The Bible Game Review

By John Walker Published 10 July, 2006

Good Heavens?

Version tested: PlayStation 2

So, this is how it works: Get the token Christian to review the Bible-based game. Snigger. But it's not as dumb an idea as it might sound. In my experience none are more furious or offended by the wretched extreme-right Christian 'games' that are put out more as propaganda than entertainment, than the god-botherers. Firmly establishing the 'mental' in 'fundamental', these releases are so often pathetic attempts to mimic the secular world but with grossly out-of-context Biblical notions of purity. Good times, eh? Happily, The Bible Game is a rare exception not falling into this category, and while overtly aimed at Christians, it's somehow a light-hearted and reasonably well-constructed PS2 party game.

It's not a good one however. It's very average, light in content with an extremely short hold on your interest. But bearing in mind the horror of the usual religion-'em-ups, such as the awful first-person shooters where you must save souls and zap demons in decade old technology (Eternal War, Catechumen), it's somewhat of a relief that The Bible Game doesn't make you want to claw your own face off and then dip the remains of your head in a bucket of vinegar.

The format is very much Buzz, with four players and an extremely enthusiastic host, riffing off standard quiz show formats. Unlike Buzz, the host isn't quite as infuriating, his nature much more congenial and genuine, and also unlike Buzz, a lot of the rounds are peculiar mini-games of a distinctly non-quiz show nature. Oh, and one third unlike: it's not nearly as much fun.

The loss of fun is in a large part due to the subject matter. While it can be an entertaining challenge to try to remember which 80s singer was responsible for a dreadful song, it's perhaps not quite the party-at-my-place entertainment spectacular to race to select the name of Jacob's second child. Or maybe that's just me?

The quiz show that makes up 90 per cent of the game is called Do Unto Others, which sets a slightly sinister precedent for the five hundred year old vocabulary that presides throughout. While the questions are contemporary, the Bible verses are all mindlessly from the King James version, jarringly out of context for no good reason, and bring with them all the semiotic baggage of fundamentalism and ridiculous people who think there's something special or 'religious' about saying "thy" instead of "your". Perhaps this is more of a personal gripe, but it's still rather peculiar to use archaic language in a game clearly aimed at a modern audience.

'The Bible Game' Screenshot 1

"You will be unable to move for a second if a lion catches you," say the instructions. My new all-time favourite sentence.

However, the quiz itself is quite sweet. Rounds consist of each player taking it in turns to randomly select a sector on a grid which contains a concealed form of game event. It might be a 'Testament Trivia' question (a la Buzz); a one-player 'Blessing Game', where you might be hammering at X to help Sampson hold up the pillars of the Temple, or solving a tile-based puzzle in a time limit; a 'Challenge Game' which we'll get to next; or perhaps the dreaded 'Wrath of God'. Erk. A strange notion, but the means of ending a round, each grid has a hidden Wrath of God (that the manual rather disturbingly abbreviates to "WOG", but we shan't do the same) which causes you to lose all points accumulated that round, and the rest of the players' scores to be tallied. After at least one selection from the board you can take your chances and select another sector, or pass the play to your left. Tactics abound here, perhaps taking the 1 in 4 chance so your opponent will be left with the far more dangerous 1 in 3. And so on. It's a nice quiz device and the AI opponents have a good grasp of it and are pleasingly devious.

The Challenge Games are peculiar in the extreme, but surprisingly well put together. David & Goliath is about stopping rapid crosshairs over wooden Philistine targets and lobbing stones at them, with extra points for nailing the Goliath cutout racing back and forth on tracks. Jacob's Ladder is a DDR-style response mini-game. Jonah's Whale is about surfing on the spout of a whale and going through hoops. And Walls of Jericho has you riding on horses, dodging crumbling blocks of the wall while racing around the sturdy 3D track.

All utterly bonkers, and entirely disingenuous to the Bible verses that accompany the games' instructions, but briefly entertaining. Made even more ridiculous by each beginning with the dramatic declaration "LET... THERE... BE... LIGHT!" It's certainly competitive, which is what's most important in such a group-based game, many games letting your thwart your opponents' attempts at winning as well as making your own. But while there are twelve of them, and while they're all very different from one another, none really support multiple plays, and as they start to repeat themselves the appeal rapidly drops away. This makes the game's other mode, simply competing at the Challenge Games minus the quiz around them, entirely redundant.

'The Bible Game' Screenshot 2

This is the hardest game of picture pairs ever, with all four rows moving quickly, and four players competing to match them up.

The biblical trivia questions, of which there are 1500, are all read aloud by the well-voiced host. They remain reasonably tough on the lowest difficulty setting, but for some reason, as with the rest of the game, only focus on the Old Testament (Kieron points out that this does leave room for a sequel). But occasionally they seem primitive or poorly researched, many based on common misconceptions. (Such as Moses' parting the "Red Sea". It's now entirely accepted to be a mistranslation, and should rather be the much more local (and shallow) "Sea of Reeds"). And it's even more frustrating that the questions should be set to incorrect consensus belief, rather than accurate Biblical information (a cursory glance at Genesis 7:2 reveals that Noah took seven pairs of most animals onto the ark, not just two of each), which otherwise might have made for a far more interesting quiz.

There are a couple of other twists. An attempt at some notion of Christian philanthropy appears in the form of the Do Unto Others Square, where you might give up your turn to someone else, or even play a game to earn points for them, and the Commandment Square where points are arbitrarily taken from other players, the leader, or apparently Heaven, and given to another player. They keep the scoring balanced, which is then all rendered gibberish by the final Grace of God round where random chance can push last place to first, and presumably create some very unchristian fighting. A bit of a shame, but since the finale is so unspectacular (sadly there's none of the excellent prizes awarded by Buzz) you could simply switch off beforehand and graciously accept victory (remembering to thank God, obviously).

So it's well presented, and contemporary in design, unlike most of the ghastly Christian offerings. But it's still very shallow, and even if you were able to find four people who'd want to play it, there's little chance of their wanting to play it twice. The AI puts up a tough fight, but again, there's nothing to sustain a second or third play. Clearly aimed at a specific niche, it's hard to say if it will find a home anywhere - those awful sorts of people who only play puritanical rubbish might not like its irreverence and general happiness, and anyone who wants a decent quiz game isn't likely to be satisfied by the Who Wants To Be A Sunday School Teacher? tone. Although, and here's the best use I can think for it, it could work as a nice Trojan horse to any kids wanting to convince religious parents to get them a console:

  • "Look mum and dad! I can learn about the Bible on it!"
  • "Oh... alright then."
  • "(and then get San Andreas)"
  • "What was that?"
  • "Nothing!"

5 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of John.

About John Walker

Read more articles from John by visiting the John Walker archive page.

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Comments (41) Latest comment 6 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Skoptsie #1 6 years ago

    Was the TRC form for this in the style of:

    1. Thou shalt not crash
    2. Thou shalt not knacker the memory card
    etc.

    ?

  • DDevil #2 6 years ago

    "Better than Chromehounds!" says EG.

  • Jesus: Action Figure #3 6 years ago

    I'm disappointed in the low score.

    Tsk.

  • AcidSnake #4 6 years ago

    WOG scares me as well...

  • IAmBatman #5 6 years ago

    That TRC joke's pretty good.

  • octo #6 6 years ago

    No thanks. Think I'll save up for the Devil's edition.

  • LOLLERS #7 6 years ago

    No, it isn't.

  • Carrybagma #8 6 years ago

    Looking forward to the 'hot wine' mod.

  • chupachups #9 6 years ago

    Whatever you think of christiantiy or religion in general, it gets a bit annoying when people start exploiting it for commercial purposes as if you're somehow pleasing god because you buy a product with religious words in its name. It's even more annoying when people fall for this cheap ploy and show off how holy they are for buying this junk.

    Many Christian magazines are full of adverts for "christian plumbers" etc as if there's some way of doing plumbing that is more in keeping with the Bible. It's just shameless, and ironically enough there IS a scene in the bible where Jesus (yes him) turns over the tables of merchants in the local temple, on the basis that commerce and religion ought to be kept separate.

    In this context, surely advertising for-profit products as "christian" is actually going against the bible?

  • Teeth #10 6 years ago

    That's not very modern thinking there chupachups.

  • Darkedge #11 6 years ago

    Teeth - moderm thinking and the bible don't really go hand in hand.

    And yeah profiting from Christanity IS 100% against the word of Jesus/God.

    But who cares the bible and 99% of religion is totally hypcritical anyway

  • Roamer #12 6 years ago

    You gotta love, if nothing else, the effort they* put into brainwashing
    consumers...

    * Emphasis added for clarity - and perhaps a touch of provocationé.

  • Laserbream #13 6 years ago

    Profiting from christianity is wrong? Someone ought to phone the yanks on the double then. Also the pope.

  • AcidSnake #14 6 years ago

    Calling the pope?

    'You have reached The Vatican Hotline, all our operators are currently busy praying. Please stay on line and we will answer as soon as we can....Calls cost €12 a minute'

  • PearOfAnguish #15 6 years ago

    One big advantage of religious games is you save on tech support.

    "In the event of a problem, please get on your knees and pray to Our Lord Jesus Christ"

    You gotta love, if nothing else, the effort they* put into brainwashing
    consumers...

    It's unnecessary though, because anybody who buys this junk is already brainwashed.
    Edited by 1 at 10/07/06 @ 15:17

  • Jackson5.1 #16 6 years ago

    Let’s pray for their souls that the game doesn’t reach break-even then. Surly, Jesus won’t mind them loosing money spreading the good word?

  • Jesus: Action Figure #17 6 years ago

    "Let’s pray for their souls that the game doesn’t reach break-even then. Surly, Jesus won’t mind them loosing money spreading the good word?"

    What are you talking about? Think these little plastic wheels under my plastic robe come cheap?

    Tsk.

  • Cuke #18 6 years ago

    I'm not a Christian, so this isnt trageted at me clearly, but surely if you are a Christian then something like this may well be a bit of fun at a youth group meeting or Sunday school or something.. I dont see why everyone is bashing it so much... You may not want to buy it, but for the market its aimed at it sounds like its an ideal use of the technology...

  • The-Bodybuilder #19 6 years ago

    >"I dont see why everyone is bashing it so much... "

    Sadly, you are one of the VERY VERY few who can mention the word "christ" without going on a bashing spree.

  • vegard #20 6 years ago

    recreate the whipping scenes from the passion... and i'll be down with this!

  • AcidSnake #21 6 years ago

    Not to offend anyone, but it isn't the word 'Christ' that invokes the bashing...
    Rather the word 'religion'...

    I am an atheist and I respect all your points of view...
    Except the weirdo-sacrificing-virgins religions...

    Besides, I haven't played the game, so I'm in no position to bash it...

  • TripSkyway #22 6 years ago

    Didn't know about the seven pairs of animals, nice review. Not for me in any way, but like Cuke said someone might enjoy it.

  • posh_geordie #23 6 years ago

    Post deleted at 18:45:04 02-01-2012

  • PearOfAnguish #24 6 years ago

    Didn't know about the seven pairs of animals

    Well that makes more sense that one pair of each.

    Still doesn't explain why God couldn't just snap his fingers and make all the bad people go away.

  • Perry #25 6 years ago

    Is it just me or are EG reviewing some seriously bizarre and not very interesting games lately.

    I walk into Game at lunch and there are absoluetly bucket loads of games I want to know what these guys think, but they are reviewing games like this. No offence, but the market for such a game must be tiny.

    Not having a big dig, but I do rate your opinions but the reviews seem to have dried up recently
    Edited by 1 at 10/07/06 @ 16:26

  • Drakron #26 6 years ago

    Whatever you think of christiantiy or religion in general, it gets a bit annoying when people start exploiting it for commercial purposes

    You rant is over 1000 years too late.

  • botherer #27 6 years ago

    @ blackdog - I called my character "God", so he appeared there.

    @ chubachups - Actually the temple where Jesus rearranged the furniture was a base for the local terrorist resistance, (and of course the two "robbers" crucified alongside Christ were also actually terrorists - the Greek word in no way translates to "robbers";). The people thought Christ was to be leading the resistance against the Roman oppressors, hence Christ's being crucified for being a terrorist/freedom fighter. Despite his making it rather clear that his was a different form of rebellion.

    I knew the theology degree would be useful eventually!

    Also, to those slamming this game for being evil Christian profiteering - read the review. It's not one of those games. It's just a bit naff.

  • chupachups #28 6 years ago

    -But who cares the bible and 99% of religion is totally hypcritical anyway-

    But if you think that, what the heck are you doing buying biblical products anyway?

    This is my point, either you think it's all codswallop in which case you should stay away, or else you don't think it's all codswallop in which case you should still stay away.


    --Whatever you think of christiantiy or religion in general, it gets a bit annoying when --people start exploiting it for commercial purposes
    -You rant is over 1000 years too late.-

    Erm... what commercial activities were happening in 1006? :)

    Christ(TM)-branded charcoal briquettes for burning people at the stake with?


    --Actually the temple where Jesus rearranged the furniture was a base for the local terrorist resistance, (and of course the two "robbers" crucified alongside Christ were also actually terrorists - the Greek word in no way translates to "robbers";). The people thought Christ was to be leading the resistance against the Roman oppressors, hence Christ's being crucified for being a terrorist/freedom fighter. Despite his making it rather clear that his was a different form of rebellion.--

    That's one theory, but like all historical facts of that period (religious or otherwise) it's nigh on impossible to pin them down in reality. Another theory is that they were selling items to be used in the temple, effectively charging an admission fee. You can't really say "actually" about anything that happened in that period, just "probably" or "more probably".

    The trouble with any kind of documents from that period or earlier is that there's very little surviving independent corroboration of anything. There's only one neutral observer who verified that there even was someone called Jesus there at the time. This isn't so much a problem with religion as a problem with anything that relies on historical accuracy, the further back you go the more fuzzy things become, look at the debate over who really wrote Shakespeare's plays for example.
    Edited by 3 at 10/07/06 @ 16:55

  • Xerx3s #29 6 years ago

    Jesus approved this

  • chavatar #30 6 years ago

    what commercial activities were happening in 1006?

    A fair few, aside from selling the idea of eternal salvation after a short, brutal and dirty existence down here. Churches and monasteries were centres of industry, culture, patronage and power in the middle ages.

    History degrees - more useful, if only just, than theology degrees. Yes I know I'll burn for that. Probably.

  • kangarootoo #31 6 years ago

    Lets start of by being clear that I don't seem to be able to spell the word religeon properly, even when its right in front of me. There we go, so thats cleared up.


    For the record, I'm an aetheist and I guess a pretty staunch one (by staunch I don't mean I preach aetheism, just that my belief is strong and complete). However, I wholly accept that aethesim is just another religeous viewpoint. Its not somehow seperate from all the other beliefs out there, it stands in line with them.

    I say all this by way of comment at the usual herd of people (which admittedly in this thread is surprisingly small) who come out with "I don't like religeon because it tells you waht to do" vitreol, not realising that they are doing exactly that.

    And I don't buy the whole "religeon is responsible for wars" angle (which is sort of being poked at by a couple of posts on here). People are responsible for wars. And people just need an excuse. For some its religeon, but an angry aetheist will find a different reason for conflict if he/she needs one. Its not the belief system that causes conflict, it is simply used to justify it in some cases.

    Slightly off topic, but I am sort of trying to pre-empt a boring stream and anti-religeous nonsense from ignorant keyboards (I've seen it too much on these pages, it reminds me of when I was 17, and its embarassing).

  • kangarootoo #32 6 years ago

    "Religion for me is a pointless thing to get involved with. What do people get out of religion."

    We're all involved in it. Thats kind of my point. I don't think it possible to NOT be religeous (insofar as every thinking person has an opinion, even if they don't care that much about it).

    Blah blah, I'm going on a bit now. So I shall stop.

  • septimus #33 6 years ago

    Yay, more ways to shove religious dogma down kids throats.

    You'd think after 5,000+ years of various religions, humanity would have grown up and moved on. But no, it wants to recruit more into this world damaging rubbish.

  • karlidog #34 6 years ago

    Excellent review - it's really interesting to read about this in context, and from the point of view of someone who it's purporting to represent.

    Plus, holy crap, it goes 'let there be light!' at the start of every round? The final round basically emphasises that, in Christian canon, God does bad things to good people for no reason? It sounds amazing.

  • aine #35 6 years ago

    I bet the developers aren't actually Christian, and they were just doing it for a laugh and/or the money. Much like Wisdom Tree, the semi-famous religious game developers from the NES days - they only turned to God to get Nintendo off their backs.

  • Stickman #36 6 years ago

    Let's face it, which is going to get you more hits on the site, reviewing this or reviewing Fantasy RTS II - Gates of Scaryspider?

    Smart move EG!

    edit - in case its not obvious, the answer is 'reviewing this'.
    Edited by 1 at 10/07/06 @ 23:15

  • miiiguel #37 6 years ago

    I could sacrifice a few virgins ! Where are they ? Please tell me!!!

    I bet there are as many virgins as PS3's... Shit!
    Edited by 1 at 11/07/06 @ 10:26

  • Lim-Dul #38 6 years ago

    I know better things to do with virgins than sacrificing them. ;-) Of course after that they won't be any good as sacrificial offerings anyway. :-D

  • PearOfAnguish #39 6 years ago

    I know better things to do with virgins than sacrificing them. ;-)

    He likes to eat them.

  • linfknitz #40 6 years ago

    This just looks thumb-twiddle-dee-doodlerific!

    I can't wait to put this in my PlayStation Two-diddly-ooOh!

    /etc, so forth.

  • Lim-Dul #41 6 years ago

    He likes to eat them.

    Kind of - depending on what you mean by "eating". ^^

  • Stickman #42 6 years ago

    You're making baby Jesus cry. Stop it.