Those wacky Japanese, eh! What with their insane gameshows, amusing misuse of the English language and insatiable appetite for extreme pornography, they're absolutely bonkers! Not like us normal, sophisticated Brits, who can't be bothered to learn any foreign words at all, and enjoy highbrow television like Fort Boyard and Crosswits, and definitely haven't seen that video of the girls with the cup.
As you'd expect, there was plenty of wacky old nonsense to see at this year's Tokyo Game Show. Being a big fan of wacky old nonsense, not to mention Eurogamer's official Wii mini-game compilation specialist, I took it upon myself to check it out. Here's what I saw while Oli and Kristan were busy looking at proper games you actually care about.
I almost walked straight past this WiiWare title, having played enough guitar-playing sims to be going on with for the next 48 years. But I couldn't not have a go after spotting the title of the song available to play on the demo pod: Studio Bongo Mango.
Yes, Aero Guitar is a guitar-playing sim, but it doesn't require the use of any Fender-shaped controllers. You hold the nunchuk in your left hand as if it were the fret board, and the remote in your right hand. Three strings are displayed on-screen, and notes scroll across horizontally. The idea is to make a strumming motion with the remote as each note passes through the marker. At the same time, you press up or down with the nunchuk's analog stick if the note is on the top or bottom string.
Yes, it feels stupid, and one can only presume it looks even stupider. But it's fun. The principles are easy to grasp and the controls are responsive. In some ways it makes you feel more like a rock star than Guitar Hero, because you're waving your strumming arm around theatrically rather than wiggling a tiny bit of plastic up and down. In other ways it makes you feel more like a twat. Still, you know. Studio Bongo Mango.
Not, in fact, an extended version of the hula-hooping mini-game in Wii Fit, but a game based around the traditional Hawaiian dance. As a nice Japanese gentleman wearing a nylon lei and a hideous shirt showed me, you hold the remote in your right hand. On the left of the screen is a video of a hula dancer, and you're supposed to copy her moves.
Your character is shown on the right. Footstep symbols appear at the bottom of the screen, and presumably you're supposed to follow these. You wave your arms about just like the lady in the video, or, if you're me, just like the Coco Pops monkey at his least graceful.
At the end of the song, the Japanese gentleman claps politely and tries to pretend the entire experience hasn't been horrendously embarrassing for you, him, the crowd that has gathered and even the lady in the video. However, it's not clear whether this man will come bundled with the finished game.
There's no point me telling you whether Hula Wii is any good or not, as it'll never come out in Europe and you wouldn't care if it did. Besides: no idea.