Sony E3 Conference

Right then.. The last platform holder conference of E3 2010 is about to kick off and we're ready and waiting, sitting in a big old auditorium full of big screens and blue lights.

On the screens are images of falling PS3s, PSPs, 3D glasses, DualShocks, first-party games and Move controllers. It's raining technology!

The lights are going down. People are clapping.

Who will it be? Jack? Kaz? That giant enemy crab man? Ah, how we miss him.

A montage! Iron man, bowling, Move Party, cars, PS3 slim, DualShocks, games, all that sort of nonsense.

Please welcome Jack Tretton! Welcome back Jack.

"Wow. Check out this stage, I feel like I'm at a U2 concert."

He's warning us that we're going to get a lot of action and great product. Product. No need for ponchos though. Haha.

Jack reckons Sony has momentum on its side and is starting to hit its stride.

10 years ago, Sony wanted to build a home entertainment device that was futureproof and constantly evolving. "Less than four years into this lifecycle, we're living that vision."

Jack reckons it's the only console with something for all the family - Blu-ray, gaming, rumble. Lest we forget.

Jack's introducing Kaz Hirai. Kaz is smiling broadly, probably because he's now president of almost everything at Sony.

First PlayStation is about innovation and second about content, says Kaz, and it's going to take both to the next level this year.

He's talking about 3D - everyone in the audience has 3D glasses. He wants PlayStation to do for 3D what it did for Blu-ray.

Having an installed base of more than 35 million PS3s that are 3D ready will be helpful, reckons Kaz. Doubt they have 35 million 3D TVs to be fair.

20 titles created natively in 3D by the end of March 2011.

"There is nowhere where 3D is more defined than with PlayStation 3." Now we're getting a 3D demo of Killzone 3 from Hermen Hulst from Guerrilla Games.

On screen is a Helghast with all blood coming out of him. Nice.

"Players will have access to dynamic new weapons" and face "tougher and scarier enemies than ever before".

Plus you'll be able to play in 3D. Time to put on our 3D glasses!

We're fighting some flying sods in the bowls of a tanker which is open to the icy elements. Apparently we're in the north of Helghan. Blood splatters the screen, muzzle flare lights everything up kaleidoscopically. Yep, it's Killzone.

This is mental, it has to be said. It does feel as though you're looking into the screen. Particularly impressive to look up and see a smoke trail as if it's going right over your head.

It seems as though everything is a little out of focus to me, but I might just be a bit tired.

Now we are wielding two weapons and apparently using some kind of jetpack to hover around an icy environment. The water's surging around the ice floe. Very cool.

Moving inside again and past flapping tarpaulin and through snow floating on the wind. You can see the individual flakes at different distances in 3D.

More blasting now. The front of the screen is spattered with blood as we take hits, reminding us we're looking through a screen, which is a bit odd.

It's quite disorienting with all the running, jumping and blasting. Time to prep some sort of bomb while being shot from behind. Boom! Stuff blows up. Fade to black Applause. Time for the second demo.

We're riding one of the dropships with a big old gun mounted on the front. Blasting away at some metal structures which collapse and explode accordingly.

Dogfighting now. But only for a few seconds - and the demo's over.

Killzone 3 will be available worldwide this February.

It's exclusive to PS3, says the man, as if this is exciting news.

It will have Move functionality at launch. An American in the audience just yelled "THANK YOU".

Bye bye, Dutchman! Hello, Kaz! "How about that?" How indeed, Kaz! And we've had our first Sony mention of the word "experience". That's the 893282th time we've heard the word in two days.

The Sly Collection - "Remastered in high definition."

Crysis 2, Mortal Kombat, Shaun White Skateboarding, Ghost Recon, Tron, NBA 2K11 - all in 3D. What no Hannah Montana?

Experience count: 2.

Make that 3. "it's the closest thing you will ever experience to being in the game itself." Unless you take loads of drugs and play the Mario Kart Rainbow Road track.

3D demo again now: telly. Football, whale sharks, bears. Not making it up.

Images of the Move and DualShock now. Soundtrack nicked right off BattleStar Galactica. Actually come to think of it the PS3 looks like it was made by Cylons.

Montaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage! EyePet. Cars. EyePet again. Now you can see the weird catmonkey in 3D!=

Baseball. The Fight. Killzone 3. What no Just Dance 2?

Tumble. Looking not unlike Boom Blox.

Mortal Kombat. Someon just got sliced vertically in half. Marvellous,

Gran Turismo, Sly.

The audience is whoooing and cheering. Jack's back. He looks a bit like he might be sick.

It's not about life cycles any more, says Jack - it's about "how many ways you can be relevant in people's lives".

Continued growth and expansion blah blah. Come on Jack, graphs out for the lads.

"Since last year we've had a huge influx of consumers" diddly diddly dee.

"Consumers are appreciating all the ways it connects to their lives." Kinects? Perhaps not.

"The difference comes down to one word: realism." Move can replicate every subtlety biddly biddly bing bong.

Peter Dille is on stage now. He's going to tell us more about Move. His hair is the same colour as his suit.

"PS3 is defining and introducing leading edge technology."

It's about "a new level of precision". Experience count: 4.

Precision and Experience are Peter's favourite words. He probably called his children after them.

Whether you're casual or hardcore, you'll go batsh** crazy for the Move, says Dille. (Paraphrasing.)

A video. Developers talking about Kaz's magical wang while waving one around.

It's all about precision and one-to-oneness. And firing imaginary bow and arrows, looks like.

The comedy suit guy is having a bit of a dig. "It's got buttons, which is great for people who enjoy shooters or platformers or anything which doesn't involve catching a big red ball."

That nice man who invented the EyePet is on-screen now. He's so nice and French. I hope he doesn't know how much his weird catmonkey frightens me.

The video's over. Dille is going on about the buttons on the Move now. And the casual hardcore thing again.

"When you combine motion control with a new level of precision" OH SHUT UP ABOUT THE PRECISION

Sorry Peter it's been a long day.

In summary: Blu-ray + Move + 3D = MAX FUN whether you're a hardcore gamer or a little girl, says Dille. (Paraphrasing.)

"We're not here to show the same games over again." Ooh burn.

But thank goodness, obviously.

A Sorcery logo is on the screen. It's a first-person action adventure game for Move.

You play a sorcerer's apprentice who must save the world from darkness.

The producer is on stage. He's going on about total sense of immersion etc.

"Enough talking, let's see Sorcery." Sexy.

On-screen is a magic gate, out of which steps a boy in a cloak. We're in a castle. All looks a bit Fable.

There's a cage hanging from the ceiling with a squawking monster in it.

The producer man waves his arm around and the character waves his wand. He flicks it and a shower of sparks fly out.

A frog starts leaping towards it but he splatters it with the wand.

Now he's freezing frogs, then flicking the wand again to make them shatter.

Into the next room, where there's a polymorph potion on a table. This turns our hero into a rat so he can reach new areas.

The ball changes colour to let you know when the potion is ready to drink.

Oh, they're not frogs, sorry, they're goblins. Easy mistake to make.

He casts a whirlwind spell to sweep all the goblins up, then sets fire to them.

You can also create walls of flame to keep enemies at bay.

Could do with one of those for the comments threads.

He charges up another spell and takes out a huge group of enemies bounding towards him at once.

Now Harry sorry The Main Character walks into the next room. A huge gobline bursts out of the grand and lurches towards him. Sorcery is coming in spring 2011.

Dille is back. He's welcoming Andrew Wilson from EA Sports on stage.

He's talking about Tiger Woods and Move. One to one precision blah blah.

Andrew has gone for the well-ironed shirt, smart jeans, shiny shoes look. Bet this is what he wears on Casual Fridays.

Andrew is showing how you get feedback on your movements. You can see how you're doing via an arrow on-screen as you line-up your shots.

Andrew needs to pay more attention to the feedback on his movements. He just failed to hit the ball.

A palpable hit! Not a very good one though. Let's try that again.

The ball goes soaring into the sky... And the bunker.

"It's about feel," says Andrew. That's what Tiger said.

Why isn't Andrew doing any Tiger Woods As Sex Maniac jokes? Missed opportunity.

"Again, it's all about feel." What about hitting the ball well?

"It's all about feel." This is like Caddyshack. Be the ball, Andrew. BE the ball.

Putt Preview - when you've got enough Focus, you can take a closer look at the shot you're lining up. Andrew lines up another shot. Cinderella story.

It's in the hole! Well done Andrew. All the best for the future.

"Have a great show and happy golfing."

Dille is back now. He managed five whole words without saying "precision" this time.

"Key franchises play a big role in the plan for PlayStation Move."

Heroes on the Move is being revealed. Sly, Ratchet, Jak and their sidekicks all on screen.

"When great heroes assemeble, there unfolds a brilliant pageant of style and grace... But not with these heroes."

Footage of all six characters in platform environments - some futuristic sci-fi, some rural, some rustic.

"Coming soon." Heroes OTM is a working title. Looks top.

More than 130m packages are going to highlight Move and PS3.

Packages of coke, that is.

Packages of cocaine, that is not.

"This is going to be one of the biggest brand partnerships we've ever had." Coming this autumn.

PlayStation Suit Guy is on the stage!

"Hey Peter, you look like you could use a coke." Or some.

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet," says suit guy.

"Pew pew pew," he adds.

"So am I crazy or did I see a hundred French acrobats prancing round an arena the other night? I hear there was a sale on ponchos."

"I say it's time we focus on what really matters." The situation in the gulf? "The games."

"I love headshots, I love drifting the corners at a hundred miles an hour... Gaming is having a ridiculously huge TV in a tiny one-room apartment."

"Staying up till 3am to earn a trophy that isn't real... But is."

"And it's girls who know that the way to a man's heart is through a melee attack." What's a melee attack?

"Millions of people are pretending to work while they watch this at their desk."

"PS Move, your Mom can make your Mom jokes after she takes you to school in table tennis."

"We can box using game characters which have important features like arms and necks." OOOH buerururururn!

Swelling music. Image of suit guy with virtual bow and arrow on screen. "Every gamer is a true gamer."

"We all serve one master, one team, and his name is GAMING. FOREVER MAY HE REIGN."

"Butler for president," shouts a man behind me.

Oh. Peter's back.

Shame. That was brilliant.

Not that we don't like you, Peter. It's just that if you say precision one more time I'll be unable to type anything but a series of 1s.

Move launch details: Sept 15 in Europe, NA on 19, Japan on October 21st.

Move Controller will cost $49.99 as standalone. Nunchuk: $29.99. [That's the "Navigation Controller" -Ed]

Move + Sports Champions + camera = $99.99.

PS3 + Move + camera + Sports Champions = $399.99.

15 to 20 titles on day one, with more than 40 during the holiday season.

SOCOM 4, Time Crisis, NBA, Ruse, Killzone 3, SingStar Dance, Echochrome II, EyePet - all to have Move functionality.

Plus: Toy Story, Resi, Heavy Rain - will all get Move updates.

Time for another video. A man holding a Move swings a wireframe golf club.

He's playing TIger Woods, obviously. Just like Tiger played his wi- never mind.

A woman launches a virtual volleyball in Sports Champions. Later on she's going to watch the Sex and the City movie again and maybe order a pizza.

A little girl waves a wireframe paintbrush. Move Party now called Start the Party. Ain't no party like a magical wang party.

EyePet, TV Superstars.

Soundtrack is now I Like to Move It Move It. Had to happen.

Time Crisis Razing Storm, Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition.

Aragorn's Quest. Lord of the 7/10.

Tron, Sorcery. Excitable child.

Jack Tretton is back on stage. He's not sweating much this year. Maybe he had his glands removed.

"The living room is no longer an actual space, it's a concept." No it isn't.

It's PSP time. "PSP allows any serious gamer to step up your game." This is turning into The Apprentice.

We're getting a sneak peek at Sony's new PSP advertising campaign. Well worth flying half way around the world for.

It's that cute kid out of that film. You know the one. No, not Annie. The rude kid.

"I consume a healthy amount of suckers online every day," says the kid. He's awesome.

Marcuspsp.com if you want to see more.

Jack: "The core gaming on PSP starts with the industry's best content." Yes yes Metal Gear Solid very nice. Next

Invizimals now. At least we got all those frequent flyer miles.

God of War: Ghosts of Sparta teaser trailer. Rain falls on stony ground. Kratos reflected by lightning in the puddles.

Turns out he's standing on a cliff, looking towards a big citadel. A red flame leaps out from a castle. Kratos draws his sword and the teaser ends.

"There will be mroe than 70 new titles coming to PSP by December." MONNNNNTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

God of War. Ace Combat. MGS. Battle Raper II. Maybe not the last one.

Gravity Crash. Then one of those Japanese games where the kids with spikey hair kick seven shades out of each other.

Invizimals. Is Invizimals the new Hannah Montana?

Fat Princess. Some old Tetris rip-off. EyePet. Kingdom Hearts.

Jack is standing in front of the screen, watching the montage avidly, as if he's never seen it before.

Montage end. Jack again.

More than 50m registered PSN accounts. "PS3 is the most connected console on the market."

Casting call for The Tester Season 2 begins today.

He's showing off about all the telly you can get on PS3 now. IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA.

Home now. "We have replicated our booth completely in Home," so you can visit it if you're not at E3. At least the films on the flight were good.

"From hardcore to family friendly types," badadadadadadddaaa

ModNation Racers now. Yes thank you Jack we are familiar with your work.

"Here to show us LittleBigPlanet 2, please welcome Alex Evans."

"In LBP2 we're staying true to the play create share ethos, but we're also massively expanding all these areas," says Alex.

New community and share features, etc. But it comes down to making fun games, says Alex.

Puzzlers, shooters, driving games... You can make the lot.

We're seeing a simple game now where you just press the circle and x buttons to make shapes fall through a tube. Looks simple, indeed, but fun.

"Each player gets their own score which can be set by the creator." At the end of the game you see how everyone did on a map.

Game called CrashyCrash now - sackboys trying to bump each other off a platform. Top-down view. Bit Fuzion Frenzy.

Lastly - multiplayer competitive action. Characters floating round with jetpacks, firing projectiles at each other, using rocket hats. ROCKET HATS!

Never mind the Move, where's my Sony Rocket Hat?

They invited some top game creators to the MM offices and gave them 24 hours to run wild with the LBP tools. We're seeing footage of what they created. Top-down shooters, sumo-type game.

Top-down racers, real-time strategy title with multiple units, a psychedelic 3D shooter. None of these look like your typical LBP platformer.

That's it from Alex. Jack's back on stage.

He's going on about how PSN is free, not $50. OOh burn. "That will remain the case."

PlayStation Plus - PSN users get options to new features and content. It's a subscription service.

You will get early demos, party invitations, beta invites, discounts on products in the PS Store. "It's a full product offering." HOW MUCH, JACK.

One year sub - $49.99, three months - $17.99. Starts later this month.

Trial for InFamous, two PSP Minis, plus other DLC including map packs and avatars up for grabs when you buy a sub.

Also you'll get Qore. Core.

"It's a great choice to help elevate your PlayStation gaming experience."

More Electronic Arts stuff now. They're supporting all PS initiatives, including network, 3D and Move.

John Schappert is on stage now. Alright, Schappers.

"15 years ago, EA and Sony locked horns over the launch of PSone." Is this going to be like at a wedding when the drunk uncle does a speech about how they're all over that funny business Mary had with the milkman?

Medal of Honor. Exec producer Greg Goodwin is here. "This year MOH is moving out of WWII and placing gamers in the boots of today's soldier in Afghanistan," says Greg.

They've been working with the US military to create a truly authentic modern war experience. Haven't the US military got better things to do?

Video. Soldiers jumping out of helicopters, running across deserts.

Quad bikes and jeeps racing through mountains.

A series of videos will be unveiled on 28 June, in which the operatives who worked on the game will share their experiences.

DICE has been working hard to create a rich multiplayer experience and personalised weapons.

You also get unlockable beards. UNLOCKABLE BEARDS. AND ROCKET HATS. TAKE THAT RIVALS!

More footage. Machine guns blast the business out of an army camp and everyone in it.

Play the beta 21st June.

Not quite enough time to grow an actual beard then.

Limited edition to include high-def remake version of Medal of Honor: Frontline.

Next up: Dead Space 2. Live demo from exec producer Steve Papoutsis.

It's business as usual - space, monsters, running through corridors.

Blam blam biddly bong let's all go to space and have a fight.

Schapperrrs! Dead Space 2 limited edition pack - you get 2 and Extraction, now with PS Move support. Exclusive to PS3. Well, yes.

3D Crysis yes we know, Madden, FIFA, NHL, NFS all coming to PS3, yes Schappers, also can you tell us what colour the sky is.

He's gone off to find out. It's Jack Tretters again!

Conference interrupted by an Aperture Sciences announcement. Yes, it's Portal 2.

Gabe Newell is on stage.

"I've been pretty outspoken in my comments about next gen consoles, so I'd like to thank Sony for their gracious hospitality and not repeatedly punching me in the face."

"It's not just about rendering pixels, it's about giving gamers a complete social experience." Oh, not you as WELL, Gabe.

Portal 2 will be coming to PS3.

It will have Steam features. "That will make the PS3 version of Portal 2 the best version on any console." OOOOOH BURRRN BURRRRRN HELP EVERYONE IS ON FIRE

Trailer. "It's been a long time. How have you been?"

Says GLaDOS.

"We can leave our differences behind us for science, you monster."

Super-fast clips of portals and robots and that.

Tretters: Squenix have been working on FFIV. Yes fine good. Oh look a trailer.

Little wizards, Robin hood types, spiky hair, eye patches, soaring strings, dragons, syringes. Maybe not the last one.

Tretters talking Mafia II now. Exclusive day one content for PS3. "Loads of new missions and hours of additional arcade gameplay."

"Oobisoft" now. Ass Creed Brotherhood - exclusive pack of missions only available on PS3.

Multiplayer beta will only be on PS3.

World premiere look at the multiplayer now. I.e. a video.

A man chases another man along a rooftop. One leaps to another, the other follows.

Another character comes out of the shadows and knifes him.

Basically it looks like you can stalk people and murder them. Brilliant.

November 16th 2010 innit.

Tretters: "Exclusive has become my new favourite word." And we thought it was experience.

Imagine the board meetings between Tretters and Dille: "Precision." "Experience." "Precision." "Experience." "Precision." "Experience."

Time for the nine thousandth montage of the conference.

All the shooters we've seen today. American Football. Basketball. Tiger. MotionWiiSportsKinectChampions or whatever it's called. Catmonkey.

Echochrome. Ratchet. Sly. Clank. Gran Turismo. ModNation. Hard to tell the difference. If you're me.

True Crime. Street Fighter - looks like Ryu fighting Wolverine?

Castlevania. Sorcery. Again.

DC Online. Sly. Final Fantasy XIJIVICXIVJUIZIXIXV, LEGO, Spider-Man. Ow my eyes.

Jack has another announcement for us... GT5...

Video first. Shiny shiny shiny cars. Cars so shiny they look like they've been made fo mirrors and drizzled with olive oil.

Rally cars. Sports cars. Red cars. Black cars. Roads. Top Gear: The Test Track on show. The Stig driving a car. It is shiny.

Brrrrrrooooooooooooooooooom.

Sebastian Vettel recording things in a studio. Adrian Newey and Kazunori nodding. November 2 2010.

That's North and Latin America. Will be playable in 3D then too.

"Raise the bar" tick.

InFamous now. Or rather the sequel, obviously. Video of a man running along a rooftop. Again.

Creeping along ledges, hanging off telephone wires.

A bloke called Bertrand is giving a speech. Looks like an evil dictator of some kind.

Montage of our hero running round, hitting things, avoiding explosions. He appears to be able to make ice come out of the ground. Great for barbecues.

Giant horned boss just seen in the distance. 2011.

It's the home stretch, says Tretters. One last surprise.

Live action video. NYC taxi drivers having a chat about some great game with speed, strategy and skill.

Car combat games, they're talking about. Is it...

Taxi man throws his cigar on the ground and drives off. Camera pans around cigar. Feet walk up to it. Gloved hand picks it up. Spotty trousers.

Yep... He sets fire to the hair on top of his clown mask. Behind him, dozens of similarly coiffeured chaps are standing. Twisted Metal then.

A truck dirven by the clown just drove on the stage. It's probably Tretters under that mask. David Jaffe gets out of the van.

Twisted Metal is the longest-running series in PS history. Didn't know that.

Titled Twisted Metal, coming in 2011. Online team deathmatch mode being demoed today.

Looks like you can drive helicopters, motorbikes, jetpacks?

16 players online, 2 to 4 players online split-screen.

Looks like you can even drive an Ecto-1.

On-screen we can see a gritty, dirty old city, burnt orange skies and gunfire everywhere.

New mode: Nuke.

Another dilapidated city, but this one's all grey and rainy.

You can fight your way up huge skyscrapers.

It's all about fighting factions. The Sweettooth faction and the Dolls, inspired by Dollface. More will be revealed this year.

Giant statues carried around by helicopters. You must destroy your rivals' statues before they destroy yours.

Now we see Sweettooth and Dollface manning fixed gun turrets.

Looks like a variation on capture the flag.

You can drag people behind your car and watch them flip about.

You can charge up vehicles to launch missiles, and human sacrifices.

Sniper rifles look handy for taking out enemies. So do the motorbikes, which you can drive while wielding chainsaws.

That's it for Twisted Metal.

Sweettooth and his van are still on the stage now, looking sinister while Tretton bangs on about the future of entertainment. Odd.

"We look forward to writing a whole new chapter together. Thank you very much." Fin.

Well, that's it. The E3 2010 conferences are over. So who won? Who lost? And what happened to Women's Murder Club 2?

See you next year. Byeeee!