Virtual Console Roundup Review

Typical. You turn your back for a few months and the Virtual Console fills up with games, including a sprinkling of bona fide classics. There's a lot to catch up on, so let's not waste time on introductions, eh?

Secret of Mana

• Platform: SNES
• Wii Points: 800
• In Real Money: GBP 6 / EUR 7.70 (approx)

It's always been something of a mystery to me how Final Fantasy came to be such a juggernaut, dominating the JRPG scene with such ubiquity. They're good, often great, games but they're far from being Squaresoft's best. Witness Chrono Trigger, for example, which does pretty much everything that its more overbearing cousin can, arguably with a lot more charm.

And then there's the Mana series, which even started life being misleadingly marketed as a Final Fantasy entry on the GameBoy before finding its feet with this absolutely wonderful SNES adventure.

Heavy on the whimsy, with bold colourful sprites and spunky young characters, but the story isn't anything out of the ordinary for the genre - there's a magic sword, an ancient evil and prophecies galore. That's not really what makes Secret of Mana so special. See, with its real-time combat and intuitive inventory system, it plays more like Legend of Zelda than its more dense JRPG counterparts and its this immediacy that gets you past the more generic story elements and into the explorative meat of the game.

It's been a while since the Virtual Console was blessed with an RPG, and even longer since it offered one as essential as this. There's no better way to spend 800 Points right now.

9/10

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

• Platform: Master System
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.50 / EUR 4.50 (approx)

Eyebrows were arched in quizzical fashion when the Master System version of the original Sonic the Hedgehog was added, what with it being almost identical to the Megadrive version already available. No such problems with Sonic 2, since the Master System version not only came out before the Megadrive one (which isn't on the VC...yet) but also offers an entirely different game.

This means that while we sadly still get the introduction of ginger-furred irritant Tails, we also miss out on the Spin Dash move, which proved so integral to the series evolution on the Megadrive. Balancing out these disappointments is a robust entry in the series, full of the multiple twisting pathways you'd expect. It even manages to include a dash of variety, most notably in a fun hang gliding section. It does start with a mine cart section though, so lets not blow the Originality Horn too loudly.

This isn't the highlight of Sonic's early career - that would be the still-absent Sonic & Knuckles - but this is an affordable and enjoyable nugget, and one which puts the hedgehog's recent wretched efforts to shame.

7/10

Space Invaders: The Original Game

• Platform: SNES
• Wii Points: 800
• In Real Money: GBP 6 / EUR 7.70 (approx)

This is the sort of release that demands careful thought about the legacy of gaming, and how we value it. If, say, Fritz Lang's Metropolis were available on budget DVD for this price, few film fans would express outrage at the cost or decry the film itself for being old and not as cool as Aliens.

Yet that's how too many gamers react when faced with the commercial revival of the titles that form the very basis of our lovely hobby. We're so quick to toss the classics aside, denying them any commercial value in the industry they created. Space Invaders is about as seminal as it gets, yet the temptation to balk at being asked to pay money to play it in 2009 is hard to resist.

I don't know why this is, and frankly this is probably the wrong game to use as the starting point for the debate. It's exactly what it sounds like - the original Space Invaders, on the SNES. Now, Space Invaders is still a great game, provided you can look at it with an open mind. The concept is about as pure as it gets, while the execution - though restricted by the technology of the time - is the epitome of compulsive gameplay. There's a reason why the DUM DUM DUM sound effects as the alien force descends is still so iconic - it's gaming's equivalent of the Jaws theme, a panic-inducing primal beat.

And yet...and yet...this isn't the most compelling package. It's a recreation rather than an emulation. You get the option to recreate the various arcade cabinet styles, from monochrome to faked transparent screen overlays, but it leaves the experience feeling like a cover version. To return to the original comparison, if Space Invaders is Metropolis then this is the colourised version with the Giorgio Moroder score. It's technically the same, but the presentation is off. It feels wrong to give such a classic game a bad score for such ephemeral reasons, but there's too much here that doesn't feel right.

5/10

Forgotten Worlds

• Platform: Megadrive
• Wii Points: 800
• In Real Money: GBP 6 / EUR 7.70 (approx)

The biggest problem with a home conversion of Capcom's 1988 side-scrolling arcade shooter is that one of the game's biggest selling points - the rotational firing system - simply doesn't work on a joypad. Since this is an emulation of the Megadrive version, rather than an update, we're still stuck with clunky button aiming even though the nunchuk stick would be perfect for the task. The two-player mode remains, as well, an inclusion which may seem par for the course today but back in the late 80s it was the height of social gaming.

What ultimately holds Forgotten Worlds back is that its title proves spookily prescient. It's a fairly drab port of a forgettable shooter that is effortlessly eclipsed by dozens of other genre entries - most of which are available on the VC for the same price or less.

A great shoot-'em-up is conducted like a concerto, full of dramatic pauses and impossible crescendos. There's a flair and artistry to the classics that is sorely lacking here. You hover stiffly from left to right, with the rigid Megadrive controls offering little fluidity or grace, while uninspired waves of enemies drift in from the other side. Upgrading your orbiting satellite by cashing in collected "zenny" currency is about as interesting as it gets, and even that's hardly an idea unique to this game.

4/10

Boogerman

• Platform: Megadrive
• Wii Points: 800
• In Real Money: GBP 6 / EUR 7.70 (approx)

Any Wii owners with young sons can rest assured that while Boogerman is far from one of the best platform games of its era, it is categorically the one guaranteed to make under-10s laugh themselves silly.

Shamelessly, purposefully gross, Boogerman imagines a superhero whose powers are all drawn from snot, bums, farts and burps. You defeat enemies by flicking bogies at them. You can also unleash devastating belches. You flush yourself down a toilet to access new areas. Leave Boogerman alone and he starts pulling bright green gobbets of mucus from his nose, and either eating them or desperately trying to detach the sticky slime from his fingers. Even more than the similar Earthworm Jim, it's a title where puerile gross-out gags dominate gameplay at every turn.

That's not to say it's a bad game, however. It's actually a decent enough platformer, though you can't help wondering how much better it might have been had they spent a little less time on the nose-picking animation and a little more on less derivative level design. Young boys, especially those obsessed with the Captain Underpants books, are unlikely to care about such technicalities, which makes this an easy download decision for parents with a sense of humour.

7/10

Metal Slug 2 (NeoGeo)

• Platform: NeoGeo
• Wii Points: 900
• In Real Money: GBP 6.30 / EUR 8.10 (approx)

People seem intimidated by the Metal Slug series. It has a reputation, rather unfairly, for being brutally tough and suitable only for the most hardened run-and-gun experts. It's certainly tricky, but not excessively so and certainly not in comparison to other prominent titles in the genre. Played alongside Green Beret, for instance, this Neo Geo gem looks positively casual. And besides, any frustration must surely be tempered by how goofily fun the whole thing is.

For this second entry, SNK added a whole host of new weapons and features, most of which showcase the franchise's offbeat sense of humour. This is backed up by the broad cartoon style, which still impresses today - although this is hardly some relic of bygone years, since it first came out in 1998.

You can turn into a mummy, just to pick one obvious example of the weird Easter eggs tucked away inside. Pick up too many health-restoring food items in the same life and your character becomes fat and slow. And that's before we get to the laser-mounted camels, the kung-fu prisoner of war who will protect you using Street Fighter moves and countless moments of incidental ingenuity.

But sadly the same caveat that accompanied the first Metal Slug on the VC still applies. The Metal Slug Anthology collates seven games from the series on disc, and can now be bought for just over twice the price of this solitary offering. If you like frantic blasting and silly humour then I heartily recommend you seek out Metal Slug. Just don't feel obliged to do it via Virtual Console.

7/10

Impossible Mission 2

• Platform: C64
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.50 / EUR 4.50 (approx)

More of a refinement of the concept than a distinct sequel, this follow-up to the rather great original adds some new robotic foes and a couple of tweaks to the puzzle format, but is otherwise best viewed as an expansion pack for anyone who downloaded and enjoyed the first game last April.

Once again, you're a suave spy infiltrating the high-tech base of Professor Elvin Atombender. It's a bit of a platform game, in that you have to carefully navigate each room, using elevators to evade the robotic sentries, but also a puzzler in which you have to crack a series of numerical conundrums to access the next area.

It's clever, quirky and effortlessly stylish. What more could you want for 500 Points?

8/10

Donkey Kong 3

• Platform: NES
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.50 / EUR 4.50 (approx)

You have to give Nintendo some credit for not simply rehashing the platforms-and-barrels formula for Donkey Kong's third outing, but since they've simply swapped it for bits cribbed from other games, it's not exactly a massive leap forwards.

This time around the heroic dungarees are filled by a gardener called Stanley who, for reasons probably best left unexplored, has had his greenhouse invaded by Kong. Hanging from the ceiling, Kong clobbers beehives to send insect allies oscillating to the floor, where they steal Stanley's precious blooms. Using a bug spray you must either kill all the bugs or blast enough bug powder dust up Kong's arse to make him scamper all the way to the top of the greenhouse. Burroughs would be proud. William S. or Edgar Rice. Take your pick.

There are only three screens, which loop infinitely, so this is very much a high-score game. It's actually not bad, given its limitations, but there's no escaping the fact that it's ultimately just a riff on Galaxian with a sprinkling of Missile Command. You can also claim ten bonus retro-obscurity points if you found yourself thinking of Ultimate's unfortunately titled Pssst.

6/10

Enduro Racer

• Platform: Master System
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.50 / EUR 4.50 (approx)

Nothing like the into-the-screen motocross-leaping action of the arcade game, or its various other home conversions, this titchified Master System port instead mashes up Paperboy and Excite Bike to produce a two-wheel racer that would be amusing for a couple of minutes on an emulator, but just doesn't have the consistency or structure to warrant a real-money purchase.

You steer your tiny buzzing bike through a variety of environments, but the basics never change. There's a defined track, which branches off and comes back together often. Venture off the smooth racing surface and you lose speed. You hit ramps for speed boosts, and can use whatever time is left on the clock at the finish line in the rudimentary tuning screen.

Trouble is, too much of it feels random. It's easy to land from a jump right in front of an unavoidable hazard, while dune buggies drift across the track for no other reason than to get in your way. The result is a game that has the beginnings of something rather addictive, but never quite musters compelling gameplay to match.

4/10

Last Ninja 3

• Platform: C64
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.50 / EUR 4.50 (approx)

Look, I'm sorry, okay? Each time a Last Ninja game pops up on the VC, I'm faced with angry, fuming retro fans who take enormous offence at my enduring opinion that the controls suck a big fat one. As I've said each time, what was workable (or acceptable) on a chunky eight-way 1980s joystick doesn't work nearly as well on the Wii remote or even the tiny GameCube analogue stick.

Since so much of the game still relies on using diagonals for movement and attack, I can't help thinking that this problem has a negative effect on the whole experience. And it's not for want of trying. Every time I try to get past the awkward rotational forwards-and-backwards movement to get to the legendary game inside, and I just can't do it. Every screen is a trial of fussy movement and awkward perspective. Like I said: I'm sorry.

And that's a real shame, since this final entry - with the rather appropriate subtitle Real Hatred Is Timeless - is clearly the apex of the series, even to a non-believer like myself. The graphics are phenomenal, the music is ace and the level design is clever and challenging. Puzzles are more complex and your inventory is more flexible. It's a great game, a classic of its era...where simply moving around can be a real chore.

With that in mind, feel free to choose whichever score best suits your gaming memories. And then leave me alone.

3/10 or 10/10