Most Annoying TV Adverts Page 96

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  • RedSparrows 9 Feb 2013 12:35:19 23,868 posts
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    LeoliansBro wrote:
    That Guardian 'we've trademarked the Weekend' advert is the most desperately awful and soulless middle class travesty and I find it honestly depressing that they think the middle section of it is somehow aspirational. Here's a play-by-play with LB subtext text.

    Open shot: vista of London, leafy, suburban, no council flats or poor people. Crane shot pans round with a bombastic OTT Hollywood style monologue about how the Guardian 'brought you Monday to Friday' and are now branching out into the weekend.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK HOW SUPERIOR WE ARE (AND OUR READERSHIP, GO ON READERSHIP, PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK FOR BEING SUPERIOR) AND HOW WE CAN POKE FUN AT MAINSTREAM ENTERTAINMENT BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THAT, WE'RE EXCLUSIVE LIKE MARKS AND SPENCERS.

    A couple, who let their relationship fall apart some time ago, sit in their airless characterless spotless kitchen in silence reading from their individual bits of a weekend paper. No kids, no pets, nothing of any kind. They could be statues.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK AT THE SUCCESSFUL LIVES OUR READERSHIP HAVE. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM? (Insert: this is depressingly exactly what the ad is aiming for. I couldn't think of anything worse than being these people, they look like the sort who have a passive aggressive sniping match followed by a screaming row if the husband forgot to take the Brie de Meaux out of the fridge in time for it to warm up for the dinner party)

    Woman: 'There's a new salmon recipe we can try later.'

    SUBTEXT: I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SAY TO YOU. I KNOW YOU HATE SALMON, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU LET THAT SKANK FROM THE OFFICE SUCK YOUR TINY SHRIVELLED COCK YOU THOUGHTLESS BASTARD.

    Man: 'Hmmmm'.

    SUBTEXT: FUCK YOU, YOU RANCID BITCH.

    Man: 'We can use up the rest of that rice.'

    SUBTEXT: OF COURSE WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY SPARE IF YOU COULD FOLLOW THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS AND I BET THOSE GUYS DIDN'T COME TO THE PARTY BECAUSE YOU WERE SO SLOW RESPONDING TO THEIR CHRISTMAS CARDS. IF I DON'T GET THAT PROMOTION YOUR MONTHLY GARDENING ALLOWANCE IS GOING TO DISAPPEAR. COW.

    More mock bombast, 'We bring you the WEEKEND'.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK HOW FUNNY WE ARE, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S LIKE TOP GEAR LOL

    Man pointing to a flip chart 'What we've done is trademarked the weekend.' Execs nod.

    SUBTEXT: THIS WAS THE MOMENT OF GENIUS. WHAT A COUP. ALSO LOOK HOW CLEAN AND MODERN OUR OFFICES ARE, AND HOW ETHNICALLY DIVERSE OUR BOARD MEMBERS.


    Aaaannnnnywayyyyyy. I can't think what's worse: how facile the ad is, or the fact that their 'target audience' as represented in the ad is, for them, 'aspirational' and not 'godawful'. Someone link to it in here, you'll see I'm not even joking.

    In conclusion: fuck the Guardian.
    This is my kind of advert dismantling. I sense a blog possibility. HEY GAIS!
  • RedSparrows 9 Feb 2013 12:36:07 23,868 posts
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    Tom_Servo wrote:
    Anyone else the new McDonalds advert where the magic of a piss-poor 99p burger brings together a guy and his partner's son? Horrendous.
    Yup. Faux-warm-family-bollocks that, really, says to me, 'if this is life, fuck it. I'm jumping off a bridge.'
  • X201 12 Feb 2013 20:41:24 15,690 posts
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    RedSparrows wrote:
    Tom_Servo wrote:
    Anyone else the new McDonalds advert where the magic of a piss-poor 99p burger brings together a guy and his partner's son? Horrendous.
    Yup. Faux-warm-family-bollocks that, really, says to me, 'if this is life, fuck it. I'm jumping off a bridge.'
    Have just come here to mention it. Feel lucky that I've aparently managed to miss it for at least 3 days.

    Shocking, vomit inducing rubbish.
  • FogHeart 12 Feb 2013 21:46:56 961 posts
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    VALENTINES DAY DOES NOT MEAN BUYING A SLIGHTLY MORE EXPENSIVE MOTHERFUCKING READY MEAL DEAL!
  • ibenam 12 Feb 2013 21:54:26 1,499 posts
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    Has anyone seen the new Mcdonalds adverts?

    Get me a fuckin bucket
    Dave? Sickening

    Sorry just seen that already mentioned above.

    Edited by ibenam at 21:54:56 12-02-2013
  • DaM 12 Feb 2013 22:14:18 13,440 posts
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    How about the Haribo sour sweety one - I could believe it was done by a team on The Apprentice.
    And the McDonalds one, where white, brown and black people get to drink....white, brown and black coffee, to show there's something for everyone. Unless you're Chinese.
  • Load_2.0 12 Feb 2013 22:16:14 19,513 posts
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    They have tea.
  • darkmorgado 12 Feb 2013 23:37:22 15,585 posts
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    RedSparrows wrote:
    LeoliansBro wrote:
    That Guardian 'we've trademarked the Weekend' advert is the most desperately awful and soulless middle class travesty and I find it honestly depressing that they think the middle section of it is somehow aspirational. Here's a play-by-play with LB subtext text.

    Open shot: vista of London, leafy, suburban, no council flats or poor people. Crane shot pans round with a bombastic OTT Hollywood style monologue about how the Guardian 'brought you Monday to Friday' and are now branching out into the weekend.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK HOW SUPERIOR WE ARE (AND OUR READERSHIP, GO ON READERSHIP, PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK FOR BEING SUPERIOR) AND HOW WE CAN POKE FUN AT MAINSTREAM ENTERTAINMENT BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THAT, WE'RE EXCLUSIVE LIKE MARKS AND SPENCERS.

    A couple, who let their relationship fall apart some time ago, sit in their airless characterless spotless kitchen in silence reading from their individual bits of a weekend paper. No kids, no pets, nothing of any kind. They could be statues.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK AT THE SUCCESSFUL LIVES OUR READERSHIP HAVE. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM? (Insert: this is depressingly exactly what the ad is aiming for. I couldn't think of anything worse than being these people, they look like the sort who have a passive aggressive sniping match followed by a screaming row if the husband forgot to take the Brie de Meaux out of the fridge in time for it to warm up for the dinner party)

    Woman: 'There's a new salmon recipe we can try later.'

    SUBTEXT: I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SAY TO YOU. I KNOW YOU HATE SALMON, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU LET THAT SKANK FROM THE OFFICE SUCK YOUR TINY SHRIVELLED COCK YOU THOUGHTLESS BASTARD.

    Man: 'Hmmmm'.

    SUBTEXT: FUCK YOU, YOU RANCID BITCH.

    Man: 'We can use up the rest of that rice.'

    SUBTEXT: OF COURSE WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY SPARE IF YOU COULD FOLLOW THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS AND I BET THOSE GUYS DIDN'T COME TO THE PARTY BECAUSE YOU WERE SO SLOW RESPONDING TO THEIR CHRISTMAS CARDS. IF I DON'T GET THAT PROMOTION YOUR MONTHLY GARDENING ALLOWANCE IS GOING TO DISAPPEAR. COW.

    More mock bombast, 'We bring you the WEEKEND'.

    SUBTEXT: LOOK HOW FUNNY WE ARE, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S LIKE TOP GEAR LOL

    Man pointing to a flip chart 'What we've done is trademarked the weekend.' Execs nod.

    SUBTEXT: THIS WAS THE MOMENT OF GENIUS. WHAT A COUP. ALSO LOOK HOW CLEAN AND MODERN OUR OFFICES ARE, AND HOW ETHNICALLY DIVERSE OUR BOARD MEMBERS.


    Aaaannnnnywayyyyyy. I can't think what's worse: how facile the ad is, or the fact that their 'target audience' as represented in the ad is, for them, 'aspirational' and not 'godawful'. Someone link to it in here, you'll see I'm not even joking.

    In conclusion: fuck the Guardian.
    This is my kind of advert dismantling. I sense a blog possibility. HEY GAIS!
    It's a good advert though. It appeals to the target audience and the target audience is cunts.

    Support the Mowgli Dirty Protest!

  • Tryhard 13 Feb 2013 10:53:59 4,211 posts
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    I do not watch much TV but that 118 118 shit makes me want to punch skinny men with hairy lips.
  • boo 13 Feb 2013 11:25:31 11,897 posts
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    That whole thing annoys me.

    Previously : Directory enquiries is a free service and it provides accurate results.

    Currently : Directory enquiries costs you every penny you've ever earned, plus your first born child, and you have about a 12% chance of getting the number you actually wanted.

    Apparently this is progress.

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • RedSparrows 13 Feb 2013 22:25:26 23,868 posts
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    The market solves all problems!

    Yeah, unless the market is full of twats.

    See: all markets.
  • X201 14 Feb 2013 21:50:12 15,690 posts
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    Apparently eating yoghurt will sort out your messy hair.
  • Mageme 14 Feb 2013 22:11:42 2,041 posts
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    Just saw a Morrisons ad with Ant and Dec. Wow, that was uncomfortable viewing.

    3DS: 5086-1465-9252

  • mal 14 Feb 2013 23:04:21 22,792 posts
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    Dear god, Money supermarket. You've almost got the hang of it - but it's like an addiction. You always have to end with 'but you don't even know it', even though it clearly doesn't make any sense any more.

    Cubby didn't know how to turn off sigs!

  • kinky_mong 15 Feb 2013 15:19:10 10,711 posts
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    Andrex's latest "Scrunch or fold" ad has to be the worst ad in history. No one actually wants to think about wiping an arse when watching TV!

    Info here for anyone lucky enough not to have seen it yet.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • GuiltySpark 15 Feb 2013 15:29:53 6,460 posts
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    I put my toilet paper on the end of a loofah and get rate up there.

    Get bent.

  • Jono62 17 Feb 2013 20:00:27 14,271 posts
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    Fridge Raiders advert.
  • EMarkM 17 Feb 2013 22:06:23 3,316 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:
    ...No one actually wants to think about wiping an arse...
    Any particular arse?
  • S.J.Rogers 18 Feb 2013 08:47:45 3,557 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:
    Andrex's latest "Scrunch or fold" ad has to be the worst ad in history. No one actually wants to think about wiping an arse when watching TV!

    Info here for anyone lucky enough not to have seen it yet.
    THIS...!!!

    Its the first time i have actually felt offended by an advert..!
  • kinky_mong 18 Feb 2013 10:29:33 10,711 posts
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    EMarkM wrote:
    kinky_mong wrote:
    ...No one actually wants to think about wiping an arse...
    Any particular arse?
    Generally your own, but I'm not judging.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • Cadence 18 Feb 2013 10:55:24 1,695 posts
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    The woman reclining on the sofa is the worst bit though. How they've managed to make the process of wiping your ass sound sexy is just wrong. Some people might get off on the idea but I'm not really sure that's what they were going for.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 27 Feb 2013 19:47:15 26,351 posts
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    LAND OF DREEEEAMS, LAAAAAAND OF DREAMS, COME AND FIND YOUR LAND OF DREEEAMS!
  • thelzdking 27 Feb 2013 23:19:04 4,407 posts
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    The new Secret Escapes advert is more annoying than the old one, but the old one had been running for so long that I'm glad they've changed it, I think.
  • RedSparrows 28 Feb 2013 00:27:39 23,868 posts
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    She is hot though, the lass from the (old?) ad.
  • Lukus 28 Feb 2013 00:58:06 19,361 posts
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    Cadence wrote:
    The woman reclining on the sofa is the worst bit though. How they've managed to make the process of wiping your ass sound sexy is just wrong. Some people might get off on the idea but I'm not really sure that's what they were going for.
    This entirely. The coquettish look to camera, as if she knows the thought of her polishing her rancid anus is somehow turning me on. It's not right I tell you.

    Paintings & Photographs

  • RobTheBuilder 28 Feb 2013 00:59:31 6,521 posts
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    @RedSparrows Hell yes.
  • mal 28 Feb 2013 15:49:58 22,792 posts
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    No Debbie, you can't listen to love songs exclusively on BBC digital radio, because there isn't a BBC Love Songs station (although Radio 2 comes close at times). KTHXBYE

    Cubby didn't know how to turn off sigs!

  • mad_caddy 28 Feb 2013 16:09:13 3,306 posts
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    This bloody advert.


    due to the middle finger flipping at around 21 seconds.

    Edited by mad_caddy at 16:10:23 28-02-2013
  • Deckard2 4 Mar 2013 20:39:00 3,458 posts
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    Dear Dancing Pony,

    You are trying way too hard to be the next "big" advert thing. Stop.

    Yours,
    EVERYBODY
  • ecu 4 Mar 2013 20:40:43 77,231 posts
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    Dancing pony? I don't watch much TV these days..
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