The many ways porn has lied to us Page 3

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  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 12:59:31
    Christ, with all those forty gallon drums of personal lubricant around, health and safety in the workplace at a porn studio must be hell.
  • Rusty_M 26 Apr 2013 13:00:04 5,929 posts
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    It's OK as long as you lube him with a good quality thermal paste
  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 13:01:45 8,229 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    This really isn't thread to read whilst eating lunch.
    You want salad dressing with that? :-P
  • Waffleaber 26 Apr 2013 13:02:30 569 posts
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    Rusty_M wrote:
    If you grope someone on a train, they generally slap you instead of standing there like nothing's happened.
    So you're telling me there's a chance...
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:26:43 13,265 posts
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    Sexual encounters rarely begin with a 10 minute interview on a sofa, detailing their life history and gradually revealing body parts while confirming how nervous yet excited they are about the opportunity, and women never have catchy names like Sunny Lane, Teagan Presley or Jenna Haze.
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 13:28:09
    Sunny Leone not Lane.
  • disusedgenius 26 Apr 2013 13:28:42 6,922 posts
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    Women are unlikely to accept unsolicited lifts off of a couple of random men with a video camera.
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:29:37 13,265 posts
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    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
  • cubbymoore 26 Apr 2013 13:31:01 36,503 posts
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    - You don't need lube for anal.

    - Women come really easy from penetration alone.

    - Banging away on a sofa with one leg up is piss easy.
  • mrpon 26 Apr 2013 13:31:56 31,774 posts
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    Sunny Lane is a porn actress as well.

    Ahem.
  • Psychotext 26 Apr 2013 13:34:44 59,498 posts
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    cubbymoore wrote:
    - Banging away on a sofa with one leg up is piss easy.
    In fairness, if you're ridiculously fit like a lot of those fuckers, it probably is.

    /isn't ridiculously fit
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 13:35:34 21,311 posts
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    There's probably a Teagan Lane, Jenna Presley, Sunny Haze, etc as well.
    You can't screw up with porn names really.
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:36:34 13,265 posts
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    A much catchier name too.
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 13:37:31
    elstoof wrote:
    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
    It's important! :)
  • kinky_mong 26 Apr 2013 14:17:04 12,282 posts
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    Your friend's hot mom isn't in her late twenties/early thirties, her boobs probably aren't ripe and perky, and she definitely doesn't want to have sex with you just because her son is doing the grocery shopping when you come out of the shower.

    Also your hot teacher probably isn't going to risk her career by fucking you in the classroom when all the other students leave, and certainly won't increase your grade as a reward for ruining her favourite glasses by ejaculating over them.
  • f00b_inc 26 Apr 2013 14:17:48 742 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
    :D

    - If you start having sex with someone in front of someone else they won't immediately join in
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 14:18:05 21,311 posts
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    Spunk ruins glasses?
  • RobTheBuilder 26 Apr 2013 14:21:27 6,521 posts
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    Real sex doesn't stop halfway through and ask for payment*







    *A few scenarios excluded
  • Humperfunk 26 Apr 2013 14:21:48 4,861 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    Spunk ruins glasses?
    Depends on the bloke's diet.
  • kinky_mong 26 Apr 2013 14:36:24 12,282 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    Spunk ruins glasses?
    Maybe. Ask the teacher for clarification.
  • Razz 26 Apr 2013 15:23:49 62,716 posts
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    OldCrow wrote:
    smoothpete wrote:

    - In real life, bums have poo in them
    Nothing a bit of bleach won't fix.
    Nothing wrong with a bit of poo, but be careful where you lick.
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 15:25:44
    I'm glad I'm not eating now.
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 15:27:53 21,311 posts
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    In porn movies, if a dude is ironing naked, his mrs will come home and jump his bones.

    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 15:30:42 8,229 posts
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    Someone,somewhere is probably banging one out while reading this thread.

    Maybe we should charge a fee?
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 15:44:40 13,265 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:.

    Also your hot teacher probably isn't going to risk her career by fucking you in the classroom when all the other students leave.
    I think this is probably one of the more believable porn scenarios, though I'm still waiting for the sequel where they board a cross channel ferry.
  • DUFFMAN5 26 Apr 2013 16:00:38 19,081 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    In porn movies, if a dude is ironing naked, his mrs will come home and jump his bones.

    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
    Excellent, I doff my cap Sir :-)
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 16:12:27 21,311 posts
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    I was afraid it might be a bit too obscure. =)
  • Psychotext 26 Apr 2013 16:13:33 59,498 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
    I forget... which forumite was that again?
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