So who fancies tearing apart my Uni apllication personal statement? Page 2

  • Page

    of 2 First / Last

    Next
  • graysonavich 28 Nov 2012 18:41:52 7,309 posts
    Seen 1 week ago
    Registered 4 years ago
    They let any old fucking retard into Uni these days. You'll be fine.
  • Deleted user 28 November 2012 18:56:07
    What did you do at uni Grayson?
  • Lukus 28 Nov 2012 19:00:32 18,996 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    I was considering posting a corrected version, full of perfect grammar and coherent, well structured sentences, relevant and impressive sounding, but with something childish like "also, I love cocks" hidden towards the end. But then I realised that would be really mean. Also, I'm far too lazy.

    Paintings & Photographs

  • onestepfromlost 28 Nov 2012 19:02:05 2,039 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    well top two choices are Glasgow and Strathclyde, strangely I seem to have more chance of getting into Glasgow than Strathclyde the admission person there says as a mature student its all about personal statement, (and the LNAT) so i am beginning to think i'm fucked. Most of the points brought up I agree with and probably would have noticed if i'd looked closely at it.

    The ADHD part i was unsure about, in a sense i was using it partly to explain why i didnt go down the Higher education route from school, but i think im going to ditch it if its sounding too boo-hoo.
  • superdelphinus 28 Nov 2012 19:11:10 8,016 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    If you are a mature student then makes more sense to talk about experience more, but my previous advice still stands - a law degree isn't about being a lawyer, that comes later
  • onestepfromlost 28 Nov 2012 19:15:56 2,039 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    I hate this stuff, i can rattle out a legal essay in my classes no problem, ask me to talk about myself and i bumble about like a moron. Even more of a moron than usual.
  • Lukus 28 Nov 2012 19:20:20 18,996 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Look up some examples online. Use them as inspiration as to what sort of stuff you could say.

    Paintings & Photographs

  • onestepfromlost 28 Nov 2012 19:21:59 2,039 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    I found a few online, the problem is the majority tend to be by school leavers so a lot of what they right just isn't applicable to me and to be frank the mature ones i have come across are more of a shambles than mine!
  • graysonavich 28 Nov 2012 19:28:54 7,309 posts
    Seen 1 week ago
    Registered 4 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    What did you do at uni Grayson?
    I worked at one for 3 years. That was enough for me.
  • onestepfromlost 28 Nov 2012 19:30:36 2,039 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Do you think when saying i have an interest in company law i should list ruthlessness and lack of morality as selling points?
  • kickerconspiracy 28 Nov 2012 19:41:12 495 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Do you think when saying i have an interest in company law i should list ruthlessness and lack of morality as selling points?
    Still too wordy. Just cut to the chase and tell them you're a cunt.

    Edited by kickerconspiracy at 19:43:52 28-11-2012
  • basmans_grob 28 Nov 2012 20:05:23 263 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 6 years ago
    I would stay clear of the ADHD thing. It could cause problems because it is a protected characteristic and some people are likely to panic. If you can use the guaranteed interview thing go for it as you are likely to come across better (and fairly) in interview

    It also doesn't add anything to the application. Mature students need to prove motivation and academic ability (as these are often the things missing) - if you have the entry qualifications that should sort that out. It looks like you have the motivation as well.
  • superdelphinus 28 Nov 2012 20:07:15 8,016 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    No one is interested in company law
  • Deleted user 28 November 2012 20:07:42
    onestepfromlost wrote:
    well top two choices are Glasgow and Strathclyde, strangely I seem to have more chance of getting into Glasgow than Strathclyde the admission person there says as a mature student its all about personal statement, (and the LNAT) so i am beginning to think i'm fucked. Most of the points brought up I agree with and probably would have noticed if i'd looked closely at it.

    The ADHD part i was unsure about, in a sense i was using it partly to explain why i didnt go down the Higher education route from school, but i think im going to ditch it if its sounding too boo-hoo.
    Probably worth bothering to look closely at it then rather than posting up something that even you couldn't be arsed to read.
  • skuzzbag 28 Nov 2012 20:30:30 5,636 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    If I want something to read well I end up writing it about 10 times at least.

    I'd concentrate on why you want to read law rather than some exploration of why you failed earlier in life as they just aren't interested in that. They want to know what you can do and what your capable of.
  • Blotto 28 Nov 2012 21:02:02 2,713 posts
    Seen 43 seconds ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    graysonavich wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    What did you do at uni Grayson?
    I worked at one for 3 years. That was enough for me.
    So you're saying that they'll let any old retard in but you didn't even go?
  • Deleted user 28 November 2012 21:04:19
    It's funny because I'm not the one asking for advice. Hah!
  • Madder-Max 28 Nov 2012 21:29:17 11,618 posts
    Seen 9 hours ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Its a ballache having to read that much text. I wouldn't spend so much time on your time working in a pub tbh. Its got nothing to do with what u are applying for and ur not demonstrating lateral thinking.

    Perhaps look at shortening it or use bulleyt points? What u are going for is proilly highly competitive and it comes across as quite generic

    Edited by Madder-Max at 21:30:32 28-11-2012

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • Clive_Dunn 28 Nov 2012 21:37:09 4,775 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    OmniaVincitAmor wrote:
    WHAT THE FUCK IS A UNI?
    Obvious innit ?
  • onestepfromlost 29 Nov 2012 18:14:50 2,039 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Edited the initial post with a closer to final draft, may still be a bit wordy, but ill take the risk. Worst come to the worst im banking on a good result in my entrace exam :p
    NM ive just noticed a few things myself

    Edited by onestepfromlost at 18:18:52 29-11-2012
  • Deleted user 29 November 2012 19:09:56
    I was going to read it again but the first sentence doesn't even come close to making sense so I gave up.
  • GuiltySpark 29 Nov 2012 19:13:25 6,320 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Aargh. wrote:
    I was going to read it again but the first sentence doesn't even come close to making sense so I gave up.
    Yeah, it's pretty bad. It seems like you've accidently deleted the first half of the paragraph or something.

    Get bent.

  • superdelphinus 29 Nov 2012 19:15:00 8,016 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    "With legislation constantly evolving the legal profession in all of its aspects will need adaptable forward thinking individuals to ensure these changes are relevant and beneficial"

    What on earth are you trying to say? "Will need" suggests there aren't any already, "in all of its aspects" is just pointless words, the rest of the sentence suggest a slightly confused idea of what lawyers spend 99% of their time doing

    "I believe that with the pursuit of the right educational avenue I could be one of these individuals."

    You are still trying too sound clever - just use plain English. I guess what you are trying to say is that law requires future thinking people and with a degree in law you could be one of them. I don't know why you'd want to say this.



    "My interest in law stemmed from an early realisation of how it is involved in practically every aspect of our society."

    You need more than this. What you have written is corny, predictable and meaningless - why do you actually want to study law? Write that

    "In my working life I have spent most of it in the licensing trade which has given me constant exposure to that aspect of the law"

    What did it teach you about law, about yourself. "Licensing" law is quite narrow in itself, think about the transferable skills you learnt legal or otherwise

    "This has on occasion exposed me to the criminal side of the law, having had to deal with the Police on a regular basis and appearing as a witness in several cases of drugs and violence. While this experience would have possibly put off some people it only served to increase my interest in the law and its inner workings."

    Again, what did this teach you - you mention "inner workings", what do you mean? Cut all the could have put people off stuff and focus on what you observed and why you became interested, and the skills/ characteristics you have that you can apply to it.

    Don't mean to be harsh, but a bit of work to do I think
  • RedSparrows 29 Nov 2012 22:11:39 22,030 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    It's all very well applying nicely, but if you don't do no work there then it all for nowt!

    lad

    /whistles and chews corn
  • Page

    of 2 First / Last

    Next
Log in or register to reply