I wish to end my neighbours Page 5

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  • Mageme 19 Jul 2012 18:34:55 2,008 posts
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    Feckin next door's kid keeps playing football in the shared driveway between our houses and inevitably kicks the ball hard against my windows and garage door. I tell him to be careful and occasionally pick up the ball when he kicks it into my garden but no sooner as it's back, he's kicking again. Don't want to be a killjoy and don't want to get into a barney with the neighbours but how to tell him nicely to feck off and play elsewhere? Plus the dad almost always parks his van in the shared driveway which he shouldn't, especially when he had a go at me for parking there once.

    3DS: 5086-1465-9252

  • PhoenixFlames 19 Jul 2012 19:54:51 8,942 posts
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    Is the dad bigger than you? If not, the solution is simple.

    PSN - phoenix1flames

  • Load_2.0 19 Jul 2012 21:49:20 19,109 posts
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    nickthegun wrote:
    Its a cul de sac, so it does feel like that sometimes. Hes the cunt who doesnt get any sun in his back garden so has redneck BBQs out the front of his house.

    Long story short, hes bordering on alcoholism and has rich parents, so they bought him a house to burn down occasionally in a nice part of town and no where near where they live.
    You paint a horrific mental picture.
  • mikew1985 20 Jul 2012 09:00:17 12,651 posts
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    Mageme wrote:
    Feckin next door's kid keeps playing football in the shared driveway between our houses and inevitably kicks the ball hard against my windows and garage door. I tell him to be careful and occasionally pick up the ball when he kicks it into my garden but no sooner as it's back, he's kicking again. Don't want to be a killjoy and don't want to get into a barney with the neighbours but how to tell him nicely to feck off and play elsewhere? Plus the dad almost always parks his van in the shared driveway which he shouldn't, especially when he had a go at me for parking there once.
    Problem is that the driveway probably has some specific characteristic that makes it the best place to play ball on the estate.

    You really don't want to be the grumpy football stealing old man that all the kids and subsequently all the parents on the estate hate.

    Let him have at it I say :p
  • CosmicFuzz 20 Jul 2012 09:19:40 23,765 posts
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    Next time the ball hits your window scream "That's IT!!" and rush outside, grab the ball and tear it apart with a hunting knife.

    Every so often you could stand outside the kid's window when he's about to go to bed and hold up the knife, just to remind him.

    Episode 5 of our gaming podcast Open Source is a Gamescom Special. Check it out here!

  • sport 20 Jul 2012 09:25:14 12,677 posts
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    CosmicFuzz wrote:
    Next time the ball hits your window scream "That's IT!!" and rush outside, grab the ball and tear it apart with a hunting knife.

    Every so often you could stand outside the kid's window when he's about to go to bed and hold up the knife, just to remind him.
    And lick the blade. Always lick the blade.
  • LeoliansBro 20 Jul 2012 09:45:49 43,662 posts
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    Cover your garage door with spikes.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Deckard1 20 Jul 2012 09:53:54 27,594 posts
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    You should molest this child. Molest him good.

    Hush you ponce

  • kalel 20 Jul 2012 10:00:54 86,802 posts
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    Update on yesterday. Neighbour has had a word with my gardiner while he was working on my back garden, and asked him to sand off my fence.

    We are now officially at war.
  • CosmicFuzz 20 Jul 2012 10:01:01 23,765 posts
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    Grab him and scream "So you like kicking balls huh?!" and then kick him in the balls.

    Episode 5 of our gaming podcast Open Source is a Gamescom Special. Check it out here!

  • CosmicFuzz 20 Jul 2012 10:02:03 23,765 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    Update on yesterday. Neighbour has had a word with my gardiner while he was working on my back garden, and asked him to sand off my fence.

    We are now officially at war.
    Fuck that! Time to knock on his door and have a word.

    Episode 5 of our gaming podcast Open Source is a Gamescom Special. Check it out here!

  • mrpon 20 Jul 2012 10:02:07 28,714 posts
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    CosmicFuzz wrote:
    Grab him and scream "So you like kicking balls huh?!" and then kick him in the balls.
    The gardener? Didn't know kal lived on a hill.

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • glaeken 20 Jul 2012 10:04:40 11,134 posts
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    I would send your butler out to have a word with him. Possibly send the chauffeur along for back up.
  • Dougs 20 Jul 2012 10:04:47 67,025 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    Update on yesterday. Neighbour has had a word with my gardiner while he was working on my back garden, and asked him to sand off my fence.

    We are now officially at war.
    Sounds like a fucking coward, not being aggressive to your wife or avoiding you entirely.
  • Deckard1 20 Jul 2012 10:07:42 27,594 posts
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    Fuck that cunt. You need to fucking fuck him in the fuck pit.


    Also you have a gardener? Well la dee daa.

    Hush you ponce

  • kalel 20 Jul 2012 10:09:33 86,802 posts
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    It's a landscape gardener. We're finally having the garden actually made into a garden as opposed to a pile of rubble, having saved for the last three years.

    He's not trimming my rose bushes :)
  • Stickman 20 Jul 2012 10:11:50 29,664 posts
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    Impale his entire family on your fence, admit your mistake and then sand the fence down.

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • Dougs 20 Jul 2012 10:13:29 67,025 posts
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    S'what Joffrey did. BOOK SPOILER!
  • AceGrace 20 Jul 2012 10:22:27 1,071 posts
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    Send the wife round to talk to him. Men get less aggressive when talking to women. I would also tell her to mention what the gardener said.
  • JuanKerr 20 Jul 2012 10:26:34 36,238 posts
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    AceGrace wrote:
    Send the wife round to talk to him. Men get less aggressive when talking to women.
    That's what I'd do.
  • Load_2.0 20 Jul 2012 10:27:34 19,109 posts
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    I need a picture of the worlds most dangerous fence.
  • Jono62 20 Jul 2012 10:28:45 14,021 posts
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    He's already had a go at Kalel's wife. He's sounds like a right prick.
  • sport 20 Jul 2012 10:28:47 12,677 posts
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    Send the wife but go and stand behind her sheepishly.
  • sport 20 Jul 2012 10:29:27 12,677 posts
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    Jono62 wrote:
    He's already had a go at Kalel's wife. He's sounds like a right prick.
    Swingers huh?
  • Deckard1 20 Jul 2012 10:31:09 27,594 posts
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    You need to start practicing karate in the garden as well. Let him know he can't fuck with you.

    Hush you ponce

  • senso-ji 20 Jul 2012 11:11:50 5,840 posts
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    Tell him you'd gladly sand the fence down but that involves using a large chainsaw to slice the pointy tops off while he has to hold each bar in place to stop the fence from collapsing.

    Then tell him that it's perfectly safe, you've done it before several times, and only accidentally sliced off your previous helpers' fingers on three occasions.
  • Razz 20 Jul 2012 11:18:52 61,002 posts
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    CosmicFuzz wrote:
    Next time the ball hits your window scream "That's IT!!" and rush outside, grab the ball and tear it apart with a hunting knife.

    Every so often you could stand outside the kid's window when he's about to go to bed and hold up the knife, just to remind him.
    gLMFAO! :-D

    Edited by Razz at 11:19:13 20-07-2012

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  • glaeken 20 Jul 2012 11:20:57 11,134 posts
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    Just hang one of these on it.

    http://www.australiasigns.com.au/safety/minpic/rbw-electric-fence.jpg

    If they point out it's not quite accurate say no-one is retarded enough to make a danger plastic pointy fence one.
  • Carbon_Altered 20 Jul 2012 14:40:51 675 posts
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    Thread delivers good. Nice work people.
  • kalel 20 Jul 2012 14:42:21 86,802 posts
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    Our one is wood, not plastic, but still, it's not dangerous at all. I'll take a picture and post sometime.

    And yeah, this all kicked off with him having a go at my wife. I haven't had my say to him yet...
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