What a year it's been in the world of videogame-related news. All the platform holders have enjoyed highs and lows. Microsoft had the Halo 3 launch, but also the ring of death fiasco. Nintendo sold billions of machines and games about maths, but can't make enough Wiis to go round. Sony won GDC, but... Hmm, just can't think of anything. In particular.
It's all been documented on the pages of Eurogamer. To wade through every headline from the last 12 months would be a lengthy and tedious task. We know this because we've just done it. But you don't have to!
Below you'll find highlights from the months of January to June. From Boris Johnson and the Burning Crusade to Halo 3 and headless goats, it's all here - so read on.
With Christmas over, the platform holders ceased kicking footballs across the trenches and got back to lobbing dog eggs. Microsoft boss (as he was then) Peter Moore took a pop at PS3, declaring, "I really don't know what we're missing." Sony's Kaz Hirai dismissed suggestions other consoles could match the power of PS3 as "simply not true". Nintendo poked its head above the parapet to announce 3.19 million Wii consoles were sold during 2006, thereby winning the argument.
You're all as bad as each other, said comedy MP Boris Johnson, and it's your fault kids can't read. "Just say no to Nintendo," he urged, like some kind of big fat blonde posh Zammo.
Sony had a funny old month. Again. First they went round telling everyone they'd won an Emmy for the Sixaxis motion controller, except they'd actually won one for Dual Shock 2. Then they showed off some pretty graphics to promote Gran Turismo HD Concept, except the graphics were actually from Project Gotham Racing 3. Then CEO Howard Stringer went on about how excited they were about the April launch of PlayStation 3, except it was actually launching in March. Bundled with rumble controller and PGR3.
Over at the Consumer Electronics Show in America, Bill Gates got all excited about videogames during his keynote speech. Robbie Bach joined him on stage to declare more than 300 games would be available for Xbox 360 by the end of 2007. We've just checked and he wasn't wrong.
Blizzard got busy during January with the launch of World of Warcraft expansion The Burning Crusade. Around 1500 people turned up for the London launch and 2.4 million copies were snapped up in the first 24 hours on sale. Top marks, said Eurogamer stalwart Rob Fahey.
Time for Sony to keep its head down and Microsoft to take a battering. BBC consumer show Watchdog launched an investigation into the mysterious "ring of death" plaguing Xbox 360 consoles across the land, inviting one of Eurogamer's own on to discuss the matter. PLEASE RESPECT MY FAMILY'S RIGHT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. Microsoft responded by declaring there was "no systemic issue" with Xbox 360 and refusing to cough up for extra towels.
Auburn-haired Electronic Arts boss Larry Probst left the company after years of service. He was replaced by silver fox John Riccitiello. Rumours EA will be getting a new boss each year who is pretty much like the last one but with better graphics emerged for the sake of a poor and obvious joke.
With unremarkable foresight Rockstar sensed it was all going to kick off over Manhunt 2 and tried to pre-empt controversy over the game's age rating. It'll get an 18, they said. No worries there then.
It was a bumper month for womens in games, what with Miyamoto banging on about his wife's Wii fetish and Bill Gates extolling the virtues of Viva Pinata. "That's for girls," he said, causing Tom to burst into tears, grab his handbag and run home to his stupid Ground Force puppets.
And finally, a US news reporter accused Nintendo of helping fiddlers on the hoof to contact children via PictoChat. Nonce sense.
As for actual games big releases were thin on the frosty ground during February, with the notable exception of Final Fantasy XII. Rob attended the UK launch, nearly losing an eye to one of the more extreme hairstyles in attendance. Test Drive Unlimited turned out all right, too.
This year's Game Developers Conference was all set to be bigger than ever, following the announcement this year's E3 2007 would be smaller than ever. Sony made the most headlines, with Phil Harrison unveiling PlayStation Home and LittleBigPlanet for the first time.
Shigeru Miyamoto's GDC speech was less exciting, being as it was an hour-long discussion of his wife. Those who sat through the entire thing were rewarded with the information that Super Mario Galaxy would arrive before the end of the year. A text message would have done, frankly.
The other big news of the month was the European launch of PlayStation 3. The queue outside Virgin Megastore didn't quite extend around the block, or indeed past the World Cinema section, but SCE UK still managed to create a buzz by giving everyone massive tellies. Meanwhile, naughty Microsoft tried to rain on Sony's parade with some hilarious japes involving boats and stools.
March was also the month the company offered the first indication that a "smaller, lighter" version of the PSP was on the way, and Microsoft unveiled the Xbox 360 Elite. It would boast a bigger hard drive, black casing and quieter fan, they said, although if you ask us it still sounds like a wind turbine in a biscuit tin.
The world - all right, the Daily Mail - was thrown into uproar after a headless goat appeared at a God of War II event. Future Publishing removed images of said goat from 80,000 copies of Official PlayStation Magazine after the newspaper branded them "depraved". Sony promised to look into the incident, which made for arguably the best headline of 2007.
In probably unrelated news Ken Kutaragi, otherwise known as the Father of PlayStation, announced his retirement. Time for a look back at all the marvellous fruits of his loins.
Clearly impressed by his work with les chiens, the French awarded Peter Molyneux (or Pierre Molynoire, as he's known over there) with a knighthood. If Fable 2 is any good they will make him king.
Atari announced the departure of CEO Bruno Bonnell, who founded parent company Infogrames more than two decades ago. His replacement, Patrick Leleu, immediately began pursuing an aggressive strategy of financial recovery through horse games.
Pokemon Ranger went straight to number one in the UK charts, becoming the sixth game in the series to do so. Other April releases included the rather good S.T.A.L.K.E.R., the first Guitar Hero game for Xbox 360 and the first PS3 titles. Motorstorm and Resistance: Fall of Man proved most popular with early adopters, while many of the other launch games ended up at Dr Barnardo's.
It was Microsoft's turn to take centre stage as the Halo 3 beta began. Despite a few teething troubles everyone went bananas for it, with 820,000 players taking part during the month the beta ran for. They racked up 12 million hours of game time - equivalent to one person playing for 1400 years. Yeah, well, I could have done that, said Mario's Dad, possibly the victim of an over-excited translator.
Speaking of Dads, he'd barely been in slippers a month but Ken Kutaragi was banging on about PlayStation 4. And 5. And 6. It's time for a rest now, Ken. Make yourself a cup of tea, Doctors is on in a minute.
(Only) In America, police in Fort Bend, Texas arrested a student for making a Counter-Strike map based on his high school. He was later sent to an "Alternative Education Center". Goodness knows what they'd have done to the boys in Weird Science.
Not much else happened in May. Valve announced the number of people using Steam had topped 13 million. In a shocking turn of events the new Spider-Man game turned out to be rubbish. The new Pokemon game sold billions. "You're never too old to enjoy Pokemon," said our reviewer. He's eight. Tomb Raider turned out nice again with the Anniversary edition, and Eurogamer enjoyed success with an article about Hentai. Tits mean hits, readers.
You'd think June would be a quiet month, what with everyone saving their bestest work for show and tell at July's E3. But no. It all kicked off when the Church of England had a right go at Sony over the depiction of Manchester Cathedral in Resistance: Fall of Man. Sony said it took the Church's concerns seriously, but declined to withdraw the game at their request. Even the Prime Minister waded in, offering his views on the two sides' arguments like a less hateful Jeremy Kyle.
Leading games industry clairvoyant Michael Pachter predicted a delay for Grand Theft Auto IV. No no no, said Take-Two, it's definitely coming in October. Just like in February when they said Manhunt 2 would definitely get an age rating.
Also in June, Manhunt 2 was refused an age rating. This demonstrated "that we have a games ratings system in the UK that is effective", according to ELSPA. It demonstrated that games are not treated the same as films and it's not fair SAW AND HOSTEL, according to everyone else.
As if the Resistance and Manhunt controversies weren't enough, games got another kicking after an image of murdered toddler James Bulger was spotted in a Law and Order tie-in. Then Electronic Arts was branded "irresponsible" over a Burnout advert which allegedly encouraged violence and dangerous driving. Then Ubisoft pulled DS title Mind Quiz from sale after it was found to include an offensive term used to describe disabled people. Who knows what'll happen the day the Daily Mail gets wind of Battle Raper.
So that was the first half of 2007, but what about the next six months? Tune in soon to find out. Except you lived through the last six months, so it's not so much finding out as going "Oh, yeah." But tune in anyway. It's not as if you're doing any work in the last week of Christmas and UK Resistance only does one update a day.