designed for that console in mind, I can't think of a game adapted for the 360, someone out there can refresh my memory for me.
    The Wii games that are currently getting lower than expected scores suffer because they weren't designed for the console and its controller."


    Now that makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. WTF are you talking about?

    I *think* you're saying that wii games which have been ported from another console to the wii end up being shite - so that makes the wii shite?

    Uh?

    Personally I couldn't care less for ports, if i wanted to play 360 games - i'll play them on a pc (but personally i tend to tire of carbon copy first person and racing games). I wouldn't bother owning a console at all if it wasnt for the want of playing excellent exclusive nintendo games such as mario/zelda/metroid/smash bros/etc.


  • Kryon #80 4 years ago

    @Razz

    I didn't know Katsumoto's Mrs worked in your office, small world eh ;-)

  • Kryon #81 4 years ago

    @Shelly (yes, you are a transsexual so don't deny it)

    Stop your incessant whining, it's pathetic. Also, just wondering how you managed to rent Halo if you sold your 360 a few months ago? You are so full of crap it's actually quite funny. Everybody knows you never owned a 360 so stop with your nonsense.

  • Agent_Llama #82 4 years ago

    *yawns at another sniping thread*

    *wonders why we can't all just buy a console we like and enjoy them*

    *owns PS3, 360 and Wii because he's just a gamer, not a Nintendo-head or a 360 fanboy, loves playing -games-*

  • smelly #83 4 years ago

    @Agent_Llama: I agree.

    But it's always the same 3 or 4 360 owners who start it every time in the ps3/wii threads.

    I find it strange that wii/ps3 owners dont do the same.. maybe they're just happier with their purchase..

  • old_skool #84 4 years ago

    @smelly
    Maybe if you didn't selectively read through the comments then you'll find a fair number of critisism is coming from Wii owners.

  • smelly #85 4 years ago

    LOL

  • Canyarion #86 4 years ago

    I rate your review 10/10, mostly because of this: "Rare's filthy traitorous hands" myarr!!

    And Nintendo should stop releasing crappy games and get back to serious business.

  • Bumhug360 #87 4 years ago

    @smelly why when choosing an example of a bad 360 game did you pick a multiplatfom game that is even worse on the Wii! ;)

    And before someone drags me into this moronic fan boy ranting because my name has a 360 in it for the record own a PC, 360, Wii and PS3. I like games, dont give a damn what platform they are on. Yes there is some utter tripe on the Wii but then its not a console aimed at the general current gaming market and believe it or not these games no matter how shit we think they are will be enjoyed by some people. Look it at like music and this site was based on thrash metal, the big wigs upstairs decides the site decided to increase its market share and forces the reviewers to review boy bands naturaly they are going to get shit scores.

    Its funny that while I type this I am seeing adverts for Mario and Sonic at the olympic games, a crap game that looks as if its going to outsell Super Mario Galaxy in the UK. These are strange frightning times to be gamers, the goal posts are moving and the masses are getting interested in our hobby (well lives some of us) and its only going to get worse with more and more shite being released. But it will sell, and some people will enjoy it which for the entertainment business is the main goal.

    The moronic people are not the ones buying these games they are the people blinded by the console they own who fail to aknowledge that every console has games worth owning (yes even the PSP) and everyone has different tastes and will find different games better than others. I will admit I found Mario Galaxy to be rather crap and dull but still play it because my little nephew who is only a couple of months old is fasinated by it, he points at the screen and laughs and gets really excited watching me play it. I tried showing him Call of Duty 4 but it just didnt hold his attention and the loud bangs upset him at times. I would rather be playing CoD 4 than mario but just the way he acts when i play mario is enough for me to get a fair amount of enjoyment out of it as well and no doubt when he gets older and I feel confident he can handle a controller without throwing it through the TV I will end up playing tripe like this with him but it will be fun and money well spent
    Edited by 1 at 12/12/07 @ 22:56

  • Sid-Nice #88 4 years ago

    This has to be a first...

    An adult well argued discussion following a Wii review.

  • WJF #89 4 years ago

    "because my little nephew who is only a couple of months old is fasinated by it, he points at the screen and laughs and gets really excited watching me play it. I tried showing him Call of Duty 4 but it just didnt hold his attention and the loud bangs upset him at times"

    Er, is it really a good idea that you're showing your nephew violent war games at an early age?

  • smelly #90 4 years ago

    bumhug - see what yer saying and for the most part i agree (not about mario galaxy however - and i too like cod4).

    But:

    "These are strange frightning times to be gamers, the goal posts are moving and the masses are getting interested in our hobby (well lives some of us)"

    It's already happened.. the "masses" as you put it are the same people who buy fifa year in year out.. They're the same people that buy endless generically shit racers like NFS. And they're the same people who ONLY buy games if they've got gore and blood and shooting in them (see pretty much any fps)

    Give those gamers something good like mazza galaxy and they'll hate it. As it doesnt have guns/racing or sports .. not to mention looks "kiddy" to them.

  • miiiguel #91 4 years ago

    "I completed halo 3 in one saturday afternoon (rented it for 3 days). I've been playing mario galaxy for almost a month now and still havent got all 120 stars reqd to complete it. "

    I don't play games on easy-mode. Anyway, I don't dig office-desk gaming, and my PC gets no Windows as an OS, not an option.
    I feel anything but insecure, as a matter of fact I bought my 3rd 360 yesterday (sold my 1st, though). I now have 2 Elites, one NTSC one PAL. Not unsecure..., not at all (and shit, consoles are not that expensive, I couldn't care less if they die or disapear or whatever...). Enjoy your Wii, I'm sure it's a fine machine - If I had the time to play it I would buy one, money is not the problem.

    And it's quite funny how everyone "owned a 360 but just sold, because it's so crap...". Next time you have one to sell (next week/forum discussion, I'm sure), drop me a line I'm making a multi-node 360 cluster at home, not shit, I'll buy.

    And I admited before, maybe I'm just completly wrong and Wii was designed with the tru-gamer in mind, was never intended to captivate mum, and grand-parents, and party-games and such. And pro-gaming is going to finally kick start, with the "Mario World-Cup: Catch those Stars World-Championship".
    Edited by 5 at 13/12/07 @ 11:22

  • Kryon #92 4 years ago

    ^^^ I'm personally waiting for Tom Clancy's Cooking Mama SIX, That's the 'real' hardcore shit!

  • darc #93 4 years ago

    "I will admit I found Mario Galaxy to be rather crap and dull but still play it because my little nephew who is only a couple of months old is fasinated by it, he points at the screen and laughs and gets really excited watching me play it."

    Sorta like... Half Life 2 is ostensibly more my speed than Loco Roco, but the latter had the Mrs. and I laughing like children for days. And what's better than that?? Developers sometimes forget, even gamers themselves forget: games are supposed to make you happy. Among other things, yeah, but the point holds.

    "Plenty of folks (I) would like both a Wii *and* and an XBox360, which should indicate to the XBox fans that you needn't be clueless re: gaming in order to see some value in the Nintendo-exclusive catalog."

    So - literally - a few hours after I typed this, my wife handed me a 360! (And no, she doesn't read Eurogamer comments LOL.) Early birthday present! Now I get to see what all the fuss is about. :)

  • Kryon #94 4 years ago

    Good for you darc! If you're quick you can still sell your Wii to CEX for £230 and make a profit (that's what I did), trust me, you won't be needing it anymore.

  • smelly #95 4 years ago

    "if your tastes don't align perfectly with smelly's then you are part of the problem, so expect derision."

    I think you've missed the point...

    THINK about it.. he's talking about the "masses" "spoiling" games because it's causing games he personally doesnt like..

    tick tock tick tock...

  • smelly #96 4 years ago

    [link url=http://www. gamesradar.com/us/ps3/game/features/article.jsp?articleId=20 07121019380531079&releaseId=20060314115917309058§ionId=1 003&pageId=2007121192757578099
    ]http://ww w.gamesradar.com/us/ps3/game/fe...[/link]

    Proof that nintendo published the best games this year

  • Kryon #97 4 years ago

    BColter on the forums has kindly done an analysis of every singe 360 and Wii review on EG.

    The 360 average is .377 better than the Wiis. Nevermind smelly, don't cry.

  • smelly #98 4 years ago

    Kryon you dumb shit: the assertion was made that NINTENDO made bad games all the time.

    And looking at the list - both nintendo and sony have published the best games of this year (look where your beloved msoft is)

  • darc #99 4 years ago

    "Good for you darc! If you're quick you can still sell your Wii to CEX for £230 and make a profit (that's what I did), trust me, you won't be needing it anymore."

    Thanks kryon. I've considered it believe me (what w/ Wii's selling for $700 here in the states right now, Oy!) but I'd miss Paper Mario, Zack & Wiki, etc. A year ago I would not have imagined myself typing that... :)

    Other problem with selling - the Wii was also a recent gift (early Christmas.) Yes, I have the best wife in the world.
    Edited by 1 at 14/12/07 @ 18:58

  • smelly #100 4 years ago

    erm.. why is this game on the front page again?

  • chrisjm #101 4 years ago

    probably as its released today.

    so - any eurogamers bought it. i know it has universally bad reviews but i must say im tempted to pick it up. if only it had been released at a budget price.