The many ways porn has lied to us Page 3

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  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 12:59:31
    Christ, with all those forty gallon drums of personal lubricant around, health and safety in the workplace at a porn studio must be hell.
  • Rusty_M 26 Apr 2013 13:00:04 4,652 posts
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    It's OK as long as you lube him with a good quality thermal paste

    The world is going mad. Me? I'm doing fine.

  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 13:01:45 3,917 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    This really isn't thread to read whilst eating lunch.
    You want salad dressing with that? :-P
  • Waffleaber 26 Apr 2013 13:02:30 397 posts
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    Rusty_M wrote:
    If you grope someone on a train, they generally slap you instead of standing there like nothing's happened.
    So you're telling me there's a chance...
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:26:43 7,026 posts
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    Sexual encounters rarely begin with a 10 minute interview on a sofa, detailing their life history and gradually revealing body parts while confirming how nervous yet excited they are about the opportunity, and women never have catchy names like Sunny Lane, Teagan Presley or Jenna Haze.
  • mcmonkeyplc 26 Apr 2013 13:28:09 39,440 posts
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    Sunny Leone not Lane.

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • disusedgenius 26 Apr 2013 13:28:42 5,284 posts
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    Women are unlikely to accept unsolicited lifts off of a couple of random men with a video camera.
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:29:37 7,026 posts
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    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
  • cubbymoore 26 Apr 2013 13:31:01 36,488 posts
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    - You don't need lube for anal.

    - Women come really easy from penetration alone.

    - Banging away on a sofa with one leg up is piss easy.
  • mrpon 26 Apr 2013 13:31:56 28,774 posts
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    Sunny Lane is a porn actress as well.

    Ahem.

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • Psychotext 26 Apr 2013 13:34:44 53,982 posts
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    cubbymoore wrote:
    - Banging away on a sofa with one leg up is piss easy.
    In fairness, if you're ridiculously fit like a lot of those fuckers, it probably is.

    /isn't ridiculously fit
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 13:35:34 18,959 posts
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    There's probably a Teagan Lane, Jenna Presley, Sunny Haze, etc as well.
    You can't screw up with porn names really.
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 13:36:34 7,026 posts
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    A much catchier name too.
  • mcmonkeyplc 26 Apr 2013 13:37:31 39,440 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
    It's important! :)

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • kinky_mong 26 Apr 2013 14:17:04 10,150 posts
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    Your friend's hot mom isn't in her late twenties/early thirties, her boobs probably aren't ripe and perky, and she definitely doesn't want to have sex with you just because her son is doing the grocery shopping when you come out of the shower.

    Also your hot teacher probably isn't going to risk her career by fucking you in the classroom when all the other students leave, and certainly won't increase your grade as a reward for ruining her favourite glasses by ejaculating over them.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • f00b_inc 26 Apr 2013 14:17:48 694 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    That's the single most depressing entry into pedants corner I've ever seen monkey.
    :D

    - If you start having sex with someone in front of someone else they won't immediately join in
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 14:18:05 18,959 posts
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    Spunk ruins glasses?
  • RobTheBuilder 26 Apr 2013 14:21:27 6,521 posts
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    Real sex doesn't stop halfway through and ask for payment*







    *A few scenarios excluded
  • Humperfunk 26 Apr 2013 14:21:48 2,141 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    Spunk ruins glasses?
    Depends on the bloke's diet.

    PSN, XBL & NNID: Wedjwants

  • kinky_mong 26 Apr 2013 14:36:24 10,150 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    Spunk ruins glasses?
    Maybe. Ask the teacher for clarification.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • Razz 26 Apr 2013 15:23:49 61,090 posts
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    OldCrow wrote:
    smoothpete wrote:

    - In real life, bums have poo in them
    Nothing a bit of bleach won't fix.
    Nothing wrong with a bit of poo, but be careful where you lick.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Steam/PSN/XBOX: Razztafarai | 3DS: 1246-9674-8856
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  • mcmonkeyplc 26 Apr 2013 15:25:44 39,440 posts
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    I'm glad I'm not eating now.

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 15:27:53 18,959 posts
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    In porn movies, if a dude is ironing naked, his mrs will come home and jump his bones.

    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 15:30:42 3,917 posts
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    Someone,somewhere is probably banging one out while reading this thread.

    Maybe we should charge a fee?
  • elstoof 26 Apr 2013 15:44:40 7,026 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:.

    Also your hot teacher probably isn't going to risk her career by fucking you in the classroom when all the other students leave.
    I think this is probably one of the more believable porn scenarios, though I'm still waiting for the sequel where they board a cross channel ferry.
  • LeoliansBro 26 Apr 2013 15:48:52 43,824 posts
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    Razz wrote:

    Nothing wrong with a bit of poo, but be careful where you lick.
    Steer clear from the top 14 inches of the broom handle, for a start.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Shikasama 26 Apr 2013 15:52:45 6,759 posts
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    Tryhard wrote:
    Someone,somewhere is probably banging one out while reading this thread.

    Maybe we should charge a fee?
    Nielka, just before he makes a post in here mentioning Pepsipop in some way.

    Cos shes like, a girl.
  • DUFFMAN5 26 Apr 2013 16:00:38 14,598 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    In porn movies, if a dude is ironing naked, his mrs will come home and jump his bones.

    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
    Excellent, I doff my cap Sir :-)

    "Duffman the grey is thrusting in the direction of the problem! Oh, yeah!"

  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 16:12:27 18,959 posts
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    I was afraid it might be a bit too obscure. =)
  • Psychotext 26 Apr 2013 16:13:33 53,982 posts
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    Salaman wrote:
    In real life, a dude ironing naked will accidentally touch his knob with the iron, burning himself and pass out on the floor where his mum will then find him.
    I forget... which forumite was that again?
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