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Spyborgs Review

Wii Review by Kristan Reed

22 September, 2009

Spyborgs looked interesting, once. You might recall that when it was introduced last year, the ex-Insomniac team at start-up studio Bionic Games had a completely different vision to the one in the box today. Designed as a "Saturday morning cartoon-style experience", the plan was to split the game into episodes and include advert breaks, co-op puzzles, comedy gesture-based mini-games and an eclectic array of enemies, comprised of flying crocodiles and poo-covered teddy bears. Yum.

Somewhere along the line, that somewhat-wacky plan got comprehensively ripped up until it was completely unrecognisable. Instead we've got a futuristic co-op beat-'em-up, albeit still featuring three of the things 10-year-old boys love most: stompy robots, a man with a giant hand-cannon strapped to his arm, and a female ninja. Publisher Capcom has been a consistent producer of combo-heavy hackandslash titles over the past decade, and it's apparent from the start that this is an attempt to flog that sort of thing to a younger, more casual audience, even without the poo bears.

Inevitably, there's a silly back-story justifying the presence of the 'Spyborg Initiative'. These elite cybernetic super-soldiers were designed as the nation's first line of defence, but things went awry when they started going missing in action. The game itself kicks off when super-spy Stinger wakes up after a week out cold, having been rescued from the South American jungle after being ambushed and left for dead by former team-mates. Predictably, it's time to hunt down their arses, kick them, kick them again, set fire to them and probably stamp on them as well.

You're given the option to choose two out of three playable characters: the aforementioned stompy robot, Bouncer; a sword-wielding martial arts expert, Clandestine; and a big hunk of manmeat, Stinger, the token shooter-man of this clobberfest. Played either with a human accomplice or an AI assistant, you set about clearing a succession of enclosed environments in the quickest possible time, while racking up the biggest combo count that you can.

'Spyborgs' Screenshot 1

Smashable boxes? Check. Metal walkways. Check.

The basic game mechanics are evidently designed to be as simple as possible. Movement is assigned to the nunchuk's left stick, while the light and heavy attack are mapped to B and C respectively. Z acts as the block, with A the jump. Simple combos can be strung together with ease, and most of the game involves little more than hammering light or heavy attack, and studiously blocking when, for example, a giant enemy robot crab hoves into view and decides to thwap you in the face repeatedly.

Sadly though, having already littered the environment with crates and boxes to smash, the game then decides to cloak some of them, requiring you to point your Wii remote at the sneaky little item and press A to reveal it. If you ever found this interesting, or it had any puzzle-based implications, it might be fun, but no. Worse though, this 'spy vision' concept extends not only to boxes and crates, but switches and eventually enemies, making gameplay a horribly clumsy mixture of traditional button-mashing hackandslash and remote-waving, with neither faring particularly well once combined.

To add a further layer of unnecessary motion-based flailing to the game, you can also activate finishing moves by holding down Z and swinging the remote if your power gauge is at its maximum. The viewpoint then changes momentarily to frame the action in a stylish slow-motion setting, before flashing up motion-based QTEs in order to smack down on your foe. Fortunately, if the motion control system boils your blood, you can always turn it off completely and revert to buttons. Unfortunately, the gameplay never rises above a repetitive, unengaging trudge in either case.

'Spyborgs' Screenshot 2

Dumb giant boss monsters? Check. Defeat them three times to move on? Check.

Elsewhere, the ability to upgrade yourself in a variety of ways might be interesting if you could, for example, unlock different weapons and armour, but Spyborgs also fudges this element. Upgrades are limited to nothing more than new levels of health, damage, skills and your power gauge, and any chance of the game developing a personality of its own is neutered right there.

In technical terms, however, Spyborgs does come out with slightly more credit, thanks to a polished engine and some competent character design and animation. While the endless procession of samey metal gantries provides a tiresomely repetitive futuristic environment to navigate, the developer does at least populate the world with a suitably threatening array of nasties. No doubt a legacy of some of the team's former experience as members of Insomniac, there's a noticeable trace of the Ratchet & Clank games in their visual style, especially the way they explode in a shower of bolts.

It's a shame, then, that despite the experience of working on such a resolutely reliable franchise as Ratchet & Clank, the promised humour and personality that was evident during its first reveal has drained away. Instead, what we've ended up with is a thoroughly generic game with overly simplified beat-'em-up mechanics, extremely repetitive gameplay, and a crushing lack of variety. We'll never know whether fighting poo-covered teddy bears was any more fun than fighting robotic scorpions and giant enemy crabs, but it can't have been much less fun. In its original guise, Spyborgs sounded unhinged but interesting. 18 months later, it's just another rough-and-tumble action game for young boys.

5/10

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Comments: 1-25 of 25 in total

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Zoro
22/09/09 @ 07:07
#1
+1
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Instead we've got a futuristic co-op beat-'em-up, albeit still featuring three of the things 10-year-old boys love most: stompy robots, a man with a giant hand-cannon strapped to his arm, and a female ninja.

Oh my.

Does this mean my unconditional love for female ninjas is a bit due? :(
figaro7
22/09/09 @ 07:07
#2
+1
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Crapcom strikes again! Now how about a dead space extraction review please!
Edited 1 times, most recently on 22/09/09 @ 08:09
joe90
22/09/09 @ 07:08
#3
+2
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Not a 7??? .. oh wait, its a wii game :)
Nephirion
22/09/09 @ 07:12
#4
-1
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I think the 5 was just for the stompy robots
muscleblade
22/09/09 @ 07:13
#5
-2
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Another day - another crappy Wii game.
RedPanda
22/09/09 @ 07:25
#6
0
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What is the ratio of good to bad Wii games like now anyway? Maybe its time to just give up and only review first-party titles?
Toonster
22/09/09 @ 07:34
#7
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I never heard of this game O_O

And when will you review Excitebots!?
Goodfella
22/09/09 @ 07:36
#8
+5
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Wiilol.

Mark me down boys.
Octoroc
22/09/09 @ 07:36
#9
+1
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They should have stayed with Sony who can afford to take chances. It's all very well breaking away to become an "independent" developer, but when a publisher is paying the bills the creative freedom you craved quickly goes out of the window.
swissorc
22/09/09 @ 07:39
#10
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Saw this coming a mile off lame concept lame game now get back to giving wii owners what we really want (apparently) an on rails resident evil game rather than just a follow up to resi 4 I mean it's not as if it would be that hard. If Silent Hill can do it so can you lot pull your finger out capcom or sod off!

@ Toonster we aren't getting excitebots like our american friends never got DOC
Edited 2 times, most recently on 22/09/09 @ 08:41
JahB
22/09/09 @ 07:53
#11
0
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@RedPanda

somewhere around 1:32
Mr_Bogus
22/09/09 @ 08:00
#12
+1
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I'm getting really accurate in predicting these 5's.

The formula: Wii game + original concept = Eurogamer 5/10.

Works every time these days.
spekkeh
22/09/09 @ 08:17
#13
+3
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oh bugger, this looked pretty promising back then. Oh well, buying that 360 next to my Wii last year is really starting to pay off now.
Mentalist(air)
22/09/09 @ 08:31
#14
+2
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Futile

"Your lives, as they have been, will remain largely the same..."
Quak
22/09/09 @ 09:11
#15
+2
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The review reads like a poor game, and yet it gets awarded with an "average" 5. On a scale of 1-10, 5 is neither good nor bad. I was expecting it to be more like a 3.
KDR_11k
22/09/09 @ 09:34
#16
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Quak: Reads more like an uninteresting average game for me so 5 is right. Genuinely bad games are fairly rare, when people talk about "bad" games they usually mean average games that don't manage to be great. True bad games are broken and not fun, average games have some amount of fun but not a whole lot and usually don't deserve your money.
Bigglesworth
22/09/09 @ 11:20
#17
+1
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@KDR
If "a thoroughly generic game with overly simplified [...] mechanics, extremely repetitive gameplay, and a crushing lack of variety" now constitutes today's average game, I fear for the state of the industry!
Luckyjim
22/09/09 @ 12:06
#18
+1
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Christ, they make it hard to like the Wii.
FogHeart
22/09/09 @ 12:12
#19
0
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More than 5 - increasingly worth your while to play. The higher the number, the more positive the feelings of satisfaction.

Less than 5 - playing induces negative feelings, ranging from irritation to frustration to anger (one or zero).

5 - indifferent to the game. If someone asks you whether doing nothing would have been better than playing the game for that duration of time, you honestly cannot decide.
Svpamm1
22/09/09 @ 12:22
#20
-6
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What did you expect for a game that plays on a kids toy.
Nephirion
22/09/09 @ 12:42
#21
+2
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@ Quak

What EG does is if they are not sure about a game they put random number 1 - 5 in a hat and see what fate decides
twinberettas
22/09/09 @ 17:07
#22
-1
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I think the cross-section of 'people who are happy with their Wii' and 'people who care enough about videogames to read related articles' is small enough to make this review completely irrelevant, and that's before factoring the supposed worthlessness of the game in question. Seriously, who is this review for?
Javier·de·Ass
22/09/09 @ 20:54
#23
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"And when will you review Excitebots!?"

yeah, probably when it comes out. aka. never.
Vroom!
23/09/09 @ 01:27
#24
0
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Rather funny comment that.
charliemouse
03/11/09 @ 23:50
#25
0
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I was made to play this tonight. *shudders*

Comments: 1-25 of 25 in total

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