Biker Mice From Mars

Biker Mice from Mars

Biker Mice from Mars

Someone call Rentokil.

As comebacks go, this seemed as likely as Babylon Zoo filling the Albert Hall in 2007. And yet, here it is. Biker Mice from Mars, one of the least imaginative Ninja Turtles knock-offs to soil TV screens back in the early 90s, has been revived and is now - if the PR speak is to be believed - the top-rated show on Children's ITV. What next? A blockbuster Samurai Pizza Cats movie?

This newfound lease of life provides vital context when reviewing the inevitable videogame spin-off. Had this just been some cheap license dusted off by a fledgling developer in the hopes of establishing a foothold in the market, then it would still be a grievous example of shoddy game design, but at least the collateral damage would be minimal, kind of like those old 1.99 Huckleberry Hound games that cluttered up the ZX Spectrum shelves as the 8-bit era wheezed to a halt. Yes, they were crap - but nobody bought them, so nobody cared.

However, if Biker Mice from Mars does have a new audience of eager young fans, then there's a good chance that some Christmas mornings are going to be (or already have been) soiled by what is, quite honestly, the worst game I've played in recent memory. And I speak as someone who reviewed both Family Guy and The Sopranos in the last few months.

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