Killing your husband/wife - hypothetically, obvs... Page 2

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  • neilka 17 May 2013 12:45:43 16,570 posts
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    He's probably a bit of a cunt though.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:47:29
    kinky_mong wrote:
    Anyone else feel really sorry for Revan's husband?

    Working hard all day to provide for his family while she's at home playing computer games, flirting with spoddy nerds online, getting a length from the builders, and now plotting to have him killed.
    I actually lol'd at that. I work hard too and perhaps I am tough on him but I really wish he would disappear.
  • Ziz0u 17 May 2013 12:47:51 8,648 posts
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    I know a guy.
  • ZuluHero 17 May 2013 12:51:12 4,350 posts
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    Just get a divorce and let him see his kids. Why be selfish about it?
  • sport 17 May 2013 12:53:56 12,817 posts
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    I think I'd be perfect as the dumb boyfriend who gets manipulated into murdering the hubby.
  • Commander-Keen 17 May 2013 12:54:04 847 posts
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    ZuluHero wrote:
    Just get a divorce and let him see his kids. Why be selfish about it?
    To be fair, I get the feeling this thread isn't *entirely* serious...
  • neilka 17 May 2013 12:54:14 16,570 posts
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    You could always plant some "pictures" on his PC and then "find" them one day.

    PM user Armoured_Bear for the required materials.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • boo 17 May 2013 12:58:39 11,954 posts
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    If you have a gas point for a gas fire or similar upstairs, wait until he's asleep, close all doors and windows and set the gas running. It will rise, and slowly fill the house from the top down.
    Meanwhile, leave a burner on the gas hob on.
    By the time the gas travels far enough down the house to reach the burner, the house will be virtually full of gas, and the resulting explosion will be devastating.

    Pros : Almost certainly guarantees fatality for anyone on the premises.
    Cons : Will be difficult chatting with the neighbours in future as you will almost certainly have destroyed their homes.


    Get them drunk so that they pass out. Meanwhile, previously make friends with a publican or similar, and acquire a cylinder of carbon dioxide, used for pressuring beer taps. Construct a small open-topped tent out of a bin bag and coat hangers, and place over victim. Dangle nozzle from cylinder over tent and turn on tap. Co2 will displace air and suffocate victim without the tell-tale traces of carbon monoxide etc.

    Pros : Most of the equipment are handy household items and can easily be left in plain sight without arousing suspicion, as long as you dismantle the tent.

    Cons : You leave yourself open to blackmail by the pub worker.

    NB - If you are a pub worker, then you're laughing.


    Get them drunk so they pass out. Leave an overfull chip pan on the hob. Resulting fire will almost certainly be fatal.

    Pros : This is one of the most common causes of accidental death, so suspicion will be minimal as long as you don't start cheering at the inquest.
    Cons : See above, re: neighbour related awkwardness.

    Edited by boo at 12:59:49 17-05-2013

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  • CosmicFuzz 17 May 2013 12:59:25 25,702 posts
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    Pepsipop, if you're being serious about not letting a new guy see your kids for a year etc, you're incredibly dense. Also, the whole tone of it all is rather unsettling. How would you feel if your husband was posting about divorcing you in such a flippant manner? The kids aren't just yours. Grow up and do the right thing.

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  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 13:03:14
    :)
    Some funny suggestions. Divorce is bad for the kids, clearly a huge gas explosion killing their dad is way better for them.
    "your dad rescued you all then died in the explosion after I asked him to go and save my Xbox".
  • Armoured_Bear 17 May 2013 13:04:35 11,938 posts
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    @Pepsipop

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  • Dougs 17 May 2013 13:05:51 69,558 posts
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    Divorce isn't always bad for kids, depends on the reasons, whether there is acrimony, terms of access etc. Likewise, staying together isn't always good. If the environment is sour, then the kids will be effected, sometimes more than divorce
  • mrpon 17 May 2013 13:06:38 29,593 posts
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    I'm surprised he hasn't already.

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • BillMurray 17 May 2013 13:06:47 7,918 posts
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    All I can suggest is watching a few episodes of Monk and getting tips from there.
  • Ziz0u 17 May 2013 13:07:05 8,648 posts
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    Careful he doesn't throw acid on you.
  • Dangerous_Dan 17 May 2013 13:14:37 2,378 posts
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    Pepsipop wrote:
    Any ideas of how to do this and not goto jail?
    Divorce means sharing the children and my kids having to have random women pretending to be their mum when he gets new girlfriends.
    Hook up with some guy, make him crazy about you, make him believe that your husband is abusing you and all kinds of bad things. Make him do the deed. Later blame it all on him, claim he was being so jealous.

    If you don't want to hook up with anybody then get on an airplane with him - long distance flight. Use a specific poison, there are some which cause heart failure and dissolve in the body after a few hours. Blame it on some clogged up arteries or something related.

    If you want to go the divorce route then read up on how other men got screwed in divorce court and do what happened to them.

    You've got many options.
  • Commander-Keen 17 May 2013 13:15:40 847 posts
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    This um. This thread.

    It's going to turn quite ugly, isn't it?
  • speedofthepuma 17 May 2013 13:18:47 13,320 posts
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    Harpooner wrote:
    If you poison them by spiking their drink or food with increasing amounts of paracetamol each day it cannot be proved to be murder. Just claim they were complaining about headaches and constantly taking paracetamol
    I like the idea of routinely hiding large amounts of paracetamol in drinks and food. That would work.

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  • Alastair 17 May 2013 13:20:40 16,410 posts
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    boo is scaring me.
  • thedaveeyres 17 May 2013 13:22:48 11,609 posts
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    Why the fuck is this weeping pus-filled rectum of a thread still here? (Rhetorical question)

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  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 13:23:59
    I liked boos ones as they were mental.
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 13:24:22 61,355 posts
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    Tell hairy hes being mean to you on the internet

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 13:24:40
    Some oh too serious people on today I see.
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 13:26:12 61,355 posts
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    Yeah, youre right. Hairy would fuck him up.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • Widge Moderator 17 May 2013 13:26:56 13,746 posts
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    Try watching Dudley Moore's Unfaithfully Yours for inspiration and pretend it is a documentary.

    _ _ _

    www.inverted-audio.com

  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 13:32:29
    Hairy is a big softey he couldn't hurt my husband.
  • Fake_Blood 17 May 2013 13:33:38 4,469 posts
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    First question is always does anyone beside you and your partner know that things are going wrong?
  • neilka 17 May 2013 13:35:40 16,570 posts
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    Hairy could turn the smoulder up to max and scorch his flipping face off!

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

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