Tortuga - Two Treasures
Take two treasures into the shower? Not me - I don't shower. I'm a pirate for one-legged Pete's sake. I'm smelly and scary, bearded and blustery, and I say "avast me hearties" more often than is absolutely necessary (once). Tortuga has all the right and proper pirate clichés, complete with inspiration from Pirates of the Caribbean (a love story, voodoo and an undead ghost ship type thing).
The game is divided into two halves - sea-faring and land-lubbing sections. The ship-to-ship combat plays out like a basic arcade game with very simple controls. It's all about manoeuvring your vessel into position to deliver more broadside cannon volleys than your opponent, although there are some added tactical nuances. Different types of cannon shot can be selected (there's one which rips sails, for example, to cut a vessel's speed), and mines can be dropped, or enemies lured onto reefs. After a while these battles become rather repetitive, but at least there are some entertaining moments to be had here.
Any enjoyment swiftly evaporates when you hit land and Tortuga turns into a completely bobbins third-person swash'n'buckle. The movement system is clunky, the animations are poor and combat itself is largely a matter of clicking the left mouse button and slaughtering your way through piles of guards or pirates. It all feels especially artificial as the auto-targeting feature even faces you towards your next opponent after a kill, so you literally only need hammer that mouse button and occasionally pop a health potion. There are special moves to be learnt, but they seem fairly redundant.
The clichéd storyline is accompanied by plenty of hammily acted cut-scenes, and the whole package is ultimately pretty forgettable. There's some nautical mileage in the sea battles, but that's not nearly enough.