As the weeks tick down to the inevitable release of the next iPhone, it's tough to think of what more Apple can reasonably pack into its handset to make an upgrade desirable.
Apart from obvious ingredients such as a faster processor, more storage space and better battery life, any changes are likely to be mostly cosmetic.
Hopefully the much-trumpeted iCloud will make it easier to access content that would otherwise be unavailable without tiresome syncing operations, but for most of us, we're limited not by our handsets but the speed of the networks and the patchy coverage that we have to endure in even the most built-up areas.
A price drop or an 'entry level' model wouldn't hurt, but Apple hasn't ended up with oceanic cash reserves by cutting corners. If anything, its aggressive focus on marketing its products as aspirational grows stronger every year. Have we already seen the peak? Or will the next Apple TV see us surrender our living rooms as well?
Gesundheit!
Gesundheit! brings us the everyday adventures of an allergic green piglet on a mission to bring slavering monsters to justice for capturing his friends and taking residence in his once-peaceful village.
Coming achoo.
Despite his obvious size disadvantage, our squat, curly-tailed friend has one thing on his side - the ability to sneeze gigantic blobs of snot on command.
It might not make him a hit with the ladies, but his affliction helps him set off pressure pads and lure dim-witted monsters to their doom, so it's not all bad.
It also makes for a hugely endearing puzzle adventure, as you tiptoe around the fragrant hand-drawn landscapes, gobbing out phlegm, luring beasties and 'encouraging' these unsuspecting souls into the jaws of instant, terrifying death.
The fact that you do so accompanied by the most cracked soundtrack since people stopped making children's television on acid only adds to the impression of gently losing your marbles. This may well be the only game you won't mind losing to, if only to whistle along once again to its death ditty.
If Revolutionary Concepts came to charm us senseless, it worked. There are so many reasons to enjoy Gesundheit; its 40 levels of puzzle nonsense are only a small part of why you should dutifully surrender your loose change.
8/10
Groove Coaster
- iPhone/iPad - £0.69. (Universal binary)
As someone who invests approximately 10 per cent of the working day in exorcising my inner Keith Moon on the desk, I approve heartily of Reissue Ishida's decision to produce a "next gen groove game" for the rhythmically fidgety among us.
As the groove works its way inexorably down a restlessly winding track, the gist is to tap the screen to the beat. But unlike several hand-mangling touch-based rhythm action titles I could mention, Groove Coaster focuses purely on one-finger gameplay.
Fortunately for those who enjoy a challenge, it embellishes this seemingly boring task in a variety of ways. Normally you're focused on hitting blobs as they scroll towards the touch zone, but as the song progresses, the track tends to veer in drunken spirals and often throws in rapid beats at the last moment to try to catch you out.
Groove is in the art.
On top of that, you're tasked with pulling off directional swipes, finger wiggles and moments where you simply need to hold your finger down for the required time. But as with any rhythm action game, it's all about building up successive hits, perfect timing and avoiding mistakes to get the best grades.
Nevertheless, Groove Coaster still lacks enough of a challenge to be interesting, and it's only when you play each song on hard that the game's potential reveals itself. Even then, it's unlikely that hardcore rhythm action fiends will care much for its casual approach.
Mere mortals might find it more appealing, though, and with its fine selection of blissed-out Japanese electronica and soothing psychedelic geometry to consume, night bus journeys need never be the same again.
8/10
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
As long as first-person shooters continue to shift gazillions to goggle-eyed Xbox 360 and PS3 owners, you can count on watered-down versions cropping up on mobile platforms.
Case in point: Battlefield: Bad Company 2. It doesn't seem to matter if the game in question bears virtually no resemblance to the original, just as long as there are guns to fire and men to shoot.
Bad bad company.
That might not be a bad thing if the game could stand on its own merits, but it's obvious within the first couple of minutes that this apologetic offering is not going to break the mould for mobile shooters.
The problem, as ever, is a combination of poor controls and half-hearted level design befitting a low-budget offering. And because it's designed to accommodate the control limitations, you end up with utterly brainless AI and a succession of forgettable encounters.
Even in technical terms it's a let-down, with horribly compromised visuals that should be shut in a box marked '1999' and left there. When Gameloft shovels this sort of stuff out there you half-expect it, but DICE ought to be setting an example, not following it.
Talk of multiplayer combat with up to 10 players might sound vaguely interesting. But really, all Bad Company 2 does is underline all the reasons why you should forget about mobile first-person shooters for now.
3/10
The Heist
- iPhone: £1.99.
A block-sliding puzzle compilation might not instantly strike you as something to prompt spontaneous nakedness and premature downloading. I know the mobile scene can be exciting sometimes, but steady on, soldier.
As the latest entry in our now-bulging 'Appearances Can Be Deceptive' file, The Heist teases four distinct challenges from some yarn about breaking locks on a bank vault. We might look like idiots sometimes, but we're still aware that we're basically playing various block-sliding puzzles and taking pretend phone calls.
Slide away.
But that's OK. We can get behind some daft role-playing in the name of fun times. And what fun times they are, as you shift wooden blocks around to free unfairly imprisoned electric valves.
Elsewhere, you're tasked with laying down coloured symbols methodically, so that no two appear on the same row, while another set has you sliding blocks around to connect wires, Pipemania-style.
To continue the block party, the fourth game type channels the spirit of Sokoban as you try to push green crates to their destination without blocking off their loved ones in the process.
In isolation, all would be entertaining if rather sterile. But in the context of the heist and the pretend phone-calls from the lovely Sophia, The Heist proves greater than the sum of its parts. And there's the prospect of a real prize dangled in front of you if you can make it through all 60 levels...
7/10
Flick Soccer
- iPhone £0.69.
Now that the constantly happening football is back to distract us from the mundanity of modern life, what better than to spend our remaining spare time delivering imaginary free kicks with our index fingers?
Except, of course, we've been here before. Several times in fact, with Flick Kick Football, Flick Football, and even Full Fat's own (rather expensive) Dead Ball Specialist giving us hours of ball-bending fun. But if an idea's good enough, you may as well keep on reviving it until we get bored.
In common with Full Fat's excellent Flick Golf title, a decent portion of Flick Soccer's charm comes from the addition of insane post-shot after touch, and it works just as well here.
Flick dangerous.
It also brings plenty of modes to the party, comprising Quickshot, Endurance, Challenge, Crossbar and Smash it. Of the five, Challenge Mode tweaks your OCD gland most feverishly.
The idea isn't simply to beat the keeper in a sequence of dead-ball scenarios but to hit the designated target with laser-guided precision. The closer to the bullseye, the more you score, and various medal tiers keep you coming back for more long after you've qualified for the next skill level.
Elsewhere, Crossbar mode tests your ability to deliberately smack the woodwork while multiplier and extra time icons drift gently past, and Smash It tasks you with breaking panes of glass against the clock, Virtua Tennis style.
Endurance and Quickshot modes most closely resemble what you'll have played before, with both opting for the simple score-as-much-as-you-can formula, but the latter set against the clock and the former adopting the lives-based system.
Both are still as benignly addictive as you'd expect, but you'd be forgiven for feeling burned out from overexposure to rival incarnations. GameCenter leaderboards add that necessary element of competition, but it's a shame that this is as far as multiplayer competition extends.
If you haven't already given yourself carpal tunnel syndrome playing these games, then Flick Soccer is a great place to start. It's hardly a masterclass in reinvention, but just like Flick Golf, the tough part is finding the time to stop playing.
8/10
