Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines Review

By Kristan Reed Published 3 December, 2003

"I'll be back." ... "At £9.99."

Version tested: PlayStation 2

They just wouldn't let it lie. The money men couldn't just leave a fantastic series alone and let its legend rest in peace. They had to go the whole hog and exhume the Terminator cash cow, defecate on its flaming corpse and wheel out an ageing Arnie for a familiar round of destruction, CG effects and one-liners in return for millions of dollars. But, ach, as much as I want to hate the cynical, gutless pointless self-parodied attempts at reviving the franchise, the third movie didhave its moments, and kept at least some of its less demanding fans happy enough for merely not being the complete pile of arse that everyone expected it to be.

The crushingly inevitable game tie-in, however, was always going to be a derided after its less than promising E3 showing; it was just a question of how much of a complete hash Black Ops could make of it. The answer is spectacular. Rarely - if ever - have we witnessed such a painful licensing gaff, and the six or so hours we spent in the company of Rise of the Machines surely rank alongside the most painful we've endured in twenty odd years of videogaming. The pain. Make it stop. Why do you make us relive these nightmares again?

Survival horror

'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Screenshot 1

You'd be hard pressed to imagine how a company with the wealth of experience of Atari/Infogrames could sanction an FPS so intensely terrible that it makes the hairs in our nose ache just thinking about it. But it has, and we must do our duty and warn you from ever contemplating buying this eye-bulgingly bad game. From the moment the first bullet leaves Arnie's gun, it's patently obvious you're in for a terrifying experience, but for all the wrong reasons.

If you load up the hilarious 'Making Of' propaganda video and read some of the guff, it all sounds like an immensely promising premise; a time travelling first-person shooter/beat-'em-up starring Arnold Schwarzenegger that fleshes out the basic T3 timeline, replete with tons of weapons and the chance to dish out mindless destruction to a procession of waddling Cyborgs and assorted Skynet death machines in a post-apocalyptic nightmare. And with co-operation of the movie actors (a first for Arnie, as he cheerily admits), an exclusive, Starship Troopers-esque deleted scene and a wealth of other intriguing extras there's the potential to deliver a Lord of the Rings-style game-of-the-movie experience that snags fans of the genre and the movie alike. What you get instead for your £40 is a game that drags the reputation of movie-licensed games back down to the gutter in truly disgraceful fashion, and Atari with it.

The first thing PAL PS2 owners will note is the lack of 60Hz mode. Not a huge problem, you might think, until the whopping great borders appear, bigger than any we've seen since the likes of Devil May Cry two years ago. Undeterred, we fought on determined to give the game a fair crack, only slightly suspicious that less than a handful of publications around the world have published reviews.

Lock and load, muddy funksters

'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Screenshot 2

But once the game gets underway, we were in absolutely no doubt as to the extent of the game's problems. The first encounters centre around dispatching a staggeringly inept posse of drunken T900s and flying F/K Fighters through a series of rubble-strewn concrete environments, as grey, dull and lifeless as your worst nightmares could imagine. Not only is the combat dull and unengaging, with weak gun sounds, repetitive Arnie speech samples and limp visual feedback, but the AI is almost entirely absent, as each enemy crawls inexorably in your general direction. This state of affairs remains for the course of the game, and is compounded by some astonishing technical flaws that truly boggle the mind.

For example, most encounters are all over in a few seconds with none of the enemies capable of producing anything approaching a good firefight. Loosing off a few well-placed rounds always sends the T900s tumbling to the floor and springing back up unconvincingly, before they eventually explode into a rudimentary shower of orange sprites once you've floored them a second time. Or better still, just wallop them with a grenade with the secondary fire button. If only killing Terminators was this easy in the movies, eh Arnie?

Sorry, hang on a minute, did we say sprites? Yes indeed. Not since the days of the Build engine six or seven years ago have these pixellated explosions blighted our screens in an FPS, but that's precisely what you get with T3 when you destroy anything, and it's by no means the worst example of T3's technical ineptitude. Check out the hilarious flame effects, or - for that matter - the animation, the texturing, or just about anything else in fact.

Terminate this

'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Screenshot 3

Firing any of the game's projectile weapons at a posse of zombie-esque enemies is even more comical, as it propels them into the air in synchronised formation with a complete absence of transitional animation. With an adequately powerful weapon, entire walls and groups vaporise into an unconvincing puff, while the standard of the texturing and scenery has to rank at the very top of the tree for breath-taking ineptitude. Not only that, the level design is so disgracefully uninspired that it's often possible to wander around for minutes on end before you get your bearings in the most samey looking environment ever created. In a sea of grey, you'll be drowning in your own bile as you struggle to comprehend how such a steaming pile has been excreted into your console - it's the sort of thing you'd be raising an eyebrow about five years ago, never mind this far into the lifespan of the fourth generation machines. We know Atari needs a quick pre-Christmas fix to sate the shareholders, but releasing this is taking commercial desperation to new depths. It's so painfully bad you'd think this was its suicide note written in blood.

Being a fairly bog standard FPS in terms of control, we didn't even think for a second to wise up on what it had to offer until we accidentally tapped L1 at one point and found our targeting reticule suddenly locking onto a distant target. Yes, that's right, the game doesn't even require the basic skill of being able to aim, so thereafter we went about the business of clearing each level by merely locking onto everything first, thus stripping out any remaining challenge the game may have offered. And in case you're ever in any doubt of where to go next, every level comes complete with a map, and a little radar with a blob to indicate where you should be heading next. Brain cells? Who needs 'em? Metroid Prime this is not.

If you ever do find yourself so comatose that you're stuck, the chances are the game wants you to pull a switch somewhere, blow up another random pile of rubble by, erm, shooting at it, man a turret or meet up with Captain whatsisface on an escort mission. Failing that, you're provided with three continues per level, which is fine apart from the fact that it's pointless and a checkpoint save system would've served far better. Even more baffling is the fact that upon respawning after restarting a level, most of the key enemies appear to be absent, making it a rather tiresome slog as you work your way back to your previous position.

Kilroy made me do it

'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Screenshot 4

In terms of gameplay variety the lights are on, but there's no one at home, the door's ajar and the burglars are all sitting around the leather sofas rolling up a fat one, seemingly unconcerned that the sirens are wailing outside. It's a truly remarkable festival of brain dead gaming where the designers doubtlessly came up with the innovative idea of letting some work experience lackies mess about for a few months while they got on with more important business, like having cups of tea and chocolate fudge brownies, while watching repeats of Kilroy ('My job is making me ill').

Either that or they randomly generated them in an afternoon when they heard that Bruno Bonnell was due to pay a visit. Surely nothing else could explain how this abortion came to be? No sane person connected to the game industry, or anyone who has ever even heard of videogames could have been responsible for creating this, could they? It defies the laws of gaming creation in the Noughties, and is so poor at times we're quite sure this will now become the new benchmark for terrifyingly bad experiences - and let's not do it a disservice by limiting this benchmark to videogames.

But it gets worse. Oh yes it does. Strapped in like a howling madman on a windmill on a blustery day is a beat-'em-up element that asks us to time travel, back to 1994 when we were so much younger and certainly naïve to the ways of the gaming spin doctors. You see, back then gamers, retailers and even gullible magazine staff could be fooled into believing that a rather sexy looking beat-'em-up called Rise of the Robots was actually a good game. It wasn't. Oh ho ho. Despite looking sexy with its high res rendered sheen (a big novelty at the time), in fact it stunk up so bad that we're still harping on about it nearly 10 years later, and anyone who recalls it will be reading this now with a facial expression that simultaneously depicts fond delight and that disgusted grimace. The kind of look you have when you're taking a really good dump after a bout of egg bound constipation. Sorry for that graphic mental image, but this is serious business.

No problemo

'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Screenshot 5

Anyway, in late 2003 we're asked to play a sub-game in Rise Of The Machines possibly even worse than that. It's suspicious that the two games share very similar names; is it possible that the team behind Mirage's anti-classic was drafted in especially to add its unique design input? In stills it probably looks almost passable, just like Rise of the Robots did back then. Look, Arnie's faithfully represented, and the Terminatrix looks mighty fine too. But if you ever get the chance to play it (if you dare), you'll be doubled up in a mixture of wincing pain and perverse pleasure as you struggle to understand how a beat-'em-up with four basic commands (punch, block, throw, kick) can be so dramatically execrable. This wasn't meant to happen.

Mercifully they're over in a matter of a couple of minutes, but the damage is done. Your brain will forever be scarred by the memory of those fleeting, life-defining moments of pain. Games will never look so bad again next to this one. Other publishers must be secretly pleased that Rise of the Machines has emerged to make their games look like works of art by comparison. Atari staff, on the other hand, must be hoping that this sorry mess is quickly forgotten so they can go about promoting and releasing quality games. Hang on, what's this? A DRIV3R press release you say?

Possibly the only good thing we can say about the whole experience is that there's a couple of cabinets dotted around with Atari 2600 versions of Missile Command and Centipede on them (cheapskates, why not at least put the arcade versions in there). We seriously had more fun on those than we did in the rest of the game.

Shamed by the past

If you have a flagrant disregard for your sanity, your bank balance and enjoy the kind of masochistic self flagellation that true weirdos get up to in the privacy of their own home, then by all means pop down to your local gaming emporium and pick up Rise of the Machines and remind yourself how good all the other games in your collection are by comparison. Alternatively, have some fun by asking your friendly local sales assistant to give you a demo of it (make sure it's a well known chain for extra comedy value), and watch with amusement as they try and sell the game to you. If you're really good you can play along with the charade for maybe ten minutes or more before bursting into laughter and spitting out the immortal words... "I'll be back". Do anything, watch the movie, buy the DVD, just do anything but buy this comical exercise in interactive merchandising.

1 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Kristan.

About Kristan Reed

Kristan is a former editor of Eurogamer, dad, Stone Roses bore and Norwich City supporter who sometimes mutters optimistically about Team Silent getting back together.

Read more articles from Kristan by visiting the Kristan Reed archive page.

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Comments (89) Latest comment 4 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Hicksy #1 8 years ago

    1st \o/

    erm... yeah.. woooo

    /hat/

  • Hicksy #2 8 years ago

    argh! : p

  • Blerk #3 8 years ago

    Film Licence in 'Shite Game' shocker!

  • krudster #4 8 years ago

    It's *really* that bad. So bad I actually felt depressed after playing it. It's anti enjoyment. At £40 it's a crime.

  • templar-wizard #5 8 years ago

    not since the dizzying lows of Ocean licensed crud from yesteryear have i seen a one.
    is that because there is no Zero?
    or because the disc loaded with no problems?

  • Amajiro #6 8 years ago

    Is that EG's lowest ever score?

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #7 8 years ago

    not since the dizzying lows of Ocean licensed crud from yesteryear have i seen a one.

    Actually this is the third 1/10 we've had, if I'm not mistaken. That's just thinking of games off the top of my head. There are probably more tucked away in the archives.

    Edit: New World Order also got 1, and how could we forget Toon Car?
    Edited by 1 at 03/12/03 @ 13:21

  • Amajiro #8 8 years ago

    Is that EG's lowest ever score?

  • Sko #9 8 years ago

    Wow, this sounds like it sucks as much as the the intrusive BT Broadband pop-up advertising on the main page...

  • Blerk #10 8 years ago

    On the flip side, it'll still sell. And it probably cost a lot less to make than Enter the Matrix did. So Atari's probably laughing all the way to the bank. The bastards.

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #11 8 years ago

    Well hey, you can pay us to remove them if you like!

    Edit: Ahem, the ads that is. Not Atari. Although...
    Edited by 1 at 03/12/03 @ 13:25

  • tiddles #12 8 years ago

    What you get instead for your £40 is a game that drags the reputation of movie-licensed games back down to the gutter in truly disgraceful fashion, and Atari with it.

    Surely Atari's already there? *cough*Enter The Matrix*cough*

  • Blerk #13 8 years ago

    Edit: Ahem, the ads that is. Not Atari. Although...

    Damn. I got excited for a minute then. :-)

  • lost_soul #14 8 years ago

    That score is wrong, yeah? You missed off the 0 that should've come after the 1.

    Game of the year by a country mile.

  • Killerbee #15 8 years ago

    Found another 1 out of 10:

    All Star Tennis 2000

    I do love it when shite games get a good slagging off.

    :)

  • rancid #16 8 years ago

    This is quite possibly the most hilarious review I've ever read. I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my face, at least *something* good came out of this game, eh? Sorry you had to live through that nightmare Kristan, but your excellent skills with the english language are obviously required for bashing games like this. Great stuff!

  • Gl@eken #17 8 years ago

    It uses sprites for character models? That is hard to believe. So we are basically talking Doom 1 era technology!!!!!
    Perhaps some programmers from the early 90's were kidnapped by terminators and brought forward in time to the year 2003 and made to release this game?
    What other explanation can there be?

  • sickpuppysoftware #18 8 years ago

    Rise of the Robots
    Rise of the Machines

    Can anyone spot the trend developing here?

    Developers, if you are working on a game called Rise of the Androids just give up and go down the pub now.

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #19 8 years ago

    Unless it's Rise of the Combine Harvesters; that's one I'd like to see.
    Edited by 1 at 03/12/03 @ 13:49

  • krudster #20 8 years ago

    Sorry to make you cry Rancid. I'm awaiting the inevitable backlash from Atari, although to be fair to the PR chaps, if they do whinge, it's only because they're doing their jobs.

    As for the sprites, they're limited to the explosions; the actual character models are polygon-based. No, they wouldn't dare do that, although they seem more than happy to ignore the happy concept of transitional animations like the old days...

  • Blerk #21 8 years ago

    I'm awaiting the inevitable backlash from Atari

    What will they do? Threaten to send you more games? :-)

  • Nemesis #22 8 years ago

    Looks like ET has a companion in the desert.

    /prepares landfill.

  • Dabs #23 8 years ago

    "Alternatively, have some fun by asking your friendly local sales assistant to give you a demo of it (make sure it's a well known chain for extra comedy value), and watch with amusement as they try and sell the game to you."

    When I'm not at uni being a medical student, I work part time at GAME. And I'll tell you now that moral duty always ensures that when a customer enquires about a game, and I know it's shit, I'll tell them it's shit. It's that simple.

    Case in point: a couple came in last Saturday wanting to buy Liverpool Club Football for their son and asked me whether we had it. Rather than checking stock (like I should have done), I told them it "isn't very good at all" and that they should get FIFA 2004 for their son instead (he sounded yound, and I figured FIFA would probably suit a youngster who wasn't after Evo's depth more - though obviously Evo's the better footy game). When people ask about True Crime, I tell them it's rubbish if you've played Vice City, not bad if you haven't.

    Someone also asked me if we had Medal of Honour Allied Assault, telling me that "everyone at work" plays it. I found it for him and told him we do but convinced him to get Call of Duty, by telling him it was "Allied Assault 2 in all but name".

    It's really a far more satisfying job when you do it honestly. Though obviously, I've never tried my brand of recommendation when the manager's in ear-shot.
    Edited by 1 at 03/12/03 @ 14:03

  • krudster #24 8 years ago

    Well good on yer. If only all retailers were so honest and informed. I'd be amused to hear from anyone who asks a store assistant about T3 though. Would love to hear the results, positive or negative.

  • statix101 #25 8 years ago

    Yeah....but watch it come in the top 10 charts next week, and you know why?.....

    Because the people who buy this crap are the same who buy EA's recycled crap,year in,year out.....Sheep....Sheep....Sheep........

  • Tiger_Walts #26 8 years ago

    1/10

    So it's better than Ocean's lazy 'Terminator 2' tie-in then?

  • pjmaybe #27 8 years ago

    "Rise of the Robots
    Rise of the Machines

    Can anyone spot the trend developing here?

    Developers, if you are working on a game called Rise of the Androids just give up and go down the pub now. "

    Oh come on, Rise of the Triads wasn't too bad!

    Peej

  • Gl@eken #28 8 years ago

    Well Rise of the Triads was Ok if anyone remembers that so the use of "Rise of" seems to work out Ok when linked to organised crime rather than machines ;)
    Nice to hear the sprites are just explosions. Interestingly enough I think Terminator 3D (released longer ago than I care to remember(around Quake 1 times)) used polygons for character models (one of the first games to have proper 3d) and sprites for explosions. Nice to see the march of progress.

  • Petrarch #29 8 years ago

    Paramount just wouldn't let it lie. They couldn't just leave a fantastic series alone and let its legend rest in peace. They had to go the whole hog and exhume the Terminator cash cow

    Wasn't T3 done by Universal?

    Edit: Krudster - Even IMDB can't shed any light on it. It's Intermedia, Warners, C2 pictures, and god knows who else. I've changed the wording to cover my confused arse.
    Edited by 2 at 03/12/03 @ 14:35

  • bluebird #30 8 years ago

    Oh. My. God.

    Isn't this the same game that now gets packaged by Sony with new PS2's? When I was getting PES3 yesterday (yes, finally) I saw people at the store hauling Terminator 3 PS2 kits...

    That's going to be a lot of disappointed kids out there who get this 'deal' from santa! Doesn't this fall under child abuse?

  • krudster #31 8 years ago

    No way, even Ocean's effort wasn't that bad.

  • Dabs #32 8 years ago

    krud: I'll report back Saturday evening, if I have the said tale to tell after work. ;) In all likelihood, someone will ask. Hey, I might even reference this score just to make my point (sometimes, they have a hard time believing me when I tell them the game they came to buy is cack)!

    bluebird: Are you sure you're not thinking of the Prince of Persia PS2 bundle (which is ace)? As far as I'm aware, there is no T3 PS2 bundle. We don't stock it, anyway.

  • Harry  #33 8 years ago

    "Though obviously, I've never tried my brand of recommendation when the manager's in ear-shot."

    My manager when I worked at Stockport EB (later Game) a few years ago actually encouraged this kind of thing. If people can bring stuff back, let's just save them a trip and give them a better gaming experience.

  • Harry  #34 8 years ago

    "an exclusive, Starship Troopers-esque deleted scene"

    I'm assuming that's the, Arnie as cheerful Texan sergeant Bob Candy, scene. It's on the second disk of the movie DVD. It's quite funny and tells you why the terminators have a silly Austrian accent too.

  • Dabs #35 8 years ago

    Well, that's the thing. I've never actually bothered to ask him whether we should be discouraging customers from buying any of the games we're selling or not. Customers have just never happened to ask me about a game when he's been around, so it's never come up. I'll continue to only recommend the good ones though, regardless of policy.
    Edited by 2 at 03/12/03 @ 14:35

  • Abscido #36 8 years ago

    "anyone who recalls it will be reading this now with a facial expression that simultaneously depicts fond delight and that disgusted grimace"

    Ah, you couldn't have put it better Kristan. I hated the hype that surrounded ROTR, and I hated the game itself - but thinking about it still gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling all over. Or am I just shivering with fear?

    Any idea how this has sold, or is it only due out on Friday? Because if this does better than Beyond Good and Evil or POP I'll personally hunt down the stupid, em, people who bought it and do nasty things to them (though, by the sounds of it, playing the game might be punishment enough)
    Edited by 1 at 03/12/03 @ 16:55

  • otto #37 8 years ago

    Is this the game that shinji was moaning about or did I miss that one?

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #38 8 years ago

    Is this the game that shinji was moaning about or did I miss that one?

    Nope, that one's still to come. Sometime.

  • markypants #39 8 years ago

    So what you trying to say is... You didn't like it?

    Great review. Very Very Funny. You should email this to Atari, I'm sure they'd love it.

    Everybody just go and buy ICO on the PS2, If everybody did that, then we'd all be a lot happier.

    ~Markypants~

    (PS) Does anybody know where I could get the music from ICO?

  • Razz #40 8 years ago

    OMG!! I JUST BOUGHT THIS!!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo...............................

    /lloks at box in despair

  • tiddles #41 8 years ago

    What is it about the Terminator and computer games? Why are they all shit?

    The honourable exception is Terminator: Future Shock. Huge open levels, vehicles, 3D... it had the lot. Pure class.

    We've already had a chart covering the game's release period, haven't we? IIRC, it failed to chart in the top 40 at all.

    Ahh, God, pleased to meet you after all these years...

  • Pirotic #42 8 years ago

    i've found somebody who enjoys this game <A HREF="http://www.eurogamer.net/forum_thread_p osts.php?thread_id=8048&forum_id=1">here</A&g t;, i'll hold him down, you lot call the men in white coats.

  • Shrui #43 8 years ago

    I was a chrimbo worker at EB two years ago and I also had free reign on what to suggest to customers. The less ten day returns we had to process the better was our manager's opinion. Also if you suggest a game to someone who then hates it then they won't trust you much in the future and go somewhere else.

    I loved that Christmas, someone paid me to talk about computer games to people, and I could tell them what shit games to avoid!

  • Gl@eken #44 8 years ago

    Ah Terminator: Future Shock that was the game I was trying to think of and referred to as Terminator 3d. Now that was actually a good game. The first FPS I can remember that allowed you to drive vehicles. It compared well with Quake at the time and I actually finished the single player which is rare for me as normally boredom sets in before the end of most games.

  • Shinji #45 8 years ago

    (PS) Does anybody know where I could get the music from ICO?

    There was a CD called "ICO ~Melody In The Mist~" released in Japan.

    It's surprisingly good given that the game itself is mostly scored with ambient sound...

  • pjmaybe #46 8 years ago

    It's not the worst movie / gaming licence in history though, MIB holds that rather dubious honour..twice!

    Peej

  • Spanky #47 8 years ago

    I had a wee look in the 'mini' Dixons near work at lunchtime, they have it in there chart at number 6. And i watched someone pick it up... and buy it. I would've stopped them but... well i couldn't give a toss. Was some city banker type anyway.

  • Mugwum Verified Operations Director, Eurogamer Network #48 8 years ago

    "Is this title really that bad? I've been playing it for a few days now and obsolutely love it. It's quality. Some people may have different opinions but it's great fun."

    PUBLISHER PLANT! PUBLISHER PLANT!

  • prettyboytim #49 8 years ago

    mugwum, do you store the ip address of the posters? I'd be interesting to trace beefy's ip address back to its source...

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #50 8 years ago

    It's surprisingly good given that the game itself is mostly scored with ambient sound

    Oi, what's wrong with ambient sound?!

  • AOFanboi #51 8 years ago

    Oh, h8 - but is it worse than Judge Dredd? Sure seems so from the description.

    <em> the dizzying lows of Ocean licensed crud from yesteryear</em>

    Hey, Batman on the Speccy was good! I heard.

  • Shinji #52 8 years ago

    Oi, what's wrong with ambient sound?!

    Nothing in the context of a game. However if I want to hear ambient sound I'll go and lie in a sodding field, not put on an album full of it :)

    (The ICO soundtrack works because it reveals that actually what sounded a lot like ambient sound in the game, is fairly well structured music - just a bit odd....)

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #53 8 years ago

    You're a bit odd, but we don't want to go to a field and listen to you...

    No I've totally lost my point.

  • Vibrating Donkey #54 8 years ago

    Wow.
    6 months ago when I barely knew this game existed, I actually thought it could turn out decent.

    *adds to neverending list of lousy licensed games*

  • quantumsheep #55 8 years ago

    I noticed they're advertising this heavily on TV.

    I wonder if Atari's excuse will be that it's aimed at the 'massmarket'. ahaha

  • Tyronne #56 8 years ago

    I actually bought this today...no no no no no no no no no no oh well...quess thats yet another dud game I can safely add to my collection...or if anything trade it in :)

  • shirubagan #57 8 years ago

    Great review... I shall be buying this asap.

  • Rahul #58 8 years ago

    Bad day, Kristan?

  • krudster #59 8 years ago

    Hello happy campers, no I'm having a fine old day. Eating tomato soup and wondering how any sane person could find it within themselves to have a dig at *ME* for spouting undiluted truth about the worst game released in many years!

  • krudster #60 8 years ago

    Hello Mikela. Work for Atari do you? What would a *real* journalist given it then? 8/10? "An intense fusion of movie action and compelling FPS action" Get out of here!

  • pjmaybe #61 8 years ago

    Tell it like it is, Krudster!!!

    Peej

  • groovychainsaw #62 8 years ago

    Some people just can't handle the truth. It hurts, especially if you programmed the piece of crap

  • IronGiant #63 8 years ago

    What the hell has happened to Black Ops??? i remember 2 games by them on the Playstation that i loved, Black Dawn was a chopper game and another they did similar but with fighter planes..

  • Scientist #64 8 years ago

    Most painfully funny review I've read in a long time; good job Kristan. Perhaps the unsold discs can be buried next to ET cartridges. Good to see Infogrames doing justice to the Atari name.

  • krudster #65 8 years ago

    We should all stop living in the glory days? Of what? When games were routinely as bad as this?

    Or is that little wink indicating irony?

  • ruttyboy #66 8 years ago

    "What nonsense! Here's a review that proves the game's really great!

    http: //www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000A1P2W/qid=107055347 3/sr=1-3/ref=sr_1_10_3/202-5824610-5509441

    Read it and stop your moaning. "

    What the F*** are you talking about? Those reviews are from early November and July and they use the future tense!!!

    EDIT: And don't give me the "but it came out in America before then" bollocks. Why post a review on the .co.uk site and use the future tense? In fact, screw the whole thing!
    Edited by 2 at 04/12/03 @ 16:25

  • jaa #67 8 years ago

    You know, I think Atari could actually use this review to sell the game. I mean, right now I want to play it (at least for a bit) just to see how bad it is...


    "1 out of 10. And proud of it!"

    "Find the good bits! We dare you."

    "You can find games 10 times better but not games 10 times worse!"

    "Halo? Half-Life 2? Deus Ex 2? Why wait? Get the worst right now!"

    Etc, etc, etc...
    Edited by 1 at 04/12/03 @ 17:11

  • Dabs #68 8 years ago

    "
    "http: //www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000A1P2W/qid=107055347 3/sr=1-3/ref=sr_1_10_3/202-5824610-5509441

    Read it and stop your moaning. "
    What the F*** are you talking about? Those reviews are from early November and July and they use the future tense!!! "
    And they're reader reviews. And the reader's are probably Atari employees. And Atari employees don't know good games from dick, as the ones posting anonymously on this thread are clearly showing.
    Edited by 1 at 05/12/03 @ 01:47

  • quantumsheep #69 8 years ago

    Do you work for RDA, Rick, or for Atari?

  • Vibrating Donkey #70 8 years ago

    "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is easily one of the best games I have ever had the honor of playing-its right up there with Halo and Deus EX, and even beats those two games in some categories"
    =:o
    It's giving me the chills reading all these lies.
    I haven't played the game though, so...
    But what you just wrote must be either sarcasm or dirty lies.

  • krudster #71 8 years ago

    Rick, that's easily one of the funniest comments anyone's ever posted on Eurogamer! Well done sir!

  • pjmaybe #72 8 years ago

    "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is easily one of the best games I have ever had the honor of playing-its right up there with Halo and Deus EX"

    Classic.

    On weekends this guy must also play Ridge Racer 4 and prefers to do so over playing Gran Turismo III...

    Did I miss something or did the gaming world go mad overnight?

    Peej

  • gravity0 #73 8 years ago

    On weekends this guy must also play Ridge Racer 4 and prefers to do so over playing Gran Turismo III...

    Well, I do atleast.

  • ruttyboy #74 8 years ago

    Ooooh, 'Carry On Atari'!

    Barbara Windsor as the bit of totty distracting game developers so much that they accidently release turds instead of games, again and again and again...

  • UncleLou #75 8 years ago

    I don't think he'll return, he'll be too busy at all the other sites that slated this game. It's already on place 9 of gameranking's "worst games - all formats" charts. :-D

  • IronGiant #76 8 years ago

    Ok Rick so it's Eurogamer and all these people that are wrong then???

    Scores out of 100 as listed on metacritic.com:

    Gamepro - 50
    Team XBox - 46
    Gamezone - 45
    Next Level Gaming 45
    Gamesdomain - 40
    Gamezilla - 40
    Gamespot - 37
    Gamespy - 30
    Game Revolution - 0

  • Kami #77 8 years ago

    Atari dudes, I just cannot believe you can get it SO wrong!!! Just.... no. In fac5, Atari dudes, stop posting. You're a disgrace to the gaming community by releasing such trash.

    *turns back to Atari employees*

  • gonrico #78 8 years ago

    I printed the whole review to show my friend who thinks it is a great game! It's pathetic, the tank robots die with a few bullets

    I am editing this so you dont think I bought it. I saw my friend playing it
    Edited by 1 at 06/12/03 @ 20:01

  • Vibrating Donkey #79 8 years ago

    Lawrence - 55
    Gamepro - 50
    Next Level Gaming - 49
    Team XBox - 46
    Gamezone - 45
    Gamesdomain - 40
    Gamezilla - 40
    Stuff Gamer - 40
    Gamespot - 37
    IGN - 35
    Gamespy - 20
    Eurogamer - 10
    Game Revolution - 5

    Avg Ratio: 37%
    73rd on the list of worst games ever.
    11th worst game on Xbox ever.
    4/16th worst game of 2003.
    Worst PS2 game ever.

  • Royal Fool #80 8 years ago

    A visit to Black Ops Entertainment's website proved to be rather amusing. Despite having released a lot of games, most of them getting very mediocre reviews and their only real hits being Treasures of the Deep, published by Namco, and Knockout Kings 2001, (Feel free to correct me if there were others) they still claim to be "a successful and leading PS2, XBOX and GameCube Developer" and that "[their] Our games have received praise from the media and consumers for outstanding graphics, great sound effects, and innovative and addictive game-play"... gosh. Typical PR stuff, eh?

    Anyway, looking at their press area the desperation shines through. Only a handful of actual reviews and many of the links not even working any more. To top it all off they actually cite a reader review for Knockout Kings 2001 over at GameFAQs. Tsk, tsk, how low can you go....?

  • Faust #81 8 years ago

    Why is it that no-one can post something positive without being called an Atari employee?

    Played T3 at a friend's house this weekend and I quite enjoyed it - gameplay is hardly advanced but if someone bought it, I'm pretty sure they'd enjoy it. Everyone is too cynical nowadays...

    At least it wasn't as buggy as Fifa 04 is...

  • krudster #82 8 years ago

    Faust, you're talking utter bollocks. Really, that's tripe. If you'd never played another FPS in your entire life then you might enjoy it, but we're coming at it from the angle of having played about a hundred of them over 10 years. I think you should play some better games if you think this is good.

  • Kami #83 8 years ago

    Faust, go play Halo. Or Timesplitters. Or Unreal Tournament 2003. Or AvP2. Or Half-Life. Metroid Prime.

    Then come back to us and tell us T3 is "OK".

    I rented it to see and my conclusion?

    If I didn't have to return it, I'd have put it in my microwave and blown the damn thing apart.

    I think Kristan was being more than overly generous even giving this a "1" (Or does this site system not allow a 0 rating?). This is a "game" only in the sense you can put it in a console and play it (If you're into self-inficted suffering, you masochists you). Otherwise theres nothing redeeming in this game.

    Cash-ins are still playable games. This isn't a cash-in. It's just utter rubbish.
    Edited by 1 at 11/12/03 @ 19:00

  • Faust #84 8 years ago

    Curious that I have played all those games listed and own the majority of them - they are certainly excellent games. I am not saying that T3 can be ranked alongside them, rather that it has some redeeming features and can be an enjoyable experience.

    There seems to be some form of snobbery arising nowadays against any licenced games that they are somehow inferior or a 'cash-in' just because they aren't necessarily the finest games ever.

    Ultimately, it's a difference of opinion - simple as that.

    T3 the game - not as rubbish as the film. Nuff said.

  • krudster #85 8 years ago

    Yeah, it is admittedly a difference of opinion, but yours is hilarious! You're either easily pleased or on happy pills that makes everything greeeeeeat.

    Me? I'm a happy old bastard too, but I come from a place where value for money means something.

  • Dabs #86 8 years ago

    It happened today. I was working in GAME 9am - 6pm. Our "Deal of the Weak" (mis-spelling intended) was Terminator 3 for £19.99 when bought with anything. So the manager stressed to all of us that we must "push" this game too all the customers above all else, even taking priority over reward card sales - errr - pushing. He even said, as a way of convincing people, "tell them how good a game it is, tell them is got great reviews".

    The word "lol" sprang to mind. As I was on the shop floor today and not behind the till, I didn't get much of an oportunity to "push" this game, since that is done over the counter when the customer's just bought something else. However, when 4 customers today did ask me about the game in eagerness to buy, I took great pride in telling all 4 that "between you and me, it's a terrible game - I haven't seen a review that's rated it over 40% and Eurogamer, a quite reputable games website gave it 1/10". All four were put off buying it there and then and I felt immensely satisfied that I'd done my bit for gaming.

    Was a good day. :o)

  • krudster #87 8 years ago

    See that? That's service.

  • Soul_quake #88 8 years ago

    HI guys

    did the whole GAME thing this weekend!

    It is terrible - complete tripe. I have to laugh at the respawning health and ammo. But it was just so completely random it made me LOL! I just couldn't believe the shoddy programming.

    So I mached in to GAMeE @ lunch and declared to all who would here that this was terrible. Naturally the management of my reputable High Street Store said that it was personal taste and and that quite a few ppl had really enjoyed it! poor ppl considering that you could get a preowned copy of THE game that got 8/10 for the same price.



  • Venatio Verified Expo Community & Gaming Manager, Eurogamer Network #89 4 years ago

    LAST!