Random rants that don't warrant their own threads Page 252

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  • sport 20 Mar 2013 08:37:18 12,811 posts
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    @ZizouFC - shit mate, sorry to hear that. It's all happened so suddenly so no wonder you're still trying to process it. But I promise you, it will be ok, it really really will.
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 08:42:25 8,648 posts
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    @sport

    Yup. You know more than anyone on here just how sudden this is...

    I know it will be. I think I need to get home and have a good cry-wank and try wait it out. Things are still in the air at the moment, but it really doesn't look good.
  • Benno 20 Mar 2013 08:47:47 10,268 posts
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    Aww mate, 6 years since you were 18. Must be tough.

    But remember you are still so young. You will look back fondly on your time with her as an important chapter in your life, but it is still just a chapter. Get some beers in, have a few takeaways, buy a new game and hit the mourning head on. Then get ready to start a new chapter.

    /brohug
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 08:53:29 8,648 posts
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    Very. I can't remember much of my life before her other than being a nerd in school. In some ways she is the first chapter in my life and until yesterday I thought it was the last chapter as well...

    Solid advice. I will do exactly that.

    /hugz
  • ElNuevo9 20 Mar 2013 09:00:21 13,600 posts
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    You're in South Africa, yeah?

    Fuck it, go all Oscar Pistorious on her ass.

    In all seriousness though, that's a shitter. But what Dougs said is true - the grass isn't always greener. Maybe it'll take the time apart to make her realise what she's missing and how lucky she was. Dougs also gave more sound advice; in the mean time, get absolutely shit the bed drunk. Works wonders in the short term.

    Hated, adored, never ignored.

  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 09:11:32 8,648 posts
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    Haha, she did start the break up process through the bathroom door, so I was tempted...

    Yup. I will just wait and see what happens. I really just deserve some closure. I was very good to her.

    Thanks for the kind words, guys. I am feeling a bit better :)
  • sport 20 Mar 2013 09:16:41 12,811 posts
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    Jy is nog stil a laaitie, man ;-)

    Get a couple of mates and head to Toby Joes. Is that still going?!?!
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 09:20:49 8,648 posts
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    I know technically I am, but my youth is still gone! :(

    Haha nope. Brookes as a whole is long gone. It's all fancy restaurants now.
  • sport 20 Mar 2013 09:24:55 12,811 posts
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    ZizouFC wrote:
    I know technically I am, but my youth is still gone! :(

    Haha nope. Brookes as a whole is long gone. It's all fancy restaurants now.
    I take it you never experienced Cadillac Jacks on a Saturday night?

    And trust me, as long as you haven't got kids and tied down to a mortgage etc etc you got youth :-D
  • henro_ben 20 Mar 2013 09:28:59 2,244 posts
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    @ZizouFC

    I know exactly how that feels, split with my LTG in January. Give her some space to start with while both of your feelings are raw.

    Over the next few weeks I'd suggest you use the time to examine the relationship and what you think are the root causes of the breakup - there'll be more than one sadly, there always is, and what you're going to do to fix them. Keep in mind that you can't change her, only yourself.

    Would also suggest you think seriously about your feelings for her, the instant reaction is to want her back, but some of that will be your ego, some of that will be fear of being alone, some will be missing the relationship itself and some will be actually missing her.

    You need to be very sure of your feelings for her if you do decide to try and get her back - it's much harder than getting her in the first place and will be difficult and upsetting at times for both of you.

    I'd also strongly suggest not going out and drinking heavily - the tearful drunken 2am phone call becomes very tempting after a few beers...
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 09:29:38 8,648 posts
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    I think that's before my time ;)

    Haha very true...

    Well her friend just texted me to start the process of her getting the gf's stuff/shit. Guess it is really over.
  • nickthegun 20 Mar 2013 09:33:40 61,308 posts
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    ZizouFC wrote:
    I know technically I am, but my youth is still gone! :(
    No its not. You have it back. Your early middle age is gone and now you can go out and do what you like.

    By the sounds of it, to be frank, she has made a hard decision for probably the right reasons, so its up to you to accept it and not ask the very next girl who makes eye contact with you to move into your flat.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 09:37:43 8,648 posts
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    @henro_ben

    I am going to do my best to approach this in the smartest way possible. You speak the truth, and I intend to do a lot of thinking about all of this.

    I will try play games rather than drink...
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 09:41:37 8,648 posts
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    @nickthegun

    I know... Just hard not to want those years back.

    I agree completely. This must be so difficult for her, and she is being very brave... I think if this is it, that I want to be alone for a good while. I can't imagine being with anyone else.
  • henro_ben 20 Mar 2013 10:03:38 2,244 posts
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    ZizouFC wrote:

    I agree completely. This must be so difficult for her, and she is being very brave... I think if this is it, that I want to be alone for a good while. I can't imagine being with anyone else.
    It's tempting to either want to take all the blame in this and think it's all your fault, or to completely blame her, but try not to fall into that way of thinking if you can. In my experience it takes two to make a relationship - and it takes two to break one.

    The next few weeks will be the worse, a new game will help, as will starting a new hobby or continuing one that requires a lot of concentration - they'll allow you breaks from constantly thinking about her/what went wrong etc.

    Chin up, it'll all work out in the end :-)
  • localnotail 20 Mar 2013 10:03:56 23,093 posts
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    nickthegun wrote:
    ZizouFC wrote:
    I know technically I am, but my youth is still gone! :(
    No its not. You have it back. Your early middle age is gone and now you can go out and do what you like.

    By the sounds of it, to be frank, she has made a hard decision for probably the right reasons
    This. I know it's difficult to see right now, but this is not the end of everything, it's a new beginning. I'm always surprised to find couples still together after even 5 years when they get together in their teens. People change so much in their 20s, there are so many personal decisions to make about what you want out of life that trying to fit in with another's expectations and needs can be really hard. But when you have found happiness it is hard to give up, so sacrifices get made that can be hard to bear later on. There are other adventures to find as well as other loves out there though, ones that can work better. As you said, end of a chapter, start of another.

    *hugs* It's all painfully shit now, but you'll be ok. Time makes things better, you just have to bear with it. She's following a dream and apparently making it real, that's admirable. I'm sorry that there doesn't seem to be room in it for you, but if you do really love her then you must want her to be happy, even if that means happy without you. /end cliché mode

    Get out of the flat for a bit if you can, don't be crywanking over her stuff too much. Semen is such a stubborn stain to shift.

    If not, you have the right idea with beers and shooting shit up IMO. *more hugs*

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • Load_2.0 20 Mar 2013 10:09:07 19,670 posts
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    Whores
  • Dougs 20 Mar 2013 10:13:48 69,508 posts
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    They'll work
  • sport 20 Mar 2013 10:18:33 12,811 posts
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    Load_2.0 wrote:
    Whores
    He's in SA mate, trust me, wouldn't be a good idea.
  • DodgyPast 20 Mar 2013 10:40:57 8,538 posts
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    If it's not meant to be then better it finishes now rather than later.

    If there's a real future for the pair of you then she'll find her way back.

    Keep your distance and don't make her want to run away even further... Immerse yourself in hobbies and if she doesn't come back you're obviously better off without her.
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 11:38:22 8,648 posts
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    @localnotail

    I know. It just sucks that it took this long to figure it out, and that the feelings of wanting out are pretty much one-sided. I have had a really long chat with her best friend and I have gotten some insight into the thinking behind all this, and I see her side, I always have.

    I'm just dreading going home and being alone for the first time in 6 years. I will do my best to get out of the flat but I can't help but feel what I need is a good cry before facing the world. I can't stand this feeling of being on the verge of tears.

    @DodgyPast

    Thanks mate. I will do that. I just need to be mature and realize that I'm not 18 anymore and she is a different person and it's unlikely that she will be coming back.

    Oh and as sport said - "whores" in SA aren't a good idea. :)

    Anyhoo, my flat is being ransacked as I type...

    Edited by ZizouFC at 11:39:25 20-03-2013
  • localnotail 20 Mar 2013 11:44:46 23,093 posts
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    :( You never know, there might be lots of things about being single that you really like.

    You haven't lost those years you had together btw, they were good times that you shared, they don't lost their value just because your paths are diverging now.
    *more hugs*

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 11:48:50 8,648 posts
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    I'm sure I will get into the swing of things. I have to.

    I know :'( /hugs/
  • sport 20 Mar 2013 11:51:14 12,811 posts
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    @ZizouFC - dude, get home, find a quiet spot and ball your eyes out, don't hold back, let it all out.

    Then, pop in Chest + Back and fuck yourself up!
  • Khanivor 20 Mar 2013 11:52:53 41,261 posts
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    You're 24? Spent all your adult life in a serious settled relationship? Sounds to me that with the right approach, you are about to start living.
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 11:55:42 8,648 posts
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    @sport

    I intend on doing just that...

    @Khanivor

    25... same difference I hope because I agree - I know this. I just can't wait to get to that point.
  • Khanivor 20 Mar 2013 11:58:07 41,261 posts
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    It'll be rough for a while but a lot depends on how much you let it. Wallow in grief and self pity and it could take years. Long, miserable years.

    Or grieve for what has passed and get out of control over what is to come. The future is a hell of a lot longer than the past AND you can change it.
  • L_Franko Moderator 20 Mar 2013 12:00:18 9,697 posts
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    ZizouFC wrote:
    I'm sure I will get into the swing of things. I have to.

    I know :'( /hugs/
    It isn't the easiest of times mate but time is the healer and all that.
    About 3 years ago me and my missus of 5 years broke up and it sucked the big hairy one but after a time of feeling terrible and walking around like a zombie things started to click again and the smiles and motivation came back in spades. I remember the very moment actually, I was drying myself after a shower and the thought just hit me that things are going to be fine, then i started listing the things in my head that make the break up a good thing. Things I can do on my own now that I couldn't before, things that I don't have to do anymore and the things that make the overal decision make sense. A huge weight just lifted. I then met up with friends I hadn't seen for ages because I shut myself away and just had a day in the pub, it was awesome.

    All the best mate. No matter how it all turns out things will be just fine.
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 12:01:49 8,648 posts
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    I really don't want that. I am a pretty positive person, but I'm also very sensitive so this has hit me hard, but I don't want to "waste" more of my life.
  • Ziz0u 20 Mar 2013 12:02:56 8,648 posts
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    @L_Franko

    Thanks :)

    I can't wait for that moment to happen for me. I know it will.
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