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Xbox 360 Roundup Review
Xbox 360 Review by Dan Whitehead
Page 1 of 5.
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WALL·E
- Publisher: THQ
- Developer: Heavy Iron Studios
Those who follow my internet ramblings (my mum and the FBI, basically) will probably know by now that one thing guaranteed to make my blood boil is crap games for kids. More specifically, crap licensed games for kids. I'm not just talking about generic design or uninspired construction, but games that have no concept of how to entertain a child. The result inevitably leaves children frustrated and parents out of pocket. And that makes me fume.
Those of you with the gift of precognition may have already guessed that this intro does not bode well for poor old WALL·E.
This latest Pixar spin-off has once again been developed by Heavy Iron Studios, the developer responsible for Ratatouille, arguably the worst children's game in living memory. WALL·E isn't quite as cruelly frustrating as that horror show, but it's still a depressingly sub-par product that will irritate experienced adult gamers, let alone the intended audience of youngsters who are still mastering the peculiarities of game control.
Alternating between WALL·E and Eve, the game roughly follows the plot of the movie [a cute thing that learns a valuable lesson - Ed], padding matters out with horrible checkpoint races, timed fetch quests and a hideously paced shoot-'em-up level that drags on and on. If you can think of a game design sin, chances are this game commits it. Let's tick them off.
Awkward camera. Poorly signposted objectives. Twitchy aiming. Frustrating checkpoints. Instant death obstacles. Pointlessly restrictive time limits. Long-winded puzzles. Confusing level design. Countless graphical glitches. Constant scenery snags. Ugly graphics ported from a less powerful system. There are even frequent game-crashing bugs, in which WALL·E gets stuck in doors, ceilings or simply falls into an inky black abyss and falls forever, forcing children to face the Nietzschean void that dwells within us all.
Johnny 5 still wasn't sure about Robo-Guttenberg's Apple makeover.
It's a textbook example of how not to make an enjoyable game, made all the more infuriating because it'll doubtless be snapped up by naïve parents and suffered by despondent kids who'll doggedly bang their little heads against this brick wall of lazy design in the vain hope of recapturing some of that big-screen magic. It never ceases to amaze me that Pixar clearly lavishes huge amounts of care and attention on its movies, yet apparently exerts almost no quality control over the interactive entertainments that bear the Pixar name. That the game offers Achievements for mindlessly crushing hundreds of trash cubes suggests that the inspirational spirit of the movie has been spectacularly missed.
With games like LEGO Indiana Jones and Kung Fu Panda readily available - games that actually seem to care about entertaining youngsters with proper gameplay, not just servicing a lucrative licensing agreement - there's absolutely no reason to put up with half-arsed dross like this.
3/10
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Comments: 1-26 of 26 in total
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repairmanjack
14/08/08 @ 07:49
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The only thing I need to know about Lost Planet Colonies is if the new servers are busy enough to warrant purchasing this game or if the hardcore players (of which there are many) have stuck with the original?
Also, how many new weapons/maps for the online game, which is really what most people play it for.
Edited 1 times,
most recently on 14/08/08 @ 08:49
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muscleblade
14/08/08 @ 08:33
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@repairmanjack
I think its 21 maps. And many hardcore fans of the origininal should have bought this and play it a lot. I Bought Unreal 3 instead though. Even though Unreal 3 is good i think i bought the wrong game tbh. Dont have time for Colonies now. |
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@repairmanjack,
i told you all that stuff in the lost planet colonies thread. ^_^ http://www.eurogamer.net/forum_thread_po... its fair to rate the game at 7 tho, but i'm a little biased, i would have said an 8 or 9 (just for the Akrid Hunter mode) |
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I've always had an interest Nascar/Stockcar racing, was hard to watch it here though until the introduction of torrents, and in the last year SkySports showing the races. I really enjoy it. It's definitely a skill in it's own right (Montya has had limited success only) and pretty interesting, and the pit stops are the best of any motorsport.
But the game is utter pants. It doesn't get anywhere close to Nascar Racing 2003 season, or ARCA Sim Racing. I know it's not supposed to be a sim, which is fair enough. But if it's going to be arcade it needs to be a bit OTT. More large crashes and less caution laps. |
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Why do people cite the Lego games as well-designed childrens games? When a lot of long-time-gaming adults get frustrated by the worst camera in a game ever (even worse than Sonic 360), why would children enjoy repeatedly falling to their death through no fault of their own? I still stand by my claim that Meet The Robinsons is the best licensed kids game ever.
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Dan is right y'know - with Ratatouille and Wall-E Pixar have overseen (surely they had some input/control?) two of the poorest games I have ever played.
Maybe there is some kind of subtext to their quality-control: "hey kids, video-games are bad (take a look at these!!) go and watch movies instead". Played thorugh the Wall-E demo to see if my kids would get on with it. Suffice to say after much foul and abusive language (mine) and a utterly mundane set of levels (the game) it was deleted before they'd had chance to see it. |
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repairmanjack
14/08/08 @ 11:16
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@muscleblade - thanks for that
@DcP...numbers...UK - you did. But I also think it's the job of someone being paid to review the thing to mention it. Is the online community thriving or not? |
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I found Ratatouille perfectly acceptable, although it has to be said I only saw the two first levels. The part where you're escaping from a threat running into the camera may have been broken, but the rest I found sympathetic and charmy.
Furthermore, the fact that the monster trucks in that Monster Jam game don't behave like real trucks is more or less irrelevant. They didn't in Excite Truck either, and that was one of the best games of 2007. So, to my mind, it would have been better if the writer instead chose to go straight to the heart of the matter here: are the mechanics rewarding or not? Example of unnecessary and unfunny text: "These trucks were made for smashing, and that's just what they'll do. But one of these days these trucks are gonna rise up and crush the fragile human bones of the slippery-fingered fool that programmed their handling." Example of what seems to be an argument, but isn't really: "Making matters worse is a bewildering physics model that makes almost any collision potentially disastrous. You can plough through giant iron water towers and trailers loaded with tree trunks and suffer absolutely no negative effect to your speed or direction whatsoever." Question here is: Are those items marked as destructible or not? Whether or not the rules of the game don't adhere to our real world's rules aren't particularly interesting when discussing arcade games. I can see that page 4 gets is point across somewhat successfully, I'd just wish you got to the point and were able to elaborate a bit more on the mechanics and core, instead of "hilariously" proclaiming that something is shit in creative ways. Take your readers seriously. I was interested in this game, and the more in-depth you are about it, the easier is it for me to take you seriously.
Edited 1 times,
most recently on 14/08/08 @ 12:27
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DanWhitehead
14/08/08 @ 12:04
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"Making matters worse is a bewildering physics model that makes almost any collision potentially disastrous. You can plough through giant iron water towers and trailers loaded with tree trunks and suffer absolutely no negative effect to your speed or direction whatsoever."
Question here is: Are those items marked as destructible or not? Whether or not the rules of the game don't adhere to our real world's rules aren't particularly interesting when discussing arcade games. You missed out the rest of that section. The criticism isn't that you can drive through giant items without losing speed, but that you can then be flipped upside down in the air by tiny debris. It's not the realism, it's the consistency. |
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andromeda: Just trying to be constructive.
Edit: Although it may have been overly negative, I'll give you that much. Just frustrated by the way some games seem to be taken less seriously than others, and instead become object to a tiring and boring kind of look-how-bad-it-is-haha-humour.
Edited 1 times,
most recently on 14/08/08 @ 13:43
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Example of unnecessary and unfunny text:
"These trucks were made for smashing, and that's just what they'll do. But one of these days these trucks are gonna rise up and crush the fragile human bones of the slippery-fingered fool that programmed their handling." how is this not funny? i really liked the tongue-in-cheek style of those mini-reviews. |
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convercide
15/08/08 @ 04:01
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Burst Limit is NOT a 7/10.
It's a 4/10 easily. Less playable characters than the Budokai/Tenkaichi series and shitter move sets. |
Comments: 1-26 of 26 in total
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