Wii Roundup Review

By Ellie Gibson Published 7 March, 2008

Sports, swords, darts, cars, 'Game Party'.

Version tested: Wii

People think I must be bored with writing about rubbish Wii games and things like RealPlay Golf and The Legend of Spyro: Unlikely to Get Funding for Another One. They are wrong. I am bored with playing them, usually within 90 seconds of booting them up. The latest pile of half-baked pisspoor old tat to land on my desk is no exception.

To be fair, Asterix at the Olympic Games manages to rise above the ranks of truly terrible to achieve mediocre status. But Samurai Warriors: Katana is silly and PDC World Championship Darts 2008 is tedious. The other games are called Cruis'n and Game Party. I need say no more. [Actually, you do. - Ed]

Asterix at the Olympic Games

As a long time Asterix fan I have tried out many of the videogame tie-ins over the years. Although none have been anything special, I've found some of them quietly enjoyable. Playing the other ones has been like having my golden memories of the comic books torn to shreds. Torn to shreds and fed to a tramp's dog who excretes them as loose and putrid stools which are then rubbed in my face. By Hitler.

Happily, Asterix at the Olympic Games falls into the former category [the one prior to the dog egg metaphor - Ed]. Despite the title, it's not a total rip-off of Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games. Yes, there are mini-games based on Olympic events to compete in, and many of these are similiar to the mini-games in M&S. You waggle the controllers up and down to run, press B at the right time to perform a long jump and so on. However, the mini-games make up only a small part of the single-player adventure game.

This is a good thing as they are largely tedious, repetitive and tiring. They're slightly more fun in multiplayer but, compared to M&S, there's not a huge selection and the quality is poor. This isn't a great party game, in other words.

'Wii Roundup' Screenshot 1

The long jump is one of the duller events, just like in the real life Olympics.

It's not a great single-player game either. There's nothing innovative about the gameplay; it involves a lot of running and jumping, punching and collecting, block-pushing and switch-pulling. Unless you're a child or an imbecile you won't find any of this very challenging and should breeze through the game in a few hours. And unless you're an Asterix buff, you won't get much out of it.

However, there are treats here for fans. The visuals are of a decent standard, in keeping the style of the books and featuring plenty of neat details. Exploring Asterix's world is fun because it looks like you'd expect it to. It's a bit of a shame the man himself has a strange jerky hop in his step and sounds like Albert Steptoe. It's also a shame about the pop-up and the fact Obelix, who can batter an entire legion of Romans with a single punch, cannot walk through foot-high bushes if they are the wrong colour. But you can't have everything.

You can have some quite good jokes, assuming you like puns ("You heard that Obelix? You have to show some finesse." "Finesse? I haven't started yet," etc.). There are some nice contemporary takes on traditional Asterix naming conventions - say hello to Neofrommatrix and Watchadivix. There's also a Splinter Cell spoof in the form of a character called Sam Schieffer who wears Roman-style night vision goggles.

Little touches like this elevate the game from being a dull if competent title to something fans of the books will enjoy, especially small ones. And even if you're big, Asterix at the Olympic Games is still better than having a tramp's dog's excrement rubbed in your face by Hitler. Go on Atari, put that on the box.

5/10

Samurai Warriors: Katana

Here we have the first Samurai Warriors title for Wii and the silliest game in the series yet. The controls, the mini-games, the boss fights, the visuals, the storyline, the music - all of these things are extremely silly. And Samurai Warriors: Katana is sort of enjoyable, in a silly way.

It's a first-person on-rails shooter and sword fighter. You take on the role of a warrior who has volunteered to help a Japanese warlord do war on other Japanese warlords, most of whom wear silly hats.

Much of your time is spent despatching wave after wave of identical enemies with your katana. The primary attack involves aiming at the target on their chests then pressing A as if you were playing some sort of feudal-Japan-themed version of Duck Hunt. For the secondary attack, you swish the remote about like a sword.

This is all very silly. Many groups of enemies can be felled simply by ignoring the A button and doing the swishy bit. You don't even have to do proper sword movements; just waggling it from side to side will work. For the most part enemies are spectacularly stupid and easy to defeat, and you'll rarely need to block. The frequent boss battles are a bit more complicated and do require you to block and time your attacks more carefully, but none pose much of a challenge.

'Wii Roundup' Screenshot 2

Bad luck old man, you are no match for my rubbish virtual sword.

The silliness peaks when you've filled your Musou meter (by attacking enemies, as if you have a choice) and unleash a Musou attack. This involves waggling your remote around in any old direction as furiously as possible. All the enemies on screen will die in perfect unison and their image will shatter into pieces as if you've just thrown the remote into the telly.

Later on in the game you get ranged weapons such as a bow and arrow, spear and gun. It's a basic lightgun mechanic involving a reticule and the trigger button. This makes a nice change from endlessly waggling the remote but that's about it.

The mini-games are very silly. There's one where you have to steer a horse by tilting the remote, and one where you have to run by waggling the remote and nunchuk up and down, Mario and Sonic and Asterix at the Olympics-style. There's a silly RPG bit between missions which allows you to buy rice cakes and new swords and all that sort of thing. It's possible to ignore this almost completely.

Everything about the game's presentation is silly. The ridiculous pumping electronica soundtrack is straight out of 1994. The feudal Japanese warlords say things like "Alriiight!" and "Gadzooks!" They offer silly comments on your performance such as, "I do not mean to be rude, but you are completely useless."

Ultimately, Samurai Warriors: Katana is not very good. It's sort of enjoyable because swishing a sword and firing a gun and seeing off billions of stupid enemies without having to think about it too much can be fun. Not fun for long, though, and not the kind of fun it's worth spending 30 or 40 quid on.

4/10

PDC World Championship Darts 2008

Phil Taylor's a nice man. Even if there was that thing with the two drunk girls in his motorhome, which I didn't have the courage to mention when I interviewed him. We had a lovely chat about badminton and gherkins and Betamax instead. All of these things are more interesting than the shoddy excuse for a videogame the man has attached himself to.

It's not just Phil either. PDC World Championship Darts 2008 features a host of superstar darts players, including Raymond van Barneveld, Peter Manley, Wayne Mardle, Dennis Priestley and of course Kevin 'The Artist' Painter. You can compete against or 'be' them. Or rather, great lumpen CGI versions of them that look like they were moulded out of plasticine by a fingerless monkey. You can also create your own character, making selections from a variety of stupid hairstyles and ugly outfits. There are three skintones to choose from, ranging from caucasian to caucasian with uneven sunburn.

There are Exhibition, Tournament, Career and Party modes, but it all comes down to the same thing. Hold the Wii remote like a dart. Line up the reticule on the virtual dartboard and press A to lock on. Flick the remote forwards as if you were throwing a real dart and let go of A to release.

'Wii Roundup' Screenshot 3

Look, it's Big Phil! The darts one, not the one who's gone all Atari.

With practice, it becomes apparent success is a matter of keeping steady after you've locked on and performing the flick in a perfectly straight motion. Wobble or twist your wrist and you'll mess it up. So it is rather like the actual sport, as Phil Taylor claims; in the press release he says, "Using the Wii remote to throw the dart is the closest thing to real darts yet."

This, when considered alongside the poor quality of the game, begs the question - why not play real darts? Why put up with appalling visuals, weird physics and a dart that's uncomfortable to hold and cannot actually be thrown? The real life darts experience can be replicated simply by paying a visit to Argos. In fact, you can buy Phil Taylor's own Official Home Darts Centre, complete with cabinet, board, darts and chalk, for GBP 28.97. The Wii version of PDC World Championship Darts 2008 costs GBP 34.99.

It could be argued the point of the Wii game is you get to play against Taylor and friends. Apparently the AI of their in-game counterparts has been calculated based on their tournament stats and characteristics such as stamina, complacency and accuracy. But in practice it's hard to notice differences in their performance.

It's also hard to get excited about competing in "pro" tournaments as the background visuals and sound effects are laughable. There's a looping soundtrack of general hubbub from the crowd, but when the camera's on them you'll see they've only bothered to animate two or three spectators while the rest are interminably immobile.

In short, the game looks rubbish and is dull to play. Flicking a Wii remote might be more like throwing a dart than pressing a button but it's not much more fun. The novelty wears off in about the same amount of time it takes to throw a dart. Toss.

3/10

Cruis'n

This game is an absolute disgrace. From the hideous controls to the horrifying visuals to the use of the phrases "adrenaline rush" and "turbo-charged" on the back of the box, everything about it is hateful.

Which is bad news for those who have fond memories of the arcade classic. It first appeared back in 1994, a time when replacing vowels with apostrophes in game titles seemed fresh and contemporary. An N64 version followed a couple of years later. It was all right.

Now Cruis'n is making its debut on the Wii. Except it looks much more like a port of some rubbishy old Need for Speed game to me. All my memories of all the Need for Speed games I've played have blurred into one giant nauseating neon nightmare so I couldn't tell you which one.

There are 12 cars to unlock and 12 tracks to race them on. There's an upgrade system designed to be simple enough for four-year-olds to understand, and you win cash for causing damage during races. It's impossible to care about any of this.

So to the races themselves. You steer by tilting the Wii remote left and right, and then watch as your car spins wildly across the track as if you'd just thrown the controller across the room. With practice you do become accustomed to the sensitivity and steering gets easier. However, having to tilt the controller a millimetre at a time hardly captures the high-octane thrills of illegal street racing. (It doesn't say "high-octane" on the box. They're probably saving that for the sequel.)

'Wii Roundup' Screenshot 4

Look out, Stefan Eriksson's had his licence reinstated. Has anyone seen Dietrich?

Everything looks awful. The cars are blocky and lumpen, the environments are blurry and flat. Lamp-posts blow away when you bash into them, while concrete pillars can simply be driven straight through. The frame-rate is appalling, dropping each time you or another car collides with anything at all. If you dare press B to change the music track, the game freezes entirely.

You could argue that this is a budget title and you get what you pay for, but you'd be some kind of massive idiot. Even at GBP 19.99 it's appalling value for money. There are 12 races. None takes longer than four minutes to complete and each can be won on the first attempt. Do the "math". To be fair, if you add in loading times, Cruis'n offers approximately 47 years of gameplay.

It's not the worst racing game I've ever played, but that's because I was forced to play RealPlay Racing on the PS2. It's the worst-looking Wii game I've ever played and frankly that takes some effort. It's no fun to play either.

1/10

Game Party

Not content with inflicting Cruis'n on the Wii-owning populace, Midway has bundled a whole seven mini-games onto one disc, spent 0.4 seconds thinking of a title, and slapped another GBP 19.99 price sticker on the box.

You can't play the mini-games with your own Mii characters; you have to choose from a selection of freakish rip-offs. These include a black man dressed in some kind of jive getup with a musical note on his hat, an old man wearing a tie with a carrot on it, and a lady doctor. Everyone else looks like a paedophile or a whore or someone who thinks living in Shoreditch makes you cool.

You can unlock more freaks by winning tickets in the mini-games. Unfortunately, this involves actually playing the mini-games. All of them feature ugly graphics and unresponsive controls and are unbearable to play after less than two minutes.

Table Hockey is, of course, the game formerly known as air hockey. It's like the Wii Play version of air hockey except completely rubbish. Madly, instead of using the remote to control a paddle, you use it to move your stupid dough-fisted faux Mii up and down the edge of the table. Unlike in Wii Play, you can't twist the remote to change the angle of your shot. It's like Pong with worse graphics.

'Wii Roundup' Screenshot 5

Shame they can't do hands. Or hair. Or graphics.

The darts game is played in the same way as PDC World Championship. You don't get to play as Phil Taylor though, and the soundtrack is a bizarre and infuriating Irish jig that will invade your brain and tap away there for the rest of the day. It feels like a miniature Michael Flatley with razor blades jammed into the soles of his shoes is doing Riverdance on the insides of your head.

The Trivia game is terrible, you will be amazed to learn. They haven't bothered to Europeanise the questions, which is particularly apparent during the Sports round ("Who led the New England Patriots in the 800 yards in the 2005 season?" "What did Mike Schmidt accomplish in the Phillies 19 - 17 win over the Cubs in 1976?"). Almost all the other questions are bizarre and/or stupid ("When did English folk dancing stop being performed?" "Which of these beans is not actually a vegetable - lima, green, cannellini, jelly?").

Hoop Shoots and Skill Ball are based on those chuck the ball in the hoop/holes games you find on piers. Rubbish. Ping Cup involves chucking the ball into some cups and pitting your wits against some of the most appalling ball physics ever seen in a videogame. Shuffleboard is so boring I've forgotten everything about it in the time it took to write the preceding paragraphs.

According to the back of the box, Game Party is "The Ultimate Party Experience". No it isn't. The Ultimate Party Experience would involve fun and laughter and everyone you've ever wanted to get off with turning up and offering to buy you a drink, even though they're free. The Game Party experience is like going to a party where there's nothing to drink but Tesco Value brandy and there are only four other guests and they're all racist and then your ex turns up and gets off with a Danish supermodel. Would you pay GBP 19.99 to go to that party?

1/10

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Picture of Ellie.

About Ellie Gibson

Since joining Eurogamer in the mid 2000s, Ellie has written about subjects as diverse as the fall of Gizmondo, the rise of Hollyoaks actresses in Red Alert games and the noise a bear makes under NSFW circumstances.

Read more articles from Ellie by visiting the Ellie Gibson archive page.

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Comments (120) Latest comment 4 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • the_dudefather #1 4 years ago

    shovelware is not good enough anymore, now there is 'industrial digger ware'

  • Cloudane #2 4 years ago

    More shite for the Wii.

    The Crusin' game is a must buy once it is £5 just to see how bad it really is. I certainly will be!

  • dsmx #3 4 years ago

    Crusin' and game party look like they could beat big rigs as some of the worst games in recent memory.
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 14:15

  • JayScott #4 4 years ago

    I agree it is disappointing to continually see 'shovelware' dished up for the Wii but people act like it's the only console to ever fall victim to the phenomenon. For fuck's sake, if Eurogamer had bothered to review every piece of shit that had ever seen the light of day on the PS2 we'd still be here in five years time. Thankfully they haven't bothered.

    (well written btw Ellie - made me laugh out loud a couple of times, which is quite embarrassing as I'm sitting at the dinner table and now people think I'm looking at something shonky - which in a way I was)

  • rodpad #5 4 years ago

    Lol at the Cruis'n screenshot comment.

  • Big-Swiss #6 4 years ago

    Grande Wii!

  • Darren #7 4 years ago

    To be fair, Cruisin' was shite on the N64 so it's no surprise that the Wii version is rubbish.

  • BravoGolf #8 4 years ago

    lol @ review of Cruis'n :-D

  • Pooley #9 4 years ago

    I have all these games and I'm bitterly disappointed in this review. Please re-review them and award them the minimum 8/10 that they ALL deserve.

  • Jheronimus #10 4 years ago

    My sister gave me the Asterix game as a birthday present in January. Still haven't played it (heck, I still have to finish Bioshock!), but the review was e-mailed to her as a late thank-you-note :)

  • Kremlik Verified Co-Founder, Crash To Desktop #11 4 years ago

    Just proves how much devs 'care' about their games on the Wii 'oh lets defalut to party games nabbing the same control system from Warioware/RRR/Mario Party/Wii sprorts and clone the same game over and over and over again, Wii players are total saps and will still buy the same party game for the 100th time'...

    grow some %&*& and actally work wiith the control system you CAN make good games for the Wii IF you put the effort in

  • Kon #12 4 years ago

    Neat round-up. I for one would love to see an article like this one every friday to get me in the mood for the weekend.

    Unfortunately while there certainly isn't a lack of "quality" content on the Wii to make this possible, I'm not sure I would want to visit these kind of horrors on the lovely EG crew so regularly. Maybe you guys can get a new intern hey?

  • DAN.E.B #13 4 years ago

    This is the futre of the games industry!
    thanks nintendo!

  • stampax #14 4 years ago

    lol - funny reviews!

  • Psiloc #15 4 years ago

    Clicking on screenshots on this (and some other) articles goes to the wrong image.

  • Psiloc #16 4 years ago

    Also: Ellie FTW. Not enough reviewers would say "buy a real fucking dartboard, you waste." and include links and prices.

    I want to ask on her behalf for some better games to review, but she's too good at this.
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 14:56

  • orac1971 #17 4 years ago

    Wheres the Bully review?

  • LeD #18 4 years ago

    The Nintendo Wii just keeps on giving. I'm glad it's dominating the industry.

  • kincaide #19 4 years ago

    Jeez - Ellie sure is angry today - can someone at Eurogamer Towers please, please, give her some chocolate

  • Hughes. #20 4 years ago

    We could be mere months away from this generation's ET the video game.

    To paraphrase the late Roy Scheider, we're going to need a bigger hole!

  • brokenkey #21 4 years ago

    Monster trux arenas is the worst driving game on, well, any console really. It's so bad no video of it can be found on the internet

  • monkie_king #22 4 years ago

    Kon, I've always thought that Rev Campbell's particular brand of pit-bull games savagery would be fitting for a Wii roundup.

  • neilka #23 4 years ago

    Thank heavens for the Nintendo Seal of Quality!

  • GlassMoon #24 4 years ago

    Bring back the nintendo seal of approval quick!

  • manuel_garcia #25 4 years ago

    Having had the misfortune to be forced into playing some of these recently, the venting of the spleen is definitely well-deserved. Entertaining reviews all round.

  • Evolution #26 4 years ago

    I'm curious, is it just a lack of good games for the Wii that makes these reviews? Or do EG go out of their way to find the most ridiculous looking ones on the shelf?

  • nickthegun #27 4 years ago

    Wont somebody thing of the metacritic e-penis benchmark brigade.

    YOU ARE FUCKING WITH THE WIIS OVERALL AVERAGE!

  • chudders #28 4 years ago

    Ellie is my new heroine - another very amusing piece of work.

    Unfortunately, in being so obviously talented in making disdainful remarks and disgusting metaphors, she seems doomed to review a great big pile of shit* forever.

    My condolences and um... congratulations.

    *not literal.

  • kincaide #29 4 years ago

    The PS2 had it's fair share of tat. Now the Wii is the mainstream console - it gets the tat.

    It's the rule of tat.

  • mingster #30 4 years ago

    These game are taking the Wii

  • JohnnyWashnGo #31 4 years ago

    Hey look, us gamers know which games are good and as such I don't mind tons of crappy ports making their way onto the Wii. It helps fill the shelves and in turn, helps sell systems.

    Nobody buys a games machine that only has 10 games (n64 I am looking at you). The quality of the games library doesn't matter nearly as much as we would like to think. The PS2 used to command nearly 3/4 of my local game shop back in the day. Most of the games were shite, but I know which games were good and suited my tastes.

    I think Nintendo have learned from their mistakes of the past and are going for a PS2 type of distribution model... get as many boxes on the shelves as possible and don't worry about the quality.

  • sailesh #32 4 years ago

    oh my - what a bunch of tosh that was

  • JediMasterMalik #33 4 years ago

    I'm just extremely sad that Game Party is guaranteed to sell well.

  • Muddtallica #34 4 years ago

    Wow, colour me surprised! No, actually, don't. The only remarkable thing here is just how bad Cruis'n looks, in that they've actually managed to make it look like a PSOne game, literally. Good job, Midway.

  • Skeletor #35 4 years ago

    Wow! Nintendo's Wii is home to so many incredibly shitty titles that it's just not funny anymore. And I'm not even counting the ripoff VC titles here...

  • Sid-Nice #36 4 years ago

    F**k that's my top 5 most wanted games torn to ribbons; now I'll have to buy shit like No More Heroes, Pro Evolution, Bully, Wii-Fit and Mario Kart instead.

  • bdc #37 4 years ago

    Wow it's gotten this far that Wii games are now on the same level as XBLA and PSN games.

  • Triggerhappytel #38 4 years ago

    Is the Wii ever going to get out of this rut? The average for the console is about 200 utter pieces of shit for every 1 great game.

    Is it going to end up being another case of top-quality Nintendo franchises keeping the console's software library afloat, with fuck all of worth from most third-party developers, much like the N64 and Cube?

  • MuppetThumper #39 4 years ago

    Midway are surely going to go bust soon.

  • kroust #40 4 years ago

    Great games !

    / goes out to buy PS3 and Unreal

  • Eighthours #41 4 years ago

    Brilliant stuff as usual, Ellie.

  • Nikanoru #42 4 years ago

    Whatever happened to the Nintendo Seal of quality?


    Yeah, it's pretty funny that you mention that. I read this point being made somewhere else today: the Nintendo Seal of Quality was one of the reasons developers started flocking away from Nintendo platforms to the PS1 after Sony told them to just "do whatever".

    So. I hope some of you fantards keep this in mind.

  • CallousB #43 4 years ago

    Not that I'm expecting great review scores...but I can't help but think that time would have been better spent reviewing Bully and Guilty Gear.

  • KreyAtiv #44 4 years ago

    I'd just dust off my N64 if I want to play Cruisin', probably be a lot better. Especially having the insects splat on the screen. :)

  • MGG #45 4 years ago

    Funny review, fair points - but can we stop criticizing party games for not using Miis, when NINTENTDO WONT LET YOU.

    They also force you to put the publishers name on the box, as opposed to the developers. Super cuddly Ninty aren't so bloody cuddly at all. And also - I'm not a huge MS fan, but by the gods Ninty could learn a thing or 10 about encouraging developers to use their hardware from Bills boys. But as long as Ninty's own dev studio is the biggest selling in the world, they don't give a crap.

    /rant.

  • SBfistfun #46 4 years ago

    rofl

  • AOFanboi #47 4 years ago

    <em>Wow it's gotten this far that Wii games are now on the same level as XBLA and PSN games.</em>

    PSN has more class than the drek covered in this roundup. Even Skydiving (if they had bothered implemented better controls that is).

  • smelly #48 4 years ago

    gawd.. i can now predict what wii threads are going to say just by looking at the shots on the main page.

    "roundup of shit games" - cue lots of 360 owners wanking off while typing "wow.. the wii is shit - im glad i bought my fps box"

  • smelly #49 4 years ago

    >Whatever happened to the Nintendo Seal of quality?

    It scared devs away. Imagine working on a game for 2 years to have nintendo tell you it's not good enough to release - then sony comes along and says "we'll let you release any old crap on the playstation".

    Consumers didnt go into a game shop and see a small shelf full of quality nintendo games.. They went into a games shop and saw shelves upon shelves of playstation games.

    Why own a nintendo which only had SOME games when you can own a playstation which had LOTS (most of which were shite)

    Nintendo have learned their lesson from yesteryear: People dont want qaulity - they want quantity.

    Now we people who read reviews still have the REALLY HIGH quality games (metroid 3, mario galaxy, smash bros, etc).. But the people who like a choice of lots of mediocre titles now have a choice too.

    And why not? It doesnt effect you and me - we know not to buy this shit.

    (except for the fact it'll make 360 owners go blind with furious masturbation as they type in these threads)

  • milko #50 4 years ago

    A whole multi-page reviews roundup without once saying "tits"? I'm shocked.

  • chicknstu #51 4 years ago

    5 more classics for the Wii

  • Muddtallica #52 4 years ago

    LOL, I just actually read the Cruis'n and Game Party reviews...they're truly wonderful things. These need to be quoted (possibly in their entirety) on the back of the respective game boxes, because they're without doubt the "best" reviews these titles are ever going to get. :D

  • dsmx #53 4 years ago

    Why not just give the nintendo seal of quality to games that are actually good? Don't make it mandatory for a wii game just use it to show which games are actually good.

  • samk #54 4 years ago

    LOL. Top quality. Not the games of course, but the reviews and comments had me guffawing out loud for the last ten minutes, especially the Cruis'n screenshot caption. :)

  • RandolphScott #55 4 years ago

    I appreciate the Wii gets shovelware because it is currently winning the console war - but where are the killer apps?

    I know it's got them in it - where the hell are they?

    A quick poke around gamerankings...3 titles above 90% and two of them are available on last-gen consoles!!! Wiis been out too long for that. They are getting pretty dusty.

    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 17:53

  • Eighthours #56 4 years ago

    It scared devs away. Imagine working on a game for 2 years to have nintendo tell you it's not good enough to release.

    That never happened. Stuff like Last Action Hero and Cliffhanger was getting the Seal of Quality in the SNES days, remember. It only referred to you being allowed to develop the game in the first place, not of the quality of the final product.

  • Retroid #57 4 years ago

    Christ, those are poor :(

  • symbiote #58 4 years ago

    THE WII IS A FUCKING INSULT

    That is all

  • Der_tolle_Emil #59 4 years ago

    That never happened. Stuff like Last Action Hero and Cliffhanger was getting the Seal of Quality in the SNES days, remember. It only referred to you being allowed to develop the game in the first place, not of the quality of the final product.

    The seal of quality had different meanings. At first it was what it says: A seal of quality. This was because before the NES a lot of shit games were released, some of them with a lot of bugs that wouldn't work. To counter this Nintendo invented this seal. After a while the seal transformed more and more into the seal of "safe family entertainment", ie. no blood, no swearing etc. It didn't have a lot to do with the actual quality of the game, except that it should be at least playable without encountering bugs all the time.

  • darc #60 4 years ago

    The Wii is turning into a serious software dumpster. Very sad; I bought 2 of them. One for me and one for my brother. For my patronage I get free rentals from the shop that sold me the consoles, but I can't even find Wii games I want to RENT for FREE.

    That can't be a good sign.

    On the other hand, these reviews are awesome. More fun than most good games, in fact, and it's refreshing to see irredeemable games the proper "1" vs. the typical "5".

  • smelly #61 4 years ago

    "I appreciate the Wii gets shovelware because it is currently winning the console war - but where are the killer apps? "

    What, you mean like Mario Galaxy? (generally regarded as the best game ever by reviewers?)
    Or smash bros brawl?
    Or perhaps metroid prime 3?
    Paper mario?

    Come come now.. stop being such a troll.

  • smelly #62 4 years ago

    Eurogamer must love reviewing shit wii games. Every time they do it they suddenly get loads of saddo 360 owners going "fucking yeah! The wii has a crap game.. I feel SO much better about being so bored with my 360 now that ive resulted to trolling forums!"

    It must push their page hit count thru the roof as 360 owner rush to tell us the wii has no good games, yadda yadda.

  • lsursock #63 4 years ago

    other killer aps imho inclue medal of honor 2 heroes with its amazing control and insane 32 multiplayer, no more heroes (which i havent played yet though), tauma center... as well as endless ocean, RE4, godfather, zack and wiki, blazing angels (local multiplayer),

    and these are third party titles ffs!

    I am hoping for a RTS game though.
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 19:00

  • Sid-Nice #64 4 years ago

    Ellie to review Super Smash Bros Brawl...

  • old_skool #65 4 years ago

    The PS2 had it's fair share of tat. Now the Wii is the mainstream console - it gets the tat.

    It's the rule of tat.

    Sure, the PS2 had bad games but the average Wii score is actually lower than the average score of the PS2. Next-gen.biz had a nice little article about these low Wii scores.

    [link url=http://www.next-gen.biz/index.php ?option=com_content&task=view&id=9066&Itemid=2
    ]http://ww w.next-gen.biz/index.php?option...[/link]

    /edit
    And I guess it's gonna drop even lower now...
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 19:19

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #66 4 years ago

    What losers choose there game machine on the amount of shit games it has? I choose what I play on the quality games. And if you think the Wii has none then you really a blinkered troll.

    And what the fuck does average game score have to do with anything?! Is that how what console to buy?
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 19:26

  • CARL05 #67 4 years ago

    lol! wii

  • old_skool #68 4 years ago

    @Pac
    There's clearly an issue with the low Wii scores, no need to get defensive. I said nothing about buying a console due to it's average scores. I'm merely pointing out that little fact. Why is the Wii is scoring lowand selling so well, there's many plausible explanations for that.

  • smelly #69 4 years ago

    >There's clearly an issue with the low Wii scores

    So dont fucking buy the low scoring games then!

    But the high scoring games.. of which the wii has some of the best games around.

    Or if you dont have a wii.. then go back to playing halo 3 if you're not bored of the overrated pile of shit yet

  • tardo #70 4 years ago

    jeez, I love Nintendo, but when are you going to stop, Smelly? Do you even type up your responses each time, or just copy and paste them from a file of ready responses numbered 1-10? or maybe just numbered 1-5.

    Anyway.

  • old_skool #71 4 years ago

    @smelly
    Don't get so emotional and try to read that statement. Did you ever consider that low scoring might not mean 'shit'? I purposefully stated "low scoring" for that very reason. Did you even bother reading the link i posted to next-gen?

  • smelly #72 4 years ago

    call me names all you want.. I dont care.. im too busy playing games and having fun.



    "A quick poke around gamerankings...3 titles above 90% and two of them are available on last-gen consoles!!! "

    So a game doesnt count if it's out on another console! Ace!

    The 360 doesnt have THAT many great exclusives does it (and it's been out a year longer)... I'll forgive the ps3 as that's had a rough ride.

  • smelly #73 4 years ago

    "Do you even type up your responses each time, or just copy and paste them from a file of ready responses numbered 1-10? or maybe just numbered 1-5. "

    Erm.. like all the 360 trolls do each time there's a crap review?

    "FUCKING HELL GET IN!!! CRAP REVIEW SCORE FOR A PLATFORM I DONT OWN!!! QUICK!! Where's my list of 'platform x is crap' comments?"

  • darc #74 4 years ago

    The point is not to bash the Wii itself but to take the s/w developers to task for releasing stuff that looks like 1990's-era homebrew. I'm definitely no troll and I definitely don't mean to put anyone on the defensive. I really, really like the Wii. I admire Nintendo for putting some interesting design work into the platform instead of quadrupling the polygons per second and shipping essentially more of the same, which is what we all expect as a matter of course in video game hardware.

    The Wii is different, and it's fun, and there is no justifiable reason why games this bad should be seeing commercial release for the platform. That's all I'm trying to say. SMG, Metroid 3, and Zack & Wiki are great - they are also evidence that this shovelware is unforgivable. Besides which I could really use something new.
    Edited by 1 at 07/03/08 @ 20:20

  • symbiote #75 4 years ago

    "Eurogamer must love reviewing shit wii games. Every time they do it they suddenly get loads of saddo 360 owners going "fucking yeah! The wii has a crap game.. I feel SO much better about being so bored with my 360 now that ive resulted to trolling forums!"

    Dude - get over yourself. I owned all the consoles and handhelds in the last generation and have been through all bar the PSP in this one. The Wii IS a shit game magnet. Fact. We're not disputing it's got some quality titles but only a delusional fool would blinker themselves from the wider picture.

  • symbiote #76 4 years ago

    "The Wii is different, and it's fun, and there is no justifiable reason why games this bad should be seeing commercial release for the platform."

    Nail. Head.

  • electrolite #77 4 years ago

    Who cares? Just buy the good games. MD, SNES, GB, GBA, PS1, PS2, they all had mountains of shit games. It's an unfortunate side effect of attracting lots of software development.

  • smelly #78 4 years ago

    Totally agree darc.

  • smelly #79 4 years ago

    >The Wii IS a shit game magnet. Fact.

    And my point is.. So what?

    Why get all excited and start posting "haha wii is shit - got buy my console instead" in the comments, while furiously self satisfying yourself?

  • smelly #80 4 years ago

    Even the most jaded individual has to admit that cruis'n looks fun!

    Certainly better than halo 3 anyhuws :-D

  • bdc #81 4 years ago

    So many fucking idiots here who think Nintendo Seal of Quality meant actual gameplay quality; no you mongs, it's a technical requirement not a 'fun' requirement that's steeped in subjective ambiguity. If the game is bugfree and works, it's there to release.

    Get it right before sprouting shit such as 'oh Sony got all the game cos they'd release shit while Nintendo wouldn't', - you only sound like a bitter little child then. Sony had the better run because it simply was more appealing and had better third party accomodation.

    Seal of Quality my ass. Go do some more research on its real meaning.

  • smelly #82 4 years ago

    Maybe some of us know more about it than you do?

    You're confusing the "official nintendo seal" with the "seal of quality"

    Back in the seal of quality days publishers were only allowed to publish 5 games a year. And certain quality controls were insisted on (away from just not being buggy)

    There's more to it. But it's pointless me wasting typing trying to explain to a faceless internet person who wont listen and has already made up their own minds about themselves being right.

    People will just ignore what i say, presume i'm wrong and just call me a "blinkered fanboy" or something equally lame just because i dared to reply to someone who was wrong.


  • RandolphScott #83 4 years ago

    @smelly

    I don't know what trolling is - but it sounds pretty bad. I thought I'd better defend myself.

    OK. For the record I don't own a 360 or a Wii. I think the 360 currently has better games - as backed up by most critics.

    I think the Wii is capable of having great games - however very few exist currently - As I think I stated. Metroid 3, Super Smash Bros etc. are pretty good games but I do not class them as Killer Apps. Let's say I class Killer Apps as 90% + on gamerankings. This is not true but it's a reasonable indicator of quality - especially before I've actually played the thing.

    Let's further say that I have played Zelda and RE4 on GameCube. So now where are the Killer Apps for Wii?

    At the moment there are not sufficiently great games for the Wii to justify me buying one. And I would expect better from a console that has been out for as long as it has. Take a look at this top 10.

    1. Super Mario Galaxy 97.191%
    2. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess 93.907%
    3. Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition 90.960%
    4. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption WII 89.694%
    5. Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock 86.476%
    6. Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure 85.735%
    7. Super Paper Mario WII 85.167%
    8. No More Heroes WII 83.081%
    9. WarioWare: Smooth Moves 81.976%
    10. Madden NFL 07 81.370%

    That's poor for this stage in a console's life. 3 of those I can play on a previous generation console - with no substantial loss of quality.

    I should really not get sucked into responses like this. Maybe I should just say Wii SuXors and 360 rocks! Maybe then you can pigeonhole me nicely into an evil Microsoft fanboy - that quite enjoyed Halo 3 because it's actually a fucking good game.

  • tardo #84 4 years ago

    >>Why get all excited and start posting "haha wii is shit - got buy my console instead" in the comments, while furiously self satisfying yourself?

    Do you even read the comments? I haven't seen anyone in the 80+ comments say this, unless I've skipped past it amongst all the other replies NOT saying that.
    Plus, you're overly obsessed with other people masturbating. Please stop talking about it at every opportunity, and go have a quick session yourself, there's nothing wrong with it, I'm sure even God will turn a blind eye if you ask nicely.

    Go on, try and last a month without moaning about xbox360 owners (moaning about whatever they have or haven't said) and without mentioning masturbation. Go on. For a month. You probably couldn't do it. Despite being too busy playing all of the great Nintendo games you have. You do have some strange problem.

  • Metalfish #85 4 years ago

    "call me names all you want.. I dont care.. im too busy playing games and having fun. "

    No you're not. You're arguing on the internet.

  • kentmonkey #86 4 years ago

    LOL at Metalfish

  • Razz #87 4 years ago

    :( I thought that Samurai game look good. :/

  • Razz #88 4 years ago

    "Even at GBP 19.99 it's appalling value for money. There are 12 races. None takes longer than four minutes to complete and each can be won on the first attempt. Do the "math". To be fair, if you add in loading times, Cruis'n offers approximately 47 years of gameplay."

    gLMFAO!

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #89 4 years ago

    Exclusives. Make. A. Console. Worth. Owning.

    The Wii has enough to justify it, especially at the price. The 360 has loads too. The PS3 looks like it will have this year.

    Can't we all just like the GAMES!

    /wishes there was a standard games platform like DVD/Blu-ray or CD/MP3

  • RandomTerrain #90 4 years ago

    I wouldn't Wii on these games if they were set on fire...

  • Grayvern #91 4 years ago

    Yes but its hard on the average consumer who's never read a review site, Game mostly stocks for the 360 and PS3 the big name titles which have a better chance of being 70% or over while the Wii sections are pretty much just shovleware i've been into a shop and just seen crap some games no ones ever bothered to review, while the better games metroid etc go on shelf for a week maybe and don't get a look in afterwards.

  • Lemming81 #92 4 years ago

    Yes the Wii is a shit game magnet. But the point is, your Wii is not.

  • smelly #93 4 years ago

    "Exclusives. Make. A. Console. Worth. Owning.

    The Wii has enough to justify it, especially at the price. The 360 has loads too. The PS3 looks like it will have this year. "


    The funny thing is - the wii (probably - cant be arsed to check) has more high scoring exclusives than the 360. Which is a larf innit?

  • urban #94 4 years ago

    lol

  • smelly #95 4 years ago

    "Go on, try and last a month without moaning about xbox360 owners (moaning about whatever they have or haven't said) and without mentioning masturbation. Go on. For a month."


    Um.. erm.. um.

    Well if we could go a month without 360 owners jumping into any badly scoring wii game and saying "haha wii is shit" then you'd have a point..

    There are nearly 100 comments in here now ffs. Do you think a load of shit games justify that many comment? Especially when most of them are saying "haha wii is shit.. wiilol.. etc"?

  • Nikanoru #96 4 years ago

    We're not disputing it's got some quality titles

    "We"? I think you should take a look at some of the people you're supposedly speaking for.

    Don't mean to propagate this any further, but you know.

  • lovely2cu #97 4 years ago

    smelly is such a blinkered deluded fanboy fool I don't know why I'm wasting my time acknowledging his moronic rantings but here goes.

    Zelda TP, can be played on GC. Same for Resi 4.As for Metroid 3, Mario Kart, Mario G, Super Smash Brothers etc, yawn, yawn, yawn and yawn. Just tired rehashes of the same games, redeemed only by a new control scheme. Big whoop. If the new SSB game was developed on PC with m+k controls, would it be such a big deal?

    The 360 is light years ahead of the Wii in terms of the depth, breadth and quality of its software and only a retard (such as smelly) would even waste his breath disputing that fact

  • Pac-man-ate-my-wife #98 4 years ago

    Even if what you say is true - which if you'd bothered to played Super Mario Galaxy you'll know isn't (and how you can comment on Mario Kart and SSBM is beyond me) - what about Zack & Wiki, No More Heroes and Super Paper Mario?

    Metroid 3and Zelda TW are 'tired rehashes', well by that rational so are Halo 3 and Call Of Duty 4. You can play Resi 4 on the GC? You can play Half Life 2 on the Xbox too. See how ludicrous you arguements are?

    As I said above, don't be a blinkered wanker and realise that there's great games on every platform.
    Edited by 2 at 08/03/08 @ 18:34

  • Ryze #99 4 years ago

    Tut, tut, tut. This isn't good for the long term where it comes to selling more Wii games. Families will get stung!

    This is a bunch of shite!

  • smelly #100 4 years ago

    Pacman dont waste your breath.

    to these blinkered trolls mario galaxy is exactly the same as every other mario game.

    And halo 3 is the most innovative different game ever and not at all like halo 2, or halo 1 for that matter.

    *sigh*

  • Vin #101 4 years ago

    That's entirely subjective.

    Not everyone dug Galaxy and could easily name a game they enjoyed more.

  • smelly #102 4 years ago

    >Well I loved Bioshock, Gears of War and Halo 3

    Strictly speaking only 2 of those are exclusives too..

    oh i cant be arsed.

    The 360 has hundreds of GREAT exclusives. And halo 3 is the BES T game EVER and INCREDIBLY innovative and NOTHING LIKE what has gone before!

    Whereas the wii is shit. Mario galaxy is an exact rip off of super mario on the nes because it has the same main character. And it's got cartoony graphics and so MUST be SHIT as it's a KIDS game that doesnt have a dull plot and repetitive levels running down corridors shooting things.

    Hell there are HUNDREDS of people who'll say mario galaxy is crap and list all the games they prefer. It doesnt matter that they havent actually played it and are just going by looking at a few screenshots.

    No more heroes, paper mario, metroid 3, zelda.. Well they're all SHIT too as they're not in hi-def (the only thing that seems to matter to some people)

    In fact.. ALL games on the wii are shit as shit games get released on it. The 360 never gets ANY shit games.. all it's games are absolutely brilliant and innovative, and arent all just shooters.

    I was wrong taking all that enjoyment all those hours of game playing time on mario galaxy and metroid 3 as they're both shit. I now see the error of my ways - rather than wasting the 40 or 50 hours i put into them so far.. I should've saved my time and spent 6 hours completing halo 3, it doesnt matter that it plays exactly the same as the previous 2 games, has marginal graphical improvements, and doesnt even play in proper hi def (which i keep getting told is the most important thing ever!) - everyone says it's great so it MUST be.

    Edited by 1 at 09/03/08 @ 03:30

  • RandolphScott #103 4 years ago

    @smelly

    That is a brilliant, scathing, reasoned response.

    Everyone is definitely saying that:

    - Halo 3 is the best game
    - that hi-def graphics are important
    - that the Wii has no good games
    - the 360 has only good games
    - that the Wii only has kids games.
    - that Mario Galaxy is the same as all other Mario games.

    Here's a tip. When arguing against people - try and argue against what they are saying as opposed to what you suppose a fictional 360 fanboy enemy might say.

    You are an idiot. Welcome to my ignore list. Hopefully no-one will quote you so I don't have to read even a little bit of your silly reactionary ranting.
    Edited by 3 at 09/03/08 @ 07:31

  • tedster11 #104 4 years ago

    Ooooooooooooouch

  • AwesomeWells #105 4 years ago

    "Welcome to my ignore list."

    Snap. He's just gone on mine too.

  • Dixons #106 4 years ago

    smelly, your point about Halo 3 and its supposed lack of originality is so mind-numbingly stupid, it brings tears to my eyes.

    In case you hadn't noticed, its the third part of an over-arching three-part trilogy saga. It's SUPPOSED to be similar to the other two games, because as a whole they represent one story, one game. If you, or anyone else for that matter are looking for a new shooting experience, then by all means go and play Bioshock because Halo 3 is just that - Halo 3. I mean, did you walk into The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and complain "why is this film so god damned similar to the first two?!"

    Ridiculous.

  • tardo #107 4 years ago

    Sorry Randolph, Smelly quote alert:

    "Hell there are HUNDREDS of people who'll say mario galaxy is crap and list all the games they prefer. It doesnt matter that they havent actually played it and are just going by looking at a few screenshots. "

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but (I'm going to go out on a limb here and say) I'm guessing that you don't have an Xbox 360? & yet love to slag it off in your rants against these 'fictional 360 fanboy enemy' oponents of yours that you see everywere. Don't slag off Xbox 360 games that you either haven't played, or have played briefly (if that!), and then moan about people doing the same with Mario/Nintendo.

    I love Nintendo, and I love the Wii, but at the end of last year I decided to buy an Xbox 360 as well, in order to play some of the games that the Wii won't/can't have. The Wii has good games. So does the Xbox 360. You see?

  • smelly #108 4 years ago

    I'm sorry.. you're wrong.

    Mario galaxy is a carbon copy of every mario game that has gone before it. It's the 3rd 3d mario, but it's not in a trilogy so it isnt allowed to be exactly the same as the other two 3d mario games - which it almost definately is.. Or something.

    Honestly talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.

    "boo hoo.. smelly has pointed out the flaws in my arguments.. i can no longer post that the wii is shit.. wiilol.. etc.. while wanking myself off telling myself that my console is oooh so much better.. I know.. i'll just put the evil man on ignore"

    *sigh*

    Oh, and yes i do own a 360, but will soon be trading it in for a ps3 as that looks like it might get something other than average shooters (little big planet, etc).

  • smelly #109 4 years ago

    But you're right. By responding to the trolls that keep jumping into every wii thread proclaiming the wii to be shit, and actually pointing out games on their console are not much better.. i get classified as a troll myself! Gah!

    360 owning Troll : Mario galaxy is the same as every mario game ever.. and it's in low def! Wii is shit
    Smelly : Eh? And halo 3 isnt exactly the same as the other 2? And halo3 wasnt in hi-def either.
    360 owning troll: Halo 3 is part of a trilogy it's SUPPOSED to be the same as the other 2. But I didnt mention halo so therefor you're a troll!
    Smelly : mario galaxy is the 3rd 3d mario game.. so is that a trilogy - so it's allowed to be the same as the other 2 in that case? Even though it blatently isnt?
    Troll : SMELLY IS A TROLL - PUTTING HIM ON IGNORE!

    And thus the cycle continues.


    I should put all the trolls on ignore. But if i did that to this thread of 100 odd posts - i'd probably only see 5 of them!

  • tardo #110 4 years ago

    >> Mario galaxy is a carbon copy of every mario game that has gone before it. It's the 3rd 3d mario, but it's not in a trilogy so it isnt allowed to be exactly the same as the other two 3d mario games - which it almost definately is.. Or something.


    Ummm, again, you're making up stuff that these '360 trolls' are supposedly saying. Nobody has said that Mario Galaxy is a carbon copy of every Mario game. All I can see that anybody has mentioned negatively about MG is that they think that people may like other games more than it.


    >>Oh, and yes i do own a 360, but will soon be trading it in for a ps3 as that looks like it might get something other than average shooters (little big planet, etc).

    Now, don't you sound like the type of 'troll' that comes in to a Wii thread and says that they are going to see their Wii because all of the games are crap? I believe you own a 360 as much as I believe that they own a Wii.


    >>360 owning Troll : Mario galaxy is the same as every mario game ever.. and it's in low def! Wii is shit

    again, who has said this? Do you want to quote someone as having said this in the thread, or was it, wait for it, one of your made up xbox 360 trolls you see everywhere?

    Carry on your xbox 360 hating crusade if you want to, but at least respond to what people actually say, and not what they have said in other threads over the months, or what you imagine they might say in your own head.

  • Waldo #111 4 years ago

    I thought the Nintendo "Seal of Quality" was just an assurance that the game worked, not that it was actually good?

  • EmiliasHorse #112 4 years ago

    Poor Smelly.

  • Diomedes #113 4 years ago

    Its incredible the amount of shit in the Wii.This is the kind of soft that is released when a console is almost dead and only churns out shovelware for the kids...and the Wii is churning it out like a champ in its supposed heyday.

  • PlugMonkey #114 4 years ago

    I can't believe we've had 124 posts and no-one has broached the real issue at hand here.

    When did English folk dancing stop being performed?

  • darc #115 4 years ago

    "Can jaggies cause blindess?"

    There is definitely an opportunity to wrap up the entire discussion right here.

  • darc #116 4 years ago

    Things that cause blindness for 300pts?

  • darc #117 4 years ago

    Nah, too easy...

  • oerhoert #118 4 years ago

    I'd just like to say that anyone, anyone, who uses the bad scores in this article to bash the Wii, is, in fact, an idiot.

    The Wii has loads of quality games by now. You should try some of them.

  • smelly #119 4 years ago

    Right.. Going to ignore the trolls and just stick to the people who are having a proper conversation - Cant believe i keep getting dragged down to their level.

    "I thought the Nintendo "Seal of Quality" was just an assurance that the game worked, not that it was actually good? "


    The seal of quality was there to assure the game wasnt total crap.
    However that got replaced with the nintendo seal (completely different) which just assures that the game has gone thru nintendo qa and works - and wont need patching, etc

  • Dougs #120 4 years ago

    LOL, just seen a few of these titles in HMV - 2 for £30. They looked pap on the box, appreciate the confirmation.