Muscle March

Muscle March

Muscle March

Shallow. Stupid. Short. 7/10.

Goodness me, how tiresome these press releases are with their grandiose claims and ridiculous hyperbole. Just look at this one from Namco Bandai. Apparently new WiiWare title Muscle March "delivers an experience like no other". As if we haven't all, at one time or another, experienced being a large Ghanaian body-builder with a yellow posing pouch and a duck on his head, chasing a Russian punk, a blue spaceman and a polar bear in Speedos through a series of office buildings. Hang on what?

Muscle March is Namco Bandai's new addition to the stupid-em-up genre. (For other examples see Fruit Mystery, that PSone game with the family and the hospital no one can ever remember the name of but which might have had "Panic" in the title, and everything Japanese undergraduate game design students have ever produced.) You can tell this by the trailer, which makes the game look more complicated and interesting than it is, but accurately conveys the level of stupidity.

The principle is simple to grasp - and even simpler to grasp if you've seen the BBC game show Hole in the Wall, which is based on the same idea. It's best explained by Harry Hill but briefly: faced with a wall with a hole in it, you must adopt the right pose in order to pass through the hole without getting knocked over.

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