HotCoffee Comments

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  • Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney is coming to iOS and Android this winter

  • HotCoffee 12/10/2016

    Sugar, sugar, oh that night in your embrace.
    When you stole away the keys my heart held on so tight.
    Pleasure... but a fleeting melody.
    It wraps itself around me, and now through the air I fly. Whoa-oh-oh.

    Burning on in my heart. Fire. Burn my love away. All away.

    Like a bullet of love - fire. Take my life away. All away.

    Fuck that noise, Trucy best assistant.
    Reply +3
  • Animal Crossing: New Leaf update will weed your town

  • HotCoffee 12/09/2016

    dude WEED lmao Reply -2
  • The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt review

  • HotCoffee 30/08/2016

    There are some games that get great critical reception whose reputation fades over time. Say GTA IV and its ridiculous Metacritic. Fewer games get that kind of reception, only for the first year to find fan reaction slowly building until the game reaches 'beloved classic' status. That's what has happened with the Witcher 3.

    When we talk about this generation of games, The Witcher 3 will be one of the first 5 mentioned.
    Reply +3
  • The sounds of Madden NFL 17 come from an unusual source

  • HotCoffee 25/08/2016

    I'd rather not have known that, actually. Takes me out of the game now. Why not just use the real thing? Reply -21
  • No Man's Sky review

  • HotCoffee 12/08/2016

    I've played it for 15 hours.

    For those who want 'unique work of engineering art to lose yourself in' it is Essential. For those who want 'a fun videogame' I'd rate it Avoid.
    Reply +6
  • Nintendo NX is a portable console with detachable controllers

  • HotCoffee 26/07/2016

    This is great news. Portable gaming is Nintendo's strength, and the 3DS needed to be replaced. Competing against PS4 / XB1 using the 'old model' of home consoles was never going to work.

    Great decision Nintendo.
    Reply +41
  • Uncharted 4: A Thief's End review

  • HotCoffee 05/05/2016

    I'm not one to usually whine about spoilers, but this review outright states way too much of what happens, and gives huge hints as to the ultimate fate of the characters. That's disappointing.

    The review is well written when it discusses the gameplay changes, presentation and tone, so there was really no need to take us on such a linear trip through the set-up and main story of the game in the fourth and fifth paragraphs, or give the hints as to the ending in the first and last ones.
    Reply +126
  • Vote: What's the best Zelda game?

  • HotCoffee 17/02/2016

    Just put in my entry.

    1. Ocarina of Time
    2. Legend of Zelda
    3. Link's Awakening
    4. Majora's Mask
    5. The Wind Waker

    I never liked Link to the Past. Was disappointed with it as a kid. One of my top two choices is definitely my favourite game of all time, though. TLoZ on NES was my first ever video game as a child. What a way to start. Still the coolest looking cart of all time.

    Also, just realised I've beat all the ones listed except for Four Swords and Triforce Heroes, and the only one I didn't beat twice was Oracle of Ages. Yeah, I'm a Zelda fan.
    Reply +1
  • Digital Foundry vs Xenoblade Chronicles X

  • HotCoffee 01/12/2015

    These guys are masters at the craft, and it appears their talents have not faded. The first Xenoblade seemed like black magic on the Wii. It was a genuinely jaw-dropping technical accomplishment.

    But while the first Xenoblade is one of my favourite games of the past decade, I kinda feel like Nintendo would be best served having them make something a little more mainstream after X, to counter the whole 'Nintendo games can't do good graphics / Nintendo games are for kids' arguments.

    After all, nothing with faces like those will ever be mainstream or anywhere close in the West.
    Reply +19
  • Better than Halo?

  • HotCoffee 30/11/2015

    "I love my Skinner Box, I do. I never want to leave it!"

    "N-no, it's not a cage, it's a box! I c-choose to be here? Now where's that next piece of loot. P-please, I need it. I need it. I need it so bad..."
    Reply +10
  • Is Bloodborne the best game ever, or just the second best?

  • HotCoffee 24/03/2015

    So you didn't like it, then? Reply +7
  • The best Wii U games

  • HotCoffee 08/03/2015

    I have them all, except for Monster Hunter (not for me) and Scram Kitty.

    DKC: Tropical Freeze is the pick for me. It's not the most initially impressive game of the bunch (Mario Kart 8, 3D World and Bayo 2 have far more initial 'wow' factor) but it's the most perfectly formed, and probably the greatest 2D platformer of all time. Yeah, it's that good. 3D World starts off incredibly, but a low level of difficulty until the final couple of levels and some level design that's just too 'wide-open' makes it less memorable than it should be.

    As for Hyrule Warriors, the core gameplay is fun enough, but there's no way a game with those kinds of cynical gameplay mechanics should be near a list like this. In Hyrule Warriors, whether you succeed or fail is down to how many levels you've grinded, and the game asks you to put in hundreds of hours of play in service to gameplay that can't hold up under that amount of time. I beat it and completed vanilla adventure mode - it's nowhere near good enough for this list.
    Reply +2
  • Hyrule Warriors' secret final DLC character revealed

  • HotCoffee 28/02/2015

    Cuccos gave me so much grief in this game that I refuse to buy this out of principle.

    "Mama cucco is enraged!" No. I'M the one who's enraged! I did everything I could for your chick!

    Nice secret, though. Good that they went the extra mile.
    Reply +6
  • Trials Fusion's Fault One Zero DLC is out now

  • HotCoffee 25/02/2015

    Trials is one of those rare games that is less fun at hard difficulties. Extreme tracks are just a pain in the arse.Be interested to see what difficulty the DLC tracks are at.

    Some nice effects and art in that trailer, though.
    Reply +3
  • Video: The Best Sex I've Ever Had (In Games)

  • HotCoffee 23/02/2015

    I feel honour-bound to comment on this story.

    We've come a long way, baby.
    Reply +18
  • Introducing MetaBomb - our experimental new games portal

  • HotCoffee 18/02/2015

    The text in the top-left of the site - "Metabomb /n Hearthstone" looks really cheap and somehow low res on this retina screen. Rest of the site is clean and good looking though.

    I don't play Hearthstone (tried it, liked it, refused to get addicted) but this is a great idea.
    Reply 0
  • Live from 4pm: Q&A with Eurogamer's editor

  • HotCoffee 10/02/2015

    What do you thin of the criticism that your new system is essentially a four-star scale? I don't agree with that, but I'd love to hear your rebuttal. Reply 0
  • HotCoffee 10/02/2015

    Hi Oli, congrats on the change. Do you have any plans to for technical info sidebar? I'd love for your reviews to be a one-stop shop of info.

    I'm talking about basanswers to things like: What platforms the game is available on; If there's single player (yes/no), local multi, online co-op, online competitive etc. The resolution and FPS of the tested version; how long the reviewer spent playing the game etc.

    Many reviews will cover all of that, but it would be helpful.
    Reply 0
  • Eurogamer's Game of the Year 2014

  • HotCoffee 01/01/2015

    Completely disagree... it was only second on my list.

    Seriously, though great choice EG. Great choice. As for my first pick, that was DKC: Tropical Freeze. I'm not just a fanboy, either, my list was.

    1. MK8
    2. DKC: TF
    3. GTA V (Ps4)
    4. FF14 (Ps4)
    5. MGS Ground Zeroes (Ps4)
    6. Don't Starve (Ps4)
    7. Spelunky (Ps4)

    But this year, Nintendo took the cake. Sad that Smash didn't make it, though.
    Reply +4
  • Castlevania's Vampire Killer beats

  • HotCoffee 21/12/2014

    I'll never forget the time I got to the Forest of Monsters in Super Castlevania 4. I wanted to stop playing and start dancing. Easily a top 5 game series for music. Reply +3
  • Rich Stanton on: GTA's growing pains

  • HotCoffee 13/12/2014

    GTA is petty, teenage humour? GTA is vindictive and mean? Stop the presses! It's intentionally so! You even nailed it by mentioning Trevor, and how he is a mirror to your average GTA player's mentality while playing the game. Rockstar are entirely aware of what they're doing - how awful, dirty, mean and grubby their game is, and the horrible flip side which is that this is precisely why it can be so much fun.

    And when people talk about GTA's satire, they're not referring to the little moments of puerile humour on street signs or the radio, they're referring to the way it all adds up to form a picture of a society in thrall to greed and the cult of 'oneself', a society where the murderous acts that the characters partake in don't actually feel too out of place at all.

    Yes, all the characters are horrible. If you cared about them you'd no longer be in the correct state of mind to play GTA. Even if you do get attached to Michael, Franklin or Trevor you need to be aware that they're sick murderers at heart. Everyone else is a potential target. Doesn't make sense to have them as anything other than caricatures to serve the story and satire.

    The point is that GTA isn't actually a reflection of society, as is often claimed, but a collection of stereotypes and movie parodies jumbled together. Rockstar's cultural inspirations have never had much to do with living in a big city, but instead come from Hollywood, TV and music - GoodFellas, Miami Vice and gangster rap the most obvious suspects. GTA is not so much a reflection of life as a reflection of fictional lives, a pastiche rather than a satire.
    If you understand this, then I can't understand how you could make the rest of the points in your article.

    Anyway, I'd like them to tone down the prostitution stuff - adds nothing to the game. And gay stereotypes are old and lazy humour whether or not you find them offensive. But the game as a whole is brilliant, and I think they nail the tone. It's not a positive one, but they nail it.
    Reply +30
  • Don't Starve Together enters Steam Early Access next week

  • HotCoffee 12/12/2014

    Don't Starve is really hard to get into, and very, very annoying at first.

    But when it clicks... man what a game. I'm not sure that making it multiplayer would improve it, though. That sense of being overwhelmed on your own in a bizarre world was kind of the defining feature of the first one.
    Reply +8
  • Grand Theft Auto 5: deconstructing the remaster

  • HotCoffee 29/11/2014

    So glad I waited for this game on PS4, but now I'm kind of sad that I don't get to experience what a huge upgrade it obviously was.

    Well done Rockstar. A fantastic game deserved this kind of work put into the remaster. Shame more companies don't care enough to do it like this.
    Reply +31
  • The Nintendo difference: Wii U's first two years

  • HotCoffee 29/11/2014

    I bought a PS4 before a Wii U because of the hype. Now, the PS4 has been okay, it really has, but the Wii U has blown me away. The Gamepad isn't the greatest thing ever but the software just can't be beat. Reply +18
  • Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire review

  • HotCoffee 27/11/2014

    Last year's Pokémon X and Y absolutely floored me with how emotive and biting its characters and plot were.
    I love Pokemon X to pieces. Was one of my GOTYs last year. But I couldn't take the review seriously after this line. As close to 'wrong' as an opinion can be. Pokemon is one hundred great things. Well written, emotional, story-driven and 'biting' are not among them.
    Reply +8
  • Catastrophe games: How Spelunky and XCOM helped prepare me for an incurable illness

  • HotCoffee 26/11/2014

    Brave man, brilliant piece. All the best, Christian. Stay strong. Reply +4
  • Assassin's Creed: Unity launch debacle sparks Ubisoft rethink

  • HotCoffee 13/11/2014

    Watch Dogs (sorry - Watch_Dogs), Dark Souls 2 (the downgrade), Driveclub, AC: Unity, The Master Chief Collection, Sonic Boom...

    2014 is a fucking hideous year for big-brand games working correctly and honesty in advertising. Glad I own a Wii U as well, or it would be the worst year of gaming ever.
    Reply +38
  • Video: See how Mario Kart 8's new Rainbow Road compares to the SNES original

  • HotCoffee 13/11/2014

    Only weak track in the new DLC, imo. Well, Excitebike's a bit gimmicky, but it's still fun.

    The whole point of Rainbow Road SNES is 'don't fall off'. When it's widened to this extent, it's just a bland, flat track. Add to that the fact that we already have two fantastic Rainbow Road's already and this one comes across as a bit of a dud.

    No matter, though - the rest of the DLC is stunning, and well worth your time and money.
    Reply +5
  • The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth review

  • HotCoffee 12/11/2014

    Absolutely shocked at this review. Have played it and beat it a few times on PS+ and thought it was absolutely terrible. As in, one of the worst games I've played all year terrible.

    The review doesn't cover anything regarding the mechanics of how Isaac controls, the basic level design issues of the game, the repetitive room designs, the poor music and weak sound effects... what the hell? The review is far more concerned with discussing the game as a piece of art, as a 'work' of a person with an unfortunate childhood, than as a game that might be fun to play. Which, unfortunately, it isn't.

    EDIT: Shit, I wrote all that when I could have just liked Fabio's commented two places above mine. Whoops. Well said Fabio.
    Reply -7
  • Assassin's Creed Unity review

  • HotCoffee 11/11/2014

    Shame. Black Flag was bloody great. Some of the videos make the game seem like a real technical mess, too. No mention of that here? Strange. Reply +15
  • Blizzard reveals Overwatch, a team-based competitive first-person shooter

  • HotCoffee 07/11/2014

    "First new IP in 17 years."

    Sounds about average for the major players in the gaming industry, no?
    Reply +39
  • Majora's Mask comparison video shows off 3DS enhancements

  • HotCoffee 07/11/2014

    The reason OoT 3D was so good is that it was exactly how you remembered it... except that it actually wasn't. They'd tricked you by being so faithful to the source material in their upgrades.

    With the 'new' moon and some brightening of really dark scenes I'm worried that they aren't achieving the same thing here. Majora's Mask is a dark, creepy game. It needs to stay that way. The new moon is far less subtle than the old one, and I don't like it. The old one looked like a face had been carved into an actual moon. This one looks like a gigantic head in space.
    Reply +4
  • PlayStation 4 sales help Sony's game division to profit

  • HotCoffee 31/10/2014

    PS4 is on 13.5 million sold already. That's a Wii-like pace.

    While this is cause for celebration, the PSN issues, Driveclub fiasco, poor exclusives and lack of OS updates has me just a little concerned about the PS4's direction. I know times are rough, but Sony needs to keep on investing in its infrastructure. As for games, they'll come. Next year looks spectacular, starting with Bloodborne.
    Reply +37
  • Dead or Alive 5: Last Round release date announced

  • HotCoffee 23/10/2014

    Super comment.

    DoA5 is an excellent game, and the F2P model they've come up with is the best in the industry. Their free upgrade to everyone who bought the last one is awesome, too. Team Ninja have really done right by the fans throughout the whole lifetime of DoA5, and I'll be sure to keep supporting them because of it.

    I do wish they didn't have to support the game with a succession of lazy 'kinky' costumes for the girls, but it's the lesser of two evils. It's also a bloody fantastic fighting game.
    Reply +5
  • Sony "temporarily holding back" DriveClub's free PlayStation Plus edition

  • HotCoffee 08/10/2014

    I like the way the apology was delivered on a guy's Facebook. If you're gonna go with the whole 'social network hash fucking tag' theme for your game, own it. Reply +11
  • World of Warcraft is adding an option to restore deleted characters

  • HotCoffee 25/09/2014

    I imagine all of those people who took the step of deleting a character did so to kick game addiction. Otherwise you'd just let your sub lapse.

    And here comes Blizzard, back on the corner, offering 'just a little taste, for old time's sake, won't cost you a dime'.

    Literal drug dealers.
    Reply +32
  • Trials Fusion: Welcome to the Abyss expansion release date

  • HotCoffee 25/09/2014

    Welcome to the Abyss
    Man, Machine, The Abyss!
    Reply +2
  • Nintendo celebrates 125th birthday today

  • HotCoffee 23/09/2014

    Wow, there's a blast from the past. That was my very first video game. LoZ on the NES was my second, I believe.

    Thanks for posting that.
    Reply +4
  • Sony quadruples forecast loss for financial year

  • HotCoffee 17/09/2014

    Sony are in all sorts of very serious bother, but no matter what happens to them the Playstation side of their business has value and therefore will survive. Hopefully it's with Sony and not sold to someone else like Samsung or Amazon in bankruptcy. :( Reply +10
  • Destiny review

  • HotCoffee 17/09/2014

    I'm surprised at that review and that score. Although the 8 is fully justified by the text, it's the text I don't particularly agree with. Destiny falls short at almost everything it attempts, bar the core mechanics of shooting.

    As a single player game it fails because there is no interesting context to the action, no story, no interesting missions or set-pieces etc. Fine, you say, it's not supposed to be a single player game. You can't really play it that way, anyway.

    But those flaws also apply to it as a co-op shooter, only magnified because of the poor social elements. The fact that many of the modes of the game do not allow matchmaking is bizarre, and will leave many players trudging through the first two hours lost, alone and bored. And there's more to a shooter than the mechanics of shooting. What happens on the other end of the gun is important, and the encounter design is poor, along with really shoddy and unresponsive AI.

    As a competitive shooter, it doesn't match up to the old Halos whatsoever.

    So what's it good at? What's the point? I can't figure it out. If I want to play single player, co-op or competitive FPS there are better options for all of them. I suppose most of them don't offer the dopamine hit of a 'loot system' and it is that and apparently that alone that seems to have hooked so many people, including the author.

    A disappointment.
    Reply +37
  • Planetary Annihilation review

  • HotCoffee 16/09/2014

    Hahaha, you cheeky bugger.
    I feel it too, though. It must be destiny.

    As for this game, it looks interesting, and let's be fair, we need more RTS's. What the hell happened to this wonderful genre?
    Reply +7
  • Destiny thrills, but the big picture rings hollow

  • HotCoffee 10/09/2014

    This preview is EXACTLY what I would have written post-beta, were I a Eurogamer writer. Well done.

    Shame the game is a disappointment, but fair play to Bungie for letting us try before we buy. I would have wasted my money otherwise.
    Reply +5
  • Assassin's Creed Rogue trailer reveals a returning character

  • HotCoffee 05/09/2014

    That first picture caption: outstanding. Reply +3
  • Mortal Kombat X release date set for April

  • HotCoffee 05/09/2014

    Goro, a series mainstay, is a fucking preorder bonus? Fuck off MK, and fuck off with this preorder shit.

    Can we all just stop preordering things, all at once, as a society? You gain NOTHING from it. (Except content that would be on there in the first place if preordering didn't exist.)
    Reply +65
  • Building a better Mega Man

  • HotCoffee 04/09/2014

    It looks terrible, and EG nailed why:

    More troubling is the control, which feels distractingly soft and sluggish. ... Coupled with level design that is fairly rote and uninspired...
    There's a difference between bringing something cool back and making it better and a shameless nostalgic cash-grab. This falls on the wrong side of the line for me. No thanks.
    Reply +7
  • Everybody's Golf coming to PS4

  • HotCoffee 01/09/2014

    With Everybody's Golf, DoA5 on PS4 and Persona 5 PS4 that's my three favourite playstation games coming to PS4, I'm delighted.

    Now I just need to finally get that damn platinum on EG for PS3. Finally got an albatross (so hard!) and now I just need to beat the superstorm tournament. It's pretty much a flawless game, everyone should play it.
    Reply +3
  • The worst games I've ever played, by Ellie Gibson

  • HotCoffee 28/08/2014

    Ellie Gibson: Not the most prolific EG writer, and probably not the best reviewer, but definitely the funniest, and without doubt the least pretentious.

    Despite your terrible rating of that awesome DoA game you will be missed.
    Reply 0
  • The Last of Us review

  • HotCoffee 31/07/2014

    It's excellent but I do think a lot of criticism of the game is handwaved to a silly extent by ND and Sony fans. It's to the point where any negative opinion on the game is almost viewed as trolling, which can never be right. I mean, as the review says, Ellie is too blithe to convince and the ending, while clever, is very jarring and unsatisfying.

    Not enough attention is paid to the gameplay, either, which I felt was very good. Gunplay is weighty and avoiding clickers takes patience and thought, and there's a huge sense of tension to it. It's fun.

    Is it a 9? Is it a 10? Not sure but I'm not gonna disagree with EG on this one.
    Reply +3
  • New Hyrule Warriors trailer shows off its expansive cast

  • HotCoffee 26/07/2014

    Looks more amazing with every video. However I can't help but feel that since a large part of the appeal of this game is Zelda fanservice that Nintendo might just be ruining the game with these videos at this stage. I would have been fucking blown away to find out all the stuff that's in there if I just bought it, instead I found out online. I get that they need to sell the damn thing, but still...

    Also, lol at the fact that you gave Ruto her 'princess' honorific but failed to do the same for Zelda. Someone at EG has a taste for fish, no?
    Reply +9
  • Mario Kart 8 Japanese ad embraces Luigi's death stare

  • HotCoffee 22/07/2014

    Best looking game I've ever played. Achieves the look it wants to 100%, unlike something like Infamous: SS which looks brilliant but could still be improved in a host of ways. Reply -1