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Superman Returns Review

Xbox 360 Review by Kristan Reed

24 November, 2006

Page 1 of 2. Page 2 ->

Not even Superman could avert this disaster.

Delayed by six months to get the game up to standard, EA's Tiburon studio has turned out arguably the worst superhero game since... probably the last legendarily terrible N64 Superman game back in 1999.

It's a game so mind-numbingly lacking in so many fundamental ways, it's hard to put your finger on how a company with the talent and resources of EA could turn out such a turkey. But we'll try.

For a start - the name of the game is hopelessly misleading. This isn't a game based on the summer blockbuster movie in any way whatsoever. Claiming it's one with the film is borderline fraudulent. While familiar foe Lex Luthor regularly appears in cut-scenes with Lois Lane, neither character plays any part at all in the action at all, leaving the Man of Steel to battle it out a series of tedious and utterly unrelated combat encounters in the streets and skies of Metropolis.

A series of tedious and utterly unrelated combat encounters against mechs, flying droids, dragons, mutants and... a tornado. But more of that later.

Oh dear

'Superman Returns' Screenshot jump

Jump! Jump!

It'd be just about forgiveable that neither of the main characters plays any part in the entire game of the movie if the actual gameplay redeemed the situation, but it's so far away from even being a competent action game that it's incredible it's even been deemed worthy of release. You'll be raising more quizzical eyebrows than a demented Sean Connery.

The main problem with Superman Returns is that the missions are so uninspired and relentlessly repetitive that it's as if the whole mission-based game was ripped out and replaced with a series of random beat-'em-up lite interludes set in Metropolis. There's no discernible structure, no coherent narrative, and no real guidance as to what the overall goal of the game is.

It all starts in a domed arena, for some inexplicable reason. You slug it out (apparently on the planet of Warworld, but it matters not) against some knucklehead who serves as a basic means for teaching you how to lob gigantic objects, and suddenly you're in Metropolis flying around a fairly small skyscraper-filled city, wondering who stole all the textures. Suddenly a critical objective will pop-up somewhere in the city, and you fly towards it (holding RB to fly at the pad-wobbling supersonic speed). You're mildly impressed by what you see from a distance, but any shred of potential excitement is ripped away from you the minute you start any of the dull, flaccid and unimaginative missions.

Random battles

'Superman Returns' Screenshot suicidal

What would Superman do if he was feeling suicidal.

Most of these are actually semi-random crime-fighting battles rather than proper missions. You'll start off fighting small clusters of robots who are attacking the city, and essentially the only point of these is as a means of increasing your XP to get to the end of that specific chapter. Most of these random encounters have a mixture of aerial and ground-based enemies, but dispensing them is never as simple as just focusing your heat vision on them, or freezing them to death. If only. The combat has been designed so that you'll use the full range of your powers, often forcing you to get down to street level and use your range of melee combos to see them off before they destroy Metropolis.

But the bedrock of any third-person action game is in having a satisfying and reliable combat and camera control system, and this is an immediate and consistent issue throughout Superman Returns.

Any game that requires you to fly around a lot lives or dies on its ability to let the player navigate with ease and also dish out mid-air or ground-based manoeuvres effectively, and this is never handled particularly well here. You need to be able to quickly and easily scan the skies and streets for targets and lock-on reliably so you're freed up to focus on beating the crap out of them with your superpowers, but EA Tiburon has essentially fudged most of what should be fundamental to a superhero game. It's no fun having to wrestle with twitchy flying controls when what you really need to do is rip that flying robot a new one - but more often than not the whole process of flying is a tiresome mess.

Superman Returns immediately and relentlessly lets you down by managing to make the whole process of tracking enemies a messy, fiddly business that leaves you disorientated. Holding down the left trigger locks onto the nearest enemy's cursor, and if you're lucky you can dish out some of your deadly heat vision, freeze breath or super breath to blow them away. The problem is, many of the airborne enemies are too nimble to track directly, and you end up repeatedly head-butting skyscrapers and trying haplessly to keep track. With such tightly packed streets, flying at superspeed isn't really an option unless you soar high into the air, eye the mini-map and take them down from above. As a result, the aerial combat quickly becomes a familiar routine where you'll realise that taking to the skies is the only means of dealing with the epileptic camera and twitchy controls.

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Comments: 1-50 of 79 in total | next 50 »

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boabg
24/11/06 @ 10:34
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Dun-da-da dun-da-da da-da-da dun-da-da dun-da-da
Mugwum [staff]
24/11/06 @ 10:35
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Daaaaaa-da-da-da-daaaaaa daaaaaaaa daaaaaa daaaaaaa
jack.wilson
24/11/06 @ 10:36
#3
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I've just tried the DS version - for review purpose, not voluntarily - and its looking like the same catastrophic zone as it's main console counterpart. It seems like that with Reeve not just the real Superman, but the chance to make a decent game died too.
FlamingCarrot
24/11/06 @ 10:37
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You can't polish a turd.
ostrasized
24/11/06 @ 10:38
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Wow. So Electronic Arts has produced another Catwoman level game. I thought the first one was an accident - looks like it might be more fundamental in EA's approval process.

I'm beginning to think that EA have absolutely no 'gameplay' quality control at all. Multi-million dollar projects seemingly get approved on the basis of screenshots, marketing videos and PR hype.
PearOfAnguish
24/11/06 @ 10:38
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Superman is shit!
Really. He's such a dull character, because he's supposedly invincible they have to come up with increasingly ridiculous ways to put him in danger. The films, even the first one, are awful. Seems to be something about him that inspires horrible games, too.

They should make a game based on the Superman shown on SuperDickery.com, where you just fly around being a super-arsehole.
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 10:39
boabg
24/11/06 @ 10:38
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:)
Xerx3s
24/11/06 @ 10:39
#8
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So, worse than GoW then?
MrNice
24/11/06 @ 10:39
#9
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Bloody hell, a 3! Is that the lowest scoring 360 game on EG thus far?
Xerx3s
24/11/06 @ 10:40
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looks like it might be more fundamental in EA's approval process.

EA has an approval process? And here was me thinking that they just threw out any piece of shit that they could make.
zozart
24/11/06 @ 10:41
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Harsh, but an enjoyable read!
Steroyd
24/11/06 @ 10:46
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Whoa!!

Good ole' EA, i wonder how they're going to microtransactin this to death.

50 points to make Superman Fly?
Bertie [staff]
24/11/06 @ 10:47
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Bloody hell, a 3! Is that the lowest scoring 360 game on EG thus far?

Negative! FIFA 06: Road to FIFA World Cup scored two :)
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 10:47
spookyzombie
24/11/06 @ 10:47
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Some parents are bound to pick this up for their kids for Chrimbo. Sad really.
MrFlintBlackman
24/11/06 @ 10:47
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two pages for a game that gets 3/10 eh?

Did EA pay for these two pages?
Cuke
24/11/06 @ 10:49
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This actualy sounds almost bad enough to make me want to play it just to see...

I say 'almost'.....
Singularity
24/11/06 @ 10:53
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: (
Jo0j
24/11/06 @ 10:54
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although it is short, it's not as bad as all that. 6/10
Talha
24/11/06 @ 10:55
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Good - EG back in form! Seriously guys, you are the best when writing scathing reviews. As for this game, something named 'PGNx Media" gave it 91!

All that aside, it is rare for EA to come out with a complete dud. Some soul-searching is in order. If only this game did not sell 5 million units during the first week (I know it will) EA might have a chance to mend their ways.
peterfll
24/11/06 @ 10:57
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Far be it from me to be sexist, but I think Kristan is having his - you know "time of the month".....

He would have given it 4/10 otherwise.
Rev. Stuart Campbell
24/11/06 @ 10:57
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Games which don't work should score zero. Working should be the minimum requirement for scoring 1/10, you shouldn't get 3 points just because the disc doesn't explode inside your console. It makes a total mockery of the whole idea of a scoring system if you get the same number of points for just existing as would turn a 7/10 game into a 10/10. Sheesh.
therev
24/11/06 @ 10:58
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I actually enjoyed the demo. Seems I got most of the game in it, though.
souljah
24/11/06 @ 10:59
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The demo was alright. I was thinking "ahhh, these robots are fucking annoying and the controls are really shit, but as soon as the big city is opened up, things should improve"

Obviously not.
Gurgeh
24/11/06 @ 11:00
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I wonder which will sell better, Gears of War ("overrated" says EA) or this.
Darren
24/11/06 @ 11:01
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I'm sure glad I didn't buy this game following EG and GameSpot's scores. However, I did buy Sonic the Hedgehog!

Oops! LOL
Steroyd
24/11/06 @ 11:04
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I have just seen a Zelda TP advert and i just ran around in excitement.... EG When's the Zelda review going to pop up? :'(

Ah screw it review or not i'm queueing (sp?) outside the shop to get it at midnight... for the gamecube. :p
PearOfAnguish
24/11/06 @ 11:06
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two pages for a game that gets 3/10 eh?

Did EA pay for these two pages?


Probably because bad reviews are more fun to write.
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 11:06
Fatfish
24/11/06 @ 11:07
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Haven't read the review yet (will save that for later), but 2 pages just so it can get a 3? That's......er.........impressive? There has to be some serious issues with this game to make the ranting stretch that far.

Still, a worryingly delayed dodgy film port by an over-rated developer - it was to be expected really.
Garulon
24/11/06 @ 11:14
#29
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Seriously, EA _held this turd back_ for "improvement" - how crappy must it have been back when the movie came out? EA should board up all the windows and doors of Tibureon Studios and burn the fucking place down. With a marksman on hand in case anyone should try to escape.

And I know I've spelt Tuberuion Studios incorrectly. I don't care.
Santino
24/11/06 @ 11:23
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what channel was the zelda advert on steroyd? i have a feeling eurogamer will give it an 8 in their review anyway ;)

edit:oh and how was the ad?
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 11:23
Gojira
24/11/06 @ 11:23
#31
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"You'll be raising more quizzical eyebrows than a demented Sean Connery"

Shurely shome mishtake here- you mean Roger Moore don't you?
Or am I missing something on account of being an eejit?
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 11:23
Rusta
24/11/06 @ 11:24
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As bad as the film then

oldfruit
24/11/06 @ 11:32
#33
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I've spent more time playing the demo than I have playing GeOW. Lol. It requires some imagination on the part of the player - and I admit to being a bit sad when it comes to getting enjoyment from slowly panning round chimney stacks admiring the lighting and refelctive surfaces while a sweeping classical score plays in the background! I did spend hours just web slinging my way around Spidy 2 without following the story so may pick this up when it hits the bargain bins which will be soon enough!
Danbojones [staff]
24/11/06 @ 11:32
#34
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Why complain about the two page spread? It's a hotly anticipated release, when you give what was destined to be a closely watched assessment then you have to give yourself room to justify the score, especially when it's this low. @Rusta, at last, someone with a sense of cinematic decency, the film was diabolical.
ccfb
24/11/06 @ 11:41
#35
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Kids will love it, then.
optimusprym8
24/11/06 @ 11:42
#36
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doh! I enjoyed the demo (for the 5 minutes it lasted but didn't try it again)... oh well
Ceatlan
24/11/06 @ 11:57
#37
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I quite enjoyed the demo, but if it doesn't get any different I could see it being hugely boring after more than about 15 minutes.
Garulon
24/11/06 @ 11:58
#38
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"I thought Xbox 360 was meant to be easy to develop for."

That's a _bizarre_ statement. It doesn't matter how easy is it is if you have Tiberion's talentless chimps banging away at it 2001 style. How many years of shitty NFL games do they have to do before EA does something about it?

And Cambell's right for once about the score. Even though time stopped for him around the Super Hang-on era.
Totoriko
24/11/06 @ 12:03
#39
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Is it better than the N64 Superman game though?
T4RG4
24/11/06 @ 12:07
#40
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I knew this would be shit from the movie on here alone. God knows why some people thought it looked good gaaaaaaah!

sailesh
24/11/06 @ 12:22
#41
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..and this needed a 2 page review to state it was shite! Wow, it must be really poooor
Azazel
24/11/06 @ 12:24
#42
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Summation: Peice of shit, walk away? How suprising.
T4RG4
24/11/06 @ 12:25
#43
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I like reading more about how a game is shit than reading about a great game... I think.
foxy2006
24/11/06 @ 12:38
#44
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a shitty score can only be followed by a great one.

Zelda review here we go!
manic_mouse
24/11/06 @ 12:49
#45
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This is the same company that says Gears of War is overrated and has bad gameplay?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

edit: Where're the Wii reviews!?
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 12:49
WooHoo!!!
24/11/06 @ 12:51
#46
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Only a game this shit but from EA will get to number 1.
Royal Fool
24/11/06 @ 12:55
#47
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I called it. From the moment I played the demo I felt this was going to be a disaster.
mkreku
24/11/06 @ 13:14
#48
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This sounds ike a must-buy then!
bloodflowers
24/11/06 @ 13:21
#49
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Great review - played the demo, utterly worthless. Also - the frame rate is an absolute joke, moving from smooth to nearly Driller levels of slowness as the angle changes on the camera.
Edited 1 times, most recently on 24/11/06 @ 13:23
pjmaybe
24/11/06 @ 13:22
#50
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As good as Driver3 then?

Peej

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