HotCoffee Comments

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  • Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney settles on Nintendo 3DS this November

  • HotCoffee 09/08/2017

    On the one hand, it's the weakest Ace Attorney game. Apollo never truly finds his feet as a unique character until the recent Spirit of Justice game where he's fantastic. The prosecutor is lame, the overarching story isn't that interesting, and Phoenix's story feels like fanfic. It also has the most annoying case in the series involving THAT. EFFING. SONG.

    On the other hand, it has Trucy and Ema in the same game, and the noodle case is a lot of lighthearted fun. So it's not all bad.
    Reply +1
  • If you pre-order PES 2018 you get Usain Bolt

  • HotCoffee 02/08/2017

    You fuckers, now I'll have that in my head for the rest of the day. Should be a crime! Reply +9
  • Is the New 2DS XL Nintendo's last dedicated handheld?

  • HotCoffee 02/08/2017

    The reflection in the New 2ds looks like some block-headed cartoon character gurning at someone. Reply 0
  • Alien: Isolation modder adds VR support

  • HotCoffee 01/08/2017

    VR Alien Isolation is probably the only game I won't ever play not because it might be bad, but because it might be too good. Reply +28
  • Hey! Pikmin fails to set UK chart on fire

  • HotCoffee 31/07/2017

    Metroid Prime: Federation Force; Zelda Triforce Heroes; Hey! Pikmin...

    When are Nintendo going to learn that fans of a franchise want games in the style of gameplay that they like, and NOT spin-offs? Spin-offs have worked for Mario. That's because he's the biggest star in all of gaming, a man for all seasons. They just don't work for other franchises.
    Reply +2
  • Watch: 8 times stealth made us want to eat our own hands

  • HotCoffee 10/07/2017

    I see the people in the video and commenters here have never played Gravity Rush 2.

    Worst offender of the last 10 years by a country mile.
    Reply +1
  • PES 2018 is definitely not coming to Switch

  • HotCoffee 23/06/2017

    Konami isn't flush with money like EA is so they couldn't really afford to gamble on a Switch port.

    Now that it's clear that the device is successful - especially in Japan - I think we'll see PES 2019 there. Just the wrong timing for the development of this one.

    Sales of Fifa will play a big part, though. If EA can't get people to buy Fifa Konami will assume they've no hope of selling PES.
    Reply +14
  • Ubisoft reveals new pirate game Skull & Bones

  • HotCoffee 12/06/2017

    Looks awesome. Everyone said 'make the ship combat from Black Flag its own game dammit' and Ubisoft said 'Let's do it'.

    Love it.
    Reply +13
  • WipEout series claims first ever UK chart top spot with Omega Collection

  • HotCoffee 12/06/2017

    I've put 10 hours into Wipeout already - it would be amazing at full price, at 35 euros it's absolutely essential.

    Now for a Motorstorm series remaster in the same vein, please...
    Reply 0
  • Nintendo Switch wired headset looks like a right faff

  • HotCoffee 01/06/2017

    There is absolutely no excuse for having to use your phone. Why not just use Discord or some other app at that stage? Functionally, having to use your phone is no different as if Nintendo hadn't bothered to do voice chat at all.

    The question is simple... why? Why do it like this?

    Vita is a handheld, and it had proper voice chat 5 and a half years ago.
    Reply +118
  • Archie Comics nearly made a Metroid series

  • HotCoffee 31/05/2017

    I like the fact that he used the Metroid Prime Varia Suit for every pose barring the main one. It was probably based on Other M, but he wanted to inject some actual quality in there too. Reply 0
  • Shantae: Half-Genie Hero is coming to Switch next week

  • HotCoffee 30/05/2017

    Half-genie Hero is not a bad game by any means, but if you have the chance to play Shantae and the Pirate's Curse instead, do so. Pirate's Curse is fantastic, and by far the best game in the series. Reply +9
  • The past, present and future of Fire Emblem

  • HotCoffee 30/05/2017

    Echoes is so much better than Fates it's unreal, which really shows you that they lost their way after the success of Awakening. The gameplay became overcomplicated, the writing was dire, the art silly and exaggerated, the sense of world-building lost.

    The fact that a remake forced them to strip things down to what they used to be was the biggest blessing in disguise possible. I only hope they learn from this for the Switch version of the game but seeing the current 'Bridal Heroes' event in FE Heroes I suspect we'll get Waifu Emblem 3.
    Reply +3
  • Mario Kart 8 Deluxe review

  • HotCoffee 21/04/2017

    "There was some debate when it originally came out about whether Mario Kart 8 was the best in the series "

    There really wasn't. Game was acclaimed as an utter masterpiece from day 1.

    Great review though.
    Reply -1
  • Nintendo finally unveils the last Smash Bros. amiibo

  • HotCoffee 13/04/2017

    Not the last. When the switch version comes out with two/three new characters we'll get amiibos for those. And when that version gets character DLC we'll get amiibo for those, too.

    They'd be crazy not to milk it like this, so that's exactly what they'll do.
    Reply +4
  • Why Dwarf Fortress started killing cats

  • HotCoffee 13/04/2017

    Man, I'd love to read about this. Anyone got a link to any text stories about this?

    I don't do videos.
    Reply +14
  • Zelda player builds flying contraption, glides across entire map

  • HotCoffee 05/04/2017

    This is incredible. The amount of systems that work together to allow you to do this... amazing.

    And then to top it off the temperature gets slowly colder as he ascends... the impression of being in a real world where everything has been though of is intense.

    Game of the year, easily.
    Reply +30
  • Yooka-Laylee includes its own DK Rap

  • HotCoffee 01/04/2017

    That was absolutely awful. Reply +23
  • Meeting Andrzej Sapkowski, the writer who created The Witcher

  • HotCoffee 24/03/2017

    These days fantasy fans are considered to be thorough and highly skilled masturbators.

    We've come a long way. (Pun intended)
    Reply +16
  • How Zelda and Horizon fix open worlds in very different ways

  • HotCoffee 22/03/2017

    Horizon is a good game, but it IS highly derivative, and lauding it for doing anything new feels wrong in my books. Also, Aloy isn't lauded? Sure, she's 'supposed' to be treated like an outcast, but at every turn every single NPC will tell her how amazing she is. Sure, sometimes that's said begrudgingly, but the hero worship is absolutely present there, pretty much 100% of the time.

    Zelda, on the other hand, is just a masterpiece from top to bottom and one of the best games I've ever played.

    That said, I expected Zelda to be unbelievable given Nintendo's pedigree. I didn't expect much from Guerilla games after Shadow Fall, so they're the ones who really over-delivered on my expectations, and now I'm excited to see what they can do next - a similar leap in quality would make Horizon 2 something very special indeed.
    Reply -3
  • How the GTA Hot Coffee scandal changed age ratings forever

  • HotCoffee 02/03/2017

    Can't believe I was late to this article...

    If ever I deserved a first post it was here. Too busy playing Zelda, though, so I'll live!
    Reply +11
  • The voice behind The Witcher

  • HotCoffee 27/01/2017

    Top class article. Pieces like this are why EG is a cut above.

    This guy comes across as a lovely guy too. He's well aware that voice acting is only one of the things that makes a game great, but he does that one thing as well as he can - and he was a fantastic Geralt. Well done Doug, hope plenty of work comes to you this year.
    Reply +7
  • This iPhone and iPad controller looks a lot like a Switch

  • HotCoffee 24/01/2017

    Poor man's Switch?

    More like destitute man's Switch.

    More like No Man's Switch.
    Reply +2
  • Google Pixel review

  • HotCoffee 21/01/2017

    RIP Nexus line. You were too good for this sinful earth. Reply +3
  • Switch clicks in the hands, but on paper, it's in trouble

  • HotCoffee 13/01/2017

    But, given what we've learned today about Switch, it looks increasingly likely that it will be the last of its line.
    Wow... tell us how you really feel.

    I love Eurogamer for giving it to us straight, this is a brilliantly written and fair opinion piece.
    Reply +43
  • Pokémon Sun and Moon players fail second global event

  • HotCoffee 10/01/2017

    This isn't Nintendo - they're really good at easy-to-use online features these days.

    This is Game Freak, and they, sadly, are not.
    Reply +2
  • HotCoffee 10/01/2017

    Pokemon X/Y did a whole load of things better. I'm really surprised it's so disliked by the Pokemon community. I loved those games.

    Sun / Moon - while having a lot of great features and being a rock-solid game - was linear, cutscene-stuffed and treacle-slow by comparison.

    The one place Sun / Moon improved upon X/Y hugely was in challenge, and to be fair that's a big deal. And the less said about Lumiose City in X/Y the better.
    Reply +2
  • HotCoffee 10/01/2017

    It's because the way they have you register for these events is absolutely god-awful.

    In fact, the whole Festival Plaza is terrible and a huge step back from the PSS in X/Y.

    Game Freak deserve this failure - I'm just glad it happened as it's showing them how few people use or understand these kinds of arcane online features. Even Island Scan itself is strange and kind of annoying to use.
    Reply +33
  • Gravity Rush 2 review

  • HotCoffee 10/01/2017

    "the design team offers the most gentle of iterations"

    "the missions, while mixing things up energetically, still struggle to raise themselves above a muddle of checkpoint-following, combat, boss fights and - at their worst - poorly-implemented stealth"

    Yeah, I was afraid that was the case from the demo. Loved the first one but as a Vita game, and with the acceptance that it had a ton of flaws. As a full-fat PS4 game I'm afraid I have to give this one a miss.
    Reply +1
  • Watch: Do Pokémon Sun and Moon prove a 20-year-old Pokéfan theory once and for all?

  • HotCoffee 07/12/2016

    99% of theories are stupid jumping to conclusions. Others are so obvious that I'm surprised not everyone accepts them as true.

    This is the latter. Everything about their designs and pokedex entries suggests that Cubone and Kangaskhan are linked. Sun/Moon is just the latest indicator.
    Reply +1
  • Final Fantasy 15 guide, walkthrough and tips for the open-world's many quests and activities

  • HotCoffee 02/12/2016

    Chapters 10, 11, 12 were my favourites. The open world stuff fell totally flat for me due to the enormous scale of the world and difficulty in getting around. Reply +4
  • What I think after five hours of Resident Evil 7

  • HotCoffee 30/11/2016

    Not knowing what's in the next room, for example, being a little bit scared when opening a door, knowing that I'm pretty sure there's a jump scare ahead but I don't want to take a step forward, having a lack of ammo, figuring out, when am I going to use this, how do I optimise this, trying to figure out item management; we definitely had a huge list of things that we had to figure out how to prioritise.
    Thank god, he gets it.
    Reply +25
  • Final Fantasy 15 review

  • HotCoffee 28/11/2016

    While I agree in general, writing a story where the major beats don't happen in spin-off movies isn't hard. Avoid a situation where 'Nothing of note plays out in front of you for most of the game' isn't hard.

    I'm not asking for Witcher 3 here, just basic competence after 10 years of time to plot things out correctly.
    Reply +18
  • HotCoffee 28/11/2016

    For a series universally known and loved for its emphasis on storytelling, can I recommend a Final Fantasy game despite its unsatisfying story? Instinctively I'd say no
    Can't believe they screwed up the story. It's the selling point of the series. How do they botch this after 10 years? It's just writing...

    God damn it Squeenix.
    Reply +1
  • No Man's Sky studio breaks silence, announces base building and more in huge Foundation update

  • HotCoffee 25/11/2016

    Three points to make:
    1. I'm glad they're still proceeding with the planned updates despite the backlash.
    2. I personally enjoyed the game a lot, but must admit that I fail to see how base building will add to the core experience.
    3. The previous two points shouldn't take away from the disgraceful lies peddled by Sean Murray prior to release.
    Reply +4
  • Fallout 4 one year on

  • HotCoffee 24/11/2016

    The player character spoke their dialogue out loud - a Bethesda first. It's the sort of change for which the consequences aren't immediately clear(...)
    Don't know if you were on the internet at all around that time, but it was blatantly clear to a huge amount of Fallout and Bethesda fans. People were hugely worried about it the second it was shown, and all of the worries proved to be well founded.
    Fallout 4's curveballs, regardless of how well received they've been, demonstrate an eagerness to take risks
    Nonsense. It was a move away from the niche of RPGs towards the voiced narrative FPS's that have dominated the industry. It was moving from an interesting space to a more marketable space. It was the avoidance of risk, not taking a risk.
    Reply +2
  • Sources: Nintendo Switch to get Pokémon Sun and Moon version

  • HotCoffee 18/11/2016

    I love JRPG mechanics but hate the twee storylines that get pushed in your face.

    Pokemon has always been great at keeping that out of the game - they just say 'Go beat the gyms and get on with it.' With the exception of Black/White, where it still wasn't so bad.

    In this game the story is in your face for the entire main campaign with no real ability to go off and do your own thing. I hated the story and dialogue, and it ruined my experience with the game because it was ever-present.

    The consider all the quality of life things that Gamefreak dropped from X&Y, the horrific framerate, the lack of any interesting caves or dungeons, the lack of any puzzles whatsoever... it was just a braindead linear slog for me.
    Reply +2
  • HotCoffee 18/11/2016

    All of pokemon sun's myriad flaws will be shown up brutally on home hardware.

    For whatever reason, these games get away with it on handheld, but on a home console you'll be able to see much more clearly just how sub-standard many parts of the game are.
    Reply -9
  • Beat the Beat: Rhythm Paradise is coming to the Wii U eShop next week

  • HotCoffee 17/11/2016

    That Remix 10 was really... stimulating! Reply +1
  • Super Mario Run launches for iPhone on 15th December

  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    I have no interest in F2P Mario bullshit.

    But offer me the entire game for 10 bucks with the nonsense removed... paying for a real videogame at real videogame prices... and you've got me hook line and sinker.

    Well done Nintendo, looks great.
    Reply +8
  • Pokémon Sun and Moon review

  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    You are right in general, absolutely. But it has never been as bad as this for multiple reasons.

    -The first is that there are no big caves or dungeons and the routes are super-short. The encounter rate is super, super high to make up for this.
    -The second is that every 5 steps along the path you get interrupted by a cutscene - very frustrating. Often a completely useless cutscene, too.
    -The third is that there's a big red flag on the map at all times to tell you where to go. There's no 'I wonder if I'm going the right way?' any more. Rotom just tells you where to go.
    -The last is that the barriers aren't interesting like a Snorlax but literal wooden barriers staffed by NPCs that the game admits are just there to keep you on the path to the next trial.

    In theory it's the same thing, but in practice it feels like a straightjacket. The truth is that 66-75% in when the story actually gets good this linearity is justified and the game sings. But it needed to be that good the whole way through to make it a good game. I was bored out of my mind for the first 10-12 hours.
    Reply +1
  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    Etrian Odyssey is my favourite series of RPGs. Be warned - it's vastly superior to Pokemon - it's well paced, properly challenging and treats you like an adult. Fire Emblem I would say the same. (Or would have before Fates screwed it all up in the story department.)

    HOWEVER, as you are a newbie to the pokemon series, the extremely slow opening of this one might not bother you so much. Learning the pokemon battle system (which truly has oceans of depth) may well make it worth it for you.
    Reply 0
  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    An HM move was a move you could use on the overworld that would let you get past an obstacle. For example, the move 'Strength' would let you move rocks around as part of a puzzle.

    Problem was these moves were often useless for battle and as such you needed at least one dedicated 'HM slave' - a pokemon that just had those moves.

    Instead, you are now gifted pokemon that you can ride who do the same thing. These ride pokemon are NOT part of your core team, they're not even your pokemon, you pretty much just borrow them from characters (for the entire game). This leaves your battle team of 6 pokemon free of having to carry useless moves. As each pokemon only has 4 moves this is a big deal.

    It's one of the best changes in the new game, though long, long overdue.
    Reply +8
  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    So the reviewer was an HM defender, thinks the cutscenes were good, and thinks the trials were in any way an adequate replacement for gyms?

    My goodness, let me just say that taste is subjective and you're entitled to your opinion.

    The electric trial at the mountain observatory is three braindead quiz questions in pitch black with single wild-pokemon battles after each question. That's it. There's no defending that. Massive step down for the series.

    "Sun and Moon deftly handles that issue by corralling the Pokémon you'll find in the wild to a smaller number of more specific locations."

    God damn it that's one of the WORST things about the new games! Is this opposite day?!?
    Reply 0
  • HotCoffee 15/11/2016

    I am actually shocked at this review. I finished up the postgame stuff in Sun last night and thought that it was the worst mainline pokemon game I've played (and I was there day 1 with Red back in the day).

    It's the Final Fantasy XIII of pokemon - long linear corridors with way too many interruptions and cutscenes for a story that is over-wordy while meaning nothing, and with a story that is so childlike it grates on your nerves. Just like FFXIII it gets good about 75% of the way in, and then in postgame you are finally given some freedom.

    I was massively disappointed. I could go on with other reasons, but I'll leave it there.

    Genuinely thought this game would get the worst reviews of any pokemon so far. So this is an absolute shock to me.
    Reply +2
  • The final Wii U will roll off Nintendo's production line this week

  • HotCoffee 01/11/2016

    Shockingly bad hardware from general conception to price. The second screen was such an albatross. Not truly portable, not truly useful as your eyes can't be in two places at once - and devs had to choose between making the second screen essential or adding off-TV play.

    That said, somehow it ended up with a simply stunning library of first party games. You know the bigger ones (the Marios and Zeldas etc), but trust me the following are magnificent and way underrated:
    Pikmin 3
    Yoshi's Wooly World
    Captain Toad
    Pokken Tournament

    And in DKC: Tropical Freeze and Splatoon it had two genuine contenders for game of the generation.

    As for disappointments, to me 3D World was a minor disappointment and Xenoblade Chronicles X a major one. But the vast, vast majority of first party games on Wii U delivered in spades.
    Reply +12
  • The making of The Witcher 3's greatest villain

  • HotCoffee 23/10/2016

    If it hadn't been for the spoon scene Gaunter could have been seen as a neutral character. Shame about that scene, it removed the nuance from the game. Reply -7
  • Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney is coming to iOS and Android this winter

  • HotCoffee 12/10/2016

    Sugar, sugar, oh that night in your embrace.
    When you stole away the keys my heart held on so tight.
    Pleasure... but a fleeting melody.
    It wraps itself around me, and now through the air I fly. Whoa-oh-oh.

    Burning on in my heart. Fire. Burn my love away. All away.

    Like a bullet of love - fire. Take my life away. All away.

    Fuck that noise, Trucy best assistant.
    Reply +3
  • Animal Crossing: New Leaf update will weed your town

  • HotCoffee 12/09/2016

    dude WEED lmao Reply -2
  • The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt review

  • HotCoffee 30/08/2016

    There are some games that get great critical reception whose reputation fades over time. Say GTA IV and its ridiculous Metacritic. Fewer games get that kind of reception, only for the first year to find fan reaction slowly building until the game reaches 'beloved classic' status. That's what has happened with the Witcher 3.

    When we talk about this generation of games, The Witcher 3 will be one of the first 5 mentioned.
    Reply +3